Chapter 22: Emperor of Wrath: Chapter 22

It feels like I’m frozen in ice: numb everywhere, seeing the world through a frosty window I can’t quite clear.

I see nothing as we drive in utter silence. If Kenzo is even saying anything to me, I don’t hear it. But I also know he’s doing no such thing.

Since he took one of his men’s cars, buckled me into the passenger’s seat and hit the gas, we haven’t spoken a word.

He hasn’t even looked at me. Or maybe he has, but I’ve been too busy drowning in the pain and shame of my past to notice.

A cold, creeping sensation walks up my spine. I feel dirty. Gross. Untouchable and undesirable. It’s like whatever mask I’ve managed to hold up in front of my face has finally been yanked away, letting Kenzo see the ugly monster beneath.

I shudder, blinking out of my haze a little as the car screeches to a stop and the engine switches off. I glance dully out the side window, only then realizing that we’re back at Kenzo’s mansion.

He storms away from the car, shoving his fingers through his hair. I step out, following at a distance, my eyes downcast, a horrible, disgusting feeling of self-loathing souring inside of me.

Just before he reaches the front door, he whirls on me with a fury that sucks all the air from my lungs. His face curdles into a mask of anger, pain, and jealousy that stabs me like a blade as he looms over me.

“This,” he snarls, “is why I wanted that fucking list.”

My brow furrows, a shiver rippling down my spine as I stare at him. “List?” I choke. “What⁠—”

My face falls as it clicks.

I know what list he means.

“Fuck you,” I hurl at him, my voice hoarse. “FUCK. YOU.”

“Yakuza, Bratva, Mafia…” He shakes his head. “This is a small fucking world we exist in, wife. Tell me—who else am I going to walk into a goddamn meeting with, to talk business with, only to find out later that they fucked you!”

He roars the last part with so much anger and pain that I flinch.

“That is none of your business!” I choke, my eyes filling with tears.

“The fuck it isn’t!” he snarls back. He jabs a finger into the night. “You fucked Leka, what, once? More than once?”

Tears roll down my cheeks as the black walls inside me start to crack and crumble.

“Fuck you,” I spit, shaking. “You don’t know⁠—”

“How many are on the list, Annika⁠—”

“Besides you?! ONE!” I spit venomously, my hands clenched to fists as my entire body shakes. “One, you fucking asshole!”

Kenzo’s face is incredulous as his jaw clenches. “What?”

I turn to walk away. “This conversation is over⁠—”

“The fuck it is.”

I jolt when he grabs my arm and yanks me around to face him. “Were you in a fucking relationship with that fucking⁠—”

“I was in PURGATORY with him!” I scream into his face, blasting away his furious expression and turning it to one of worry. “It was hell! You want to know if I was in a fucking relationship with him!?”

I’m screaming, but I don’t care. I’m shaking, but I feel nothing.

“Let’s review, Kenzo! I was twenty-two, homeless, and broke. He was in his forties, rich, and had all the power. I didn’t know what the words grooming or gaslighting meant, meanwhile he traded in them! I was told it was love and romance when I had bruises and bled. I was told what I felt didn’t matter, nor my consent!”

The tears start to stream down my face.

“I still make myself throw up in the shower sometimes to try and purge the memories. I still scrub my skin so hard it bleeds. Maybe it wasn’t three years of rape because technically I never said no,” I roar in his face as the world blurs, “but it was pretty fucking close!! You tell me, Kenzo!! Does that sound like a relationship to you!? Does that sound like that fuck was my fucking boyfriend, you arrogant, privileged piece of⁠—”

Suddenly, it’s like everything shatters. The walls inside crumble in a thunderous explosion. My heart wrenches.

…And Kenzo wraps me in his arms and pulls me tight to his chest.

“Princess,” he whispers hoarsely.

I break in two and melt against him. I cling to his shirt, sobbing into his chest as it all comes out. All the shame, all the self-loathing. All the ways I’ve called myself ugly and unlovable.

It all comes out as the walls come crashing down.

“I’m so fucking sorry, Annika,” he chokes into the top of my head, holding me so tightly that the air squeezes from my lungs.

But I want that. I need it. I need the raw power and the unmovable force squeezing the life out of me, because I need it all gone.

“I’m right here,” he hisses, holding me even tighter. “I’m right fucking here, and I’m not going anywhere, ever,” he chokes. “I’m here, and I’ll be whatever you need. Whatever it is, tell me,” he groans, burying his face in my hair and surrounding me with his strength and power.

“Just hold me,” I whisper against his chest. “Hold me and don’t ever let go.”

“I can do that,” he whispers back, squeezing me against him.

We stand like that in the moonlight outside his front door for… I’m not sure. It might be hours, or it might be just a few minutes. But in that blind strength and raw power, and in that immovable force, I find a peace I’ve been seeking for years.

Kenzo shakes his head. “I’m so fucking sorry, princess. Forgive me.”

I squeeze him tight, crying softly into his chest.

“There’s nothing to f⁠—”

“Yes,” he growls, pulling back a little. He cups my chin in his hands, tilting my gaze up to his. “Yes, there is.”

I smile wryly, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. “I forgive you.”

His face twists with pain. “Annika, what did he⁠—”

“It’s in the past.”

His grip tightens on me. When I glance back at him, I shiver as I see the raw fury on his face as his jaw ripples.

“Fuck that,” he snarls.

“Kenzo, I really don’t want to talk about⁠—”

“I need to⁠—”

“I am done digging up my past!” I spit, my voice breaking.

His face softens as he leans down, cupping my face again as his eyes lock with mine.

“You misunderstand, princess,” he murmurs quietly. “I don’t want to dig up your past.”

Something malicious flickers in his eyes.

“I want to fucking bury it.”

In the blink of an eye, he’s crushing his mouth to mine. I whimper softly, tears still falling down my cheeks and over his fingers as his lips bruise mine in a cleansing, avenging kiss unlike anything I’ve ever known.

I’m shaking a little, my heart racing, as he pulls away. His eyes lock with mine.

“I’ll be back.”

I blink, my pulse jangling as he turns and starts to march toward the garage.

“Wait!” I cry. “Wait, where are you⁠—”

“To put your past in a hole in the fucking ground.”