In my tent, I found him sitting, slumped over a mug on a table that was made small by his enormous presence. A pitcher on the table. Picked it up, sweet smelling barley. Ale. God knows I needed one, too. Grabbed a mug, filled it, sat down beside him, putting my hand on his knee to offer some comfort.
âIt was like they were expecting us. The bulk of their force was where we began the harassment.â
âIt must have been awful.â Blood-soaked rags filled my vision.
âSo many men lost. They . . . they countered our every move, cut off our escapes before we knew which way to escape.â
âIs it possible that we have a mole?â
âMole?â
âSomeone giving the enemy information.â
âA traitor you mean. More likely they have a clairvoyant with them.â
âIâm sorry, a what?â
âA wizard specializing in divining their enemyâs movement.â
âHuh.â That changes things. âDo we have someone or something that can counteract that?
âOur magister himself is a clairvoyant. He should have been blocking them.â
âSpeak with him, find out what went wrong. If he did his job, then-â
âEither their wizard is more powerful, or you are correct, and we harbor a traitor.â
âOr it was dumb luck. What happened?â
âWe quickly retreated, attacked another flank and were repulsed again, but this time our direct exit was cut off. We headed through their ranks in the only direction we could, but theyâd anticipated as much. I ordered the infantry to provide a spear wall and our calvary cut us a path out. We took heavy losses.â
My entire body was tired, bloody with the work Iâd been doing in the hospital. I held up my hands, gestured to the filthy clothing I wore âI see that, brother.â
âCayce! You were volunteering in the hospital?â
âWhat else could I do?â
He stood, hugged me, blood and all, âMother would be proud. And father!â
âHow much did this weaken our forces?â I still had no idea how large our army was, how large a normal army was, what we were up against, and so much more. Getting that information from men who carefully guarded the knowledge that secured their position was proving difficult. We went back to sitting.
âConsiderably. Iâll have to reorganize the survivors into existing companies and join the remaining calvary companies from todayâs skirmish together.â He wiped sweat off his brow. His face had lost the ever-present joy that had been a hallmark of his character.
âHow would you avoid this, were you to repeat this day?â
âWhat difference would that make? No day can be repeated or weâd be gods!â
âI seek to learn how battles work. What tactics to use in such a situation.â
âItâs a difficult thing to judge, battle. You never know all the factors, nor what the enemy is planning. Perhaps a slower stalk, firing arrows from the trees to catch the stragglers. Or perhaps ranging far ahead of them to be abreast of their expectations.â
âAh, that makes sense.â
âDo you seek to make me second guess myself?â
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âNot in the slightest! Iâm unhappy in the role Iâve been thrust. This girlish life is not for me.â
âYouâve changed, little one. I donât disapprove, but the dowager certainly does. Iâm unsure of how to proceed with your care.â
âFuck that old bitch, seriously.â
âCayce!â
âNo, she pisses me off.â He was confused by my colloquialism. âAngers me.â
âYou test her!â
âSo what? I am no longer the little girl she cared for. Not after this war . . .â I hoped heâd imagine my reasons, do the work for me, so I wouldnât have to explain.
âYes, yes, our parents have been killed, our brothers and sisters. Only we are left of our family. And now youâve treated menâs wounds, seen them heal,â he lowered his gaze, âseen them die.â
âYes.â Not much else to say on that front and I still needed answers. âWhat does the enemy want?â
âLand, power, money. Slaves. What we have.â
âThat canât be it, that feels too normal.â
âNormal? What reason did we have to conquer the lands we govern?â
âHow much wheat do our lands produce? What mining do we have? Timber?â
âWhat? These are questions for the councilors.â
âThen let me talk to the councilors. I want to know why we are fighting this war! Donât you?â He really did, at this moment, feel like an NPC. Point for the game scenario.
âAlright. Iâm weary and will take sustenance with the men. I must meet with the generals and dukes to plan our next move. After this, I fear the enemy may try to cross the bridge.â
âAnd if they do?â
âIt would be a tough fight. They have the numbers.â
âBut the bridge is a choke point, yes? That equals out the numbers.â
âIt only seems to. Our men would have to fight harder and fight better, weâd have to reduce their numbers greater for every man we lost.â
âAh, I see. Is there no way to fortify the bridge? Create force multipliers?â
He put his head back, bellowing with laughter again, âYou, well done, you got me talking about tactics. Itâs best I do so with our generals. Iâll talk to the dowager, and weâll see if she can soften her stance toward you. I know itâs rough, but we all went through a harsh education. And it matters, learning what youâre learning. You need to be a good wife.â
âWise wife, strong mother?â
âExactly that!â
âExactly what I am going to avoid. Go! Off to your generals. I have my own plans.â
***
After he left, I rounded up some dinner and ate quickly, took the ale to the bath, cleaned up and soaked and soaked. That had been a long, hard day. Worse for the soldiers. I wondered what Iâd accomplished. If this were a game, presumably my actions opened up some storyline. If this werenât, well, I helped a few people out.
My girls were gone, my guards were gone. Against the dowagerâs plans, it looked like I lost. In that regard, Iâd probably given her all the time she needed today.
Though it was nice to finally be alone. No giggling fourteen-year-olds, no one desperate to throw a dress on me or powder my face, watch me go to the bathroom. Though I was exhausted, the alone time was glorious.
Instead of returning to my tent, I decided baby needed a new pair of pants. Leather, thick, and made for wearing chainmail over.
***
âYour highness,â said the young boy, rubbing his eyes, âshould I wake the master armorer?â
I smiled at him deviously, âLetâs not. I believe you can help me out.â I passed him my lantern, and then he and I searched the place for an appropriately sized gambeson, a hauberk, and then weapons. By that time, Iâd acquired three little boys from the different smithies helping me out. Thatâs what happens when smiths sleep, or drink and leave their stores unattended, little boys help princesses steal.
Iâm not really telling the truth here, though. I was caught by older apprentices, sleeping in the shops. They didnât put up too much trouble, a bit of arguing until the little boys explained who I was, and I ended up getting everything more quickly.
I had to settle for off the shelf stuff, though. It wasnât tailored like Iâd previously worked out with the smiths. Chain and gambeson to fit smaller men, the young men of our armies. Boys where I come from. Sword and spear, as small as they came, but probably too large for me, and another dirk. That, at least, I knew I could use, and would make a fine pair to the one Iâd stashed at the tent. I wore the weapons in belts and carried the armor in a bundle. I asked the lads not to tell anyone knowing they certainly would. Hopefully, Iâd get away in time to go with the princeâs army in the morning.
Upon returning to my tent, it had new guards. Not really surprised. Hoped the old ones were ok. They stood to attention, saluted. I smiled and said, âAs you were, be comfortable.â Not sure if those were the right words. I was returned with âYour Highness.â
Sapphire wasnât in my tent. I did my toiletries, as she would say, without her guidance and somehow managed. What reason would the dowager have to remove all the girls? It crossed my mind that she meant to have an assassin kill me. Tonight would be the perfect night, given her arrangements.
I stuffed the covers with dresses to make it look like two extra girls were sleeping beside me. I placed the dirk Iâd just got under my pillow, the armor on a nearby table, weapons under the bed. Then, because Iâm crazy, I lined up the lighter chairs around the bed. If anyone wanted to kill me, well, theyâd have to move some chairs first. Finally, I lay down in between the bumps, head at the foot of the bed, trying to sleep.
I wanted to think more about my situation, who I was, why I could remember living in a technologically advanced society but not my life there. Or my name.
The problem was, I couldnât stay awake.