Chapter 25: 23 - The Sticking-Place

As in "screw your courage to the sticking-place, and we'll not fail."

What a load of utter bullshit.

I harumphed unhappily as I tried on yet another dress for my audience. This one was a gaudy red which did not suit my skin tone at all, but I was still forced to turn like a chicken on a rotisserie and present myself.

"Oh, god," Rokim groaned, letting his head fall into his hands. "She looks like a zit. A walking, talking, nasty-ass pimple."

"No need to sugarcoat it for me," I muttered, feeling my cheeks flush red. Which probably didn't help with the whole pimple look.

"I know, you're totally right." Lisa shook her head in exasperation. "This is like the fiftieth dress we've had her try on, and—"

"And literally none of them work on her," Vanessa added snarkily. The three of them shared glances, having a silent conversation I was clearly not invited to. I sighed and let my shoulders sag in defeat. I mean, they weren't wrong.

Let me explain: I hated shopping. Absolutely hated it. It was the sport of animals.

After my poorly thought-out proclamation in Prof's hospital room, I'd basically led myself to the slaughter. The Evaluators' Ball had a dress code that I couldn't get around, so the next thing I knew, I was stuck on the shopping spree from hell.

Here's where the whole sticking-place thing comes in: I'd screwed up my courage and started trying on dresses. Realistically, it shouldn't have taken too long. I may have been short, but I got the goods where it counted. Finding a sexy little thing to throw on should have been no problem.

Except it was.

For some reason, none of the dresses I'd been told to try on so far (courtesy of my three helpers, the most fashionable of which was clearly Vanessa) had done me right. So "screw your courage to the sticking place, and we'll not fail"?

Bull. Shite. I was failing all over the place.

"Guys," I grumbled, still wearing that god-forsaken mess of a dress. "Can I take this off now?"

Vanessa looked up at me, lip curled. "Please. My eyes can't take it."

I rolled my eyes. "Ness, you do remember that you're the one who told me to try this on in the first place, don't you?"

She sniffed disdainfully. "Well, I'm sorry if I had expectations." She eyed me with distaste. "Maybe you should consider laying off the taste-tests for a while."

I raised an eyebrow. Rokim and Lisa both turned to her in shock. I wasn't stung; I was pretty confident in my body. But ever since that day in my apartment—about four days ago, now—her attitude had been more acidic than ever.

"Is there something you want to say to me, Ness?" I asked simply.

She paused, seeming to catch herself before launching another wave of criticism. "No," she said finally, an innocent simper weaving its way into her voice. "Why would you say that?"

I let her words hang in the air for a moment longer, feeling a guilty thread of satisfaction when she began to squirm. "Alright then," I said slowly. "To the next dress. Lisa, you pick this time."

"Finally," she groaned before getting up to go dress-hunting. "Ness was in charge forever."

Vanessa pouted and crossed her arms, slumping against her chair irritatedly. Physically, I kept an eye on her—because I really had no idea what her problem was—but mentally I drifted away.

It had been a while since I'd last seen Rian, and I was torn as to whether or not his absence was a good thing.

On the one hand, it meant that I didn't have to deal with the painful whirlwind of emotions that sawed through me whenever he was around. That was a definite plus.

On the other hand, however, I felt like an addict in need of a fix. Or perhaps a more apt comparison would be in need of a snack. The sensation reminded me of when you tasted something delicious for the first time and didn't have it again for a while—the next time you tasted it, the wait made it seem even better than before.

Especially when the snack happened to look damn good in a suit.

"Here!" Lisa burst in front of me, jolting me back to reality. She gleefully held up her selection, and Rokim grinned in approval.

"Nice," he said. "You have great taste, Lis."

She winked at him. "Oh, I know," she purred, tapping him on the nose. "Glad you finally figured that out."

His cheeks reddened and he turned away, but not before shooing me over to the fitting room.

I sighed and grabbed it, muttering a quick "thanks." I didn't even bother to look down at it until I was sealed in the changing cubicle, but when I did my eyes widened in surprise.

Damn. Lisa does have great taste.

I slipped it on, taking a quick second to admire myself in the mirror before stepping back out. Upon seeing me, Lisa beamed. Vanessa simply scoffed and turned to her phone, smirking at the screen and ignoring me entirely. Rokim fake-fainted and held a hand against his forehead delicately, eliciting a laugh from me.

Lisa let out a low whistle. "You look killer," she said, impressed.

The dress was a deep violet and fell to my feet. My shoulders were left exposed save for the thinnest of lace and silk, which made ivy-like patterns at the curve of my upper arms. It hugged my waist and flared out at my rounded hips. The bottom half of the dress had two layers, one silky dark purple and the other a lacy flower-patterned veneer laid on top. In short, it was absolutely gorgeous.

"This is definitely the one," Rokim said in quiet awe. "You look beautiful, Han."

I grinned back at him. "Thanks, Kimmy." With the ecomp only a little over a week away now, any ego-boost was highly appreciated.

"Okay then, let's go buy this sucker!" Lisa said, grinning. I stepped back into the changing rooms. Within minutes, we were at the register.

"Ugh, that dress nearly cleaned out my checking account," I groaned, but a smile still pulled at my lips. At least the shopping spree from hell was over now.

We walked over to the food court and grabbed a table in a secluded corner. We sat, but Vanessa remained standing a few feet away.

"Well, if that's all, I'm gonna head out," she called. Her phone was still in her hands, and she smirked at the screen again before looking up at us. "See you."

We murmured our goodbyes, but by then she was already walking away, hips swaying lasciviously and attracting the attention of a few wayward eyes. None of us said anything for a moment, but eventually I broke the silence.

"Is it just me," I asked quietly, "or has Ness been acting a bit different lately?"

Rokim and Lisa shared a glance. My question hung in the air, unanswered. Lisa bit her lip, and my eyes narrowed when I saw their silent exchange. Were they hiding something?

"Guys?" I asked slowly. "What is it?"

Rokim sighed and rubbed his face. Lisa looked uncomfortable, which hardly ever happened. It must have been something big.

"Remember a few days ago, when we realized no one had called Vanessa to the hospital?" Rokim began.

"Yeah . . ." I trailed off expectantly.

Lisa picked up where Rokim left off. "Well, when we told her, she said she was busy and wouldn't be able to come."

"So?" I asked confusedly.

Rokim scoffed. "'She was busy?' That's a polite way of putting it, Lis," he muttered. "She practically told us to piss off and leave her alone."

I frowned and shifted in my seat. That was a little worse, sure. But Vanessa's moods were nothing new and a little rudeness wasn't exactly unprecedented. A few harsh words definitely didn't warrant the weird behaviour Rokim and Lisa had been displaying. There was obviously something else bothering them.

"Is that all?" I questioned cautiously.

They shared another cryptic look, and I sighed in frustration. Did they somehow acquire telepathic powers while I was away? "Would you just spit it out, please?" I asked, glaring at them.

"Uh . . ." Lisa stalled, seeming to have trouble finding her voice. "See, the thing is—"

"We think she's trying to sabotage your chances at the ecomp." Rokim interrupted, to Lisa's obvious relief.

I blinked, sure I hadn't heard him correctly. "What?"

Lisa leaned forward emphatically. "Han, I know this sounds crazy, but—" She hesitated, and I mutely watched as she took a deep breath, still reeling from Rokim's announcement. "She's been messing with your plans for the ecomp. For a while, actually."

I held up a hand, unable to move past my shock. "Wait, are you guys serious?" I stared at them both in disbelief. "You think Vanessa—Vanessa—is trying to sabotage me?"

"It's true," Lisa protested.

"It's not," I said, shaking my head vehemently. "There's no way."

It sounded absurd. A little acidity I could understand, but trashing our friendship entirely? I didn't think Vanessa would do that.

Rokim gave a head shake of his own. "See, this is why we didn't want to tell you. 'Cause we knew you'd react like this."

"Like what?" I said incredulously. "Like a rational person?"

"This isn't you being rational," he rebutted. "You're just trying to hold onto something that's not real. You tend to do that."

I flinched at the insinuation, but my anger soon reared its head. "What you're saying is ridiculous." I shot back hotly. "This isn't some crappy teen drama. Do you see the stars of Gossip Girl anywhere? 'Cause I don't." My voice came out harsher than I meant it to, but I kept talking. "She's not trying to sabotage me."

I knew I was probably overreacting, but I already had too few real friends. I didn't want to lose anyone else. Rokim and Lisa knew that too, which is why their expressions softened.

"Hanna, I know you don't want to hear this, but Vanessa is not on your side," Rokim said firmly.

"How do you know?" I challenged.

His eyes flicked to the ground before meeting mine again. "I talked to Rian."

At the mention of his name, the words on my tongue died. I clenched my jaw, trying to understand what he had to do with this. Bringing him up at all was a big step, especially when Rokim did it. He wasn't exactly Rian's biggest fan.

"So what?" I said finally.

Rokim's lips twitched into a wry smile. "He said you visited him a few days ago, when he was sick."

My cheeks reddened, but I didn't take my eyes off Rokim. "And?"

"After you left, he had another guest." Rokim tilted his head, letting his platinum blond hair spill across his brow. "It was Vanessa."

I paused, flashing back to that day. I vaguely remembered seeing a familiar-looking woman pass by while I was cursing Rian to hell and back. "That was her?" I blurted suddenly.

"Yep," Lisa said, popping the 'p'. I looked at her confusedly, unsure about her role in all of this.

"Oh, right," she said, seeing my perplexed expression. "I was there while Rokim was talking to Rian." She looked at him with a smirk. "They weren't exactly on the greatest terms after Kimmy here got all macho while you were in the hospital." She leaned forward and whispered conspiratorially, "what with all the collar grabbing and profanity, you know?"

Rokim rolled his eyes, clearly able to hear her. "Lisa was just there as a mediator. But that's irrelevant." He turned back to me. "The point is Vanessa made a secret visit to Rian's place."

I closed my eyes in irritation. "So she made a pass at Rian. What does that matter to me?"

Lisa smiled. "Oh, honey."

I frowned at her, but Rokim just held up a hand and moved on. "She didn't make a pass at Rian. She tried to poach him."

"Poach him?" My brow furrowed. "How?"

"She asked him to be her AC instead. So she could enter the ecomp instead of you." Rokim coughed. "Well, she did that and . . . other things. To try and persuade him."

It wasn't hard to guess what those other things may have been. I ignored the well of bitterness pooling in my stomach and shook my head, casting my gaze to the floor. "Why wouldn't she just tell me? I probably wouldn't have minded switching too much if it meant getting away from Rian."

Neither Rokim nor Lisa said anything to this. The silence stretched until I finally looked up at them. Lisa was gnawing on her bottom lip worriedly, and Rokim was staring at his hands.

"Oh for god's sake," I snapped. "What now?"

Lisa threw up her hands in exasperation. "Okay, we didn't want to tell you because . . . well, you just came back from France and everyone was so happy. We figured it would be hard enough returning here without giving you something else to worry about." Her eyes took on a sympathetic glint, and I scowled at the ground.

"Vanessa's been trying to replace you," Rokim said bluntly. Lisa glanced at him but nodded along as he continued, ignoring my obvious shock.

"The entire time you've been gone, she's been trying to convince Prof to kick you out of the program. Said you shouldn't be allowed prolonged absences, even though your trip was sanctioned by the school board. She's not your friend, Hanna."

His words stoked my anger again and I opened my mouth to speak, but he cut me off before I could. "That's not all," he said, regarding me warily. "She's been obsessed with the ecomp—and that's not an exaggeration. It's all she would talk about for months. She was bent on going and even had Prof evaluate her for it, but eventually he told her she wasn't up to scratch and to leave the matter alone."

He paused to survey my reaction. I didn't try to say anything this time, but inside I was whirling through the implications of what he'd just told me. My hands curled into fists. If they knew all this and didn't tell me . . . I didn't want to think about what that meant.

"We're sorry we didn't tell you earlier, Hanna." Rokim said softly. "But we're telling you now."

By this point, my fingernails were digging into my palms. The sting of nail breaking skin helped distract me from the hurricane trying to claw its way out of my body. It was a welcome diversion, even as I felt blood begin to pool in the crevices of my hand.

"So," I began, calmer than I felt, "you've been lying to me?"

Lisa shifted in discomfort. "That's not exactly how I would put it."

"Okay," I said, my voice still deceptively even. I turned to her. "How would you put it?"

She winced at the question. "We only played along because we know how important your friends are to you. We figured she'd stop when you came back, but . . ." she averted her eyes. "It's only gotten worse."

"Did she at least put you up to it?" I asked. "Did she ask you to do this?"

Say yes, I thought with a tinge of desperation. Say yes, so I know who to blame.

Lisa didn't speak for a while. When she did, it was to say the words I least wanted to hear.

"No," she said. "She didn't. It was our idea."

I only stared at her. I didn't know how to respond. In my stead, she rushed to explain further.

"We just didn't want to see you get hurt, Hanna," she said quickly, before averting her gaze guiltily and adding quietly, "Vanessa just used it to her advantage, I guess."

She turned to Rokim for support, but he was looking anywhere but at us. She looked back at me pleadingly. "We tried to keep her away, we really did. But then you had that competition with Rian, and you invited her here, and the entire time we had to watch her try and ruin things for you. Today was the last straw."

"Hm," I said finally. "I see."

I didn't offer anything else, and neither did Lisa. The whirlwind inside me had quieted down. Rather than a storm on the verge of breaking, I felt like a frozen lake—cold, desolate, and empty. After all, one of my 'friends' actually despised me and the other two had been lying to me about it. A frozen lake was a fitting metaphor.

Rokim said nothing, but I caught his gaze. He looked apologetic. I didn't know what I looked like. I could only guess it wasn't good.

"You pretended to be friends with someone who hates me so my feelings wouldn't get hurt," I muttered, chuckling humorlessly. "I'm not sure how to feel about that."

An uncomfortable silence descended on the table. Five minutes ago I was having fun. It was hard to believe it was with the same people who sat across from me now, struggling to speak.

I pored over everything they'd told me. In hindsight, Vanessa's distaste for me was obvious. I'd have understood if she was just jealous, but it was clear to me now that it was hatred that consumed her, not simple envy. My blindness was pathetic.

But even that was nothing compared to the knowledge that Rokim and Lisa, more family than friends, had been lying to me for weeks. I understood their motivation—as always, their hearts were in the right place—but what they did was twisted. And it reeked of pity, which I couldn't stand.

Suddenly, something occurred to me. "Does Rian know about all this?" I asked quietly.

Rokim grimaced. "Yes."

The word tore at me. I saw a drop of red hit the dirty tile of the food court floor, and I realized that my hand was dripping blood. I unfolded my fingers and hissed quietly when the cold air hit the cut flesh.

"I'm sorry, Han." Rokim said simply.

I nodded numbly. I stood, grabbing the bag with my dress in it. If either Rokim or Lisa saw the crescent-shaped claw marks on my palms, they didn't mention them. They didn't say much of anything, only watched me collect my things.

"I'll see you guys," I said monotonously, not sure if I meant it. I felt their twin gazes burning holes in my back as I left.

So "screw your courage to the sticking place, and we'll not fail"? In my opinion, Shakespeare had no idea what the hell he was talking about.