CH 245

Against the act of rejection, I found myself more calm than I had expected.

Up until now I had been pretending that Kirari’s fondness for me was invisible, and I had been afraid that she would hate me… When I finally faced her and rejected her, I felt that it wasn’t such a big deal.

(Maybe I’m even worse than I think I am.)

I thought it would be a much more painful choice.

A normal human being would have needed to be very prepared for that decision.

But I’m apparently a self-centered person, so I’m not sensitive to other people’s feelings.

Therefore, it’s no surprise that no matter how much Kirari is hurt,… I don’t think anything of it.

“I’m sorry. Kirari…, don’t follow me anymore.”

Don’t be pushed around by me like this.

Ryoma Ryuzaki is a person who is not worth loving.

Thanks to my childhood friend Shimotsuki, I am now able to look at myself objectively,… and I even have a feeling of disgust toward myself.

It’s wrong to be influenced by such a person and to have a hard time with their emotions.

It is precisely because I think this way that I was able to shake off Kirari’s thoughts in a messy way.

“Huh? But, but … you let me in until now. What happened all of a sudden? Isn’t it strange, Ryu-kun?”

To Kirari, it may have looked like I had changed.

It is natural for her to feel uncomfortable with me in the present because she had seen me in the past.

Looking back, I have never said anything strongly enough to the girls.

They may have described it as “kindness”, … but it just “didn’t matter”.

I’m not kind.

If I had to say, I can only be kind to … myself.

In other words, Ryoma Ryuzaki is a person who is soft on himself.

It would be wrong to be attached to such a person.

“I don’t think it’s strange. … Rather, it’s been strange up until now. Kirari, I don’t want to make mistakes anymore. I don’t want to hurt you anymore,… so don’t try so hard for me. Forget about me.”

With that, I turn to walk away.

I try to shake off her thoughts and pretend that our previous association never happened.

There’s only one person I can make happy.

I have already chosen that person. Yuzuki Hojo.

The time when I was allowed to be indecisive is long gone.

In order to walk the high road of a romantic comedy…, I cut Kirari off.

“Sorry.”

I said that last and turned my back on her.

I was going to walk away as it was,… but my hand was unexpectedly grabbed.

“Wait. I’m not done talking.”

Of course, the person on the other end of the line was Kirari.

She’s still trying to hold on to me,… how many times do I have to tell her that’s a mistake?

It makes me kind of sad to see a girl who is trying to make herself unhappy.

I wondered if I would have to use stronger words to get her to leave me… and it was then that I was thinking about that.

“Ryu-kun is … trying to become ‘who’ right now?”

Those words pierced my heart.

Who am I trying to be, you ask?

There is no one. I’m me… I could have said that, but I choked up.

“Do you know that your words are very light? Do you really mean what you say? It’s like you’re taking … someone else’s words at face value, and it’s really weird.”

The image of that girl suddenly flashed in my mind when she pointed out the lightness of my words.

(No way, I’m taking … Shimotsuki’s words as my opinion?)

I was made aware.

I am now projecting other people’s evaluations directly onto my own.

Without thinking about the true nature of the matter, I am simply taking it for granted because “Shimotsuki said so”.

Because of this, my words are not convincing, apparently.

Kirari said that my words were ‘light,’ and she dismissed them as such.

“Besides, it’s too late for that kind of thing to be said now,… because I can’t go back.”

Her tone of voice is calm. Although she is calm and her demeanor is quite natural, the eyes that peered at me through the frames of her … glasses were glowing with a bewitching light.

The light of determination.

A strong will resides in it.

“I will not allow you to run away from me after you stole my heart. Don’t think you can shake me off with a casual feeling.”

…Maybe for the first time.

“Both me and Ryu-kun … are already taking too many wicked paths to take the high road.”

I’ve never seen Kirari show such a strong determination towards me before…