Chapter 41

ANNA

~Ruby. Damn Ruby.~

~

~Is she here to say sorry? Or is she here because she has to be—so she doesn’t lose Peter?~

~

~Does it even matter? It's not like I want anything to do with her~…~ Or do I?

~

“Anna?” I’m yanked from my thoughts by her voice. She’s standing in front of me, a smug look plastered on her face.

“Ruby,” I reply, folding my arms.

“How’s Olivia?” she tries to make small talk.

“She’s good,” I answer, not in the mood for idle chit-chat. Who asks about a little girl who just had chemo?

“Good… good,” she mumbles. She’s fiddling with her hands, looking at them instead of me.

“Why are you here, Ruby?”

She sighs, not meeting my gaze. But as I sigh too, I catch a glimpse of a sly grin on her face.

“I’m here to apologize,” she says flatly.

My eyebrows shoot up in surprise. What’s she playing at?

“Okay,” I respond slowly, “what are you apologizing for?” I cross my arms again. I don’t want to be rude if she’s genuinely sorry.

Her eyes dart to James. She shoots him a glare. She’s probably hoping he’ll leave.

“Daddy?!” Olivia’s giggle-filled shriek comes through the door.

“I guess that’s my cue,” he chuckles.

“She probably wants to look at ladybug stuff on your computer. You did promise her,” I remind him.

“I know, but damn. Why did I have to bribe her with a new room? I’m never going to hear the end of this ladybug stuff,” he grumbles.

“Hey, I warned you. She got your debating skills, babe. She’ll get what she wants,” I tell him in my “I-told-you-so” voice, holding my hands up.

“And let’s be honest. We’ll give her one thing after a treatment, but only afterward, so she has something to look forward to. By the way, look for a bed—she’s getting too big for hers,” I add.

“Daddy’s coming!” he calls through the door.

“Yeeees! Shopping on the computer!” Olivia’s excited shriek follows. James shakes his head as he heads into the room.

I turn back to Ruby, who’s shaking her head furiously.

“You wanted to apologize?” I ask her again, crossing my arms.

“You’re giving her a new room?” she spits out.

“Yes, we are,” I confirm, raising my eyebrows. I’m just waiting for her to say something nasty.

She rolls her eyes. “That’s stupid,” she declares.

“And why would that be?” I ask, my tone icy.

“You’re encouraging her behavior—she should work for something that big,” she insists.

“Like you made me work for something like love?” I retort.

“That’s not what I mean and you know it, Anna,” she tries to pacify me.

“We are encouraging her behavior—her behavior during treatments. It’s the only way for her to want to fight through each treatment, each shot, every single prodding from the doctors.

“And if we need to buy her some ladybug carpets and a new bed, then so be it,” I snap at her, making her swallow. She probably forgot that this little girl has cancer.

“She is a brave little girl who has faced the worst of days, and there are probably even worse days to come. So just watch it, Ruby. I’m not accepting bad behavior or tantrums in a store.

“I’m encouraging her to keep fighting. Fighting for her life.”

“Oh…,” Ruby murmurs.

“That’s right. I’m a good mother. I’m a damn good mother! So if you are here to question my ability to raise my own child, then I’ll have to ask you to leave.

“I thought you wanted to apologize, but clearly you just want to make me feel even worse,” I tell her.

She shakes her head. “No, no! I don’t want that, I am actually here to apologize. I guess I fell into old habits,” she tries to explain.

“Yeah, your old habit of putting me down. Guess what, it doesn’t work anymore. I’m an adult. I’m twenty-one years old. I have a home, a job, a child, and I have so many people in my life who love me.

“I have everything I ever dreamed of.” I throw back at her.

~A husband too. And a new baby on the way. But you don't need to know about that.

~

She sighs. “I’m really sorry, Anna. I am. I never saw what I did to you. I never saw that you were unhappy. I thought I did a good job of raising you. I really thought you knew we loved you.”

I shake my head. “If you wanted me to know, you should’ve told me, or shown me. But all I got was criticism. I was never good enough.

“You wanted a child you could mold into a perfect, church-going version of a person. You didn’t look at my personality or qualities, all you saw were defects that you could erase,” I tell her.

I wipe away a stray tear. “I’m really sorry that person wasn’t me. I really am sorry. But I have to tell you, nobody is like that. Do you really believe all church families are that perfect?” I ask her honestly.

“What do you mean?” she asks, her voice small.

“Take the Statsons,” I suggest.

She nods with a smile. “Good family,” she agrees.

But I shake my head.

“No, they’re not. Mr. Statson abuses his wife. Jamie Statson, their son, is a rapist who’s currently locked up. His sister has been selling herself since high school.

“She was the one trading blowjobs for cash in the janitor’s closet. And Mrs. Statson? She drowns her sorrows in alcohol. That’s the only way she copes with the abuse.

“They’re not good people,” I tell her, and she shakes her head.

“Just look it up, it’s all over the internet. Then there’s the church’s golden family. The Dickens,” I continue.

“What about the Dickens?” she asks, her interest piqued.

“Mr. Dickens is a womanizer, Ruby. He cheats on his wife at every opportunity.

“And before you say it’s impossible, because I can see it in your eyes,” I quickly interject, looking at her face. “I’ve seen it firsthand. He slept with a teacher, and she wasn’t the only one.

“Mrs. Dickens tolerates it because he’s wealthy. Their daughter spent all of high school trying to seduce James, and now she’s a doctor.

“A good one, but she made my life a living hell in high school,” I say, the memory of Brittany in high school still fresh.

“Wow, how do you know all this?” she wonders.

“Because I kept my ears open whenever I was in town. When I moved to Seattle, I wasn’t part of the community anymore, but I still heard things.

“They’re not who you think they are, Ruby,” I tell her honestly, taking her hands in mine.

Tears well up in her eyes, threatening to spill over, but she holds them back. Just like I remember her—strong, never showing her emotions.

“The only constant in life is family. You messed up a lot with me,” I tell her.

Her face turns even paler.

“But I can try to forgive you. I’m not saying it’ll happen right away, because I have a lot to process right now. I’m just saying I’ll try. Go talk to Peter and my mom.

“I’m sure they’ll try to forgive you, too. And remember, the church community is just a façade. They’d trade you in a heartbeat—” I tell her, snapping my fingers, “—if someone with more money came along.

“They’re not worth your loyalty,” I conclude.

Her tears finally break free and start to flow. She trembles in my arms as she cries.

“I can’t believe I did all that for those people. I really thought they were good people. I’ve been so blind. I’m so sorry, Anna.

“I only ever acted the way I thought they wanted me to. I’ve been such a fool. Anna, please forgive me,” she pleads.

“I can’t. Not yet, anyway. There’s a lot happening with my family right now, and that’s where my focus needs to be. I need to be there for my daughter.

“I’ll try once everything settles down, I promise,” I tell her with a sigh.

She drops her head and lets her tears fall.

~Yes, you really messed up. And I’m not just going to say, “yes, you’re forgiven.” I need time for this. I need to process it all.~

“Just remember, Ruby. You’re the one who raised me—you’ll always be my mom. But you messed up a long time ago, which is why I can’t call you that. It doesn’t feel right in my heart.

“I hope you understand,” I tell her.