We were sitting together at Saehi's house, sprawled out on the floor of her cozy living room.
San was surrounded by papers and textbooks, his usual focused expression on display, while Saehi was deep into her notes, her reading glasses perched on the tip of her nose.
This was supposed to be a college prep study session.
San had invited me along, saying it would help me understand what I needed to do for next year, and I figured, why not? I didn't have much to do today, and hanging out with them was better than being alone.
Definitely better than living in my own head.
"I've been solving the last ten years' worth of math papers, and these topics come up the most," San said, tapping his pen on a highlighted section in his notebook.
"We should focus more on these to get our basics cleared" he suggested.
"Yeah, makes sense. If we master these, the exam will be a breeze"Â Saehi nodded in agreement.
I tried to follow along, focusing on the numbers and formulas in front of me, but no matter how hard I tried, my brain refused to cooperate.
Instead of solving math problems, my mind kept wandering back to earlier todayâsneaking out with Yeonjun after school, the way he smiled at me, how our date had been interrupted by his phone constantly buzzing. Every time I asked him about it, he dodged the question, making me more curiousâand worried.
I managed to catch a glimpse of his screen once, just enough to see the name 'Dad' before Yeonjun quickly turned it off. He hadn't said much after that, only muttering something about family business, but it left a sour feeling in my stomach.
If his dad was continuously calling and texting him , it must have been important. And if he was avoiding his father, it probably meant it had something with Hyejin.
I was still wondering how I should broach the subject of Hyejin with Yeonjun. We didn't really talk about her.
I had been a week since the trip and I kept trying to come up with ways to talk to him about it but never know where to start.
How do I even talk about Hyejin without sounding like I was jealous or insecure. I was neither. At least I didn't want to be.
Yeonjun declared that he wants nothing to do with her but I am sure his parents had other plans. He was set to take after the textile business and from what Yeonjun told me before Hyejin was the daughter of the largest textile dealer in Korea.
It wouldn't be as easy to break this off as he made it out to be. And I didn't want him to go through anymore hardship than he has already experienced, especially not because of me.
"Yuri." San's voice snapped me out of my thoughts.
"Huh?" I blinked, realizing both San and Saehi were staring at me.
"You've been zoning out for the past twenty minutes," San said, a slight frown on his face.
"What's going on with you?" he interrogates.
"Sorry, I'm just... distracted."Â I glanced down at my notebook, the numbers blurring in front of me.
"Yeah, no kidding," San muttered. He sat back, crossing his arms.
"Let me guessâYeonjun?"
I stiffened at his words.
"What? No, it's not that." I defend.
San raised an eyebrow, unconvinced.
"Come on, Yuri. You've been acting weird ever since the school trip, and now you're zoning out in the middle of study sessions. You're not even paying attention to what we're talking about" he scolds.
I feel like little girl being scolded by her older brother.
I opened my mouth to respond, but nothing came out. How was I supposed to explain what was going on with Yeonjun without actually telling them?
I wasn't ready to talk about it yet, not with San and definitely not with Saehi.
I don't know why I was hesitating. They were my closest friend in this school and San knew me since way before but I still didn't know where my hesitation came from. I was afraid of telling them about Yeonjun, afraid of what they might think.
San still thought that Yeonjun kissed someone else that night and the way he sounded made me more apprehensive. He sounded sounded so off putted by Yeonjun kissing someone mere minutes after ending away Hyejin made me bite my tongue.
I knew Saehi would not be so judging but it did not feel right to say Saehi and not San.
It was my decision after all to keep us both a secret till I was ready to tell others about us. I should speak to Yeonjun first and then tell them.
I'll tell them soon.
Just not today.
"It's not Yeonjun," I said finally, though my voice didn't sound convincing even to myself.
San exchanged a glance with Saehi, who had been unusually quiet. She looked up from her notes, her eyes narrowing slightly.
"Are you sure?" she asked, her tone softer than San's.
"You've been kind of... distant lately. I mean, we barely hang out anymore, and when we do, you seem like you're somewhere else." San said, sadness filling his voice.
Her words stung more than I expected. He was right.
I had been distant. Ever since Yeonjun and I started spending more time together, it felt like I was pulling away from my friends without meaning to. But how could I explain that without sounding like I was hiding something?
How could I justify without telling them about our secret relationship?
"I've just been busy, You know, work and school."Â I mumbled, looking down at my notebook again.
"Busy with who?" Saehi cut in, her voice sharp.
"No one. Who would I spend my time with?" I lie and I felt like a shitty friend doing it.
"You're thinking about him again, aren't you? I told you not to get involved with him. Now you're hurt and I hate that asshole again" San fumed.
"Wait who are we talking about?" Saehi interjected.
"Yeonjun" San filled her in.
"Is it about that kiss thing? We don't know if it is true. No body has seen Yeonjun with someone since the trip" She says but her sympathetic glance towards me says something else.
"I don't care about him. I can about her" San says pointing at me and glaring at Saehi.
"I'm telling you, he's a distraction, Yuri. I don't get what the big deal is with that guy" San scolded me again.
"He's not a distraction," I shot back, feeling defensive.
"And it's not like that. I've just... had a lot on my mind. I just want to talk about it now" which was true. A lot of things were circulating my brain, clouding everything.
Saehi tilted her head, studying me carefully.
"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it," she said quietly, though her eyes were full of questions.
"But we're here if you do. You know that, right?" she looked pointedly at San, urging him to nod in agreement.
"I know. I'm just... figuring things out right now" I nodded, guilt gnawing at me.
San sighed, running a hand through his hair.
"Look, I'm not trying to be a jerk, but it feels like I'm losing who you are, Yuri. You've been pulling away, and it's hard to watch. I miss you."
His words hit harder than I expected.
I hadn't realized how much I'd been pulling away until he said it out loud.
It wasn't that I didn't care about San or Saehi, but my life had gotten so complicated since Yeonjun came into the picture. Balancing everythingâmy feelings for him, the secret we were keeping, and my friendshipsâwas starting to feel impossible.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, feeling the weight of their concern pressing down on me.
"I didn't mean to make you guys feel like I'm pulling away. I've just... had a lot to think about lately." I speak in a small voice.
Saehi reached over and placed a hand on mine, her expression softening.
"We get it, Yuri. Just don't shut us out, okay? We're your friends, and we're here for you no matter what. Whatever you do or don't, you can tell us" she said, the last part insinuated that she had a suspicion that she did not want to discuss in front of San.
And I wanted to thank her for that.
I nodded, grateful for her understanding, but I could still feel the tension in the room. San wasn't going to let this go so easily.
"Whatever it is that's going on, just don't let Yeonjun mess things up for you," San said, his voice more serious now.
"You've worked too hard to let some guy distract you from your goals." I knew he meant it for my own wellbeing but it still didn't sit right with me.
I flinched at his words, but before I could respond, Saehi gave him a sharp look.
"San, maybe lay off a little. We don't know what's going on with Yuri."
He huffed but didn't say anything else, flipping through his notes with a little more force than necessary.
I felt a knot form in my stomach.
I didn't want them to think Yeonjun was distracting me or that I was alienating myself from them because of him.
But the truth was, I didn't know how to balance it all. I didn't want to lie to them, but I also wasn't ready to share everything yetânot with all the uncertainties surrounding my relationship with Yeonjun.
"Thanks," I mumbled to Saehi, feeling more conflicted than ever. "I'll try to be more present."
She smiled, but I could tell she was still suspicious. And honestly, I didn't blame her. I was keeping things from themâthings that would eventually come out, one way or another. But for now, I had to figure out what I was doing, both with Yeonjun and with my friends.
Because if I didn't, I was afraid I'd end up losing all of them.
A/N: Hellooo lovely people! I hope you didn't forget me. And I also hope all my Indian readers had a great holiday!
I am back after long and this chapter is not about Yeonjun but I feel like it is important to show her life outside Yeonjun as well.
Let me know what you think of this chapter!