Reid
A week after my accident, I was finally ready to go home. As I got into my cousin's car, Tony looked at me worriedly from the driver's seat. "Everything okay?" he asked.
I rolled my eyes, replying, "I'm good, Tony. Seriously." Because what was I supposed to say to that?
The number of times that people asked me about how I was, well, it was surely nearing infinity by now. I was grateful, but at the same time, everything was not okay. But I couldn't throw out my problems to the air every time that someone asked me.
Tony huffed. "I'm just checking up on you. You're my little cousin." he reached over to rudfle my hair.
I batted him away, groaning, "Cut it out." I stared out of the window. "How's mom?"
"Frantic, obviously." I looked over at Tony, alarmed, and he quickly elaborated, "Frantic with joy! Because her favorite son is coming home."
I frowned at him. "I'm her only son."
"So the point stands." Tony agreed. His eyes twinkled. "I'm glad you're better."
I shrugged. "Whatever your definition of 'better' is. To sound like a broken record, I'm fine." I repeated as Tony opened his mouth to speak, looking awkward.
Tony cleared his throat, starting up the car. "I saved all your music on the USB. So if you want to choose a song, be my guest."
"I guess this way, we can last the drive." I remarked, and I got a grin in return.
I left Ormond Hospital a week after my accident. Nina visited me every day; my parents and Tony visited even more frequently. One day, a few college-age people I'd never seen stood nervously outside my door. My mother went outside to greet them, and then introduced them to me as my friends of the past year. I nodded and went along with it because I had no other option.
My girlfriend Mallory, never revisited me, after that first day of waking up in the hospital. She looked beautiful in the pictures that Tony showed me. Maybe she was already back at university, focusing on her work. I wouldn't blame her if that were the case.
After I left the hospital, I moved into my parents' house. Tony told me I used to rent an apartment with Mallory at our university, Collard. Mallory was probably staying there, but I didn't want to ask my parents. My mom's eyes turned sad whenever I tried to mention Mallory in front of her.
I took time off studying and told Collard University staff about my accident. Then I sat in my room, trying to remember how to be normal again. But that was easier said than done because I didn't know who I was in college. Someone who majored in History. Dating a girl who looked like she belonged on a movie set. That didn't feel like me at all.
I tried to spend as much time around my family as possible, to prevent myself being alone with my thoughts. When I was in high school, I was pretty introverted. There were so many drastic changes to my life in the past year, with close friends who cared about me cropping up out of nowhere, that I was barely able to catch up. Time was running ahead of me.
Tony gave me a picture of Mallory and I on his last visit to the hospital. It was on my work table in my old room, next to the bed I was sitting on. I rolled over my bed to pick it up. It was taken at some beach, and Mallory was wearing a red bikini. It was during that last year of high school that I didn't remember. Tony gave me the brief details on Mallory's background, but there were still a lot of gaps that needed to be patched up.
I recognised Mallory's face, because I'd seen her in my hospital room. That was all my memory extended to. She was my girlfriend, but I had to learn that she existed from other people.
Bile rose up in my throat. I pushed away the picture and lay down in my bed, trying to ignore my growing panic. It was difficult to ignore everything when it came rushing up in me like that, those hidden inklings of knowledge, choking me in their vice.
And then, like a switch that had been flicked, it happened. My lightbulb moment, the eureka to my problem. I sat up in bed, my head whirling with possibilities. It was the picture of Mallory that triggered it. A red bikini, red sunset, a red drink with ice and a tower rising into the sky.
My thoughts were finally collected, a train of certainty that lead me somewhere. I got up and sprinted out of my room.
I rushed into the living room, all action and resolve. Everything felt sharper, vivid, and my heart kept time with the roaring blood in my ears. Tony and Ma looked up at me, shocked by my expression. I surely looked insane. I smiled, elated and terrified at once.
"I remembered something." I told them. "The trip to France, when I was eighteen. Tony went up the Montparnasse Tower with me, and we could see the sunset-"
"No, Reid." Mom's mouth tightened at the corners. I stared at her, my smile falling.
"What do you mean?" I asked. The pyramids of dreams I built were shaking, their foundations crumbling at my feet. The towers teetered dangerously, at risk of spilling down.
Ma closed her eyes, preparing herself to destroy my hope. "You never went to France. We did Greece when you were fifteen. But we never took you abroad after that."
Tony stayed silent, but he was looking at me with pity in his eyes. My stomach churned. I couldn't bear to look at my family anymore. I stared at the floor, feeling sick again. But this time, the churning was in my heart.
My joy was like paper, scattered to the floor and torn to shreds under my feet. I thought that Mallory was the key to my vindication. But I placed all my hopes on a stupid picture; a snapshot of time that I forced into my reality.
"The doctor said this could happen. False memories created by the urge to remember." Ma said quietly. "I know you want to get your life back more than anything, sweetheart. But there's no rush. Don't hurt yourself in the process."
I looked at her. My voice came out hollow, more flat and lifeless than I'd ever heard it. "I'm already hurt, Ma."
I wasn't lying. It was a pain far from my head injury or the aftereffects of surgery. This wasn't just some hollow ache from the past. It was looking inside a cave supposedly filled with jewels, and finding nothing in return. Pain without having any sense of time or being.
After another hour of seclusion in my room, I became even more determined. Who was anyone to say that I wouldn't recover? I needed to seek answers. I needed to talk to my cousin. I entered Tony's room without knocking, and he nearly overturned his computer in a rush to shut the lid. "Do you mind?" he asked, looking outraged.
"No, I don't." I said curtly. "I need to ask you something, if you're done with your porn."
Tony groaned. "It was an essay, for your information. But what do you want? No, I can't bring Mallory here. If that's all, you can take your leave."
I stared at him. "What? No, I don't want you to bring her here. Why would you say that?"
"I saw you staring at the picture I gave you. Your room is opposite mine. When you leave the door open, it's practically an invitation to spy on you." Tony explained once he saw the incredulity on my face.
I rolled my eyes, ignoring the fact that my brother was justifying his regular invasions of my privacy. "I want to ask you about Mallory."
"What do you want to know?"
"Everything important."
Tony considered this. "You met Mallory as a senior in high school, but you met through Cleo because you went to different schools. Cleo is Mallory's best friend." he added upon seeing my confusion.
"You and Mallory were friends for the last half of the year, or something more from what I've gathered. You've been dating since graduation until now, in your sophomore year of university. When you met Mallory, she was in a bad relationship. Her boyfriend didn't treat her well, and she felt obligated to be with him. That's what you told me." he finished, shrugging.
I felt shocked. Mallory's face swam into my thoughts, pretty but tear-stained. "I had no idea."
"It's not something you bring up in normal conversations." Tony said.
"But she would have brought it up with me. Wouldn't she?" I said doubtfully. In reality, I didn't know what Mallory would have done.
Tony looked hesitant. "You knew her boyfriend. Brent."
I laughed in shock. "That ass? She deserved better than him. I don't need to know anything about her, to know that."
Tony rolled his eyes. "Tell me about it."
I felt almost embarrassed about asking my next question. "How did Mallory feel about me?"
"If you're asking me whether she loved you, I can't give you an accurate description because I'm not in your relationship. Regardless, I'm sure Mallory was in love with you. You were in love with each other, it was so obvious. Actually, you wanted to..." Tony suddenly looked uncomfortable. "Never mind."
"What?" I pressed him. "What did I want to do?"
"It's nothing, okay? You were thinking of moving into an apartment with our friends: Nick, Nina and Cleo. You met them a few days ago, remember? But it wasn't serious."
But Tony was avoiding my eyes. It was a trick from years ago when we were kids. Whenever he lied outright, he couldn't face me. I couldn't imagine anything serious enough that he wanted to hide it from me.
Did I want to break up with Mallory? Maybe she was avoiding me because our relationship was collapsing? It made no sense, but that was all I could imagine myself doing in a relationship. Even if I hated the very concept of breaking up with a girl like Mallory.
Even from a picture, I could tell that Mallory shone. She had this outward glow she projected, a rare kind of self-appreciation that you saw in someone who had both confidence and humility.
I forced a grin and clapped Tony on the back. "I get it. But this all sounds like a dream to me, because I didn't care about getting into relationships in high school. How did my perspective change so suddenly?"
Tony smiled knowingly at me. "Everyone's perspective changes after they love someone. Does anyone know how they are in love, and what it changes for them? You can't speculate on what you think you would do, because it's pointless. Relationships are entirely new ground."
"Do you think I loved Mallory more than she loved me?" I asked. The thought popped into my head, and I couldn't resist asking it.
"What?" Tony asked, taken aback.
"Whenever I think about Mallory, even though I know nothing about her, I feel something in my heart. Call it pain or love, but it's something foreign. Mallory knows everything about me, but she doesn't want to go near me. Mom said she knows our address. She came here countless times before the accident. But I don't know where she is. Nina has no idea either, but she said Nick probably knows. Who even is Nick?"
Tony's expression became guarded. "You've been talking to Nina?"
"She supported me in the hospital." I said defensively.
"I know. But you have to be careful, Reid."
"Because she used to know me? That doesn't mean she's using it to her advantage. She wants to talk to me, which is more than I can say for other people." I said, my temper simmering behind my thoughts.
"Don't be so quick to judge Mallory. She was distraught when she came to see you, at the hospital. She looked like she was going to pass out from the stress of it. I'm sure this is confusing to her because she doesn't know how to approach you, even though she loves you." Tony said. I saw his eyes, and I knew that he was being earnest. He loved Mallory too, after all. He wanted to see us happy, but he needed to understand that I couldn't be happy like this.
"I just want her to be here so I can understand what we're like together. I've already figured out what my relationship is with Nina. But Nina isn't my girlfriend of a year. Mallory is. Or she used to be." I replied with a shrug, trying to sound like I didn't care. But this was my problem. I always cared too much.
I said goodnight to Tony, then I lay down in my bed. Going to sleep was even harder but when I did, I dreamt my worst nightmare. Relived the worst night of my life, or perhaps my mind created it. I wasn't optimistic enough to believe that anything I remembered was true anymore.
Reid was driving along an open road at midnight. Faint patterns of music surfaced from his radio intermittently. Otherwise, the night was dead silent. Moments of peace like these were rare windfalls; occurrences that coincided with supernatural happenstances. Internal peace was Reid's version of sighting a blue moon.
An hour ago, Reid was enjoying a bonfire party at the Lake with his college friends, at their resident hangout: a small clearing in the heart of Capricorn Woods. The gathering was intended as a celebration of the year's end. Mallory, his girlfriend, was still with the group.
Reid left the party early to get something special for Mallory. On an impulse, he got in his car and drove to a nearby jewellery store, opting for the most beautiful solitaire ring he could find. The jewel sat in Reid's pocket, catching the light.
When Reid returned to his car with the purchase, he'd spent nearly five minutes just staring at it. The future terrified him. Getting engaged was an entirely foreign level of commitment. But Mallory was worth the fear. Reid, with all his wisdom of twenty years, knew that the hardest things to do were often the scariest.
Mallory's face swam into his thoughts, lit up by her sweet smile; rivulets of curls cascading over her shoulders and down her back. Inexplicably, things just clicked into place that night, by the glow of the bonfire.
Reid wanted to take the leap of faith. For her.
He smiled, his dark eyes focused and steady. But his thoughts were far from the empty roads ahead, lit only by his headlights. Life was too perfect to think about.
When Reid saw Mallory, it would be time to make the proposal. Reid's conviction sharpened his focus, until it fixed onto the only thing he saw. The only person he could see, who he wanted to see. Being in love was euphoric.
Simultaneously, the idea of their relationship failing crushed him. Because what if Mallory said no? It was plausible, logical even. Twenty three years was barely an inch of Reid and Mallory's lives passed. Right now, they had more than enough security.
But the possibility of their relationship stagnating? That scared Reid more than he thought it would. He had to keep their momentum going, before something made the relationship crash and burn.
Reid bit his lip, keeping his eyes on the road as his thoughts turned on their head. This was overt introspection, on his part. Mallory was fine. Everything would be fine.
His phone lit up on the empty passenger seat with a call. Reid checked the road, noting that it was empty. Keeping one hand on the wheel, he declined the call by pressing the buttons on his phone's side.
Reid was too careful to make mistakes. He didn't take risks on the road.
As if on cue, a red light turned on, in his dashboard. Fuel was nearly at zero.
Reid muttered a curse under his breath. He had the luck of being out in the open country, where there was perhaps one petrol stop if he was lucky. A wide, mostly empty road lay before him, except for the occasional car for company.
His best bet would be to pull over and call a tow, because there was no way his car would make it to refuel.
Reid had no idea that in the next few seconds, his life would turn over on its head. Perhaps things weren't exactly idyllic. But it was Reid's life to own.
In a matter of seconds, Reid's life became the bone-shattering force of a collision on the back of his car. He didn't have the time to scream before it happened.
Reid's heart was still stuttering in his chest, like it missed a few beats, and was now trying to catch up.
He couldn't move his eyes. They were stuck on the red light, now flickering on and off from damage. Breathing was difficult, like a knife sawing on bone. Reid could feel a vague rattling in his chest. He sensed that moving an inch would cause something terrible to happen.
The impact forced Reid's car to run off the road, down a sloping valley towards the surrounding forests. The front of the car was propped against a tree; nose down, its ruined windshield scraping the tree's bark.
Reid's seat and body were facing the ground. He was inches away from the jagged glass edges of the windshield; only saved by his seatbelt from imminent death. Another reason why moving was a bad idea.
He forced his brain into gear, ignoring the anxiety bubbling to the surface. His arms were stinging like hell, but he stared pointedly away from them.
The cutting pain in Reid's chest worried him most. It was spreading from multiple points on his torso.
He cautiously twisted in his seat to open his door. The pain flared unbearably. Reid immediately desisted, slumping back into his seat as his breathing grew unsteady.
He needed to try again, with a different strategy. Slowly, to avoid aggravating his chest, he stretched out an arm and tried the door again. It wouldn't budge. Maybe something was wedged in the door, but Reid couldn't move further. He would probably pass out if he stretched his upper torso for more than two seconds.
Reid closed his eyes, feeling his chest tightening. He was gripped again by the steady flow of fear into his blood. The apathy was wearing off now. Reid knew there was an extremely low probability of escaping the wrecked car, because of the serious problem with his upper torso. The pain was steadily growing now, even without movement. He felt it pushing at his tolerance.
Reid's face was inches away from the sharp surface of the windshield. Carefully turning his head and body inch by inch, he looked up at the back of his car. Reid's breath stopped in his throat, his eyes widening in horror.
The boot was wrecked. It was a terrifying mess of dagger-sharp metal, hanging from a singularity. It hovered precariously above Reid's head.
The mass of dangling scrap was far more threatening than a broken windshield. Reid could only pray the headrest of his seat would protect him, if the metal broke free. Reid forced himself to look away. Metal creaked and groaned above him, still reverberating from the impact. Reid held his breath still, as if the lightest whisper of air would send the metal falling.
His eyes landed on his last chance; Reid's phone on the backseat. Even if there was no escape plan, ensuring he was found quickly would help. If he could just reach his phone. It was thrown clear of the passenger seat , nestled in the furthest corner from Reid. He didn't dare to move any further.
Reid wondered, in a haze of pain, whether his family would forgive him if he died. His friends, his co-workers at his part-time job. That summer after freshman year brought so many blessings to his life. He had so much more left to accomplish.
Mallory. The ring in his pocket. Flashes of a possible future ghosted through his mind. Mallory was Reid's equal in life, his companion. He shared everything with her. So Reid wasn't ready to die, but death took no exceptions.
Still, he would fight. It would be worse if Reid didn't try to save himself. He carefully moved his hand towards the phone.
He saw it before it happened. The hanging metal above him tore free of its suspension. Toppling directly towards his head, whistling menacingly for a split second in the air.
Reid's fist curled and opened like a flower, his arm slackening. His eyelids fluttered shut. That was the legacy of the crash. The metal's scream of impact. The police came minutes later.
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