Chapter 199: Chapter 168

“Val Kinton, Pyrolysis.”

Lillian turned to Val and smiled at him, patting his shoulder. He shot a grin in her direction as he got to his feet, walking from the line of chairs set up in front of the huge crowd. She watched him ascend the steps as his parents came out to meet him. Behind them, her parents were waiting. She was next. Her fingers tangled together in her lap and she looked down at her feet for a moment, her heart thundering in her chest. She ran her thumbs over one another before reaching up to play a bit with her hair, Why am I so nervous?

“It’s not nerves, you’re just excited.”

She turned and looked at Marc, “You’re a scary mind-reader.”

He sniffed and shrugged, brushing his hair to the side and sitting regally in the folding chair. His smile twisted up just slightly. “Hardly, it was plain on your face.”

She clicked her tongue and looked away, leaning forward to catch her breath before looking up to see Val standing face to face with Sonya. He grinned at her as he took off his lanyard and handed it to his folks. Her heart swelled for what had to be the dozenth time that day. Sonya reached down to the stack in front of her and picked up the metal card, handing it to him. He took it gratefully before turning and throwing a fist in the air, “WOO!”

A round of laughter and whoops in reply answered him from the front row from east and west coast graduates alike. Alex lunged to his feet and did a little dance while John just shook his head and chuckled in that oddly mechanical way he did, clapping. Val clambered down the stairs with his family, waving to a few people who were waving at him. He turned to one of the camera drones and fired off some finger guns and a wink before making his way back to his seat.

Lillian’s breath caught in her throat and she looked up from where she sat into those swirling pink eyes. Sonya smiled down at her, her cheeks dimpling with barely suppressed pride.

“This next graduate,” Sonya began, “Has received a Most Promising Hero award as part of her achievements during this camp. Remarkable doesn’t even begin to describe her,” she cleared her throat, “Lillian Landrey, Crusader, please step forward.”

Lillian nearly sprung to her feet. “Ma’am!” She blurted and got a few chuckles from behind her. She flushed and marched her way over to the steps, her mother and father waiting for her. Her dad nodded at her as she walked past and up. One step at a time. She could barely hear anything except the beating of her heart. She alighted on the stage and stood there, face to face with the person who had taken the steps to make her journey even possible. Lillian broke into a smile, “Hi, Sonya.”

“Lily,” Sonya said quietly and winked at her, “I’m so proud of you.”

Sonya gestured to Lillian’s parents and Lillian looked down at her lanyard, reaching up to take the nameplate in her hand and run her fingers over it. She’d worn it every day and had nearly forgotten about it. She slid her thumbs up into it and lifted it over her head before holding it gently in her hands. There were so many memories in it that it felt heavy. She turned to her parents and her mother held out her hands. Lillian swallowed and handed it over. This is really happening. This is really, really happening.

She turned back to Sonya who already had her card at the ready. A tiny piece of metal that would be the marker for the beginning of her new life. She reached out with shaky hands, Oh come on don’t drop it! She swallowed and took it. It was cold but it warmed quickly under her touch. She lifted it to her eyes and saw her face next to the name: Crusader. She followed the words down to the ability-tier line, “Growth-type?” She mumbled and glanced up at Sonya who shrugged at her.

“Had to list a whole new category just for you and a few others apparently,” Sonya said with a smirk, “Congratulations Lillian. You’re a hero now.”

I’m a Hero.

She spun and looked out over the crowd as chills ran up her spine and down her skin. Cameras flashed as the nerves melted away. A hawk's cry rang out and Alphonse swooped down from the sky, alighting on her shoulder. He spread his wings and threw his head back in a screech. She turned to him and laughed before throwing both fists into the air, joining him.

“I’M A HERO!”

–

She could still hear the cheering. It echoed in her mind in that dark room. She ran her fingers over the sheets and pulled them to her face, breathing in. She let out a sigh and pushed herself up to a sitting position, white hair tumbling around her face. One more night, mm? Tomorrow we leave. She listened to the silence in her thoughts and snorted. Of course she’s asleep. Silly girl. At least it doesn’t feel like she’s drifting away this time. Just resting. Ishtar wrapped her arms around her legs and rested her chin on them, staring into the dark space and let her thoughts wander. She sighed and slipped off the bed.

Restless.

She walked away from the bed to the mirror and stared into it. She’d never revealed to Sonya the face she saw in the mirror. Sonya had never asked, to be honest, the girl had just assumed it was the same. She reached up and touched her cheek and ran her fingers along the scars that covered her face, the strong jawline, the cuts along her neck and looked down at her hands. More scars. More marks of battles that she’d fought, that Sonya’d fought. Her real hands and arms were petite but in the mirror, she was taller, more muscular.

She cleared her throat and turned away from the reflection. I have my own identity now, I can’t avoid it any longer. I even look different, to a degree. She smiled a little, Like an older sister, I guess.

She walked from the mirror to the wardrobe and stopped in front of a photograph. Sonya and Lillian sitting happily on the beach, smiling. She ran her fingers over it, “I’ll keep carrying it for you,” she murmured, “Until you’re ready.”

“How long will that last?” A voice came from the air and she frowned, her fingers clenching into a fist. She turned her head and looked up at the glowing being floating over her, somehow not illuminating the room. She was blonde and pale skinned, beautiful in a motherly way. It was as if she was blessed by Aphrodite herself. Ishtar smirked at the thought.

“Pandora, it’s been a few days,” Ishtar said.

“You’ve been busy,” Pandora said softly and lowered herself to sit down on the bed. She rest her hands in her lap and tilted her head. “Are you alright?”

Ishtar clicked her tongue and looked away, “I am…” She choked and scowled, shooting a hateful glare at Pandora, “Passable.”

“Don’t blame me for the rules that govern your ability,” Pandora said with a raised eyebrow, “You and I both know that it is a reasonable price to pay for what it is capable of.”

Ishtar sighed, “My very being is a price to pay for her,” she said and leaned against the wardrobe, looking down at the floor. She couldn’t meet Pandora’s gaze even as the entity looked at her with concern. Not a sound proceeded the entity appearing before her, a hand outstretched to touch her cheek. Ishtar turned away and marched towards the mirror again. “No. I don’t have those kinds of… feelings. It isn’t how I was made.”

“Made,” Pandora repeated, “You’re cruel, even to yourself.”

“I’m me,” Ishtar grunted, “Who else is going to do it?”

“Ishtar,” Pandora murmured, “You can’t really believe that you need to disappear for Sonya to be whole, can you? After everything you’ve said to her?”

“We’re both hypocrites, aren’t we?” Ishtar growled, staring at herself.

“You really are a lot like your namesake,” Pandora sighed and shook her head, walking up to stand next to her. Pandora’s reflection didn’t appear in the mirror. Just a projection. Yet that hand that landed on Ishtar’s shoulder felt so painfully real. Ishtar’s head sagged a little and she rest her head against the mirror. “You take far too much onto yourself.”

“She’s not ready,” Ishtar repeated. “If I give it all back, it’ll destroy her. She’ll break. She’ll collapse under it all and destroy herself. I have to hold on to it as long as I can.”

“For someone without feelings, you certainly care a lot,” Pandora quipped.

Ishtar rounded on her with a snarl, “You!” She bit her lip and held up a finger, pointing in what amounted to a goddesses face, “Y-you!” She squeezed her eyes shut as her throat tightened again and again. Every response dying. Every remark a flagrant lie. She ran her fingers through her hair and exhaled, “What am I supposed to do?” She asked in exasperation and sat down on the vanity bench, “Stay? Be a burden on her mind? Allow myself to slowly crack her sanity until there’s nothing left to salvage? I’ve taken steps to mend some of the damage but…” She trailed off and her shoulders sagged.

“But?”

“But she’s still planning on self-destructing. She feels like she belongs in this world, that much she’s gotten past. She enjoys life, but she doesn’t think she deserves it,” She scoffed, “Idiot girl. Stupid.”

“That’s your primary personality you’re calling an Idiot,” Pandora laughed.

“So what?” Ishtar snarled and looked up at her, “What are you even doing here? Why do you keep bothering me? You just swoop in whenever I’m in control and alone and- and- what? Offer sage advice and croon over my problems?”

“Someone has to,” Pandora murmured, looking a little hurt, “You said it once yourself that the only person who can talk to Sonya about the hard stuff is you,” she said, “But if that’s the case, who can be there when you’re struggling? You are indomitable.”

“When I’m gone and merged back with her, she’ll be just as indomitable,” Ishtar said with a sigh, “She’ll be who she needs to be, she just needs to open that bridge up.”

“You don’t need to-”

“What options do I have?’ Ishtar demanded and got to her feet, “Tell me!” She put a finger on Pandoras chest and got into her face, “Oh mighty arbiter, heir to my namesakes legacy, fallen goddess, why don’t you enlighten me?”

Pandora’s face went stony and Ishtar laughed, “Of course I figured it out! Chunhua’s little story at the camp? It’s obvious! I took that information from Sonya for now, she doesn’t need to worry about it while she has bigger problems,” She threw her hand out wide, “All of it, all the terrible realizations about the world. I know! I know what that place was in the backrooms and the only reason Sonya isn’t obsessively trying to get back and conquer it and get herself killed is- is-” She caught her breath, “Because I’m holding her back until she’s ready. Ready to deal with all this. Ready to deal with knowing you can do this and bother her. Ready to…” She choked and it wasn't on a lie this time.

A tear trickled down Pandora’s cheek, “You…”

Ishtar let out a sigh and walked back over to the bed, holding her head in her hands. “All the weight of the people she’s killed. The heaviness of murder. She doesn’t realize how much it really weighs on a soul, I don’t want her to feel this! Not without wanting to live through it!”

Ishtar didn’t react as she felt the projection sit down on the bed next to her. A warmth pressed against the side of her and she tried not to acknowledge it. A hand ran up and down her back, “You’re doing it again,” Ishtar muttered.

“I can’t help it, I am my mother’s daughter, after all,” Pandora said with a light laugh, “I worry for you. I have watched you for a long time and have come to care. That said, I am glad about one thing you just said,” she added with a small chuckle.

Ishtar grunted and turned her head slightly, glancing at the being out of the corner of her eye, “What?” She snapped.

“You acknowledged you have a soul,” Pandora said with a smile, “That’s a good first step, and it opens the door for some options. For you, anyway.”

Ishtar sat up and turned to face her as something in her chest tightened and warmed, an odd feeling she had never experienced before. She blinked and tilted her head, confused by the ‘emotion’ she searched Sonya’s memories for what it was. Sonya had felt it before, yes, there it is. Hope? Her lips thinned and she swallowed, “What options?”

Pandora looked her in the eyes, her golden gaze burning with light and distant power. The goddess reached up and touched her cheek. “Let’s talk.”

–

Sonya was a bundle of energy that morning, it felt like she’d slept for days. She bounced on her heels and stretched her arms up high over her head, grinning ear to ear. She let out a noisy sigh and glanced over at Marta who had finished packing their bags and was arranging them in the living room of the instructor suite. Marta glanced up at her, “You seem to be in a good mood this morning,” she said brightly.n/ô/vel/b//in dot c//om

“Slept so good!” Sonya replied, working her shoulders a little, “A bit stiff though, but that comes with a deep sleep, yeah?”

“You’ll sleep even better at the apartment,” Marta said.

Sonya sighed dramatically, “Home sweet home,” she paused and tilted her head, “Well, not for long. The new place is almost ready. Next week I think?”

“That’s what Blackrazor said,” Marta agreed. “I’m looking forward to the new entertainment center that Amos designed.”

“The one at the beach house not enough for you?” Sonya asked.

“Well, I mean-” Marta scoffed, “Amos said the new one makes it look like tinker toys.”

“You can do some impressive things with tinker toys!” Sonya challenged.

Marta gave her a deadpan look, “Ma’am.”

“I’m serious!” Sonya declared, putting her hands on her hips. The two stared at one another for a long time before bursting into laughter. She sat down on the couch and stretched out her legs, “Euclidia will have the portal open soon?”

“Yes ma’am. We’ll go through with the recruits and the other ASTA members to the Guild House,” Marta said, “Then after that, we’ll assist with the opening parts of orientation before heading back home. Bluestar has the rest covered.”

“Well! In that case,” Sonya said with a grin, “Shall we go?”

Marta nodded with a smile of her own, “As you wish.”