That Baby: Part 1 – Chapter 14

I’m getting ready for the party when Phillip’s mom asks me to grab our new Crock-Pot.

When I get to the dining room, I do a double take.

The wrapping paper is off the gnome’s head, and it’s smooshed down next to his little round-toed boot—like all he’s been doing since I covered him up is stomp on the paper.

I imagine the gnome moving around at night.

I realize I’m being ridiculous. Even if he did smash the paper, he didn’t move very far.

I carefully pick him up, turning him over to study his legs. There’s no space between them, just a line appearing to separate them. Really, it’s just one big stub going into a large black mono-boot. More inspection shows that he has no knees. If he could walk, it would be more of a wobble.

This is crazy. There’s no way the gnome could move on its own. Someone must have moved it.

But, just to be sure, I put the gnome in the china cabinet and lock it for good measure. I reconsider his placement as I have visions of him doing the mono-legged stomp all over my new china pattern. I unlock the door, grab him, and shove him faceup into the top drawer of the hutch—like he’s in a little coffin—with my new formal flatware.

Then, I grab the Crock-Pot and go back to making cheese dip for the game.

Phillip’s mom, who has been taking food down to the bar, comes back up and says, “JJ, do you have a dust rag? The bar, well, the basement is pretty dusty.”

“Uh, sure,” I say, handing her a dish towel.

“Dusting only takes a minute,” she tells me. “I’ll have it cleaned up quick.”

I instantly feel like a failure as a wife. My face gets hot, and tears threaten. “Phillip was supposed to dust,” I say to myself.

Mrs. D’s hand touches mine. “You’re barely settled.”

I know what she’s saying is true, but it feels like an excuse.

“Thanks. I’m gonna go change. Everyone should be here soon.”

I’m on the way to our bedroom when Phillip comes up the stairs.

“You didn’t dust the basement?”

“No, it wasn’t that bad. Besides, why get it spotless when it’s just going to get messed up at the party? So, are you ready to put on our shirts?”

“You need to tell your mom that you were in charge of dusting.”

“No way! I don’t want to get chewed out. Besides, this is our house, and today is not about dusting. It’s about telling everyone we love that we’re expecting.”

“You’re right, Phillip. You’re always right.”

He laughs. “Except when you are.”

“You’re still right,” I tease.

I strip off my sweats, throw on a pair of comfy ripped jeans, my Mac Mommy jersey, and then put a cardigan over the top of it.

“You look sexy,” Phillip tells me, grabbing my ass.

“Are you going to say that when I have a stomach the size of a watermelon?”

“Absolutely,” he says with such sincerity that I actually believe him.

I’m running around, finishing getting everyone settled with drinks. Our friends Joey and Chelsea arrived just a few minutes ago along with Danny’s teammate Marcus and his wife, Madison.

Phillip hands me a bubbly drink in a wine glass.

I give him a look.

“It’s sparkling water and lime. Why don’t you sit, relax, and enjoy the game?” he says.

“I’d rather sit on your lap, snuggled up with you.”

“I think I can make that happen,” he says, sitting in his favorite spot and pulling me onto his lap.

“They’re newlyweds,” Danny says. “They still like each other.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Lori asks.

“I just meant it’s new,” Danny replies. “I wasn’t referring to our relationship. I still like you, too.”

She looks down at her growing baby bump and frowns. “You didn’t ask me to sit on your lap.”

Danny says in a patronizing tone, “Why don’t we sit on each other’s laps? Save some space.”

Tears threaten Lori’s face as she stomps out of the room.

“Oh, jeez,” he says. “She’s so freaking sensitive. Now, she’s going to accuse me of saying we needed to save space because she’s fat. I can’t say anything right.”

Mr. Diamond says, “But you’re going after her, aren’t you, son? To apologize.”

“But I didn’t do anything wrong!” Danny protests.

“You got her pregnant,” his dad replies.

Danny takes a long drag of beer and looks longingly at the opening ceremony playing on TV, and then he sets the beer down with a sigh. As he’s walking away, he leans down and whispers to us, “Be glad you’re not pregnant.”

My mouth drops open in surprise.

Phillip slides his hand down my arm and gives me a reassuring squeeze. “We’ll get through it just fine. I promise. I can deal with your little moods.”

“I have moods?” The TV is turned up to Mach 4, so no one can hear me.

“Of course. Everyone does.”

“You’re sure we should tell everyone so soon? Now, I’m nervous.”

“I can’t wait to tell everyone. Although I keep expecting someone to guess. I can tell just by looking at you.”

“No, you can’t. You were shocked when I told you.”

He kisses the side of my face. “Oh, that’s right.”

I snuggle up closer and pretend to watch the game as I whisper to him, “I think you’re the one who looks all sneaky and adorable.”

“I’m adorable?”

“Yes. I love you, Phillip. You’re the sweetest boy ever. Always have been.”

His finger trails along the bottom of my jersey, just brushing my abdomen. “Lori has really popped out. Hard to believe, in a few months, you’ll be that way.”

“My body won’t look the same.”

“Does that worry you?” he asks.

“A little. Especially after seeing how pregnancy seems to have affected Lori’s confidence.”

“You shouldn’t be worried. I’m going to spoil you rotten.”

I smile. I like being spoiled.

Sometime during the first quarter, Lori and Danny rejoin the group, and when Phillip gets up to grab another beer, Danny asks me, “Is that the jersey you had made?”

“Yeah. It’s cute, huh?”

“Yours is cute, too,” Lori says. “I like the sparkle.”

I’m waiting—hoping—that someone will ask me what mine says, but there’s an interception, and everyone is glued to the TV.

At halftime, I take my cardigan off and wait for the fireworks to start. For someone to notice what the back of my shirt says.

But no one does.

By the third quarter, I can’t take it any longer. I stand directly in front of the TV so that everyone can see my back.

Mrs. Diamond looks from me to Phillip and says, “Mac Mommy?”

I smile. “Cute, huh?”

But she still doesn’t seem to get it, and Mrs. Mac is deep in conversation with Ashley.

“So, he’s the Mac Daddy, and you’re the Mac Mommy?” Mrs. Diamond asks.

I nod again, an even wider grin taking over my face.

“Are you pregnant?”

Phillip bounds across the couch—possibly the fastest I’ve ever seen him move—and places his hand across my stomach. “We pregnant.”

Somewhere along the way, his mom must have overheard part of the conversation because she makes a torturous sound, shakes her head, and says, “No! What? You’re pregnant! No way!” She stands up, her hands in front of her face, and starts scream-crying, which turns into an ugly cry as she continues to screech, “No! Really? Is this a joke?”

Phillip shakes his head. “It’s not a joke, Mom. You’re really going to be a grandma.”

“Ohmigawd, I don’t believe it!” she yells, flailing her hands in the air.

“Believe it,” Phillip tells her, laughing so hard at her reaction that he’s practically crying. “We’re six weeks along.”

She covers her face with her hands, overcome with emotion.

Then, she starts running in place while waving her hands in the air and screaming. She grabs Mrs. D and jumps around her. “Did you hear that? I’m gonna be a grandma! I can’t believe it. We’ll be grandmas together!”

She’s clapping now and still crying.

Phillip’s dad is smiling big. He gives me a hug and congratulates his son with a slap on the back. Then, I notice tears well up in his eyes as he glances toward the ceiling. I know he’s thinking about my dad missing this moment.

That makes me wonder how my parents would have reacted to the news.

I can’t believe they have to miss out on this. It was bad enough they missed my wedding, but this is so much more.

My mom would have cried but in a more dignified way. My dad would have been the more emotional one.

I have to admit, I’m happily surprised by everyone’s reactions. The kid in me was kind of worried they’d say we were too young, that it was too soon. All the things I thought at first.

But all I see is joy in their expressions.

Lori mutters to me, “You have some explaining to do.” But then she goes on to say something about our babies being future best friends.

Danny rolls his eyes and teases, “Poor Phillip.”

Finally, Mrs. Mac rushes over, fanning her face, and hugs us both.

Everyone gives us hugs.

Well, everyone but Chelsea.

I notice she’s sitting on the couch, motionless, and then she looks me in the eye, stands up, and cries out, “I’m pregnant, too!” She bursts into tears and runs upstairs.

Lori and I rush after her, finding her sobbing on the couch.

“I’m like a public service announcement for drunken hook-ups,” she cries. “Don’t have sex in the bathroom at a wedding without a condom, boys and girls, or you’ll be walking down the aisle at your own wedding in a maternity dress. If he doesn’t ditch you.”

I sit down next to her and smile. “You got pregnant at my wedding? That’s awesome.”

She laughs through her tears.

Lori asks gently, “Did Joey already know?”

“Yes, he’s been amazing. But I’m so afraid to tell our families. I want them to freak out like Mrs. Mac did, not question it.”

“Chelsea,” I say, “if you and Joey are excited about it, your families will be, too.”

“And I’m sorry I yelled in the middle of your news. I’m so embarrassed.”

“Seriously, it’s okay. Just think of how fun it will be to be pregnant together.”

“It will be nice,” she says.

“Come on. Let’s go downstairs.”

We go back down to the family room where everyone congratulates us both.

Once the excitement dies down and everyone starts watching the game again, I notice Joey fidgeting. Chelsea isn’t sitting by him; she’s over by Lori with her knees pulled up on the couch. She almost looks scared.

I can understand why. This pregnancy business is scary stuff.

Emotions. Body changes.

When another round of commercials starts to play, Joey stands up in front of the TV, blocking everyone’s view.

“This isn’t how I planned to do it,” he says. “I was going to do it later tonight, all romantic-like. Candles. Hotel suite. But I think you need to hear me say this in front of everyone.” He holds his hand out. “Chelsea, please, come here.”

Lori half-pushes her up off the couch.

When Chelsea joins him in front of the TV, she says, “What are you doing?”

Joey takes both her hands in his. “We’ve had a long history of almosts.

kissed.

dated.

were single at the same time. When I pulled you in the bathroom this past New Year’s Eve, I told you I didn’t want anymore. That you needed to kiss the guy you should be with for the rest of the year. What I should have said was, , right then because that’s how I felt. And I don’t want you to feel like we’re almost pregnant just because it happened so fast. I want to tell everyone that you’re having my baby. There are going to be no more almosts for us. Chelsea, sweetie, I want you to marry me. Almost as much as I love you.”

Chelsea is crying, and so am I because Joey—my goofy, perpetually horny childhood friend—looks sincerely happy.

He bends down on one knee and pulls out a ring box. “Chelsea, will you marry me?”

“You got a ring?” she asks, shocked.

“Yes,” he says.

As he opens it, Chelsea starts shaking. “It’s beautiful. You picked this out by yourself?”

He smiles at Danny and Phillip. “I got a little advice from a few friends, but yeah.”

When he slides the ring on her finger, I notice that he’s starting to sweat.

“You haven’t answered me yet,” he says nervously.

She throws herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Yes, Joey! Yes!”

I playfully smack Phillip. “You knew?”

“I thought he was going to propose tonight at the hotel. Been a pretty exciting Super Bowl, huh?”

After Joey and Chelsea stop kissing, Lori asks, “So, when are you due, Chelsea? You and Jade have to be due about the same time.”

“October the fourth,” she says.

“And I’m due on the first. In case you all didn’t notice, the numbers on our shirts are our due date.”

Chelsea runs over to me. “I’m sorry I ruined your announcement. The way you told everyone was so adorable.” She stares at her sparkly new ring and gets tears in her eyes again.

I glance at the close game on the TV and decide it’s just not that important.

“You need to come with Lori and me,” I say, dragging her upstairs.

“What are we doing?” Lori asks.

“We need to do something, and she needs the practice.”

“Practice for what?” Chelsea asks.

I grab a taper candle off my mom’s dining room hutch and hand it to her. “Practice passing your candle. I’m your sorority big sister, and there’s no way I’m missing out completely.”

She grins. “Is there an version of this?”

“No,” Lori says. “You’ll announce the engagement first. The rest of it is no one’s business.”

“He just told me he wants to get married soon,” Chelsea says. “I’m throwing up every morning. I have a full load of classes. Sorority. How am I going to plan a wedding?”

“We’ll help you,” Lori says, lighting the candle and humming. “Pinned,” she says, passing it to me.

It doesn’t take long for us to pass the candle three times and for Chelsea to blow it out.

“Now, show us the pose,” I tease.

“What pose?” she asks, looking confused.

Lori and I dramatically put our rings out to be admired, causing Chelsea to giggle.

“The pose of the happy, newly engaged girl. What else?” I tell her.

She mimics us, laughing, as Lori says, “This will be the question you will hear over and over; so, Chelsea, have you set a date?”

Chelsea laughs again. “No, but I was thinking my parents have that beach house in Florida.”

“Spring break heaven,” I say. “We had fun, didn’t we? What an epic road trip. Then, the guys showed up.”

“That was one of our ,” Chelsea admits. “We were alone on the beach, both a bit drunk. But he had a girlfriend. Even though I was kinda mad at the time, looking back, it’s good to know he didn’t cheat on her. He’s a good guy, right?”

“Yeah.” I hug her. “He’s a really good guy.”

“So, what do you think? The beach in Florida? A few good friends?”

“Have you told your families?” Lori asks.

“Not yet. I’ve been too busy freaking out. Can I tell you both a secret?”

“Yeah,” Lori and I reply.

“When I was in high school, I got pregnant and had a D and C. I know it was the right choice for me then, but I’ve always felt guilty, and I’ve been so afraid that, when it came time for me to want a baby, I wouldn’t get pregnant. Like I would be punished or something. So, even though I was shocked, I am happy it happened.”

Phillip wanders upstairs, looking for me. “What’s going on up here?” He sees the candle and smiles. “Looks like I need to serenade you,” he says and then launches into one of their frat songs.

His deep, sexy voice makes me melt.

I know that I’m so incredibly lucky.

And I say a little prayer that I won’t be moody or emotional during my pregnancy.

When we clean up after the game, Mrs. D and Mrs. Mac tell us, “The pregnant women get to go sit down and put up their feet. We’ve got this.”

“This is crazy,” I say, perching on the living room sofa. “All of us pregnant at the same time.”

“So exciting though,” Lori says, seemingly happy we are now in the pregnancy boat with her. Not only that, but she’s also an expert compared to us. “So, how are you feeling?”

“I feel permanently hungover,” I admit.

“Ohmigosh,” Chelsea squeals, “me, too!”

“I wish I could tell you it goes away in a few months,” Lori says, “and for some women, it does. Hasn’t for me though. I’m still sick most of the time. Although, now, it’s all day instead of just in the morning.”

“They say one in five pregnancies ends in miscarriage. Right now, even though it was a shock that I got pregnant, that’s what I’ve been worrying about the most,” Chelsea says quietly. “Every time I have a little cramp, I’m so scared.”

“Isn’t it weird, how protective we are of the pregnancy? Even though mine wasn’t planned. Even though I feel crappy. It’s like the most important thing ever,” I tell them.

“Speaking of that, Jade,” Lori says. “Just last week you were crying because you got your period. How are you pregnant? Did you go to the doctor?”

“It’s kind of crazy. When I was sick, I was freaking out because I didn’t want to be pregnant. But then I got what I thought was my period and was super sad. That’s when we decided we’d start trying. But, the next day, my period was gone, and I didn’t know why. Then, when Danny was cooking bacon and I got sick again, I started wondering. As soon as Phillip left for work on Monday, I took a pregnancy test and couldn’t even believe that it’d turned positive. I saw your OB/GYN that day. Turns out, I just had some spotting.”

“That’s crazy,” she says. “How did you tell Phillip?”

“With the shirts. I wrapped his up and gave it to him and then showed him mine. He was pretty shocked. He just kept smiling and saying, ‘Really?’ What about you, Chels?”

“I told Joey I was late, so we did the test together. I was too afraid to look, so I watched him. First, his eyes got huge, and then this wide grin took over his face. He turned the stick toward me, picked me up, hugged me, and said, ‘We’re pregnant.’ I don’t know, but the fact that he said instead of just made me so happy that I started bawling. I’m hoping my mom will be excited when she hears the news.”

“Joey’s family will be excited,” Mrs. Diamond says, sitting next to us. “Just the other day, his mother was telling me how much she likes you.”

“Really? So, you don’t think they will be mad?”

“Although I didn’t scream and jump around like my friend over there,” she says, pointing to Mrs. Mac, who is wiping down the kitchen counters, “my heart felt exactly the same. Your parents will be surprised, but they’ll be thrilled.”

Ashley and Cooper went back to their hotel as soon as the game was over. Now, Marcus and Madison come upstairs to leave, so I walk them to the door and say good-bye. As they’re pulling out of the driveway, I notice Danny sneaking back from his house.

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing. Just ran home to use the bathroom.”

“We have bathrooms here.”

“Had to take a crap,” he says, but I know he’s lying.

The dads are outside on the deck, smoking a cigar even though it’s fairly cold out.

Lori takes Chelsea and the moms over to see the nursery. The furniture she ordered the other day isn’t in yet, but the room has been painted a gorgeous shade of pale yellow, and it has crisp white trim and murals of zoo animals hand-painted across the walls. It’s adorable, and I’m in love with the tall giraffes that will peek over the crib.

I creep down the stairs, knowing Danny is up to something.

I stop halfway down and hear the guys discussing their lists of nevers.

“I’ll never own a minivan,” Joey says.

“And I’ll never allow my kids to scream in a restaurant,” Phillip says.

“Or on an airplane,” Danny adds.

“I won’t go crazy, buying stuff for a baby, like my sister did,” Joey says. “All it needs is somewhere to sleep and some diapers.”

“And I won’t let a baby rule our lives. We’ll still be able to do everything we enjoy now; we’ll just be taking a baby along for the ride,” Danny says. “Lori is freaking out, but it’s just a baby. How hard can it be?”

“I know I’ll never say, ,” Phillip says. “Like my parents did.”

“Oh, I know,” Joey says. “I’ll never make them listen to oldies. I’ll stay up-to-date on music. I’ll never get a beer gut because there’s always time for working out, which serves a dual purpose. I’ll always be able to whoop my son’s ass. Keep him in line.”

They all laugh wholeheartedly.

“We’ll never stop doing Jell-O shots or Fireball.”

“No Dad clothes.”

“We’ll go to all the coolest concerts.”

“And find time to hit happy hour with our buddies.”

“It won’t ruin my golf game.”

“I know one that is absolutely nonnegotiable,” Phillip says. “No child will eat in my car. Can you imagine French fries on the floor, little dirty fingerprints everywhere? No way. And we won’t allow toys sprawled across the house. They will stay in their rooms.”

“So, to recap,” Danny says. “We will always be cool. We won’t let them ruin our stuff. We’ll still be spontaneous, and they won’t affect our sex lives. And I vote for no curfews. They never made sense to me.”

“What if you have a daughter?” Phillip asks.

“Easy. She won’t have to worry about a curfew because I’ll never let her out of the house at night.”

“Because we know what happens at night.” Joey laughs.

“Yeah, you get drunk, hook up at weddings, and next thing you know, you’re in a basement, talking about how a baby isn’t going to change your life,” I tease, having slipped down the stairs without them noticing.

Danny jumps. “Ahh! You scared me. Lori didn’t hear what we said, did she?”

“No, she’s showing everyone the nursery.”

He sighs with relief. “Boys,” he says seriously, “you have to be careful about what you say all the time. No matter what you say, she’ll give you that look. That look where she’s blaming you for getting her pregnant because whatever is ailing her is all your fault even though she swears she’s happy she’s pregnant and happy you are the baby’s father.”

“Chelsea’s such a cool chick; she won’t be all emotional and needy.”

Phillip coughs. “Except for running out of the room in tears when we announced our pregnancy.”

“Ha. They are so emotional,” Danny says. “And beware of questions where she asks if she looks bigger. It’s a double-edged sword, and you will never answer it correctly. If you say what you think would be the right answer—

—she will start crying because she’ll worry the baby isn’t growing properly. And, if you say that it looks like the baby bump has grown, she will cry because she thinks you think she’s getting fat, and you won’t love her anymore. Pregnancy is like boot camp. Or two-a-day practices. You just have to get through it without getting hurt. Things will be much easier once the baby is born.”

“Two-a-days only lasted a few weeks. Pregnancy lasts nine months,” Joey counters.

“Although there are a few perks. One of which is the world’s best excuse for getting out of doing things you don’t want to do.

“I’m sure there are a lot of other perks,” Phillip says sweetly, pulling me onto his lap and kissing me.

That causes Danny to laugh. “Imagine sex when your wife has a stomach the size of a basketball.”

“Chelsea’s been very in the mood,” Joey admits as Phillip smirks.

“And we know Jay has been, too, based on some things I’ve witnessed,” Danny teases.

I toss a pillow at his face.

“You do realize you all had a similar conversation about girls in college?” I remind them.

“What are you talking about?” Danny, the biggest offender, asks.

I roll my eyes. “

Shall I go on?”

“No need. We get it. We mellowed a little in the name of love.”

“Or for regular sex,” Joey teases.

“Enjoy that while you can, boys,” Danny says, “because this is in your future.”

He smirks again and then tosses something white at Joey.

Joey pulls it off his head and holds it out in front of him. “What is this? A tire cover?”

Phillip twists his head to the side and studies it. “No, it has two holes in it. Something goes through it. Is it to cover your golf clubs?”

“Your wife’s go through it. Those are maternity underwear. Something to look forward to, huh?”

Joey is holding them up, trying to fathom Chelsea’s skinny ass fitting in something that looks like it could cover the hood of a Mini Cooper. Honestly, I’m trying to imagine myself ever fitting in something that size. I glance down at my stomach. There is no way possible that I could ever fill those things out.

Lori and Chelsea choose this moment to rejoin us.

“Danny!” Lori screeches, horrified. “How could you?”

She turns around and marches up the stairs, Chelsea following her.

“Oh, boy,” Danny mutters.

“Rubber band,” I tease.

He stops at the bar, pours three shots, and hands them to the guys. “Here’s to surviving pregnancy.”

“I’ll never chase after a girl. They can chase me,’” Joey hoots. “I very clearly remember Danny saying that. Don’t you, Phillip?”

Phillip takes a pull off his beer and smiles at Danny. “I think I do.”

Danny runs up the stairs, flipping them off.

“I’m mostly worried about how we’re going to afford it,” Joey says. “I read that raising a baby costs like a half million dollars, not including college.”

“Wow, that’s a lot,” Phillip says. He’s tipsy and squinting his eyes more than normal.

“But it’s over a span of, like, twenty years,” I say gently. Because, if there’s one thing he’ll freak out about, it’s money.

“Yeah, but it’s still twenty-five thousand a year.”

“No way a baby is going to cost that much at first. Maybe once they go to school and play sports and stuff,” I counter.

“Whatever,” Joey says. “We have to get a place to live. She still has to graduate and find a job, which is going to be tough when she’s pregnant. I have a job, but it’s not in my field. I thought, when I stayed in college to get the extra certification for nonprofit businesses, that it would make it super easy to find something. It’s not looking that way.”

“Nonprofit,” I say. “I forgot that you did that.”

“Don’t you remember all the volunteer hours I had to do?”

“Yeah, but I just put it together. Did you know Danny is starting a nonprofit and looking for someone he can trust to run it?”

“No. What kind of nonprofit?”

“It hasn’t been announced yet, but it’s called Diamonds in the Rough,” Phillip tells him. “It’s a program where former and current college and professional players will go into schools and talk about sports and how getting a college scholarship helped better their lives. Mostly talking to kids about keeping out of trouble,” Phillip says.

I add, “They will also eventually have their own scholarships and money to help with after-school programs for grade-school kids.”

“That would be a dream job, if it pays decent,” Joey says. “I wouldn’t mind moving to Kansas City since Chelsea’s sister lives here, and it’s closer to her parents in Missouri.”

“You should definitely talk to him,” Phillip says. “And, if not, we’re going to have some openings due to our expansion. If you’d be interested in the transportation industry.”

Joey gets up and shakes Phillip’s hand. “I’ll think about that. Thanks, man. I’d better go get Chelsea and get to the hotel. We have some celebrating to do.”

I give him a hug. “Congrats, Joey. On the engagement and the baby. I’m really happy for you.”

“She loved that you did a little candle passing ceremony for her. Thank you for that. And congrats to you both.”

I’m finishing up writing in my journal when Phillip gets into bed with me.

“What a night,” he says. “I bet you’re exhausted.”

“I don’t think I’ll have any trouble falling asleep.”

He wraps his arms around me as I snuggle into my favorite spot in the world.

“Mmm, your neck smells good.”

“You always say that,” he teases.

“Yeah, well, trust me; it’s a good thing because a lot of things that normally smell good are making me sick. Your neck doesn’t make me sick.”

He laughs and kisses me. “I’m glad I don’t make you sick.”