Chapter 11

ANNA

James, for heaven’s sake. His parents are going to be so upset. Not literally kill him, but they’ll be so disappointed. What was he thinking?

“James, what the hell were you thinking? Your mom is going to freak out,” I say, careful not to curse too loud with Lovebug sleeping in the back.

He doesn’t respond. He just keeps staring straight ahead, a clear sign that he knows he messed up.

“I know,” he admits.

“But they were going to be upset either way. So I thought I’d bring you both along as a buffer.

“They won’t yell at me with Liv there,” he says, as if it’s okay to use your three-year-old as a buffer.

I roll my eyes at him—again. I’ve been doing that a lot lately.

~Just admit you love him~, my subconscious whispers. But I can’t, my feelings don’t matter. Olivia—that’s who matters.

“You’ve known about her for a week and you’re already using her,” I point out.

“No, it’s not like that. I just wanted to soften the blow, and looking at her gives me a bit of comfort.”

“Comfort?” I question.

“That everything is going to be okay,” he says, smiling.

I place my hand on his thigh, letting him know that I’m here and I’ll stand by him like I always have. I know I’m doing the exact opposite of what I should be doing. I should be keeping my distance.

But I can’t help it, he needs this. He needs…me.

He’s surprised by my sudden touch. His head turns and his eyes meet mine. His eyes are full of desire, just like I remember.

I know this is the most intimate gesture I’ve given him since we reunited, and it might give him the wrong idea. But he needs physical contact more than he needs a sex life, which I know a bit too much about.

Just the memory of those girls looking at him in class tells me all I need to know.

If—and I mean if—I give him another chance, we’ll have to take it slow. I don’t want my heart broken again.

I know how he craves this affection. He’s always been very physical, and it’s even worse when he’s stressed or nervous.

I guess I don’t need to explain how Olivia came to be. It was during final exams in his last year of college…he was so damn nervous. I was there to comfort him, it’s not like he used me.

I was just his rock, and I was happy to be there. Sometimes a hug is all he needs, or even just a touch. Right now all it takes is a hand on his thigh. I can feel him relax under my touch.

I feel a sense of pride that I still have this effect on him.

~Not like I’m going to tell him that.~

~

~Yeah, you will.~

~

Shut up. I close my eyes, trying to think about anything else, but it’s useless.

~Just one touch from him on my thighs and, God… I don’t know what I’d do. Probably strip him naked and let him take me right against the wall…~

~

~God, the things he can do with that tongue and those hands.~

~

No, stop. Stop thinking like that… But my eyes still wander to his tongue when he licks his lips. And his hands…damn.

“I can’t believe the effect I still have over you,” I tell him honestly, remembering that he has the same effect on me.

He just shrugs. “I don’t know why, but I think you’ll always have this effect on me. Do you remember my last year of college?”

“How can I forget? You were so stressed all the time. As if you’d fail,” I answer, rolling my eyes. But still, a laugh escapes my lips.

“I was so scared to fail, but somehow you made me feel better. Just being around you was enough to calm the stress.”

I can’t help but smile, I feel so damn proud.

“Even if I had to climb through your bedroom window so I could be with you,” he adds quickly. Now I’m full-on laughing.

“You slept in my bed like every night.”

“I did, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, best sleep of my life,” I admit.

“Really?” he asks excitedly.

“I didn’t get much sleep after you left,” I tell him, pointing to the back seat toward Olivia. And the guilty face is back.

~Come on, James.~

~

“Hey, don’t do that. You didn’t know. And look how you are with Liv now. Just don’t do that, you’re doing great, J. You didn’t know,” I tell him. I rub his thigh and rest my head on his shoulder, looking at him.

I close my eyes for a little bit, thinking about how we used to do this a lot. Driving around just to spend time together. Just to get away for a little while.

I feel soft lips kissing my forehead, making me smile as I doze off for a good nap.

“I love you,” I hear in the distance.

~I love you too~…~ But I can’t.

~

James shakes my shoulders, trying to wake me up.

“Love, wake up.” I jerk awake.

“What?!”

“Olivia?” I ask, scared.

“Liv is okay. She’s still sleeping.”

I sigh in relief.

“Damn, I must have fallen asleep,” I say, blushing.

“You fell asleep on my shoulder.”

My eyes widen. “Shit, sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. I liked it. It felt like old times.”

I can't help but shake my head, recognizing the sensation blooming in my chest.

~Love~.

I do harbor feelings for him. He was my first love, and those feelings will always linger. But I can't risk his relationship with Olivia. If we mess up again, what would be the fallout?

She just discovered her father—I can't take that away from her. I refuse to be that kind of parent. If my happiness has to be the sacrifice for their relationship to flourish, then so be it.

“Why are you resisting this?” he questions. He knows I still love him. All I can do is sigh in response.

“Just, don’t, James. Please.”

“Alright, I won’t bring it up.”

“Thank you.”

“For now...,” he adds, prompting an eye roll from me.

His gaze shifts forward. We've arrived at the grand house where he grew up. It's been ages since I've been here. His parents are quite wealthy. His father owns a law firm and his mother is a cardiac surgeon.

I take in the two-story mansion, it’s exactly as I remember. Large, white, and imposing. The expansive gardens with roses in the front. Large, beautiful windows. They've been updated, as far as I can tell.

I wonder if the pond is still in the backyard. Those lilies were stunning.

The front door swings open and Jessica Brown steps out. She descends the stairs leading to their home with a broad smile on her face.

“Ready?” I ask him.

He nods. “Let’s go.” He steps out of the car and sighs.

“Hi, Mom!” he calls out to her. She responds, but I can't decipher her words from inside the car. I glance in the back, Olivia is still asleep.

“What…surprise?” I hear her ask him. I take this as my cue and step out of the car.

“Anna?!” she exclaims in surprise, bouncing up and down.

“Hi, Mrs. Brown.” I wave at her and move toward James, who takes my hand in his. Mr. Brown—David—joins his wife near the front door.

“Hello, Mr. Brown,” I greet him politely.

“Anna, you’ve always called us Jessica and David, no need to change that now,” David tells me.

Jessica takes this as her cue, she rushes down and pulls me into a hug.

“My goodness, you’re even more beautiful than you were four years ago,” she turns to her son and points a finger at him. James raises his hands in surrender.

“I told you to never let her go. But did you listen?”

I chuckle, knowing what's coming next.

“Of course he didn’t,” she says.

“James, I do love this surprise of yours.”

Now he blanches. “Well—she…she’s not the surprise…”

Jessica looks at him quizzically. “What do you mean? Speak up.”

I sigh.

“I’m not the surprise. Or better yet, not the only surprise,” I clarify. All eyes turn to me.

“Before I say anything, promise me you will stay calm. No cursing or yelling—either of you,” I say, pointing at both of them with my “or you’ll be in trouble” look.

I know full well the kind of language those two can use. Olivia will repeat everything they say, and I can't have that.

“Alright, we promise,” David says with a huff of annoyance.

“And you”—I turn to James, and he swallows hard—“grow a pair,” I say as I head back to the car, leaving his parents laughing.

I walk over to the car and open the back door. Olivia is awake.

“Momma,” she says, smiling.

“Hi, Lovebug. Have a good nap?”

She nods. “Where’s Daddy?” she asks, looking around.

“He’s outside waiting for you. You want to come with me?”

“Yes, please.” I lift her out of her seat and place her on the ground. I kneel down and smooth her hair behind her ear. I had put it in a little bun, but it came loose during her nap.

“Take Momma’s hand, baby.”

She takes my hand and I close the car door. I hear gasps, and I meet their eyes as I walk over to the three of them. James turns away from his parents.

~Jesus Christ, this man is so scared of his mother I could write a book about it.~

I see the puzzled looks on their faces as we approach. I can tell that Jessica is on the verge of losing it, but she holds it together. Before she starts firing off questions.

Olivia rubs her eyes and spots James. The smile on her face widens. I release her hand so she can go to him.

“Daddy!” she cries, running toward James.

James drops to his knees and catches her as she launches herself at him.

“Hi, princess.”

“Daddy!”