I studied hard for this. I'm going to prove my mother wrong. Don't give up. Nothing worth having comes easy.
The plastic chair creaked beneath my weight as I rocked back and forth. I nibbled on the end of my pencil and stared at the last few questions on my chemistry test. Eraser marks and dark lines littered my paper.
I'll never be able to accomplish my dreams of becoming a doctor. My mother was right. I was stupid.
My eyes flitted to the clock at the front of the room, but they returned to the test just as quickly. In thirty seconds, my fate would be sealed; one way or another. I choked down the rising acid, and placed my head in my hands, digging my nails into the sides of my head.
When the sound of the timer punctured the silence of the room, I almost bit my tongue in two. Tears filled my eyes as I rose to turn my test into the neat pile on Dr. Pathak's desk. He smiled and said something to me, but I was oblivious to his words as I grabbed my backpack. I exited the room with the other students. Frustration made my body stiff. My back slid down the wall outside the classroom until I was sitting against the cold, white tile.
Loud voices and footsteps echoed in the large hallway of the science department. I couldn't fall apart if I wasn't alone. The tears continued to build along my eyelashes, but refused to fall. A heavy sigh escaped my lips as I wrapped my arms around my knees. When I felt like I beat my mother in one part of my life, she found a way to ruin something else. How long would this cycle continue?
"Allyson?"
I tore my eyes from my shoes to watch Madison hurry toward me with her pink binder in her hands. Her straight hair was pulled into a tight ponytail, and her make-up free face was glossed with concern.
She dropped down beside me in the floor of the hallway, allowing her binder to slide onto the tile. "Hey, girl. Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," I lied.
Her eyes wandered to the room number on the wall before returning to me. "Your chemistry test was today. Is that what this is about?"
I tucked my hair behind my ears and straightened my back. "No, I'm fine."
Madison rolled her eyes as she turned to place her back against the wall, stretching her legs out in front of her. "I'm your friend, Allyson. You don't have to lie to me."
I sighed. "Everything was fine until the end. I started to doubt myself. I let my moâ" I stopped short when the tears threatened to fall again.
"Is this about your mom?"
I nodded as I picked my finger nail polish. "Yeah."
Madison placed her hand on my wrist to stop me. "I thought it was funny when you said your mother wouldn't let you color your hair. Your mom must be pretty overbearing."
I hadn't told anyone about my struggles with my family, but maybe it was time for that to change.
"She's overbearing and controlling. Emotionally abusive. Hateful. She doesn't care for my brother. She's obsessed with other people's opinions. She pretends to be something she's not."
The words rushed from my lips. It scared me to say them out loud, but a sense of relief washed over me. The weight lifted from my chest.
Madison thrust her arms around me and buried her face into my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around her in return as the tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down my face. The muscles in my chin trembled like a small child before a tantrum. Madison's hand rubbed across my back in a soothing motion. She held me in silence as I released the stress and the pain through my tears. After a few minutes, I pulled away from her and sniffled.
"I'm sorry." I wiped my face with the back of my hand before looking at her.
Madison shook her head. "For what? For crying? Allyson, you're one of the strongest people I know, but you can't be strong all the time. I'm not judging you for crying."
I sucked in a sharp breath. I'd rather vomit to rid the pain, but that wasn't an option.
"Thanks."
Madison's light brown eyes studied my face. "Do you want to talk more about it? I mean about her, your mother."
"It's a long story." I glanced down the empty hallway.
Madison shrugged as she leaned back against the wall again. "I've got time."
"You don't have a party tonight?" I questioned.
She shook her head. "Nope. There are things far more important in life than parties." She turned her body to face me and folded her legs beneath her.
"Are you sure?"
She gave one stiff nod. "Yes. I want you to know, I'm here for you, Allyson. No matter what has happened or will happen. I'll be here for you. That's what friends do."
I'd kept my pain to myself for so long, but it was time to share the burden with someone I trusted. I gave Madison a soft smile, but it faded at the thought of sharing my suffering with her.
"My mother has always been strict, but she hasn't always been so hateful." I sighed. "I have so many good memories from my childhood. My Momma and I always picked blackberries in the summer. We would use them to bake pies for the church bake sale in town. She'd also take me out to the park by the dam some evenings to have a picnic and watch the baby bunnies play. We'd plant flowers in the backyard or she'd push me in the tire swing."
Madison smiled like my words made her think of a happy memory as well, but she remained silent.
I stared at a research poster filled with pictures of farmland on the opposite side of the hall. "My favorite times with my mother were during harvest season. She and I would pile into my father's old truck and drive out to the cotton fields. We'd park along the backroads and watch my dad drive the cotton picker from the truck. When my father would take a break to dump his load into the cotton module builder, she'd turn some old country music up real loud. They'd let me play in the freshly harvested cotton while they danced to the music."
Oh, how I missed those nights. Those times were easy.
"You really used to be a southern princess. When did it all change?" Madison asked.
"She changed when my brother was diagnosed with autism. She was always angry, but I'm not sure why. Shortly after, she became obsessed with what other people in town thought of our family, of her. She stopped doing all the things we used to do."
"Did that change in your mother make you resent your brother?" Madison clasped her hands in front of her.
I shook my head. "No way. I love my brother with all my heart and soul. I can't resent him for something he can't help. I resent my mother for mistreating him. For not loving him. She tried to make me into something I'm not to make up for his flaws." My shoulders hunched as the anger at my mother swelled inside me.
She rubbed my shoulder. "I'm sorry, Allyson."
"It's not your fault. I chose to play the part of the perfect daughter. It kept our family together. It allowed her to tolerate Caleb." My stomach churned. "But it destroyed me in the process."
Maybe I should have crashed Daxson's Friday therapy session instead of spilling all of my problems onto Madison.
Madison dropped her hand from my shoulder. "I know why you're doing it. You're playing the part because you love Caleb and your mother. You have those good memories with them. Those are the memories that you need to keep close when things get rough, but you also need to realize that you can't play that part forever. At some point, you need to be your own person, or you'll regret it."
"I know."
"And you shouldn't feel bad about being who you want to be. Nobody's perfect, no matter what your Momma told you." She flashed a smile and snapped her fingers.
"I've started being my own person, little by little since I've been here. You, Camilla, and Daxson have really helped me. You've all pushed me to my limits in different ways. I'm thankful for that." I folded my arms across my chest.
A few people passed us in the hallway. A guy swung his keys around his finger as he talked to a blonde girl beside him. The guy favored his left side when he walked and the collar on his jacket was turned down. Daxson always flared his collar out when he wore his black jacket. He preferred the messy look. He didn't favor a side when he walked because football allowed him to strengthen both sides of his body. If it wasn't for the fact his handwriting slanted to the right, I'd never have known which was his dominant hand.
Madison's eyes followed mine. After a second, she turned back to me and scrambled to her feet.
"Well, let's push you to another limit tonight. How about we go get some color added to your hair before the game tomorrow? I think you'd look good with some red highlights." She ran her fingers through my dark hair, squinting her eyes to analyze it in the sunlight.
"Are you for real?" I stared up at her from my spot on the floor. "I just failed a chemistry test, and had a break down. I don't think this would be the best time."
Madison held her hands out to me. "Yes, I'm for real. You don't know if you failed the chemistry test. That's your obsession with being perfect." She pulled me from the floor and picked up her binder. "I'm sure you did fine on the test, and if you didn't, we can find you a tutor to help. We're going to prove your mother wrong."
I slung my backpack over my shoulder and sighed. "It won't make her change. It will make stuff worse for my brother."
She shook her head. "Allyson, stop being so pessimistic. Let's work on you first, and then, we'll tackle how to improve things with your brother. One step at a time, alright?"
I nodded. "Alright."
There was no use in arguing with Madison. She was as stubborn as a mule.
Madison tapped her fingers along her binder when her eyes lit up. "Hey, we can FaceTime my mom! She'll tell you exactly what she thinks will look good. Best hairstylist in Atlanta." She dialed her mother's number and held the phone out in front of us.
Madison's mother appeared on the screen. She was a heavier-set African-American woman with short blonde hair. She walked through a busy salon while a million voices talked in the background.
"Maddie, baby. What have I told you about calling at this time of the day? Three O'clock on a Friday is my busiest time." Her mother opened and closed some scissors threateningly.
Madison rolled her eyes. "I'm calling because my friend, Allyson, needs some advice on adding some color to her hair. I told her a little bit of red would look great in the light." She tilted the phone to get a good view of me.
I wiggled my fingers at the phone. "Hi, Madison's Mom. It's a pleasure to meet you."
Her mother squinted her eyes before a bright smile spread across her face. When she smiled, dimples made their home in her rosy cheeks. "Hi, honey. Feel free to call me Barb." She pulled the phone closer to her face.
"Mom, stop! God, you can be so embarrassing. I've told you before that holding the phone closer to your face doesn't zoom in. You've got to put your fingers on the screen," Madison said with a sigh.
I laughed because it reminded me of the time my brother and I tried to teach my grandma how to use her new iPhone. We thought she'd never get the hang of it, but eventually she figured out how to play her card game. She was set from that day on.
"Tell Allyson to turn around. Let me see the back of her head." Her mother moved the phone away from her face again.
"She can hear you, Mom." Madison shook her head before looking at me.
As I turned around, I wondered if Barb thought my hair was a mess like my mother did. It was quiet for a moment.
"Ooh, honey, yes. Red would look great with your beautiful color. It'd also bring a little extra in the sunlight. Maddie, are you sure you don't want to come back and work in the salon? I'll always have a chair for you." Barb smiled before leaning out of the screen to talk to someone.
Her mother's words eased the guilt in my stomach. I never looked as bad as my mother thought I did. I turned back around with a smile.
"No, thank you. I'm going to get my degree and go to New York to design fashion like Aunt Heidi. I'll leave the hair to you." Madison smiled as she stared at her mother through the phone. "Have you heard from Drew?"
Barb sighed and nodded. "He got sentenced to ten years, Maddie. He needs our support right now, so we need to go visit him."
"I'm not visiting him. He should have known better, Momma. This is his second time in the pen." Madison shook her head.
"I know, baby, but he's still your older brother."
Madison glanced at the floor for a minute. "Now that we've got a professional opinion, we're going to go add a little extra to Allyson's hair."
"Don't stay mad at him forever, Maddie. You know I love you very much. Be careful." Barb waved before the screen went black.
"Your mom seems really nice." My fingers curled around the strap of my bag.
I wanted to ask more about her brother, but I decided Madison would tell me more when she was ready.
Madison grinned as we walked down the hallway. "She's a mess, but I love her."
"So, where are we going to do this?" I asked.
As we exited the science building, the familiar sights and sounds of the night before game day surrounded us. The team was playing a 'cupcake' team tomorrow, but the fans treated it like a conference game.
"I know a small place in the square. Kristi spent some time learning from my mother before opening her own salon here in Tuscaloosa." She smiled at me before glancing back at her phone.
"Any interesting people in your life?" I questioned raising an eyebrow.
She looked up from her phone, and her cheeks flushed red. "Yeah, actually. I met a guy at the party Camila and I went to last Friday. He's not my usual type, but there's just something about him."
I smiled and pushed her shoulder. "What? And you're just now telling me?"
"You've been dealing with school and personal stuff. I just haven't found time to tell you," She said, sliding her phone into her back pocket.
"Well tell me now. Come on, I want to hear it."
Madison swung her free arm by her side and bit her lip. "His name is Keith. He moved here from Los Angeles to pursue a degree in physical therapy."
"Is he rich? I know that's one of your requirements." I laughed.
Madison shook her head. "No, he's not, but with him, the money doesn't matter."
Happiness radiated from Madison. It was in her voice, her smile, and her walk. This could be the guy to help her move past her ex-boyfriend.
Madison's voice broke my train of thought. "How are things with you and Winters?"
I shrugged as I shifted my backpack further onto my shoulder. "They're good. Nothing new."
She glanced both ways before leading us across a street. "Camila told me he showed up at your dorm the other night. She said something about y'all going to dinner." She held her binder across her chest.
"Oh, she did? Wow. I thought roomies kept secrets," I responded with sarcasm.
"Friends don't keep secrets, Allyson. She said you guys looked happy together."
"Of course, we're friends." I shrugged my shoulders. "Just like me and you."
Madison shook her head. "No, she meant happy together, like a couple."
I laughed loud enough that a woman gave me a funny look as she passed. "Daxson and I are friends. That's it. He actually annoys me with his mood swings."
Madison pursed her lips. "Mmhm. I'm sure he does."
I didn't like the sarcasm in her tone, but I didn't have time to respond to her because we'd been engulfed by the mass of people hanging out at the square. It was a mix of fans and students gathered to bar hop and celebrate the weekend. Twinkling strings of lights dangled from shops and bar patios, creating a relaxing ambience. The stout smell of cheap beer and southern food hung in the air around us.
"This way." Madison pulled on my elbow.
She led me to a tiny shop at the edge of the square. A blinking, neon green sign hung above the door which matched the music garbled with bass playing inside the salon. The place could've been mistaken for a strip club if not for the large windows that lined the entrance. Inside the shop, a tiny girl with pale skin and purple hair moved around a woman sitting in a styling chair. The girl bobbed her head to the music as she cut the customer's hair.
I eyed the girl's tattoos and piercings. "Is that Kristi?"
Madison grinned. "Yup, that's Kristi, alright. She doesn't bite, I promise."
"I don't want a lot of extra color. If I do too much, it could freak my brother out. He doesn't like change." My palms started to sweat.
"It won't even be that noticeable, Allyson. It'll be light at first." Madison grabbed my hand and squeezed it. "Take a few deep breaths. This is something you've always wanted to do, and now you have the chance to do it. Plus, I'm paying so its free."
"You aren't paying for me to get my hair done."
Madison raised an eyebrow. "Want to bet?"
"Sure, but Iâ" I didn't have time to finish my sentence before Madison rushed to the door and yanked it open.
The bell above the door dinged, and I stumbled into the salon behind her with a laugh.