Ch.33
Too much happened last night. Yoongi was discovered to have been trying to steal power right from under Namjoon. That led to him getting beat up by some of his members. Since the warehouse is where he lives, he had no place to go and was really desperate. He wouldn't have come to you if he weren't. Or he knows you'll be kind enough to let him stay. You had trouble sleeping through the night. Not because he basically sexually harassed you for the second time and you guys had to sleep in a small space, no. You were surprisingly fine with that. The reason you had trouble sleeping was because Yoongi kept moving around on the floor. He talked in his sleep.
It wasn't cute little words of nonsense. He didn't lightly roll over to the other side. You thanked the universe that your sister didn't wake up. Unnie was luckily a deep sleeper while you weren't. Yoongi shifted back and forth, muttering 'no' multiple times. He shielded himself in his sleep and sounded like he was begging for mercy. It terrified you to no end and you almost believed he was awake at one point. Around four in the morning, you went to comfort him, but he was asleep! That's when you decided to wake him up. He took forever to wake up, but it was sort of worth it. The blue was absolutely confused when you woke him up. He had a lot of questions, but you decided to give him another chance to go to bed.
Yoongi was upset that you woke him up, but you could tell he was a little happy. He must have been having a really bad nightmare. Since he was still sleepy, you stayed on the floor with him and waited. You ignored his protests to be watched. Eventually Yoongi fell asleep peacefully this time. He didn't know, but you whispered comforting words to him. Whatever he had dreamt of, it's over now. It took thirty minutes to get him to go back to sleep. With tired limbs, you reached for your favorite stuffed animal and gave it to the boy. He had been holding onto your hand so you figured he'd probably want to continue holding something. That's why you gave him the toy that you loved and had a lot of nice memories with.
Hyosung unnie never came into your room with confusion. She had gone off to college like it was just another day. You finally got some rest after Yoong's continuous nightmares. School had to start soon though, so it felt like you had barely slept. Why!? Slapping your hand onto your alarm, you stared at the stirring boy on the ground. He groaned loudly at the sound and tried covering his ears. It wasn't until he heard your light giggle that his eyes shot open. Yoongi took a moment to remember where he was and jumped to see the stuffed animal in his arms. You sat up on your bed as he raised the animal up in the air while giving you a glare.
"What is this?" He huffed.
"That's Holly. Treat him with respect!" You crossed your arms. "He helped you sleep."
"Whatever." Yoongi put the stuffed dog to the side. "I'm going back to bed."
"We have school in an hour and a half." You reminded him. Yoongi angrily turned to you again after hiding under the covers.
"I don't have my uniform..." He muttered.
"It's not like the school cares anyway!" You smiled to see the blue sigh. He didn't care about wearing his uniform either. All he wanted was an excuse not to go. "Look, I get it if you don't want to see the other members yet, but you still have to go to school."
"I don't care about them." Yoongi looked up to the ceiling of your room.
The room was dim with a little light entering from your window. Pushing the blinds to the side, the morning sun came rushing in. Yoongi covered is eyes with his arm and gritted his teeth. He was still acting like this after what went down? It was hard to understand Yoongi. One moment he'd go on about how the gang was his family and then the second he didn't give a crap about them. What was the truth? Everything was so complicated when it came to him. All the members were easier to read then this guy. Even Jungkook had less to hide and he never spoke about his home life. Glancing at the clock one last time, you knew you had enough time to have a conversation with him.
"Are you sure? Didn't you consider them your family?" You tilted your head.
"It's complicated..." Yoongi removed his arm from his face. His face remained grumpy though.
"Come on, you can tell me. We still have time before we have to go to school." You rested your head in your hands. "Why did you do that to your gang when you considered them family?"
"...I don't know." Yoongi growled.
"I think you should eat more. You always look sickly thin to be honest," You confessed to see him slowly look towards you for the first time with gentle eyes. "I wish you cared about school more and I want to know your goals in life."
He stayed silent at your confession. Though he treated you like crap, you tried your hardest to humanize him as best as you could. People always say that bullies bully because they were hurt themselves. Only the strong didn't turn to that route so you knew Yoongi must have gone or is going through something rough. For Pete sake's, he's just a teenager and lives at an abandoned warehouse instead of a nice warm home. Used to at least. His parents aren't mentioned but you knew he most likely had a bad relationship with them just like the others. Yoongi always looked alone. Even when he was with the other members, he appeared separated from them at times. Now you were going to help make things right. You were going to help Yoongi fix his relationship with the gang and it isn't going to be easy.
"I don't have goals and I eat fine." Yoongi looked away from you.
"Please tell me, Yoongi oppa~!" You giggled to see him quickly glare at you. It didn't last long. Soon there was a grin on his face.
"D*mn, you really want to know." He shook his head, his gummy smile not leaving his face. "But I really don't know."
"How can you not know?" You questioned.
"...I mean, I liked the power and control Namjoon had. He's a good leader, but I liked how the others did what he said." Yoongi shrugged. "He's the only person I'll actually take orders from."
"Power hungry?" You joined him on the floor. Yoongi got into a sitting position and grabbed Holly. He placed the brown curly haired dog in his lap. The two of you sat only a few inches apart. You smiled at Yoongi, trying your best to let him trust you. Yoongi didn't look you in the eyes though. He spoke while moving Holly around in his hands.
"I guess..." He shrugged. "I don't know. I suck at being a normal functioning human. I want to trust them and be real."
"What stops you?" You watch him pet the fake dog.
"I just have issues. It's like they do a good job at being a family. They're normal even though life is sh*t." Yoongi stopped stroking the dog. "It pisses me off sometimes. How they can do that and I f*cking can't!? Sometimes I think I'm doing something right, but I'm not!"
"Do you find it hard to give them what they give you? Like trust and love?" You kept your eye on his grip around Holly's body. He was squeezing the plush with his hands but was slowly loosening it. He licked his bottom lip before letting out a heavy sigh. You let Yoongi think since he was already telling you so much.
"I think I know that they like me. Well, they did...I just had f*cking problems." Yoongi frowned. "I felt they didn't at times and so I did stuff. Tell Jimin he shouldn't dance and stay."
"Even though he should be dancing," You said as a statement more than a question. He gave you a sharp glare. "So you're closed off."
"Is that new information?" Yoongi's eyes connected with yours. They stopped burning into you and didn't shift away.
"It's something." You sighed.
"They know when to turn it off..." Yoongi uttered under his breath. Those words caught your attention as his eyes drifted away from yours. He began playing with Holly again, fidgeting so you placed your hands on his. Yoongi glared at you and pulled his hands away. "Don't touch me!"
"What do they know how to turn off?" You asked a he got up from the floor.
"We should get going to school." Yoongi walked over to your closet. He picked up your school uniform and tossed it in your direction. "I'll let you change."
Frowning as he closed the door, you groaned in frustration. You got so much information out of him! A lot more than you thought you'd be able to get. It's like once he let something slip, he couldn't stop until the two of you were getting close to the break through. He loved his members, but he was also jealous of them. Plus, he also didn't have complete trust in them. Yoongi certainly did have his own issues. Changing into your uniform, you began planning to continue this conversation at night. He's probably going to stay here for a while. Who knows for how long.
Exiting your room, you found Yoongi sitting at the kitchen table. He had an empty stare. As soon as you started walking down the short hall, he broke out from his thoughts. School was going to start in an hour. Time for breakfast. Unnie had made your food, but now you had a guest. Heating up the food she made, you went to make some toast. Yoongi's eyes watched you move around the small kitchen. He was bored out of his mind. The microwave beeped and unnie's delicious breakfast was ready. The scent floated around the room. Sliding it over to Yoongi, he was shocked to see you giving this to him. Soon your toast popped out from the toaster.
The both of you ate without saying a single thing to each other. The most you did was give him a smile. Yoongi didn't care to return one back as he ate the food quickly. He had food at the warehouse, but it was mainly stuff that you had to buy from a convience store. He must not get homemade stuff that often. Feeling some inspiration, you knew you had to make him dinner tonight! Then he's gonna have to eat it whether he likes it or not. You picked up his finished plate and washed it quickly. Walking to school is going to have to change to running. While you hurriedly put on your shoes, Yoongi muttered a thank you for the meal. He didn't look you in the eye and you just smiled at him.
"C'mon, let's go!" You snatched his wrist and tugged him out of your apartment.
He grunted while you giggled. He hated being pulled at full speed, but it couldn't be helped. The two of you needed to make it to school on time. While you both ran towards SuChin, Yoongi told you he was going in a different direction once you guys make it on campus. He had to go to the third-year side anyway, but he also didn't want to be spotted near you. It's not that he hated you that much, but he knew that being seen next to you wasn't the best. The other members would probably hate you for being with Yoongi. They wouldn't stop talking to you, but they would definitely scold you for just standing next to him. Eventually, you guys had arrived to SuChin. You shouted bye to Yoongi as you rushed over to Mr. Pyo's classroom. The bell had already rung.
Mr. Pyo didn't care to see you enter his class late. He didn't even bat an eye to see you panting like you had just ran for your life. Jungkook and Taehyung were puzzled but didn't say anything. There was some light tension in the air. You witnessed Jungkook hurt Yoongi while you screamed at them to stop. Things with the members would be interesting today for multiple reasons. Class went on as normal, so Taehyung turned to face you. Jungkook didn't waste as second to look back at you too. Giving them both uncomfortable smiles, Taehyung spoke first in a soft voice. He mentioned how disappointed he was in Yoongi, almost calling him hyung before stopping himself. The silver hair pursed his lips and let his shoulders fall down.
Jungkook had a different take on the situation. He told you up front to stay away from Yoongi. He figured it would be easy since the blue hair hated you and you cried internally. Min Yoongi may hate you but it was certainly him who spent the night at your place. The maknae was unforgiving to the third year. He felt manipulated and was in disbelief. You felt like Jungkook was madder at himself then at Yoongi if that made sense. Jungkook was upset that he considered Yoongi family and trusted him. That was all ruined now. It made you want to scream. Getting the members to forgive Yoongi is going to be the hardest thing ever. Could you actually do it? To be honest, you hadn't fully forgiven Yoongi either but you were doing this for him anyway.
Yoongi didn't say it, but you knew he somewhat depended on you to help him make things right with the other members. Great. Curse you for being such a kind and thoughtful person! There was just something inside you that knew these boys were all meant to stick it out together. You only smiled and nodded at the boys despite disagreeing with most of the things they said about Yoongi. When class ended, Jungkook wrapped his arm around your waist and took you to the window in the hall. Jimin was already sitting on the window sill with the rest of the gang members next to him. Was a meeting about to happen? Jimin smiled at you but you knew the maknae's arm around you irked him. It was very apparent since Jungkook was smirking quite smugly.
"We're all here," Taehyung stated as you slid of out Jungkook's hold to sit next to Jimin.
"Good." Namjoon crossed his arms as he stared at you. Hoseok had his arms around his back while Seokjin looked at the floor. You still felt greatly disappointed in him. "(F/n), I know you weren't there for when we finished business with Yoongi."
"Are you really wording it that way?" You furrowed your brows.
"What? Are you taking Yoongi's side?" Hoseok snapped before giving you an apologetic expression. "...we're no longer on speaking terms with him."
"He's out of our lives completely and we think it's safer if you keep him out of yours." Seokjin finally looked at you.
"Guys..." You frowned as Namjoon had to stop you.
"He's a traitor. I know you're a really caring person, but he's always hated you. It should be easy to cut that toxic person out of your life," Namjoon said as you bit your lip.
You wanted to yell in defiance like a fire, but you felt smothered by them. All their eyes were on you. They wanted you to agree with them and you could see why. What Yoongi did was the worst thing ever...but you did believe in second chances. Jungkook started asking if they see Yoongi in the halls. Taehyung thought they should just ignore him and Jimin agreed with the silver hair on that. The look in Jungkook's eyes let you know he wanted to do something else. Possibly harass the third year in the halls or something else that's awful.
"Can't we just do whatever we feel is right?" Jungkook scoffed.
"Trust me, I feel like giving him a piece of my mind too." Namjoon rubbed his shoulder. "But I think the smart choice is to ignore him. I'm not stopping you though."
"So we can?" Jungkook smirked, turning his hand into a tight fist.
"If we want to hurt him so badly than can't we just find him after school?" Jimin asked.
"That'd make things easier," Hoseok replied to your surprise.
"Did you guys not let out all your anger on him last night?" You huffed to see them shocked.
"You shouldn't have seen that." Taehyung frowned as you scoffed.
"Well, I did." You looked out the window as they sighed in frustration.
Jimin hesitated to comfort you. They all believed you were angry because of their violent tendicies. You were, but also because you felt Yoongi got close to a break through this morning. He had a strong chance of being redeemed in your opinion. It made you sound crazy. The gang wanted to beat him up for a second time and that disgusted you. That would make them an actual gang to be scared of. They weren't truly like that but they were letting their anger change them like this. How did it make them better than Yoongi? You took Jimin's comfort and pretended to be fine. It didn't make sense in your head. Yoongi betrayed them and it hurt not just you, but obviously the members. But how could they suddenly want his blood on their hands? Did they truly live in a different world from you?
Namjoon gave you one last lecture before you had to go to physical education. It was basically 'ignore Yoongi, but it's okay to kick him'. He was practically telling you to call the gang if you see Yoongi around. Normally, you'd only see him during lunch or after school. Maybe that's not going to be the case today. The members were trying to keep eyes on you and were looking out for a certain blue hair too. Students walking the halls were more intimidated of the gang since they were still annoyed from last night. Jimin took you to Ms. Lee's class. He was less awkward which made you happier. The two of you could talk with more freedom, but you still had Yoongi on your mind. It was bothersome how much of your thoughts were about him. That punk did so many messed up things and you're here still caring for him. Something had to be wrong with you.
When physical education came to an end, you put on your friendly face. You made up a plan to avoid eating lunch with the gang. Jimin and you talked like normal, avoiding the mention of a certain blue haired male. He didn't even notice you following him into the boy's locker room. That's when you heard a loud whistle. Perfect! Jimin flinched before realizing how close you were to entering. With an embarrassed expression, he hurried off while Ms. Lee waited for you to come talk to her. Walking over to her, you gave her a confident look to help get on her nerves. She didn't like you from the last time you accidentally got close to following Jimin into the boy's locker room.
"Yes?" You waited for a response.
"Lap. Now," She said through her gritted teeth. "Or after school detention."
"I'll take the lap." You walked over to the track.
Her burning gaze didn't leave your back. You knew after school detention was just a threat. She hated doing paper work and there's no way she'd stay after school just to watch you. Ms. Lee loved not being a teacher. Instead of watching to see if you finish the lap or not, she left without a second thought. You were going to continue running until Jimin went off to lunch by himself. Where ever Yoongi was, you'll find him for lunch. As soon as the blonde left for the cafeteria, you ran around the third-year building asking all the older students if they had seen him. Some ignored you and some just didn't know where he was. You looked all around until an older boy told you he saw Yoongi enter the bathroom a minute ago.
The student wasn't prepared for your amount of excitement. Running towards the bathroom, you almost charged in until the sign reminded you of basic social rules. Yoongi is a guy so of course he's in the guy's bathroom! Gosh, you really wished you had balls at this moment. If you just had two then you could enter without a problem. Whatever, guys only go into the bathroom for two reasons. You placed your hand on the door before pausing. Suddenly, you remembered that urinals were a thing. Muttering colorful words in frustration, you really didn't want to see Yoongi's business or any other guy's.
"Min Yoongi!" You screamed at the door. Nothing. "Min Yoongi! I heard you're in here!" No one answered you. Kicking the door in frustration, you soon felt embarrassed to see a boy exit. Before you could apologize, he opened the door wide for you.
"He's in the big stall." He sighed as you smiled wide.
"Thank you, Sunbae!" You bowed and entered the bathroom.
He eyed you weirdly but then shrugged it off. No one really used honorifics in this place. Luckily, there were no guys using the urinals. Bending down to check if there were any legs, all the stalls were empty except the big stall. You saw a boy sitting down on the dirty floor. He wasn't even using the toilet! It was time for lunch so why wasn't he at least in the cafeteria? As you came closer to the big stall, you heard the male on the other side groan in frustration. He knew you were on the other side of the door. You were about to push open the door, but now you weren't so sure anymore.
"Get the f*ck out of here, Kwon (F/n)," Yoongi demanded.
"What? I came to eat lunch with you!" You slowly pushed open the door to see his food on his lap. "What are you doing in here?"
"What does it look like?" Yoongi took a bite of his chip.
"You don't want to eat in the cafeteria? Or you know, somewhere other than here?" You squatted down, taking a look at the area.
The bathroom didn't smell too horrific but that didn't mean you wanted to stay. Yoongi shook his head and continued eating. Looks like you'll have to get used to this. Sitting down on the floor with him, Yoongi raised a brow to see you joining him like this. He would have expected you to be grossed out. And you were. But you were also a stubborn girl who was incredibly nosey. There's no way you're going to leave this bathroom without him. He rolled his eyes as you just smiled at him. You'd rather spend lunch being hated on then listening to a bunch of people bad mouthing someone. Even if they deserved it or not.
"How were classes?" You asked.
"Hell." Yoongi stopped eating his chips. He stared at the bag while licking the few crumbs off his lips. "Seokjin is in one of them. I'm lucky we sit on opposite sides of the room."
"He hasn't given you any problems yet?" You leaned in as he shook his head. That was good to know. Now you weren't as upset with the eldest member. Yoongi then shoved the bag of chips in your face. Surprised, you stared at the bag and then at him. He was looking away from you. "Aren't these yours?"
"Just take 'em." He tossed them into your lap.
"But you need to eat." You frowned.
"And you only had toast this morning. Shut up and eat." Yoongi opened his soda. Though his words were rude, you couldn't help but smile. Behind his tough exterior he must be a really thoughtful person. He has to be with people like the gang around him. Yoongi might have issues, but he has good traits to him. You can't wait for him to show them to you. So far, you've noted this down in your head. He gave you his chips! "...did you talk to other members today?"
"...I did." You nodded, eating a few of the chips already. "They're still mad, but I'm sure you can make things right."
"How?" He retorted.
"We'll think something up. It should be something from the heart and it has to be genuine. I'm sure the guys will be hesitant at first, but they have to still feel a connection towards you whether they like it or not." You shrugged. "How long have you known them?"
"I've known some longer than others." Yoongi thought back. "Seokjin since middle school, Namjoon and Hoseok for two years, and then the first years for one year. I knew Taehyung when he was done with middle school though."
"I see. You know a lot more about them than I do." You sighed. "You can relate to them on things I can't."
"And you can understand the things they do which I can't." Yoongi flicked a peanut at your cheek.
"What?" You rubbed the attacked spot.
"It's like a seesaw. You're one end and I'm on the other while the rest are in the middle," Yoongi grumbled.
"...yeah. Just like a seesaw." You agreed, taking a sip from his soda.
You set it down and the pissed expression he was giving you made you laugh. He shook his head at you. Yoongi probably wanted to dump the soda on you at that moment, but he also needed a place to stay tonight. He made the wise decision of just cussing you out. Eventually, you convinced him to laugh too. A warm feeling grew in your chest as you thought about Yoongi actually considering you a friend. Hell yeah, let's make that happen! While the two of you laughed in the big stall, someone came in to do their business. Yoongi opened the stall and tossed peanuts at them. He shouted at them to get lost and soon you popped your head out to surprise the dude. He jumped to see a female inside here and left as you helped Yoongi throw peanuts. Now that's fun!
The two of you didn't bother cleaning up the peanuts. You were about to until Yoongi told you to just leave them. Yoongi left the bathroom first to make sure the coast was clear. He gave you the all clear and you hurried out, giggling like an idiot. It appears like this bathroom is where you'll be spending lunch until things get better. The blue hair received a hug from you before you left. He made sure to give you one last scoff as you ran to your next class. You'll make your attempts to get him more comfortable around you. Maybe then he'll tell you what he meant earlier this morning. The other members had the ability to turn off something that he couldn't.
Class went quickly like you had hoped. Most of the time, you were trying to figure out ways for Yoongi to get their forgiveness back. The gang is going to be tough. They have trust issues of their own, but you learned that Yoongi was on another level. He gave them a good reason to build their walls even higher. The bell rang and you ran out as fast as you could. You didn't want to get caught by the first years or any other members. Exiting the doors, you ran past the gates to feel someone grab onto your wrist. They tugged you closer to them. They weren't wearing a uniform. You were about to panic until you noticed it was Yoongi pulling you away from the school.
"Let's go." He didn't look back to face you.
"R-Right! Let's go home!" You caught up with his footsteps.
It didn't take long for you guys to arrive to your small apartment. Unnie wasn't here so you it was safe to bring the male in openly. She didn't need to find you sneaking in another third-year boy into your room. She would have a heart attack and claim you have a thing for older boys. Hyosung unnie had quite the imagination that was very hard to stop once it got started. Once Yoongi and you got inside, he wanted to sleep, but you forced him to do homework with you. He hated every second of it. The complaints kept flooding your ears for a full hour then he finally finished. It was not as painful as he thought it would be, but he still wasn't fond of what you forced him to do. After that, you made dinner. He waited impatiently and occasionally pounded his fists against the table.
Dinner was served! He finally stopped beating your poor table. He gobbled up the food without waiting for you. Since you made dinner, you were wrapping unnie's portion for her to eat later. As soon as you turned around, Yoongi was close to finishing the meal. Well you're happy he liked it then. You ate your food as fast as you could. Yoongi was slowly getting sleepy and you couldn't have that just yet. The both of you still had so much to talk about! You tossed the dishes into the sink when Yoongi finally decided to go into your room. There's no time to waste! You entered the room first to change into your pajamas before you let him in.
"You have too much energy." Yoongi sat down on his quilt, grabbing Holly.
"Are you really tired though?" You wiggled your eyebrows.
"I'd really rather not," Yoongi said to make you realize how he took the situation. Maybe you sounded too eager, but you were just trying to get the truth out of him. Not anything unnie would make up in her imagination.
"I'm not suggesting that!" You blushed as he chuckled lightly. "I just wanted to know what you meant by the other members can turn off something you can't..."
"This again?" He groaned.
"Holly and I are curious." You smiled. Yoongi stared down at the dog, thinking for a moment. The room was silent, and you didn't move a single muscle as you waited for some kind of answer.
"For deals we have to be tough...on high alert or something. We can't trust the other guys, obviously." Yoongi sniffed, looking at you with tired eyes.
"Right. You guys are there to do a deal." You nodded.
"...I feel like I stay in that mode even when the deals are over. Even when I've known the members for more than a year." Yoongi held Holly close. "They go back to their normal selves, acting like friends when we're back in the warehouse. And I still feel like I need to be aware of my members."
"You can't let your guard down?" You frowned.
"I try to, but it always goes to sh*t. I can't do anything right." Yoongi growled. "For some f*cking reason I have to f*ck everything up. I don't know how to be a friend or just a normal person!"
"So...you really don't know why you tried to take power under from Namjoon?" You questioned one last time.
"I just felt like doing it even though he's a good leader and person. How sh*tty can a person get?" Yoongi fell down onto his quilt.
"You definitely struggle with how society normally works, but I think you're working on it." You tucked yourself under your blankets. "I think it's just how you grew up compared to the other members. You can make things right, Yoongi."
"I wish..." Yoongi muttered as you turned off the lights. "Good night, (F/n)."
"Night, Yoongi."