२१.

long update💛

dedications:

Greta_1D

jfakeliampayne

ziamsmyotp

drizzykilam

zroyezivan

I love every one of you sm🔥💕

‡

'Methotrexate treatment'

Zayn's head snaps up to Qadir. 'What?'

'Methotrexate treatment. I'm sorry, Emir Saahib, but Liam cannot go through with this pregnancy'

Zayn's heart sinks as he looks down at Liam, whose eyes are steadily filling up.

Qadir clears his throat apologetically and hands Zayn a little sheet of paper, with something scrawled over it.

Mysore General Hospital.

Qadir Ahmad.

Ectopic pregnancy—3.5 mths along, bleeding, shoulder tip pain,

cramps, svre morning sickns. hcG lvls poss >3000: unlikely.

methotrexate drug administration. weight/height dosage msurement, x1 week. Fortnightlycheckup.

'Take this to your pharmacist' he says softly, 'They'll give you a drug called methotrexate. This is a very strong medication, and cannot be overdosed on'

Qadir looks to Liam with a grimace, 'You need to inject yourself once a week. There will be side–effects like vomiting, upset stomachs, you may feel dizzy and really really tired. Your vision will be blurry—'

'Why can't he carry the baby?' Zayn interrupts, trying to sound normal.

He fails.

'Ectopic pregnancy. The baby's not growing where it's meant to be, that is, in the womb' the doctor replies.

'If we realised any later, Liam could have become completely infertile' Qadir adds, 'We were really lucky there'

'Oh my God. I'm so sorry'

Both Zayn and Qadir whip round to face Liam, who's crying into his hands now.

'I'm so sorry Liam' Qadir says sadly, as Zayn gently shushes him, 'I can't do anything to correct this. We'll do a complete test at the hospital later, just to confirm, but I'm almost positive you cannot carry this baby'

'Please leave' Zayn says shakily, crumpling the prescription in his fist.

Qadir apologises one last time, before getting his things together and exiting the room.

Leaving Liam to cry himself to sleep in Zayn's arms.

Kyu. [Why]

‡

1st week.

Liam is given his first dose of methotrexate the next day.

He cries, and cries, and cries like a baby as Zayn pushes the needle into his skin with shaky fingers and wet eyes.

Zayn himself almost vomits at the sight of that horrid needle entering Liam's arm like a bad omen.

And in his drowsy state, Liam says something. Something that really hurts Zayn.

('I'm sorry I couldn't give you an heir. I'm sorry I'm such a horrible person.')

Zayn kisses him on his lips, and shushes him with a ghost of his fingers across Liam's lips.

I love you.

‡

2nd week.

A week later, and Zayn doesn't find it any easier to inject him.

(His jaan)

Liam screams at him “Just do it already! I don't want this baby! Do it!”

Zayn begs and begs for him to quieten down, because he's never ever seen Liam so scared.

So scary.

So Zayn kisses him again as he pushes the needle into Liam's arm, biting his lip softly as he pulls it back out.

Tears catch on the tips of his eyelashes and Liam shakes his head, tears pouring down his face.

('You can't cry. You're too beautiful')

Zayn doesn't know what to say.

Liam has to break the silence again.

'I didn't mean to' he sobs, face red and wet, 'I want my baby. I want my baby.'

And Zayn can't help but think,

“I want my baby back”

‡

'Namaste Emir Saahib' Qadir says with a sorry smile.

'Liam' he nods, and a silent look passes between the two of them.

Zayn feels so left out. So Liam can open up to the fucking physician, but not him.

'How do the drugs make you feel?'

Liam shakes his head, eyes red and puffy.

'I hate them. I want my baby'

When the doctor makes him lie down for an ultrasound, Liam looks scarily blank.

And Zayn realises.

It's their first one. It's their first ultrasound.

Liam's fingernails dig into his tummy, so deep they cut skin, and Zayn has to physically pull his hands away, begging and pleading for Liam to stop hurting himself.

Liam doesn't reply.

'Liam look! There's your baby' the doctor exclaims in a vain effort to lighten the mood.

But Liam doesn't even look. He doesn't even look.

Zayn kisses him hard, fingers clutching at Liam's cheeks like a lifeline.

'That's our baby' he whispers against Liam's lips, 'He's beautiful'

And Liam speaks, finally.

'She' he snaps, turning his face away.

Zayn's heart breaks.

Liam continues, 'She, was beautiful'

And never before has Zayn felt so hopeless.

‡

3rd week.

'Guess who's here' Zayn sing–songs, grinning despite himself, as he opens the door slowly to reveal Louis.

His blue eyes sparkle as he spots Liam, brown eyes dull and tired; huddled up in the bed.

('He's like a corpse' Safaa whispered wondrously at dinnertime.

The Rani slapped her.)

Louis talks to Liam through the injection.

'Harry's pregnant, Liam' he exclaimed, eyes shining with tears, 'We got together and he's pregnant'

His fingers tighten around Liam's arm, eyes moving to the needle slowly pushing past Liam's skin, and quickly back to Liam's lifeless face.

'Are you not happy, Liam? Your two best mates are having a baby—a–are you not happy for us?'

Liam didn't reply, barely even flinched as Zayn pulled the needle out again.

And as Louis left the room, closing the door behind himself, Liam whispers so softly—

“I can't be”

‡

4th week.

Liam is exhausted.

He's bed ridden, and dull and just—

Exhausted.

Zayn doesn't know what to do. He is so lost.

(Liam is so gone)

Harry comes in to visit that week—tiny bump cleverly hidden under loose silk robes.

Liam glances at his tummy for one moment, hurt flashing in his eyes, before he turns away.

'I'm sorry for treating you like shit' Harry begs, tears rolling down his cheeks, 'I'm so sorry'

As a reply, Liam snatches the needle off the table and plunges it into his own arm.

Zayn and Harry exchange a look. A hopeless look.

They don't see the tears rolling down Liam's pale cheeks.

‡

Zayn could laugh at the painful irony of it all:

The new life inside Liam,

Took Liam's own life away.

‡

5th week.

It's in the papers.

Our Emir Zain brings all the girls to the club.

Emir Sahib be pulling. His Hotness draws all eyes to him as he shows off his moves at a club. Even rented a show room, ooh la la! Could we be in for another “royal scandal”?

The Rani is furious.

Zayn blames it on the fact that “every man has needs”

'But Zain, how could you?!' his mother yells, slamming the papers down on the table.

Liam sits in a corner of the room, completely blank to the world, eyes wide and glassy.

'Mumma, unfortunately for you, I have a dick and I need to relieve tension once in a while!' Zayn retorts, raising his voice.

'Language, Zain' the Rani yells, 'And you cannot act like this! You have a fiancé who has just lost a baby! You cannot be so insensitive!'

'BUT HE'S DEAD MUMMA. HE'S PRACTICALLY DEAD! HE DOESN'T EVEN CARE!'

And that night, it's Zayn who gets slapped.

(Liam still doesn't look up)

‡

Zayn's heart clenches as he sneaks under the covers that night.

He reaches out to touch Liam, but thinks better of it, and makes a fist of his fingers.

He reaches for the vial of methotrexate on the table, only to find it empty.

When did it get over so quickly?

He slowly gets out of bed, and he steps on something.

Just as he switches the light on, he spots the needle rolling away from him.

(Like Liam)

And it dawns on Zayn. This horrible realisation.

Kyu. [Why]

‡

im so sorry 😭