Madison dumped another bag of assorted candy onto the sidewalk between us before stuffing the empty wrappers from the first bag into our tray of trash. The wind threatened to blow the wrappers across the grass, but Madison placed a heavy knife on top of them.
Camila groaned and tossed her head back. "Madison." She pulled a sucker from her mouth and pointed it in Madison's direction. "You're going to give us all diabetes if you keep feeding us candy."
I rolled my eyes. "It's Halloween, Camila. Candy is the name of the game." I unwrapped another piece of chocolate before popping it into my mouth.
My hands twisted my orange pumpkin around before I scooped out more of the seeds into the bucket beside me. Squeals from little kids trick-or-treating on campus filled the air. A mother picked up her son dressed like a ghost and spun him in the air. Before my mother made Caleb and I stop dressing up, Halloween used to be one of my favorite holidays. It was always my chance to be someone else.
"Thank you, Allyson." Madison's eyebrows pushed together in disgust as she stuck her manicured nails back inside her pumpkin to scoop more of the seeds out. "We might have to go to a Halloween party to get you more in the mood, Camila. You know the Friday night before game day always has the best ones."
Camila placed the top back on her pumpkin after setting a battery-operated candle inside. "I'd be down for that. Since you and Keith got together, I haven't seen you at many parties." She raised an eyebrow as she watched Madison's expression.
"When you find your other half, there's no reason for parties," I added with a small smile.
Madison let out a nervous laugh. "I mean I wouldn't say other half, but Keith is a nice guy." She flicked a seed off her index finger.
Camila pulled her sucker from her mouth again. "Oh, so just because you're dating Daxson Winters you think you have all the relationship advice, huh?"
My cheeks flushed red at the mention of Daxson's name. "We aren't dating."
Madison stifled a giggle to my right as she forced her hand back into her pumpkin.
Camila rolled her eyes and bobbed her head back and forth. "We aren't dating, my Latina ass. Apart from when he's had to leave for away games, you two have been inseparable for the past few weeks."
"We just enjoy each other's company. It doesn't mean we're dating." I shrugged. "I can have a friend that's a guy, and not date him. That's a thing, you know."
Madison glanced up from her pumpkin before flicking some of the seeds at me. "But my question for you is, what's holding you back? Why not date?"
"You seem like a good fit," Camila added eagerly.
I sighed, running my fingers along the rough top of my pumpkin. "It's complicated, guys. He's still not over an ex-girlfriend, and I, well, I'm scared to take that next step."
"Why?" Madison asked.
"Because I haven't quite found myself yet. I need to figure out who I am before I can love someone else, especially someone like Daxson who doesn't deserve to be hurt again. Some things take time." My eyes flickered between the two of them.
Everything I told them was true, but I also was still afraid of the consequences I would face with my parents if I they ever found out I was dating a black guy. I wouldn't risk everything I already had with Daxson just because I wanted more. Besides, Daxson wasn't interested in me like that.
"Well, I guess that's a good reason." Madison grinned at me before turning her attention to Camila. "Look at our little Allyson growing up."
Camila pretended to dab tears from her eyes. "She's just getting so big."
They both burst into laughter. I rolled my eyes and finished emptying the guts of my pumpkin into the bucket beside me. I started carving a face into the side.
"Well, speak of the Devil and he shall appear," Madison said obnoxiously.
I jerked my head up and glanced behind me to see Daxson approaching us from the parking lot. He was wearing his favorite black jacket over a red Alabama football t-shirt. He had a smile on his face he shoved his hands into his pockets.
"You ladies were talking about me? Well, I feel honored." He touched his chest, coming to a stop beside me.
"You should. We don't gossip about just anyone." Camila leaned over to grab some more candy from the pile.
Daxson laughed before looking down to me. His presence caused a sense of warmth and comfort to wash over me.
I looked up at him with a small smile. "What're you doing back here? You said you had something to do after our session earlier."
"I already did it." He dropped down to take a seat beside me. "Plus, I wanted to see how good you are at carving pumpkins."
I turned my attention back to the crooked smile I had carved into the side of my pumpkin. "My brother is definitely better at this kind of stuff than I am. He's the artist in the family."
Daxson placed his elbows on his knees and chuckled. "It really doesn't look that bad. A little crooked, but it's Halloween so we'll say it's spooky."
"You want some candy?" Madison asked, pushing some of the pile over to him.
Daxson held his hands up. "No, I'm good. Thanks though." He looked to me as he grabbed another piece of chocolate from the pile. "You want some more?"
When I held my hand out, he placed one of my favorite kinds of candy into my hand. I stared at it for a moment, amazed that he had remembered such an insignificant detail.
"You good?" He asked.
I nodded as I unwrapped it and put it into my mouth. "Thanks."
"You're welcome. So, are you ladies doing anything fun after carving pumpkins?" He asked as he tore his eyes away from me.
Camila looked at Madison. "I'm still waiting for Madison to decide if she has her party skills back."
Madison wiped the pumpkin seeds off her hands. "Keith is flying back home to California to see his family this weekend. So, I guess we can go." She held her finger up. "One condition though."
"What's that?" Camila asked.
"We dress up in costumes." A grin spread across her face.
"Hell yeah! I'm down for that." Camila clapped her hands together.
I rolled my eyes as I finished carving my pumpkin and pulled the top off. Daxson dropped a candle inside which lit up the Jack-O-lantern. We both stared at it in silence before Madison's voice broke our trance.
"Are you guys wanting to join us, or do you already have plans?" Madison questioned as she gathered all the candy and trash from the ground.
I glanced to Daxson. "Do we already have plans?"
"I've got no plans. I'm not much of a party-goer, but I'll go where you go." His golden eyes shimmered.
Madison and Camila made loud kissy noises in the background.
I turned to look at them and narrowed my eyes. "My last go round at a party didn't end up very well."
Camila waved her hand. "That was last time. This is new day, plus you'll have your own personal body guard with you." She titled her head toward Daxson.
"What would your costume be?" I asked before glancing at him.
Daxson shrugged his shoulders, a large grin spread across his face as he rose to his feet. "I'd rather surprise you."
I groaned. "I'm tired of you and your surprises. Why won't you give me some stability in my life?" I stood and picked up my pumpkin, cradling it in my arms.
"You want some stability, fine. How about I'll always be here for you?" He held his hands out to take the pumpkin from me.
I set it in his hands and smiled. "I can't argue with that."
Madison and Camila picked up the rest of our trash and tossed it in a nearby trash can.
"Allyson, I can't wait to do your hair and make-up." Madison grabbed onto my hand as she perched her pumpkin on her hip.
"I guess the real question is what's your costume going to be?" Daxson asked as we headed toward the residence hall.
"I don't really know. I guess whatever Madison comes up with." I glanced at Madison, who skipped out in front of us to place her Jack-O-lantern along the line of other pumpkins in front of the residence hall entrance.
Once we reached Madison, Daxson set my pumpkin beside hers in the long line. "You know, we could go check out the Halloween festival over at the agriculture department instead of going to a party. They've got live music, games, a hay ride, and I've heard their haunted house will scare the shit out of you." He glanced at the three of us with a hopeful expression.
"Oh, what? That sounds so much better than a party! I used to love hayrides." I smiled and touched his arm before looking at Madison and Camila. "Please, let's do that!"
Madison folded her arms across her chest. "As long as I don't have to bob for apples." She waved her hand around her face. "I can't mess up the beautiful make-up job I did this morning."
Camila rolled her eyes. "Miss Priss over here." She pushed Madison's shoulder with a smile. "We should definitely do that. It's festive, and besides, it only happens once a year."
"So, no costumes?" Madison questioned.
"Maybe next year." I shrugged before looking up at Daxson. "Can I ride with you?"
Daxson nodded. "Of course. You all can, that is if you ladies want to squeeze into the backseat."
Madison and Camila nodded eagerly.
"Arriving at an event with Daxson Winters? Am I dreaming?" Madison asked as she fanned her hand by her face.
Daxson chuckled beside me. "I love to make dreams come true."
I rolled my eyes and smiled at him. "Of course you do."
Camila added her pumpkin to the line before starting her trek over to Daxson's truck. Madison followed her, chatting away about something on her phone screen. I walked beside Daxson and wrapped my arms around myself as a cold breeze gusted past us.
"Way to sneak out of a party."
Daxson grinned and glanced at me. "I didn't sneak out of anything. I just offered something better."
I rolled my eyes. "That's why you're as happy as a dead pig in the sunshine."
Daxson chuckled as he slung his arm around my shoulders and leaned close to my ear. "No, I'm so happy because I get to spend another night with you."
My heart skipped a beat when his warm breath washed across my ear. I bit my lip and glanced at the ground. His words made my stomach churn.
As we approached the truck, I climbed into the passenger's seat and glanced over my shoulder at Madison and Camila with a smile.
"Do ya'll get scared easily?" I asked them as Daxson relaxed into his seat and started the truck.
Camila shook her head. "Hell no! My father owns a whole bunch of old buildings in Chicago. Every year we set up the sickest haunted houses for extra money. My Mom would get mad and say Halloween is 'The Devil's Holiday,' but she couldn't argue when it helped pay the bills."
Madison shrugged her shoulders. "I'm a bit of a scaredy cat."
I laughed and stole a glance at Daxson's handsome features as he drove across the campus. There seemed to be a freeness about him since he stayed late to have time alone with Dr. Hawthorn at our therapy session today.
As Daxson turned onto the old gravel road that led out to the agriculture barn, we saw drunk college students ducking under thick cobwebs that were strung between naked trees. The driveway ahead was dark and lit only by the Jack-O-lanterns, watching us with orange eyes. In the shaggy grass that lined the road lay fake gravestones and plastic severed body parts. Daxson pulled off into the grass to park amongst the rows of other cars.
I slipped from the truck and stepped out into the night. It was cold even for the end of October, like the heat had been drained away into the Earth.
"We'll catch you up there!" Madison and Camila called as they weaved between the cars headed toward the source of loud horror movie music.
Daxson rounded the front of the truck and shoved his hands into his pockets. "You ready?"
I nodded as we followed Madison and Camilla's path through the cars.
"I didn't get to ask you after our therapy session, but how did your chemistry test go this morning? I know you were worried about your first one, but you aced it. How did you feel about this one?" Daxson questioned.
"Well, I actually feel pretty good about it. After I stopped letting my mother's words dictate how I feel about things, I've gained more confidence in myself."
Daxson chuckled beside me.
"Why is that funny?" I asked.
"It's not funny. I'm just really happy for you. You're a totally different person than you were when I first met you. I mean, you're still Ally, but you're reaching for your dreams. You're conquering your fears. You're becoming you instead of who your mother wants you to be."
I glanced at the dark sky above us. The moon was a silver arc behind the thinnest of grey cloud. "You're right. I've stopped answering her calls. I only answer her texts which irritates her, but it's better for me."
Daxson nodded. "You're worried about Thanksgiving though, aren't you?"
I sighed as I pulled my cardigan around my waist. "Maybe a little, but it's my next step. If I ever want to move on, it's what I have to do. I'll have Caleb by my side too."
"I'm proud of you, Ally."
A small smile crept onto my face as I glanced up at him. "I'm proud of you too, Mr. Heisman nominee."
"We're only a little over halfway through the season. Let's not get too caught up in my accomplishments yet." He shrugged his shoulders as squeals from a few cars down made us jump.
"You're so humble. Your Momma raised you right."
Daxson grinned. "Indeed she did. Speaking of my Momma, she'll be at the game tomorrow."
I stopped in my tracks and turned to face him, grabbing onto his wrists. "Oh. My. Gosh. Dax, that's so great! It's been so long since you've gotten to see her." .
"I know, I know. She and my siblings are making the drive from Mississippi to watch me play in our biggest game of the year so far. LSU won't be undefeated after tomorrow." He couldn't hide the happiness that spread onto his features.
"You know, I'll be cheering you on from the student section like always."
Daxson glanced down as he dug his boot into the dirt. "Actually, Ally, I was wondering if you'd like to watch from the sidelines with my family tomorrow."
"Me? Watch from the sidelines?" My heart dropped into my stomach.
"Yeah, I was going to ask you after our session, but I had to go get the tickets set at the front office." His golden eyes rose to meet mine.
My hands shook from a mixture of excitement and nerves. There were always a lot of cameras along the sidelines. The risk of my face being plastered across the television as I stood among an African-American family made me anxious. I knew my father would watch the game. If he saw me, the consequences would be catastrophic, but the thought of turning Daxson down broke my heart. Introducing another white girl to his family after everything they've been through was a big step for him, and he trusted me. It was my turn to be there for him when he needed me.
"Yeah, Dax. I'd love to be on the sideline for you." I smiled at him.
Daxson squeezed my hand. "Thanks, Ally." Our eyes remained locked on each other.
"Daxson Winters!" A high-pitched female voice yelled from my left, "I've been dying to meet you. I can't believe you showed up here tonight. God blessed my life."
I turned to watch an African-American girl with thick dark hair and tight shorts approach us. Her dark skin was so flawless it made me question my own skin care routine. She glared at me as she approached, but a bright smile spread across her lips when she came to a stop in front of Daxson. The girl wrapped herself around him closer than food wrap and was just as transparent.
"I'm Thea." She flicked her hair over her shoulder.
"It's a pleasure to meet you. Are you here by yourself?" Daxson questioned.
She giggled at every word from his mouth like she was three years old. "No, I'm with some friends, but I could spare a few minutes away if you want to go get some drinks."
Daxson's eyes found mine again. "Well, actually, I'm here with Ally."
I smiled at him and tucked my hair behind my ears.
Thea's eyes narrowed into slits as she focused on me. "But, I'm like, one of your biggest fans." She smiled when she looked up at Daxson, stepping between us and putting her hands on her hips. "It'll be just a few minutes of your time."
Daxson raised an eyebrow. "I don't know. My time is precioâ" he started, but Thea cut him off.
"Please." She stuck out her bottom lip in desperation.
Daxson's eyes found mine again. It looked like he was searching for an answer in my eyes because he was struggling to make a decision. It would benefit his reputation if he was nice to a fan.
I gave him a reassuring nod.
"Fine, but only a few minutes," he said with a warm smile.
Thea smirked in my direction before grabbing Daxson's hand and pulling him away from me. Daxson looked back over his shoulder. "Are you sure it's okay?"
"Yeah, Dax. It's part of being famous. I get it." I smiled at him.
As much as I wanted to, I couldn't say anything about Thea because to do so would put our friendship at risk, and that was something I wouldn't do. This was the price for being friends with Daxson. I just wanted him to be happy.
Daxson opened his mouth to say something else, but Thea led him into the crowd. They disappeared from my sight. My stomach turned tight at the thought of losing Daxson to another woman. All the happiness and strength from the last few months had to come to an end at some point right? I knew what I was getting myself into the day we first met. I'd forever want something I knew I couldn't have.
I passed by a few groups of people dressed up in costumes with grotesque and unsmiling faces. Imitation blood dripped from fake wounds as they chatted away with their friends. I stopped alongside the barn to scan the crowd for Madison and Camila.
"Boo!" A hand grabbed my waist and caused me to jump, but I also swung my fist hard, connecting with my assailant's face.
A sharp crack filled the air as I shook my hand and stared at the person behind me. The stranger pulled the mask from his head and revealed himself. He was a tanned guy with blonde hair and blue eyes.
I held onto my hand. "I'm so sorry. You scared the shit out of me." I grabbed a small towel that lay on a barrel beside the edge of the barn and stepped closer to him.
He took the towel and held it up to his nose with a small laugh. "You have one hell of a punch for a girl," he mumbled through the towel.
I smiled as I pulled my cardigan around me. "Thanks. It isn't my first time punching someone."
He laughed. "I can tell. You've got the swing of a professional fighter. You must be a country girl." He held his free hand out to me. "My name's Jason."
I shook it. "Allyson."
"Well, Allyson, I hope nobody else tries to scare you tonight."
My fingers played with the edges of my cardigan. "If they do, they'll learn their lesson."
An awkward silence settled over us.
I cleared my throat and dug the front of my shoe into the dirt. " Are you working the haunted house?" I assessed his costume.
He nodded as he pulled the blood-soaked towel away from his nose. "Yeah, I'm the closing act. I'm supposed to chase people with the chainsaw, but I did my last shift for the night. Tommy replaced me so I was hoping to catch the next hay ride."
"Your name is Jason and they gave you the chainsaw job? Did they plan that out?" I asked with a laugh.
"They did it on purpose, but hey, I don't mind. They always save the best for last." He winked at me.
I folded my arms across my chest with a laugh. "Oh, I see."
The crunch of gravel beneath tires earned cheers from a few people as a large truck with a trailer attached pulled up behind me. Students scrambled from the hay bales and sloshed red cups filled with alcohol. The majority of the students still enjoying the festival had made their way inside the barn. Skeletons dangled from the top of the barn and bounced in the breeze.
"You going to ride with me?" Jason asked from behind me.
I turned to look at him as he set the bloody towel back on the barrel. "What?"
Jason chucked as he ran his hand through his blonde hair. "The hayride. You want to ride with me?"
"I guess I kind of owe you since I gave you a bloody nose."
Jason grinned as he stepped beside me. "Mmhm. You kinda do." There was a mischievous glint in his eye that made me anxious.
He stood by the trailer as I climbed over the side. I could feel his eyes undressing me as I took a seat on the hay bale. I hoped Daxson would come rescue me from this awkward situation. Jason took a seat beside me.
My eyes wandered to the opposite side of the barn where I saw Daxson and Thea laughing. Daxson's bright smile lit up his face when she touched his forearm. To see him share his life with someone else, it left me lost. The guilt resurfaced like a long, forgotten friend. I felt so guilty for caring about him, for wanting him. I couldn't figure out what to do with my hands, so I curled them into fists in front of me. The tears brimmed along my lashes at the thought of losing Daxson after everything he's helped me through, but there was nothing I could do. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. My eyes wandered back over to Jason as I let out a heavy sigh. Out of sight, out of mind.
Jason was talking to a guy perched on the toolbox of the truck pulling the trailer and the guy handed him a red cup. The smell of alcohol wafted up as he took a long drink. I leaned away from him because the smell made my stomach churn even more, but Jason's hand snaked around my waist and pulled me closer to him.
"Where you going, baby? You said you were going to ride with me. You owe me, remember?" His voice had taken on a dark, intimidating tone
I raised an eyebrow and pushed his hand away from my waist. "I just don't feel good right now." I stood to hop down from the trailer. "I need a minute."
My stomach contracted violently. I knew it was coming because I was a professional. I also knew there was only one way to get rid of it.
Jason grabbed my wrist. "Wait a minute, baby. We are just getting started tonight. Just sit down, and I'll make you feel all better." He tightened his grip on my wrist.
"Let go of me. Don't make me hit you again," I snapped as I yanked my hand away.
Jason's eyes scanned over the faces of the people sitting around us like he was making sure they couldn't hear him. "I can hit back, but I'm going to let you go so we don't cause a scene, Sweetie." He took another drink from his cup as he watched me. "Just don't go too far. You still owe me."
Without even another look at Jason, I hopped from the trailer and hurried over to the side of the barn. I couldn't make it any further before the muscles in my stomach contracted, forcing loud gagging noises from my mouth as I dry-heaved. My shaky hands rested against my knees as another painful round washed through me. I could hear the sound of faint footsteps heading in my direction.
"Allyson, are you okay?" Daxson asked, drawing closer to me.
I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. "Yeah, I'm fine. Leave me alone, you shouldn't have to see this."
As he drew closer, I heaved one last time and Daxson's hand rubbed along my back. "I'm not going to leave you alone, Ally."
"Daxson! Get away from me." I moved away from his touch.
This was all because of him. He gave me candy I didn't need. I had to watch him with Thea, and it opened the door for Jason who already thought I was his property.
Daxson didn't move from his position. "What brought this on? Earlier, you told Dr. Hawthorn that you hadn't purged in three weeks."
I stared at the ground thankful I there wasn't enough on my stomach to actually vomit before straightening my back. "Well, sometimes I can't control it. Why do you even care?" I avoided eye contact with him.
No one had ever seen me at my weakest point. It was a secret I'd always kept to myself.
"Because I care about you. Do you want to talk about it?" He asked.
Yes.
"No. It's nothing. Just leave it alone." I forced myself to look at him and noticed a piece of clothing folded in his free hand.
"What's that?" I asked, stepping closer to the edge of the barn and away from the mess I'd left on the ground.
Daxson followed and raised the article of clothing up between us. "It's a hoodie. I got it for you at our last away game, but I've been forgetting to give it to you."
I took it from his hands and raised my eyebrows. "You got me a hoodie?"
"You told me you always got hoodies when you went on trips. I thought you'd like it, but I think you'll like what's on it the most."
I laughed as I unfolded the hoodie and held it up. Daxson shined his phone light on the front of the hoodie to reveal a cartoon caricature of a horse holding a shotgun. "Is this...?"
He nodded. "A horse named Remington holding a shotgun."
I stared at it with my mouth open. "Are you kidding me? How did you even find this?"
"A street artist in Tallahassee did it for me when we played Florida. It was custom-made."
Every ounce of jealously from earlier subsided. I was a terrible person for pushing him away. No matter what happened or how I acted, I knew I could count on Daxson to make everything better. My only wish was that I made him feel better too.
"I don't really know what to say." I dropped the hoodie to my side as I looked up at him.
"You don't have to say anything." His eyes stayed locked on mine.
"Didn't you leave Thea waiting somewhere?" I asked as my eyes fell to the hoodie in my hands.
Daxson reached his hand out to touch the side of my face. His fingertips trailed along my cheek, and I leaned into his touch. He forced me to look at him.
"Thea isn't important right now." He sucked in a deep breath. "Ally, I've been wanting to talk to you about uâ" He stopped short, his eyes focusing on someone approaching over my shoulder.
I followed his eyes to catch sight of Jason at the edge of the barn. This guy.
"Oh, so you're 'sick' huh? You came over here to fuck with some nigger." Jason's voice broke the quiet bubble surrounding us.
"What did you just say?" Daxson growled.
"You heard me." Jason slammed his cup down onto the barrel beside him. "Allyson, a girl as pretty as you shouldn't be talking to some negro."
Jason's words were like a dagger straight to a special piece of my heart. They reminded me of all the times I'd heard my father mumble racial slurs when we had an encounter with an African-American. They took me back to that summer before Caleb was born when my mother told me I couldn't talk to Mr. Turner anymore. I was tired of the hatred controlling my life.
"Watch your language you racist jerk." I glared at him through the darkness. "Show some respect."
Jason laughed as he held his hands up in front of him. "Now you're defending him nigger lover?"
I lunged forward. "He's twice the man you'll ever be, you backwards country hick."
Daxson wrapped his arms around my waist to keep me at bay. "Allyson, stop. Don't make it worse."
Despite each insult Jason hurled at Daxson, he let them slide off with a cool demeanor. I couldn't help but wonder how many times Daxson had to deal with situations like this in his life. He had lost so many people because of racism, but he still didn't let it phase him.
"You should listen to your negro. Pretty girls like you are only good for one thing." Jason sneered, cracking his knuckles. "Speaking of that, you still owe me."
Daxson stepped in front of me. "You touch her in any way, and I'll end you." The threat in Daxson's voice made me shiver.
Jason stepped forward and closed the distance between them. "You really want to go, you porch monkey?" He spat at Daxson's feet. "I don't care if you're the star of the football team or not, I'll teach you a fucking lesson."
I gripped onto Daxson's forearm. "Dax, don't."
Bright lights spread through the darkness as a couple of campus police approached.
"Is everything okay over here?" One of the officer's asked, resting his hands on his belt.
Jason stared at Daxson for a minute longer before he turned to look at the officers with a warm smile. "Yes, sir. Everything is fine and dandy. I think the Misses just got sick." He picked his cup up from the barrel and wandered off in front of the barn.
The officer flashed the light onto Daxson and I. "You guys okay?"
I nodded. "Yes, officer. Thanks."
Daxson exhaled. "Yes, sir. Thank you."
The officer nodded his head. "If you guys need anything, just let us know."
They walked toward the front of the barn and disappeared from our view.
"Daxson." I stepped in front of him.
"I'm fine."
I grabbed his hands that were curled into tight fists. "You don't seem fine."
He exhaled another sharp breath. "I just couldn't stand the thought of him hurting you."
"No one is ever going to hurt me with you around, Dax. I feel confident in that fact." My lips tugged into a smile as I uncurled his fists until his palms rested against mine in the space between us.
Daxson didn't say anything; instead, his hands rose to rest below my ears, and his thumbs caressed my cheeks. Before I could speak, he pulled my lips to meet his. Not innocently, like a tease but hot, fiery, passionate and demanding. I wanted to pull away before I lost myself but I couldn't seem to. I didn't want too.
The world seemed to fall away as he pulled me closer to him until the only thing I could feel was the beat of his heart against my chest.