Chapter 83: Her Alpha’s Orders Chapter 82

Jo-anne POV

The day had become long and emotionally exhausting. Luna Natalia was walking with her now, so she could go and have dinner with West.

Not something that they’d even done during their Mate Bond of their own volition, only ever ate together when his parents had insisted on it or there had been a mating ball going on. Other than that, she always ate on her own or with Ella and her friends.

Oliver and someone she didn’t know from Alpha Jayden’s pack were walking behind them.

He’d stated his name was Andrew. But other than that, he had said nothing. Stepped into the private dining room and the Luna had closed the door behind them, leaving both men outside. It was the Alphas private dining room, likely to be sound-proofed if the door was closed.

Though it had been open when she’d been in here for lunch with Alpha Jayden. Still didn’t know what to make of that man.

West was already in the room, still wearing the same clothes as he’d been this morning and for the meeting with her sisters. Had not dressed up like Jayden had, either he didn’t see a need to or didn’t have the time. She didn’t know which. She, too, had not changed and was still wearing the same peach coloured dress as when in the Luna’s office that morning.

West was talking with T.J. when she arrived, they were now both looking at her, T.J. was frowning at her. “You look tired,” he stated.

“Long day” she answered simply, and it had been, she understood that this had to be sorted out, but she had a lot going on too.

West walked right over to her, tilted her chin up to him and looked right down into her eyes. “Are you feeling alright Jo-anne, do you want me to get Patterson to come see you?”

Her skin was all hot and tingly where his fingers touched her skin, “He’s already been twice now West. I’m just tired.” she told him, He nodded and let go of her chin “I’ll try not t tax you too much.”

“Alright.” Jo-anne nodded, she would appreciate that, watched as he pulled out a chair for her, she sat down, and walked around the table to sit opposite her.

T.J. and the Luna she noticed walked to the other end of the room and sat down at the end of the table, West was clearly getting preferential treatment. But then he was the Alpha and she had been Mated to him before. He’d also not tried to Mark her, like Alpha Jayden had. It was likely that the both of them didn’t think he needed the same treatment.

She could feel Clova happy in her mind, sitting wagging her tail a little as she looked at West, pushed forward to show she was there, West smiled right at her, winked at her even “Hey Clova.” she purred instantly for him, happy with his greeting of her, so damned loud too.

West chuckled “Guess she likes me,”

“Mm. Volt as well.” Jo-anne nodded. There was not much she could do about the noise, vibrating her chest, asked Clova to settle down a little, got the distinct impression she didn’t want to but did after a minute.

“She’s very cute, Volt says. He’s excited right now.”

“Is he under control?” Jo-anne asked worriedly.

She knew what would happen if Volt got out, he’d call to Clova and Mate her is what, and she was to darn tired to deal with that.

“He’s fine.” West nodded at her.

That was a relief, she thought. Those two were exhausting when they Mated, she had no idea how West had been able to get up shower and continue on with his day, while she’d needed to sleep it off, probably something to do with his Alpha b***d.

She did not really know what to say to him, they’d never really gotten along, and this was feeling awkward. Jo-anne knew there was no point in talking to the man. Trying to start a conversation with him in the past had gotten her nowhere. So she just sat there quietly and twiddled her thumbs in her lap.

Heard him sigh “Do you not have anything at all to say? Or perhaps want to ask me?”

Jo-anne shrugged “l know better West. You’ll only talk to me if you so cho0se too.”

Heard him sigh again, though this time sounded much heavier. “Is that why you never said a word to me, in Singapore or on the plane home?”

“Yes.” she nodded at him “I know better.”

“I thought you were ignoring me the whole time. So lI didn’t say anything either.” he told her with a frown.

Jo-anne raised an eyebrow at him. “l also didn’t want to incur your Wrath either. You were already mad at me.”

“I was,” he acknowledged “I’m sorry about that. You confuse me a lot.”

“Why?”

“That’s a little more difficult to explain.”

“Try me, I’m not stupid. I can understand quite a bit.”

“I know you are not stupid. Multiple degree’s, very bright. Top of all your class. All your classes if I recall correctly.”

“Yes, how’d you know that?” She frowned at him.

West smiled at her, that was going to be hard to get used to. He’d never smiled at her and had been doing that a lot of late. “I kept track of you. Did not interfere in your life. You had a right to be happy.”

“As do you West. It’s why I left.”

“Mm. We can discuss that later. But yes, I understand why you left, and you had every right to. I don’t blame you.”

“Thank you.”. It was good to hear him say that.

That he didn’t blame her, that he now understood why she had left. “Why are we doing this West? We did not work out the first time. Why would you even consider it a second time?”

Saw him lean all the way back in his chair, looked more relaxed than he normally would around her. Looked at her for a long quiet moment” I guess we are going to do this now.. it’s quite simple. I love you Jo-anne,” he stated simply.

She was frowning deeply now, though Clova was feeling very excited, Jo-anne was just very confused. It made no sense to her at all. He had not loved her before, that much she did know. Not once had he displayed even affection towards her.

“You look confused. I’m not surprised though, I was a right a*ss-h0le, but I had my reasons. Let me explain them to you.”

“Do I want to hear them?” Jo-anne asked. She hadn’t wanted to get into this with him and had told him as much the last time she’d been in his office.

Wanted to leave their past exactly as that, their past.

Dinner arrived, roast beef with all the trimmings, it smelled delicious and roused her appetite. West waited for the Omega to leave and close the door behind them. “It’s probably only going to confuse you even more, to be honest, but.. you should know the reasons.” He was looking directly at her, watched him take a deep breath in almost looked like he was trying to mentally prepare himself she supposed.

“Jo-anne, I was always attracted to you, that was the problem. You were too young and it did not sit well with me, how we were Mate. How you looked that day. Horrified me actually, very hard for me to deal with, knowing I did that to you.” He shook his head and sounded very sad “I tried not to touch you, managed several months of not touching you at all. If you recall.”

She did recall, was just staring at him now. He had never once told her he’d been attracted to her.

“I know, this comes as a shock.” West nodded”

I kept myself distant from you always. Stupid of me , I now realise, but I thought. No, I knew, always knew deep down inside you were going to reject me when you turned 18. You asked often enough for me to reject you, for me to know that.”

“I did try West in that first year,” she stated flatly, and she had. His own mother could attest to that.

“I know” he nodded again. “I am an a*ss-h0le, I ignored it all. Felt like | had to. I had other issues going on as well. One’s that Terence can confirm, if you don’t believe me.”

Jo-anne glanced down the room at T.J, he and the Luna were chatting quietly while eating their dinner, though she was certain they were both listening to the conversation she and West were having. Returned her gaze to West “What were they?”

“Firstly, I never meant to hurt you. I’m sorry, for Alpha Ordering you all the time. I.I didn’t…couldn’t seem to not do that… it’s very confusing even now. I did not want to at the time, even argued with myself not to do it. As I came to our room to do it,” he sighed “Felt compelled to hurt you. I don’t understand it. T.J. always came to stop me, because l yelled at him down the mind-link that I was going to do it, that I needed him to come and stop me. Because l could not stop myself.” his eyes were on hers and he did look apologetic to her.

Regretted it, she thought.

“I… l don’t understand West.”

“Neither do I, Jo-anne.” watched him rub his temples. “all l know is it seemed to only happen, after I had a run in with Karen in fact. Everytime I wanted to punish that woman, for some stupid, ridiculous demand she made upon my family. I was compelled to take my anger out on you…I am sorry. I don’t understand it myself, kind of felt like I was going crazy at times. Completely not myself at all.”

Jo-anne put her fork down. She’d been holding it this whole time but had not yet taken a single bite of food. Heath had said she’d sent West insane and now here he was talking about feeling like, he felt being Mated to her had made him crazy. Maybe Heath’s insane ramblings were not so insane.

Heath had also told her that West was going to kill her, and he nearly had once. She frowned as thoughts buzzed around inside of her head.

“Do you want to hurt me now?”

“No. I would never hurt you.”

Jo-anne raised an eyebrow at him.

“Honestly, Jo-anne, I just want to mate the hell out of you. Like all the time.”

“That’s just the bond West.” she shook her head.

“Maybe so, but I have no desire to harm you at all.” he repeated himself.

“And all your Alpha Orders on me? What is that then?”

“Me being a possessive a*ss-h0le still. Though I did not scent you out until the day Heath attacked you that first time, and it wasn’t strong, just. ” he shrugged “you smelled nice to me and…”

“And?” if he was going to explain himself, he should explain everything at least.

“Then every day after that your scent, got stronger for me. I knew what you were to me a couple of weeks ago.”

She heard T.J. clear his voice and looked down at him, he was staring at West, something else was going on, something T.J. knew that she didn’t. She turned her eyes back to West.

He closed his eyes for a minute, drew in a breath and then looked right at her, “I’ve actually know a lot longer than that. Though I convinced myself otherwise.”

“How long? I wasn’t even around West, haven’t laid eyes on you in a decade.”

“Before you rejected me. l scented you out about a week before you turned 18.”

Her eyes were wide now, as she recalled the day she had left and rejected him. At times he’d almost seemed to have been pleading with her, she’d not understood him then at all. Just though he was still being possessive and didn’t want feel the pain of the bond severing.

“You severed that bond, I felt it. I didn’t tell you anything, because you needed to get away from me, I was not good for you. I did not deserve you. I wanted you to be happy, Jo-anne, really truly happy… and I knew I could not give you that happiness.. I would like the opportunity to try that now, though, seeing as the Goddess has granted me a chance to be with you. The way it should have been. the right way.”

“It might not work West, might just go right back to what it was.”

“I don’t think it will, Jo-anne.” he shook his head.

“Why?”

“Because Karen is dead. I only ever wanted to hurt you, when I wanted to hurt her…When I accepted you as a pack member, I actually felt a wave of relief wash over me. Kind of like a calming feeling fell over me. I don’t have any desire to hurt you at all.”

“Your orders then?”

“To keep you here in the pack, till the full moon.

I’m very selfish, Jo-anne. I had to know if we would connect again. Although you rejected me, you had no idea what I was to you at the time. There could still be that connection on your end. I wanted to know if there was hope, I guess. I am a very selfish man, I know. You have no idea just how much of what went on around this pack at my command while I was mated to you. The people trailing you at a distance to make sure no-one ever had the chance to harm you.”

“Anything else I should know about back then?” Jo-anne asked, frowning at him.

“Yes,” he nodded, “any and every undesirable comment about you from any boy, and there were some not so nice things I can tell you.” he sighed “I beat up many a teenage boy over you, in that first 6 months of our Mate Bond. Until they all learned it was a bad idea to even say so much as a harsh word or inappropriate thing about you.” He shook his head looked a little angry. She got the feeling there were more than just a few.

“How is it I did not know about all this going on?”

West smiled softly at her “Threat of more punishment, if any of them ever said a word to you, about my behaviour.”

“I don’t understand you.” She shook her head, never had back then. It was completely clear, still didn’t now either.

“I don’t understand my obsession to hurt you back then. But I did understand my need to protect you.. Just couldn’t protect you from myself and I did try. Terence can attest to that.”

Jo-anne did not know what to say to him at all, did not really know what to make of this conversation. “West you never, not once…

He cut her off. “I know, I never once did anything nice for you, I do regret that. But again, I did have my reasons.”

“Then explain them to me.”

“Pick one,” he offered, to allow her to choose what she wanted to be explained.

Jo-anne thought about that for a long time. Out of everything he’d said. His possessiveness towards hers over the past few weeks, explained a lot. His ordering of her back then, still confused her, but he couldn’t even explain that himself, didn’t understand it. The day she’d left and his very confused attitude towards her, angry and then almost pleading that was clearer to her now.

Though even now, Jo-anne didn’t think she was likely to have cared if he’d told her the truth, back then, that he had scented her out as his Mate.

She wouldn’t have believed it in all likelihood. And rejected him anyway. Was in no state to be here or be his Mate.

“Last week, you were all over me, hands everywhere.” she kept it at that, due to T.J. and his mother being in the room. They didn’t need to know all the details of what had happened last time the two of them had wound up in bed.

Saw him smile and nod, likely thinking about it.

“Why did you never touch me like that, back when we were Mated to each other?”

“Because I believed you had the right to keep those things for yourself, to have those first experiences in that department, with someone you wanted to have them with. I did not have the right to take those things away from you. I did not deserve you… but our Bond drove my needs to have you. So I kept it as…I don’t know, I guess as basic as s*x as it could get. So that one day you could go off and experience the joys and pleasures with someone you chose, not someone you were forcibly mated to.” he sighed.

“Does that help?”

“Did you even enjoy s*x with me?” It was something she had always wondered about.

“Goddess yes. It was bloody hard not to touch you, not to have you every day. Clova and Volt, I wanted what they had. ButI had no right to have it where you were concerned. You were too young and our Mate Bond…was not something that should have happened the way it did, now we at least know how it happened. I guess we have closure there, though I’m still not.” he rubbed his temples “at all happy about how it happened.”

“You know?” it was Luna Natalia sounded completely shocked.

“Yes we know, I’ll disclose it later.” West informed her.

Jo-anne’s meal was cold, she had not eaten a single thing, was just trying to absorb what he had told her, it was not easy to do, “You were so cold, all the time.”

“I know Jo-anne. I’m sorry about that. But I needed to be. I didn’t want you falling for me. I couldn’t do that to you. It was not right. I know this is a lot for you to take in, and that it likely doesn’t make sense to you. But everything I did, how I was.

It was all to stop me from doing to you things that were not to be done to one so young. Then, when you started asking me to reject you, I felt it was the right thing to do. Though it probably just sounds like a bunch of excuses to you. And Iikely doesn’t feel like the right thing to you.”

“No, it doesn’t.” he was right about that “| wanted you to reject me West, because of the way you treated me.” Saw him sigh again, “A double-edged sword. I am sorry Jo-anne”

Jo-anne stood up and left. She needed to be on her own.

He’d broken her so completely and all because he thought it was the right way to deal with their situation. It had not been the right way.

She walked right to her room, didn’t say a single word, there were currently no words to say.

How was she supposed to feel about this information? She didn’t know. She had already been emotionally exhausted before going to that dinner.

Now with all this too, felt like her brain was going to explode. She couldn’t handle it anymore, was at her limit and knew it.

Clova was even quite inside her mind. Pensive even, West had hurt Clova with his Alpha orders just as much as he had Jo-anne. She’d nearly lost her wolf altogether because of the way he treated her.

Now he claimed he loved her. Did he even know what love was? It was unlikely they would ever work.

She lay down on her bed and hugged her pillow, it was too hard. But she somehow had to find a way through it all. She had two Mate’s, neither of them seemed particularly appealing to her right at this minute.