Ziyah and I have created a subliminal routine where we spend our break between 2nd and 3rd period together, and at lunch he goes with his group of friends and I sit with Harper and Navia or Vicki and Jada. Sure it's normal in our school for the couples to be tied together at lunch, but distance makes the heart go fonder and I don't feel right forcing Ziyah to hang out with my loneliness when he has a group of friends.
The other half of our routine is he walks me to the elementary school. As usual he makes sure I'm on the inside of the street today as we walk awfully close together. All the feelings that I didn't at first have for him come to me every time now, and quite the opposite of relationships I know my like for him grows everyday. With that I'm learning new things about him like he's a minor sneakerhead which I figured out when he got his new adidas and noticed his shoes always shine next to mine. Other then that he got his dreads at 12, has been bestfriends with Lucas since elementary school, and he doodles little drawings in his notebook,but he doesn't really know I know that.
Ziyah and I are walking down the street to the elementary school talking as we pass full house looking houses.
He runs his hand through his dreads as he gazes at me. "You wanna know huh?" Could you be a little more specific.
"Know what?" I ask, a smile parading across my face.
"About my smoking thing and shit." I forgot about that. All of the talking we've done he hasn't really updated me on what him and his friends do at the park. We also haven't resumed our conversation about him being sober, but I don't think that's even my place.
"I mean only if you want to tell me."
He shifts a little bit. "I do, but can you tell me something." I nod and we stop walking. "Did you tell anyone about what I told you at the grove."
Any ounce of happiness I had dissapears. "Why would I tell someone that?" He does the smallest shrug and I start playing with my braids looking away from his eyes. "You don't trust me," I mumble trying not to look at him. I'm not sure if it's a question or statement, but it sure hurts.
He gets closer to me. "Nah I do I just, damn." He runs his hands through his dreads again.
I lift my head up some more and I can tell Ziyah sees my emotions about to fulminate.
"Do you think I'm a shitty person, I'd never tell anyone that." My voice raises just a little, and I don't get how I'm mad at him, and I hate that I'm mad at him. Mostly I hate that he thinks I would betray his trust, or that he can't trust me.
"No I don't think you're a shitty person. " Hmm he said no instead of nah, I'm listening.
"But you don't trust me."
The chillness in Ziyah's voice decreases a little. "And you trust me?"
"Of course I trust you I wouldn't be with you if I didn't trust you."
"Then why are you still closed off." His tone is lighter now, and it's almost at a level to be comforting, but I'm still a little hurt.
"I'm not," I stop and stare at my feet. "I don't know, but I promised Sofia I'd be at the school early." That had to be a terrible way to try and get out of a conversation, but those were the only words I could say.
Ziyah's visage is so somber, and I want to fix it, but I can't knowing I'm the problem. I just want to go play with the kids and answer their questions, but at the same time I want to bring Ziyah's smirk back on his face.
He looks down at his feet just like me and he puts one of his dreads behind his ear. "K, I'll talk to you later," he says.
"Ok," I say and we depart from each other.
I get to the elementary school and the kids cheer me up with hugs while Astrid gives me her usual cold welcome. The only time she lightened up was when I showed her the short film which actually changed her stoic expression. The kids loved the video too, sure they didn't get the overall message, but they enjoyed pointing to themselves on the screen.
The time with kids goes by fast, and as usual Sofia and Sascha are the only ones left, and they would rather sit with me than color or try to do a version of gymnastics. Sofia also apparently doesn't have her classes today which I'm skeptical about, but she didn't have her guilty look when she told me this.
"Daya why isn't my mommy as pretty as Sofia's mommy," Sascha says with her cheeks covering her palms as she lays on the carpet. Sofia and her look up at me, and I force a smile on my face. Astrid won't even jump in as she sits at the front desk signing whatever she's signing.
I don't know how to approach this question, even though going to an all white school with no knowledge of black beauty when I was younger I probably asked this nescient question myself. "Your moms are both pretty," is what I settle for.
Sascha cocks her head to the side.
"But Sofia's mommy has longer hair," Sascha argues. That's true, Angela or to Sascha Sofia's mommy has bouncy curls that shape her face while Sascha's mom has a pixie cut which she works in my opinion. I want to tell Sascha how hair doesn't matter, but who am I to speak those words when I spend a good amount of time getting my hair longer. I guess I'm I'm the person to hope that Sascha isn't anything like me and doesn't make the same mistakes as me. I also find it funny Soifa is being silent during this question and instead playing with her sneakers.
"Sascha the length of your hair doesn't determine your beauty. Does your mom make you food and love you?"
Sascha nods. "Yes."
"Then it doesn't matter if she's as pretty as Sofia mommy."
"Ok but it would be nice if my mommy has long hair like yours," Sascha peels up a bit. Girl this is 6 packs of yaki. I don't bother explaining to her my hair is all kinky and barely to my shoulders, and just keep my smile.
Sascha nods and her and Sofia start a completely different conversation about cupcakes. My mind still revolves about what Sascha said and I realize she isn't the only one who hasn't seen me without the extensions and braids.
Before I can trouble myself about if things would change if I walked around with just my curls, Sascha's mom comes in, and Sascha rushes towards her. She hugs her like she didn't just compare her to Sofia's mom and it actually makes me smile.
"My mommy said you're coming to our home, so we're going to be really sisters," Sofia shouts.
Shit I totally forgot about meeting his mom. Honestly I've been pacing and twiddling about it, and picturing what his mom looks like. I expect a supermodel like woman much like Angela who is going to deem me not good enough for her son.
"Yeah I guess so Sofia." Sofia and I talk a little for a bit and as she expresses every one of her thoughts I forget all of mine. We're outside while Astrid is still inside and I'm standing watching Sofia play hopscotch like there is no tomorrow.
I'm knocked out of outer space and my thoughts when Sofia screams, "Ziyah!" I turn around and there he is walking towards us. Feeling the hurt I felt before I turn around and continue watching Sofia as she runs in the bungalow. I'm about to take a step forward, but Ziyah's cinnamon scent is taking over my nostrils and I feel his soft hands wrap around my waist. I melt in his touch just like I did in the park.
"I didn't tell anyone," I whisper immediately.
"I know, I trust you," he whispers. Afterall all human relationships revolve around trust.
"I know I don't tell you everything but I trust you."
"For real?" Smirks come across both of our faces.
"For real," I assure him, and turn my head so my lips find comfort in his. "But," I say as I remember something. "Don't go kissing lesbians when things get weird," I conclude.
"Never again, and I'm not doing that trust fall shit." I would let you though.
I shake my head a little and Ziyah is about to go in for another kiss, but Sofia barges out of the bungalow with Astrid behind her and we depart.
"Oooh," Sofia coos. Astrid struts behind her and she has her purse and no intention to say goodbye as she heads out the school.
Seeing that she's gone, Ziyah breaks the distance between us with Sofia behind him.
"Want me to walk you back to the school?"
Although Vince doesn't show any animosity towards Ziyah, it would still be weird.
"No it's find," I say.
"If you say so." He disregards Sofia's presence and places another kiss on my lips. He leaves with Sofia skipping and being all chipper.
*
"I have a great idea mom," Vince says before even taking a bite of his food.
Mom's spirits are up and instead of scrolling through postmates she made pasta salad which the three of us are sitting around the still cluttered dining table eating.
"What is it? It better not have anything to do with you shaving your head for waves," mom snaps.
Vince bursts into laughter kind of like the elderly people at Harper's Christmas party. "Oh mom you crack me up, no this idea involves my sweet little sister Daya." Why he sounds like he's in a 19th century novel I'll never know, but he catches me off guard as I put a spoonful in my mouth. A smirk comes across Dani's face and my mom's eyebrows raise.
"This is going to be something stupid," I say. I continue eating and Vince's smile gets bigger.
"Oh Daya, Daya, Daya, Daya," he shakes his head and Dani almost chokes on her laughter.
"Vince if you don't get to the point," mom says what we're all thinking.
"My idea is that you my beautiful mother should take my beautiful sister out to lunch," He puts his hands in the air, but he's not done. "To meet her boyfriend." And there it is. My mom looks from me to Vince who hasn't stopped smiling, and I take another bite.
I know my mom has to meet him, but I wanted a quick little exchange not a full meal of conversation. Especially since if I'm being honest Ziyah like me isn't much of a talker.
My mom moves her head from side to side, and I've seen her do this right before she agrees to something.
"Hmm maybe not lunch, but hmm," mom begins looking up at the ceiling. "Yes lunch will work, ooh how about that healthy place." Mom now sports a smile just like Vince while I roll my eyes to the back of my head.
"Yes, yes, a healthy lunch with Daya's boyfriend, I'm up for it, Dani are you up for it?" Vince asks. Dani who still has a mouthful of food nods vigorously. "All just sublime, sublime, sublime, right Daya?" This guy and his white boy voice.
"Just sublime," I mumble.
"And maybe Ziyah can bring his mother," mom adds. My eyes go wide and I don't have anymore food to stuff in my face. I love my mom, but since elementary school she's never gotten along with other moms. She's good at altering herself and laughing at stupid mom jokes, but seconds later she'll say something like, "Did you see what that bitch was wearing?"
"Just Sublime," Vince practically shouts.