Chapter 66: Southern Hunting Tournament (5)

I felt as though I was wandering in a dreamy haze.

While the events of that day were certainly not a dream, the lingering impression they left remained unerased in my heart even the following day. It was the moment I had always wished for, something I had only imagined, but when it finally came true, I found it difficult to contain the surge of emotions that erupted within me.

“Ah...uh...”

The more I recalled that moment, the more I felt heat rising to my head. Whenever I tried to distract myself with other thoughts, I inevitably found myself reliving that moment, picturing his face.

For a magician—supposed to be the pinnacle of rationality—

And even more, an archmage, who had risen to a position no one in the history of the continent had ever experienced—how would those who knew my past self react to seeing me so vulnerable, so consumed by emotion?

I buried my face in the pillow and shook my head fervently.

They wouldn’t know.

Particularly among magicians who explore the realms beyond mere human understanding, emotions frequently gain the upper hand over reason as one delves deeper.

It was ultimately the human heart that propelled us to the place called transcendence. If one were to treat magic as a mere academic pursuit, forever delineating between right and wrong, they would inevitably reach an insurmountable barrier, shackled by their own self-imposed limitations. This became increasingly evident as one rose in rank.

Of course, for someone with the title of archmage, emotional discipline should be second nature. Yet when it came to anything involving him, all those rules seemed to transform into exceptions specifically for me.

My mind didn’t feel right, perhaps due to the rising heat.

It felt like I was untying a tangled knot only to tangle it back up again with my own hands.

If I looked back at my past actions, this was hardly the first time I had behaved this way, but I simply couldn’t forgive myself for running away this time.

Even though a day had passed since that incident, I couldn’t meet his eyes all the way until we arrived in Legion. As I watched his back from inside the carriage, lost in my own thoughts, when the carriage stopped and he approached to take my hand, I even made the mistake of avoiding him.

Even if I was confused, running away like that—what an utter disgrace!

Why on earth did I even say I was going to drink water in that situation?!

“Aaah...”

Regretting it now won’t change a thing. As time passed, the growing feelings of regret and shame only brought forth strange moans from my lips.

I should be used to it by now, so why do I keep taking steps back?

When I decided to move closer, I could do so without a hint of hesitation, but when he closed the distance, I panicked and retreated. There had to be a limit to my lack of experience with this emotion called “love.” Despite the time I had spent living through regression, the speed at which things heated up was definitely a problem.

Being led by emotions rather than reason didn’t necessarily mean I had been completely honest with those feelings.

However, this case seemed different.

“What expression should I wear when I see him next...”

Lying on the soft bed and staring at the ceiling, his face strangely projected there, even though he wasn’t present in this room.

Perhaps because of that? The corners of my mouth, as I looked up at the ceiling, were slowly turning upwards.

In truth, the answer had been apparent all along.

I was fully aware that a simple greeting and my customary smile would be more than enough. Yet, my inability to execute this straightforward act was my biggest hindrance. Even with a plan in mind, the instant I found myself in his presence, it was as if everything rebooted.

“It’s difficult...”

Difficult, to say the least.

Though my body and mind were in sync, the moment he extended his affections toward me, my thoughts went blank—a paradox if ever there was one. Experience had taught me that this wasn’t something that could be overcome by mere determination. After restlessly shifting on my bed for several minutes, I finally let go of the notion.

Time may not heal all, but a bit more of it could certainly help me right now.

Perhaps it was because I had been camping for the last few days.

Despite the unfamiliar surroundings, the bed’s comforting texture lent a sense of stability. The uncomfortable sleep conditions that were once an everyday experience were not something the body easily forgets. Even though my mind felt alright, the accumulated physical fatigue seemed unavoidable.

The equipment we used while camping wasn’t of poor quality, but I couldn’t deny that this bed felt better. They had been consistently maintaining it, so it would be rude to compare the two.

“Sigh...”

As time passed, the tension within me began to melt away.

And as it did, sensations that I’d previously overlooked began to surface.

Letting out a deep exhale, I allowed myself to sink further into the bed. The fabric caressed my skin so delightfully that I found myself rustling the covers. Just then, a bedside mirror caught my attention.

Despite my inner turmoil, the smile that had naturally formed on my lips showed no sign of vanishing.

Choosing to leave that smile in place, I stared at my reflection. The young girl beaming back at me—her eyes twinkling, her lips gently upturned—displayed no trace of discomfort. Why would she? This was a smile that came naturally.

“I remember him telling me to smile more in the past.”

Maybe I didn’t have to worry about hearing that anymore.

The things that once stole my smile were no longer part of my life.

Tap-tap-

“Huh?”

My momentary immersion in joy was just that—fleeting.

The sound of something tapping at the window broke my slowly sinking reverie. When I rose and opened the window, a blue bird hiding in the darkening night sky flew towards my hand.

As a creature born of magic, the bird should have been devoid of emotions. Yet, as it looked at me, its eyes appeared to harbor something uncharacteristic—emotions. When I gently stroked its feathers with my hand imbued with a touch of magic, the apprehensive blue bird seemed to find peace almost instantaneously.

“Fortunately, it doesn’t look like there’s any circuit damage or signs of contamination.”

Being a magical creature created by draconic magic rather than human, concerns about contamination were minimal. However, the energy circulating in these mountains was something even Altear, or the dragon herself, couldn’t ignore. Had she not prepared in advance before sending this bird, a blue wyrm might have emerged in the skies over the Legion.

From the moment this anomalous being touched me, it felt as if it had found its rightful home.  Imbuing an object with this kind of divinity was something only a heretic should do. Yet for me, it was as inconsequential as adding a single drop of water to an ocean.

After wiping off the remaining traces of divinity on its feathers, the bird rubbed its beak affectionately against my hand.

“I see...”

The memories contained in the divinity fully seeped into me.

Brief flashes of potent emotions from individuals who seemed heretics, as well as visions of a particular place, crossed my mind—a forest-like area featuring an unusual structure. Its purpose was already familiar to me from my past life.

Countless magical creatures inhabit the Lunproud Mountains. For now, they stayed deep within, but their presence would change the story.

Yet, I wasn’t particularly moved by what I had seen. I had been expecting this ever since I learned that Noel and Orcus had come to the south.

Considering that those normally discreet individuals had openly shown their presence in Merohim, it was clear that my existence had provoked them into action.

In my other hand, where the bird had not landed, lay a jewel emitting a faint, dark-red light. Although the divinity emanating from it was on a different level compared to what spread through the forest, the bird showed no reaction—probably because the protective barriers around the jewel were doing their job.

I looked at it for a moment and then folded my hand, returning the jewel to its original place.

What had changed wasn’t just my relationship with him.

Things that were once insurmountable or required another’s help were now possible through my own power. The darkening forest before me might have seemed like an inescapable abyss, but to the current me, it was no more than a shallow puddle that could be easily cleared away.

After sending the bird back out through the window, I turned to look at the mirror once again.

The girl reflected there still wore a smile on her lips.

--- END OF CHAPTER ---

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