"Dad, dad, dad," I called as I raced through the playground.
Stumbling to a stop in front of the bench my dad was sat on, I fought back my breath. My dad lowered his newspaper and looked over at me with an easy smile on his face, his vibrant blue eyes a mirror against my own.
The minute he took in my tear-faced expression, his smile fell swiftly from his face. With a furrowed brow, he shuffled to the end of the bench and brought himself down to my eye level.
"Hey, what's wrong, Ethan? Why are you crying? You're a big six-year-old boy now; you shouldn't be crying," he said, his concerned eyes rocking back and forth between mine.
Desperately trying to control my wobbling lip, I swiped a frustrated arm over my eyes to wipe away my tears.
"A-a boy, pushed me, Daddy. I was standing at the top of the climbing frame, and he pushed me right off. He made me cut open my knee, Daddy, look," I cried as I pointed to the newly formed gash peeking out through the tear in my jeans.
My dad's eyes fell to my knee, and a hardened look washed through his eyes before his gaze returned to mine.
"Which boy, was it?" He asked sternly.
I turned around and scoured the playground long and hard for the boy in question.
"He's the tall ginger boy over there," I said, pointing over to where he stood by the swing set.
Narrowing his eyes, my dad rose sharply to his feet. "Come on, Ethan, let's meet this boy."Â Then with a gentle hand on my back, he led the two of us over to him.
As we drew closer, the horrible ginger boy looked our way and his eyes set on mine tauntingly. Immediately, my fear returned, and I ducked cowardly behind my father's legs.
"Brought your Daddy with you now, Ethan? Pathetic," the mean boy laughed.
As my lip wobbled once more, my dad cleared his throat.
"Is your mother or father here, boy?" My father asked the ginger boy smoothly, his eyes never leaving his once.
The boy let out an ugly snort. "No, of course not. I'm eight, not three; I don't need my parents here with me," he spat out rudely.
Just like that, my father's lip curved up into the smallest of smiles. "I was hoping you would say that," he chuckled.
Then before I got so much of a chance to blink, my father lunged forward and grabbed a fistful of the boy's collar and nearly swung him off his feet. A sharp gasp escaped my lips as I watched the boy wiggle furiously in my father's grip.
"Let me go, let me go," the boy wailed.
I stared on with widened eyes, not knowing what to do. I looked around nervously, to see if anyone was watching but nobody was. The playground was empty.
Still wearing a calm expression, my dad swung the boy sharply around to face me. Then he smiled.
"Hit him, Ethan," he encouraged, nodding his head down to the boy.
I shook my head and backed away a little, feeling unsure. "I-I can't," I mumbled.
"I said, hit him, Ethan," my dad said, his voice hitting slightly harder this time.
I looked over at the ginger boy, still struggling desperately in my father's grasp.
"HIT HIM!" My dad yelled.
My heart jumped a little from shock, and not wanting to be disobedient, I lunged forward and kicked the boy sharply on the leg, causing him to let out a small grunt of pain.
Immediately, a bright grin broke through my father's face. "That's a good boy, Ethan, now do it again," he encouraged.
With a smile, I threw a kick to the boy's stomach, happy that I was making my father happy. As the ginger boy crouched over in pain, my father released his collar; and let him fall to a heavy heap on the floor.
Nodding his head down to the floor, he gave me a pointed look. "Now, kick him in the face, Ethan. Let him know he's never to mess with you again," he called out.
The ginger boy crouched into a smaller ball. "No, please, don't; I'm sorry, Ethan. Please stop." The boy cried; his face now visibly stained with tears.
I hesitated, remembering my mother's words of being kind to your enemies.
"I said, do it, Ethan," my dad ordered.
My eyes darted back and forth between the boy, and my father, wondering what to do. In a final moment of panic, I gave a swift kick to the boy's nose, and the boy let out a sharp howl of pain.
Before I got too much of a chance to see the blood pour from his nose, I felt my dad put a guiding hand on my shoulder and turn me away.
Bending down to my level, he smiled back at me with one of his wide, and heart-warming grins.
"Did that make you feel better, Ethan?" he smiled.
I stared at him for a while, then slowly, I nodded my head with a smile on my face, deciding it had made me feel good. I always felt good when I made my dad proud.
"That's good," he laughed, his voice taking on a musical tone.
Then slowly, his eyes took on a more serious light. "You should always hold on to that anger, Ethan. It makes you strong; it's how you take back the power. If someone ever makes you feel insecure, or weak or doubting, you use it: you use that anger," he explained gently. "Do you understand what I'm saying, Ethan?"
I swiftly nodded my head.
Teeth broke through my father's gaze, and he playfully reached out and ruffled my hair. "That's my boy," he laughed as he rose to his feet. "Now, what do you say; we get you a humungous ice-cream sundae for being so brave," he smiled.
"Yes, yes, yes," I cried.
My father laughed, and the two of us walked hand in hand out of the playground.
"Ethan, do you understand what I'm saying? Ethan? Are you listening, Ethan? Ethan-"
I blinked back into the present and found myself staring into the slightly impatient eyes of Gina, my weekly therapist.
Clearing my throat to collect myself, I shuffled a little in my seat. "Erm...yes...I, I'm sorry, what were you saying?" I stammered out.
She jokingly rolled her eyes at me. "I was asking you how the relationships in your life are going? You were telling me just last week that you've made a lot of progress with Mia, and that's amazing, Ethan!"
She laughed. "I still remember you telling me all those years ago how you kicked that ball at her face and-"
"I'm sorry, I have to go," I said abruptly as I rose to my feet. Talk about Mia, had my heart hammering away in fear, and I had to get away.
Gina's brows furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean? We still have thirty minutes, and you never miss an appointment," she said, her eyes rocking back and forth between mine with concern.
I shook my head and backed away. "I know, it's nothing really, I'm just tired," I explained quickly. "I'll see you next week," I said with a weak smile before swiftly leaving out the room.
I normally wasn't this rude, but I couldn't physically handle any more of the conversation.
The more I talked about Mia, the more feelings I felt, and the more feelings I felt, the more I couldn't deny I was undeniably in love with her.
It was horrible and dangerous, and I didn't know how to make it fucking stop! Or if I even wanted it to stop.
Heading over to my car, I buckled myself in and hastily peeled myself off the road. Tapping a frustrated finger against my steering wheel, I tried to control my racing thoughts.
It had been a full week since I'd talked to Mia, and with each day, my anxiety seemed to be getting even worse. It was killing me not talking to her, absolutely killing me!
But if that memory of my father just now reminded me of anything, it was that I should stay the hell away from Mia.
In no time at all, I found myself parked outside of Lucas's house. Wasting no time, I left and unlocked my car before hurriedly making my way up his driveway.
Ringing the doorbell to their house, I waited patiently for someone to answer. Soon enough, the door swung open, and Lucas's mum came into view.
"Oh hey, Ethan," she greeted warmly.
I returned a smile. "Hey, Mrs. Carter. Do you mind if I go upstairs and talk to Lucas real quick?" I asked.
She nodded her head. "Yeah, of course, go right on ahead," she said warmly before stepping to the side to make room for me to enter.
Taking the stairs two at a time, I rushed my way to Lucas' room, and without even bothering to knock, I barged my way into Lucas's room. The moment the door closed behind me, Lucas swung his big black swivel chair around to face me. I opened my mouth to speak, but I stopped myself as my eyes took in the situation before me.
Lucas's big-arse six-foot-tall-self, was once again adorned in a big fluffy onesie as he leisurely stroked at his cat who was happily purring away.
"Sup," he greeted.
Shaking my head free of the image before me, I cleared my throat. "We need to talk," I said.
"Speak away," he said, nodding his head for me to continue.
"I need you to ask Mia out," I said bluntly, deciding not to beat around the bush.
The second the words left my mouth, a weird sound let out from the back of Lucas's throat, and he started manically coughing. His cat, or Senior Kit-kat as Lucas preferred to call him, jumped off his lap and ran quickly out of the room.
Lucas thumped at his chest as he started to regain back his breath. Finally, Lucas returned his visibly widened eyes back to mine.
"You want me to fucking, what?" Lucas choked out, still trying desperately to recover from his manic coughing fit.
"I said, I want you to ask Mia out," I repeated calmly.
Again, Lucas looked at me as though I was absolutely crazy. "Have you actually lost your mind, Ethan?" he said, letting out a disbelieving laugh. "You want me to ask out Mia, as in Mia Collins? As in the girl you've had an insanely persistent crush on for the past six years? As in the that Mia," he repeated.
I stiffly nodded my head. "Yes."
Lucas blinked at me, then blinked once more. "Are you high?" he asked bluntly.
I rolled my eyes and flopped down on his bed. "No, I'm not. I'm serious. I want- no I need you to ask her out," I explained frustratedly.
Still looking slightly scared, Lucas cocked up an eyebrow. "May I ask why?" he laughed.
I let out a growl of frustration. "Because I feel bad, okay," I said, throwing my hands up in the air dramatically. "Last week, when we were playing twenty questions, she told me she's never kissed anyone, and she seemed kinda embarrassed. And I don't know, I just feel bad," I groaned.
"It's because of me nobody wants to ask her out, and it's because of me that she thinks she's not normal. All I want is her to be happy... And well, since I can't have her-" I swallowed. "Ever. Then I guess the only other guy I'd feel happy to see her with would be my best friend," I mumbled, my eyes locking on his.
Lucas stared at me for a long while, looking at a loss for words. Taking this as a cue to continue, I cleared my throat.
"I know vicariously living through you seems a little unhealthy, but I don't know, I think it could work. And hey, wait a second, you wouldn't mind that I'd still dream about fucking your wife all the time, right? And-"
"I'm not marrying her, Ethan. What the fuck?" Lucas interrupted, his eyes slightly widened and scared.
His outburst took me aback, and I frowned. "Why not?"
"Why not?" Lucas laughed. "I don't know, maybe because I don't want to support you in shitting all over your life. Jesus Christ, Ethan do you have any idea how crazy you sound!" he cried.
"Well, obviously, I know I sound crazy, but it's my only option," I explained in a huff.
"Your only option, really?" Lucas scoffed. "What happened to your creepy ten-year plan? I mean, yeah, it was strange as fuck, but at least it was aspirational," he argued.
"The ten-year plan is over," I shrugged. "I'm done being selfish, Lucas. I'm setting her free. I won't bother her anymore."
Lucas blinked rapidly as silence circulated the air, then out of nowhere, he let out the ugliest of snorts and doubled over in laughter. I froze in confusion as I watched him shake to the point he could hardly breathe.
"What?" I finally said, feeling beyond confused.
"I'm sorry," Lucas wheezed, still pulling himself together in between chuckles. "You seriously think you're capable of ignoring her, for good? Are you serious, right now?" he said with a smile as though I had told one big hilarious joke.
"Well, I've been ignoring her successfully for a whole week now, haven't I?" I argued.
"That's true," Lucas smiled. "But you have also been acting like the most delusional, crazy, and manic person I've ever seen in my life. Face it, Ethan, you without Mia, looks pretty similar to a drug addict off crack," he snorted.
I frowned. "No, it doesn't," I protested. "I'm fine, absolutely fine," I said, my voice rising with each word.
Still wearing a smile, Lucas shook his head at me almost pityingly. "Well, I'll guess we'll soon see just how much self-control you have," he chuckled.
I narrowed my eyes, feeling pissed off that he didn't believe me. "Yes, we soon will see," I snapped.
----------------------
Slamming my locker door open, I ripped open my bag and started carelessly chucking book after book out. I was pissed, and I didn't even know why.
Okay, fine, maybe, I did know why....but hell would have to freeze over before I'd admit it.
I didn't care what Lucas said; I did have the self-control to stay away from Mia. I mean, yeah, I had said this on the very first day I met her and instantly failed but this time it was different. This time I was stronger; more focused.
Once I had the last of my books exchanged, I slammed my locker shut and turned to go. The moment I did, my eyes locked on two beautiful big brown eyes, and I froze in place.
Standing right across the corridor was Mia. Though every sane thought in my brain was screaming at me to run, I couldn't help myself; and just stared. It had only been a week since I had last talked to her, but for some reason, it felt like it had been a year. The urge to walk closer to her gnawed away at me, but I pushed away the feeling.
Finally, I saw her open those delicate pink lips of hers as though she was about to say something.
"I'm sorr-"
Before she could finish, I ducked my head and brushed my way past her as though I hadn't seen her at all.
As best as I could, I swallowed back the pain and walked determinedly down the corridor. This was for the best. Being slightly rude to her now would keep her safe in the long term.
Still walking on in a mindless daze, I barely registered that someone was calling my name until someone grabbed at my arm.
"Ethan," a soft voice called.
Turning to my side, I found myself eye to eye with an eagerly smiling girl. I watched as she played absentmindedly with the end of her ash brown hair while blinking back at me softly.
I stared at her in confusion as I tried to remember who she was. Then it hit me; she was the girl who sat by me in Math.
I gave her a weak smile. "Oh hey, June, how are you?" I asked politely.
Her smile instantly dropped off her face, and she looked as though I had kicked her.
"It's April," she said tightly, her hands making tight fists at her side.
Instantly realizing my mistake, I froze.
Oh shit...
I cleared my throat and anxiously scratched at the back of my neck. "God, I'm so sorry, I'm absolutely terrible with names," I mumbled with an awkward laugh.
Her smile returned, and she shook her head. "No worries," she laughed.
Again, forcing a smile, I tapped an awkward hand against my thigh and wondered what I was supposed to say now. After another awkward bout of silence, I cleared my throat.
"So, did you need anything?"
"Oh right, how silly of me," she giggled. " I meant to give you this. It's a party I'm hosting tonight." Then reaching into her pocket, she pulled out a purple flyer which she instantly handed over to me.
I took it hesitantly, and gave the sheet a quick scan. Normally, I wouldn't mind a party, but with how miserable I've been feeling lately, I couldn't think of anything worse.
Slowly, I shook my head. "Sorry, I can't do tonight, I'm bu-"
"Mia's going to be there," she said abruptly.
I looked up at her sharply and found her staring at me with a dangerous, almost knowing spark shining through her eyes. My heart did a weird anxious little thump at this new information. Mia rarely went to the same parties I went to, and whenever she did, I was always there to look over her.
No, no, focus, Ethan. You've agreed to let her go, remember? She's a big girl; she can handle herself; she doesn't need your help.
I shook my head once more. "Sorry, I still can't-"
"And Ben's coming, I invited him too," she said suddenly.
I froze, her words hitting me like a sucker punch to the gut.
She smirked. "You know him, right? He's that hot guy who works at that ice cream shop with Mia. I hear they're quite close."
My heart stopped as the last of her words escaped her lips, and my blood ran cold. Soon enough, the uncontrollable feelings of jealousy and anger ripped through my soul.
It was one thing Mia being at the party without me, but it was a whole other thing if Ben was going to be there as well.
"Fine, I'll go," I said abruptly, the words escaping my lips before I could stop them.
April let out a hearty giggle. "Excellent, I'll see you there," she said with a wink, and like that, she skipped her way past me.
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Weaving my way through the mass of dancing bodies, I desperately tried to work my way to one of the far walls.
I had only been at the party for fifteen-minutes, and I already wanted to leave. Lucas had rudely ditched me five minutes ago, to go play drinking games with the guys, and since his departure, things had only gotten worse.
Everything from the strong scent of B.O. to girls quite indiscreetly trying to slip hands underneath my shirt had me practically wanting to rip out my own eyeballs.
Finally escaping the crowds, I leaned my back against the wall with a heavy sigh and silently wished for death. My plan for this party was just to moodily lean against the wall while doing all I could to subtly cock-block Mia and Ben.
I know I was supposed to be starting a new plan of letting go and shit, but that plan could honestly go fuck itself. There was no way I had the stomach to watch Ben and Mia hook up.
"Hey, Ethan," a voice said sharply.
I swerved my head to the side, and instead of seeing Lucas as I hoped, I was disappointed to find April.
"Oh, hey," I said weakly.
I knew I was doing a shitty job at hiding the boredom from my tone, but I couldn't help it. The two of us had little to nothing in common, so I had no idea why she talked to me all the time.
She smiled broadly at me. "Here, I brought you this," she said as she held out a red-solo cup.
"Hmm, thanks," I mumbled as I took it limply from her hand. I was about to bring it to my lips, but then I suddenly lowered it. "It's not got alcohol in it, right? I'm driving," I asked suddenly.
Still beaming away, she shook her head. "No, you're good, just soda," she chirped.
I cracked a loose smile in thanks before taking my first sip. I grimaced, finding that it tasted a little weird, but figuring it was some weird new flavor, I ignored it.
As I drunk on, I vaguely listened to her ramble on about something or another, but it didn't take long for my mind to completely drift away. Taking a brief glance over her shoulder; my heart jumped as it landed on someone in the distance. Or, more specifically, as they landed on Mia.
I swallowed thickly as I watched her weave in between the crowds, and I couldn't stop my eyes from drifting all over her face and body. Despite the fact she was only wearing a simple crop top and jeans, I couldn't look away. And, selfishly, I let myself stare for far longer than I really should.
My little daydream was suddenly interrupted as a guy stepped up to her; and drew her attention.
As soon as I realized exactly which guy it was, my blood ran cold.
You've got to be fucking kidding me...
With my eyes set firmly on the back of Ben's perfect little head, I squeezed and squeezed at my cup.
Stupid blonde, surfer-dude, malibu-barbie-like, girlfriend-stealing, piece of shit...
I watched in disgust as Mia laughed at something he said. He was funny too?
What a bastard...
I must have been glaring a little too hard because Mia turned my way. The second she took in my likely pissy expression, she frowned. It was without a doubt, she was mad at me for being so nasty to poor innocent little Ben. I wouldn't even be surprised if she came over here and started yelling at me.
And rather pathetically, I kind of wished she would. It would be a good excuse to talk to her again.
"I heard she's got a crush on him, you know."
Pulled back to my current conversation, I swerved my gaze to April.
"Excuse me?" I said, wondering if I misheard her.
She smiled and nodded her head backward. "Mia. She told me she had a crush on Ben," she explained boldly.
Ignoring my racing heart, I furrowed my brows deeply. "But...but- wait, no, that can't be true. Mia told me she didn't," I argued back.
"Well, she lied obviously," April laughed. "Come on, think about it, Ethan. Why would she tell you who she's crushing on? That's embarrassing, and no offense but you do have a history of seeking out ways to further embarrass her," she said, giving me a pointed look.
I paused and slowly processed her words, and the more I processed them, the more they scarily made sense.
April cleared her throat. "I also heard a rumor that Ben likes her back. Apparently, he wants to sleep with her," she shrugged.
A strong wave of nausea ran through me, and the words 'sleep with her' echoed around my head like a banging drum.
Looking back over April's shoulder, my eyes immediately found their way back to Mia's. Ben had left her now, and she was giggling and laughing with her friends as they danced and sang along to the song. Selfishly, I let my eyes watch her hips move rhythmically to the music.
But, despite the warming site, I couldn't think of anything else besides the fact she would never be mine.
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Author's note:
I hope you enjoyed chapter twelve. It was a little bit weird I admit but I had a lot to fill in because they barely talk in this chapter.
What do people think of the flashback with his Dad?
And what do people think of April's intervention? Any theories?
Anyway, can't wait to share a new chapter with you soon xx