âI canât kiss you on the mouth, as expected.â
The lips that touched my cheek left it.
As I was stunned, she smiled and took my hand in hers.
Just a few moments earlier, I had been sleeping soundly.
Of course, no one must have been there at the moment I fell asleep. Perhaps it was while I was sleeping that Kurumizawa-san entered my room and snuck into my bed.
Moreover, she did not just sleep with me, but kissed me on the cheek.
Moreover, as she leaned in close to me, it was as if we were hugging each other.
He was holding my hand like a lover, and my body stiffened.
Kurumizawa-sanâs thick, almost intoxicating scent emphasized her presence even more.
âIâm sure even Nakayama would be angry if I took away his first kiss, right? I donât want to be hated, so I wonât go that far, but I donât want to be forgotten, so Iâll leave a little scar.â
The whispered words were clearly directed at me.
She probably knows Iâm awake.
âIf you want to pretend to be asleep, so be it. You can pretend you didnât notice tomorrow if you want. Iâll never mention it.â
With a mischievous laugh, she now reversed her grip and touched my lips. Her fingers tracing my lips were crawling like a snake.
âNow Iâve done all I can do. All thatâs left is to pray and hope ⦠that Nakayama will accept me, okay?â
The final onslaught was too intense.
She knows Iâm awake. But I donât want to open my eyes. I had to pretend to be asleep to get through this.
Because I didnât know how to react.
Should I be angry? Should I be sad? Should I reject it?
âI couldnât.
Iâve said it many times, but Iâm not an insensitive person.
I understand painfully Kurumizawa-sanâs feelings of âI love youâ.
It is difficult to return disgust to affection.
This is where my human nature comes out.
Iâve always been passive and let things happen as they come. I am unable to clearly express my intentions.
Because of this, when the time comes, I am unable to do anything.
I am truly a pathetic person.
(Shiho⦠really, Iâm sorry.)
No matter how many times I apologized in my mind, I could not clear my mind.
The guilt I felt had become a âscar,â as Kurumizawa-san said, and was etched in my mind.
Come to think of it, once â Mary-san almost did something similar to me.
It was after the festival was over. When I said the discarded words âSuck it upâ in an empty classroom, she tried to kiss me in desperation.
If she had really kissed me then â I probably would not have been able to make proper eye contact with Shiho.
At that time, Shiho saved me in the nick of time.
But this time, that worst-case scenario became a reality.
âNakayama ⦠I donât want to be the first. Iâve said it many times, but second is fine. If you share a little love with me, I will give you a lot of pleasure for it. My father, you know, has money⦠so Iâll take full advantage of it. If you want, you can think of me as your wallet. Iâm just a convenient woman for Nakayama. I am not a very greedy person. I just want the right to be next to Nakayama. Other than that, I donât want anything else.â
At once, Kurumizawa-san whispered sweet words like she was rambling on.
Then she got up and finally left the room.
In the end, I had nothing to say.
But my heart was hurting so much.
(Really⦠really, Iâm sorry.)
The wound in my heart was bleeding and wouldnât stop.
The scars of the guilt carved by Kurumizawa-san have remained unfadedâ¦