Mallory
The rain was scattering to the ground, outside the glazed windows of Pavarotti's. Nina faced me, her hair soaked with rain, water trailing down her skin. She watched me sombrely, her eyes sad but resolved.
"I need to talk to you." Nina repeated, her rain-tipped eyelashes long and dark. I stared at her in utter bewilderment, my mouth parted. Only Tony knew that I was on a date with Reid. But Nina could have easily extracted that information from him.
"What do you want?" I asked, straight to the point. I stared at her worriedly, my red lips pursed.
Nina closed her eyes and sighed. "I'm sorry I followed you on your date."
While Nina talked, her eyes avoided my own. Suspicion crept past my walls. Nina wanted to catch me without Reid, and her body language felt evasive. She was acting completely out of character. A sense of foreboding invaded my senses.
"It's fine." I brushed her apology aside. "I'm going to leave in a few minutes anyway."
As the words left my lips, I recognised my mistake. I regretted it when Nina seized hold of that information. "You're leaving without Reid? Did your date go badly?" she asked me quickly. I couldn't hear any pity in her voice.
I narrowed my eyes. "It didn't go badly. I just feel sick."
"Oh." Nina replied monosyllabically. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, looking at the wall behind me. Anywhere, but never at me.
I sighed, finally irritated beyond the limits of my patience. "Nina, what's going on? We both know that you want to say something. Spit it out."
I saw her temper flare. I knew that once Nina opened her mouth, she would burn me.
"I'm in love with Reid." she burst out. It was the last thing I expected to come from her. But once those words escaped Nina's heart, they hung in the air before us. Bright orange letters, screaming out into reality. Not an infatuation. Not a simple crush, but in love.
If I was confused before, this made the ground open from under my feet. It was an echo of Reid's accident, those few weeks ago. But this was so ridiculous, so idiotically stupid, that it felt like a joke. A torment. I was faintly aware of a ringing sound in my ear, but there was absolute silence in the wake of Nina's statement.
Her breath shook faintly as she stood, staring me down as her chest heaved with exertion.
I broke the silence by laughing faintly. "You have to be joking. Reid? My boyfriend of a year?"
She nodded, and I knew in that fragment of time that this was the horrible truth. Nina avoided Reid before the crash because she was avoiding her feelings. Maybe she thought she was in love, but this was obsession at most. Nina wanted what she could never have.
She reached for me, looking terribly sad. "I was scared before, Mallory. I loved you, but I love Reid more. I'm in love with him."
I was frightened by the guarded certainty in her eyes. I couldn't tell if it was delusion or conviction that was driving her. "Have you told Reid that you love him?" I asked. I ignored the slow constriction of my heart, like a snake was wrapping itself around my chest.
Even if I thought Nina was crazy, I didn't know Reid's opinion of her. Ever since the accident, I lost that connection to him.
Nina opened her mouth to speak, then closed it in thought. Then, slowly, she nodded in confirmation, her lips tightened at the corners. My world crashed down around me.
Reid was supposed to be on a date with me. Before this date, he must have known that Nina loved him. Reid had a history of keeping secrets from me. He didn't tell me about Brent. It wasn't a stretch to believe that he was hiding Nina's secret. What if he returned her affections and laughed at me for mine?
"Mallory."
I turned, as if I was in slow motion, to see Reid framed in the entrance, staring at Nina and I. My throat was closing up, so I chose my last option. I took off, sprinting down the street.
I could hear footsteps behind me, but the rain was pouring heavily now. I was fueled by my rage, my confusion, the adrenaline forcing my heart to beat faster, faster, faster.
A car rushed past me, splashing muddy water onto my chiffon dress. I stopped at the corner of the curb, staring down at my wet skin in disbelief. I touched my thumb to my fingers, which were numb with cold.
This was the worst possible outcome of all. I sat down on the kerb, ignoring the rain running on the gravel, and I cried. Tears flowed freely from my eyes, and I hid my face in my dress, curling my knees to my chest.
I heard Reid approaching me cautiously, coming to a stop opposite my seat on the kerb. I felt his thumb brushing the skin next to my cheek. I looked up, watching Reid's hand move away with my mascara streaked over it.
"I don't want to be the reason you cry." Reid told me softly. His eyes were lowered, focused on my pink cheeks.
I laughed bitterly, looking up at him. "'You never used to be my reason to cry. You gave me so much joy when we were together. Now all I ever do is cry, and I hate it."
"I know." Reid replied quietly.
I sniffled, then I dared to ask the question I'd been thinking for a long time now. "What happened to us, Reid?"
He thought about the question seriously. "A lot of things. None of them were ours to control. The crash started it all."
I snorted. "No kidding. I only ran away from the restaurant because Nina told me that she's in love with you. You losing your memories apparently gave her the courage to address her feelings."
Pure shock filtered through his expression. "What?"
I snorted. "Don't pretend to be oblivious. She just confirmed that she told you. You knowingly went on a date with me, with the knowledge that my best friend likes you! She was my best friend, Reid."
He shook his head, his hair already matted with rain. "You're jumping to conclusions. Even if Nina said something about liking me, she either lied about telling me or you misunderstood her. I'm being honest." Reid said defensively when I glared at him.
I stared up at him from my spot on the curb. "But surely you can't be oblivious to her feelings? Nina clearly said to me that she isn't backing off, and she wants you."
He scoffed, looking away from me in annoyance. "Maybe because I didn't see it? I wanted a friend, and she supported me. I don't see why you're assuming that I want what she wants."
"I'm not saying that, Reid. One of my best friends confessed that she likes my boyfriend. That she's in love with him. How am I supposed to feel about that? Since everyone's invested in how I'm feeling lately." I said, my words lacking more and more restraint. Once I let my anger loose, it was hard to tame.
"I'm not telling you what to feel, I'm asking you to understand my point of view. I came here on a date with you because I love you, Mallory. I look around at the world before me, and all I see is you."
My breath caught in my throat as I stared up at Reid. His hair and eyelashes were pearly with raindrops, water rolling down his skin. I watched him, mesmerised by the sight of Reid in the rain with me. Together.
Words were pouring out of Reid's mouth. He spoke furiously, his words pushed out with anger punctuating every syllable. "Every day, I think to myself that I'm the luckiest person in the world because I called you mine. I loved you equally as much as you loved me. And I know that I loved you because I still do."
I was speechless. I couldn't think of what to say, but the feelings that stirred in me said it all. My heart was aching for closeness to him again, and he was inches away from me.
Reid stared at me, determined. He looked exceptionally handsome. "Now say that I want Nina again. I'll tell you everything that I just said, as many times as you need me to."
Reid looked so sure of himself, so certain in his belief. And he believed in me, even when I couldn't. Reid loved me. This was the first time that I completely trusted in him. Reid sat next to me on the curb in defeat, his long legs strewn in front of himself.
We were silent for a minute, as I wrung out the ends of my wet dress onto the floor. "What do you still do?" I finally asked him, once I finished my job.
Reid looked down at me in confusion, asking, "What?"
"You said you 'still do' something. What is it?" I repeated inquisitively.
Reid gave me the faintest shadow of a smile. "You want me to say that I love you?"
"Yes." I answered simply.
His eyes became serious. Reid leaned into me, cupping my cheek with his hand. "I love you, Mallory. You're all I need."
He brought his mouth to mine, kissing me sweetly. I felt his adoration with every touch, every brush of his lips. When I laced my fingers into his hair, Reid smiled against my lips and pulled me closer. He felt like home. He practically exuded light and warmth. I craved every inch of it.
I curled myself into Reid's body, kissing him with as much strength as I could muster. "I need you too." I murmured against his lips. My heart screamed at me, begging me to express my love for Reid back.
I couldn't. I couldn't. Not like this. Not when Nina's confession was hanging over my head.
As I moved gently away from Reid, he opened his eyes with a look of absolute adoration. He tilted his head at me, smiling as he said, "As much as I love kissing you, we need to talk."
"I know." I agreed softly, taking his hand in mine. "I need to take you somewhere. Do you remember the Lake?"
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Reid
The storm was breaking. In every brush of rain against the windshield, I felt the clouds opening up in my car. Their yield of release would come soon enough.
Mallory was silent throughout the drive to the Lake. She ran her fingers through her rain-soaked hair. It was dripping onto the seat. Black mascara streaked around her pure, dark eyes mingled with the tears and rain on her cheeks.
The tree cover thickened as I drove us into our familiar clearing by the Lake. I parked and opened Mallory's door, staring at her wordlessly. She raised her eyes to me and held out her hand. I took it, helping her out, and so we walked in silence to the edge of the water.
The tiny stream that fed into the Lake, a massive body of water, rippled and foamed beneath Mallory's fingers as she kneeled to touch the water. The moon was full and wide tonight, casting us in silver. The glow radiated off of Mallory's pale hair as she glanced behind at me.
I stood a few paces behind my girlfriend, among the silver flowers dappled around the empty space. Fighting for their space and life. Mallory, with her knees curled underneath her, looked like a goddess. She was a pillar of marbled perfection.
When Mallory walked away from the stream, I saw that she was crying again. Her tears looked like pearls, iridescent in the moonlight. She collapsed onto the ground, crying in earnest.
I kneeled to sit beside Mallory, reaching out to brush her fingers with mine. She seemed comforted, but her cupid mouth was turned downwards. She looked terribly sad.
"We're deluding ourselves. You don't understand how much I love you, because you can't remember me." Mallory said resignedly, brushing the tears away from her cheeks. "There's no point in trying anymore, Reid."
I didn't say anything, because I saw the truth reflected in her eyes. She was sick of our established cycle; apologising, restarting, crashing. So it went on.
"I know." I replied softly, touching her cheek. Mallory raised her eyes to meet mine. The agony in her expression pained me. "I feel sick when I think about what you've gone through. All because of me.
Her tears fell onto my shoulder as she turned her face on its side, resting her cheek on my neck. This closeness was barely enough to satiate us; the craving I felt for Mallory was like no other. I needed her, more than I required my own life.
How many times would I let her cry over me?
The silver water beside us fell and rose with the currents. I watched it, as Mallory and I sat in solitude. So close, yet so far away.
"Seeing you like this hurts me." Mallory told me listlessly. Her eyes looked dead. She brushed her fingertips under her eyes, to clear her smudged eyeliner away. "I'm not some prize you won, Reid. I'm not perfect. Not beautiful. Just another pane of glass, on the verge of breaking."
I looked at her in horror. "And you think I'm any better? I don't love you for how you look, Mallory. Every day, I choose you because you're a piece of me. I can't lose you."
"Don't make me choose for us." Mallory begged. She stared at me with her beautiful eyes, pleading me to reconsider. But I kept my hand on her jaw, and I refused to look away from her.
"You're the only one I want. I never once gave you reason to doubt me, so why is it so hard to believe that?" I said fiercely.
"Because I'm scared." Mallory got up and stepped towards me, her hazel eyes burning. Her hair was long and brown, streaming to her lower back. The dress she wore was white and crystalline, like a rippling stream. But her eyes spoke of vengeance. "You know what the reality about love is? No one wants to tell you, but it's sacrifice. It means whenever your partner needs you, you drop whatever you're doing to help them."
I said nothing. She was right, but a while ago, I used to tell Mallory everything. I didn't need my memories to know that normally, Mallory would never judge me. Now I suppressed the truth because she wouldn't understand my point of view.
Trust was hugely important to me. But with my memories of her washed away, Mallory became another person in the world. My biggest confidant became a stranger, and that wasn't something to brush over in one day. It would be an aching reminder of what was stolen from us.
I stared at her, hoping she would reconcile her hatred. Eventually, it faded into emptiness. She sighed quietly, then talked. "I'm terrified that something will go wrong again. Or worse, I'll realise that we just don't work. We've tried so many times, Reid. Nina keeps forcing her way into our relationship, and I'm not in the headspace to make us work. Even though it's you. I love you, but you can't love me until you remember us."
"Who said so?" I demanded, approaching her. She looked at me with wide eyes. "I said I loved you regardless of what I know. Isn't that enough for you?"
"Relationships need more than that, Reid." Mallory said softly. She took my cheek in her hand, looking at me with empathy in her eyes. "We were good together, but it's time. Don't you feel it?"
I couldn't deny that. The moonlight created a heavenly void of time in that clearing, a space of pure silver where only Mallory and I existed, stamped together in a single moment forever. She was beautiful, once mine to hold, to call, to cherish. No longer so.
"I feel you. Just you." I said quietly, touching her face with my fingertips. I took her face in my hands and kissed her one last time, brushing my thumb along her rain-coated skin. She was so dear to me. But I was infinitely more to her. I left Mallory standing there.
It was two in the morning. Tony was waiting for me at our parents' house, grim-faced as I approached the front door. I looked at him, tears welling in my eyes, and he knew.
"Don't worry about whatever happened. Get inside and I'll get you some hot chocolate." Tony said, ushering me in. I shook the rain off my hair and stepped inside cautiously, heading to the living room.
Tony followed me inside, settling on the couch opposite to mine. He handed me a cup and I took it thankfully, sipping to rid myself of the cold, sinking feeling that was occupying my senses. "How was the date?"
I sighed. "Mallory and I broke up. I knew that tonight would change something between us. I was hoping for the change to be good."
Tony patted my back, looking sympathetic. "Things don't always go our way, Reid. But it will one day, mark my words."
I laughed bitterly. "You say that, but I don't believe you."
Tony's brow creased. "Why not?"
I shrugged. "I had faith in Mallory and I, but I'm realising that my problems extend beyond our relationship. Everyone still hopes that I'll become someone that I don't remember being. How am I supposed to fit everyone's expectations?"
"You can't blame them for having hope." Tony said quietly. "Our friends are still in shock. They're desperately trying to hold onto you."
"I'm worried about Mallory. Cleo told me a few days ago that she doesn't eat, she barely sleeps. Do you know how guilty I felt when Cleo had to tell me that?" I held my head in my hands, squeezing my eyes closed. "I can't live with that. I can't be responsible for ruining Mallory's life. Don't- don't make me do it."
That was my flaw. I could never hold anyone to the same standards that I held myself to. I would let everyone else out of their mental prisons and chain myself in willingly. But I refused to think of myself as wrong for it.
The front doorbell rang. Tony glanced at me in confusion. "Is that..?"
I shook my head. "No, it's not Mallory." I got up before Tony could and went to open the door.
Nina stood framed in the entrance, her coiled hair dampened with rain. "Can I talk to you?" she pleaded.
I didn't think it was a good idea. "Sure."
I let her in, and we went to my room. I didn't tell Tony who it was, though I was sure he knew from her voice. Nina's voice was distinctively sweet and soft; disarming. But she could be sharp as nails sometimes. So could my brother, and I wanted to avoid a confrontation for the time being.
"I'm sure Mallory told you about what I said to her, by now." Nina said without looking at me, picking at a hole in her jeans. It widened, gaping and puckering at the edges, but she didn't seem to care.
"I got the general picture, but she didn't give me the details." I replied warily, looking at Nina's lowered eyes. "I'd like to hear them, all the same."
Nina finally looked into my eyes, and her expression yielded annoyance. "You want me to say that I love you again?"
I kept my composure, miraculously. But it felt like my heart was falling apart. "I already heard that. But why? Why love?"
Nina hesitated, considering my question. Then she shrugged her shoulders, and a slight smile hinted at her mouth. "Does anyone know why they fall in love with someone? I don't. Unless you're fishing for compliments?"
"I wouldn't play with your feelings like that." I murmured, my gaze traveling down her face. I noticed long ago that Nina was beautiful; wide but sharp, dark eyes, golden skin, a large and straight nose that led down to a wide cupid's bow, and an angular jaw. But I saw her in an entirely new light now.
There was a new quality to her, an openness that came with her honesty. She bore her heart to me, and I needed to decide what to do with it.
My gaze darted to her lips again, following their sharp lines. Nina caught my eye and smiled, leaning into me. Closer, closer... so that I could see every freckle; I could map every constellation that they'd create.
I breathed in. "I'm sorry, I can't kiss you."
She moved away from me, looking disappointed. "I understand. Does that mean... you don't think we could be something?"
I thought about what Nina said, then I moved my hand tentatively towards hers, interlacing our fingers. "I didn't say that."
She smiled at me, then looked at our entwined hands. And I thought: maybe this could be my hope again.
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