Chapter 13: Therapy
After getting over my incentive period of shock which included me calling Angelo crazyâfor the umpteenth timeâprior to him recommending me to see a magician, I actually went and saw one.
Well, at least my version of it.
"Okay, Ms. Crew. What can I help you with today?" The therapist said as she fixed her glasses which had slid down the bridge of her nose.
She was a slim built lady with an air which spoke towards how much she didn't take bullshit from anyone. I was a bit intimidated by that image of her, but the fact that she looked no more than five years older than me was oddly reassuring.
"You see, doc. My mental functioning isn't impaired. I can remember long lists of things, what I ate last week, how many times I've taken a shower todayâ" She started writing down the things I was saying on her notepad and I froze at her serious nature. I folded my hands in my lap coyly. "Anyway, that's not what I'm trying to say. What I'm trying to say is I'm not crazy."
She nodded understandingly and I let out a sigh of relief.
At least she didn't think I wasâ
"That's how these things always start out, Ms. Crew." The blonde haired woman notified me.
"However, it's not a problem to identify that you have a problem." She said softly and I froze.
"I don't have a problem."
"Oh, really?" She mused. "Then why are you here?"
I surveyed her monotonous office with a grim expression. That question really got me there. It really had me thinkingâoverthinking. And for me that was never a good thing.
"I met this guyâ"
"Drug addict? First or second time offender? Or perhaps, is he already married?"
My eyes widened at how swiftly the words left her.
It was like this was second hand nature for her to try and break down my potential issue.
"No, no, no. You don't understand."
Her brows raised. "Oh," I nodded in relief that she had finally got where I was coming from but then she guessed, "So he's gay."
"Is this the kind of messed up stuff people come to see a therapist for?"
She leant back against her chair, still observing me keenly.
"You're deflecting." She hypothesized.
"I'm not," I scoffed. "I'm just genuinely curious."
The woman turned her name plaque towards me with a sharp look. It had Doctor Samuels written in bold letters.
"What else did you think it was then? Do you think people come here to hear about the latest fashion trends or who is dating who? They come here because they're broken human beings that need repair."
"If that's the case, why don't they just see a damn priest?"
"I don't think that word and priest should fall in the same sentence," she criticized. "However, people don't believe in God as much as they used to back in the day. They believe in what they can seeâwho they can speak directly to."
I frowned at the truth to her words.
"You seem perturbed by the thought," she caught on quickly. "If you have this much faith and interest why didn't you go seek a church instead of coming here?"
"What you said was right, but the people aren't entirely to be blamed. The church isn't what it used to be either."
She nodded, an enlightened smile touching her face. "You're right as well."
Then she folded her hands over her desk and regarded me with a level of patience. "But you still haven't told me why you're here. You were asked to write up your conditions but you left the page blank. Is there a reason for that? You should know that we have a strict rule when it comes to our patient's confidentiality."
"It's not about that." I assured her quickly.
"Then what is it about? You have to tell me so I can help you."
"Do you believe in God?"
She faltered. "What?"
"Doctor Samuels, do you believe in God?"
She smiled softly. "I do."
"If that's the case, do you believe in the Devil?"
"If there's a great being out there to ensure goodness and mercy then I'm sure there's an opposing creature out there going against that."
"So that's a yes?"
The woman nodded in confirmation.
With skittish eyes, I looked around the bland office once more before turning to her with uneasy eyes. "I think I'm being punished."
Finally seeming to get somewhere, she sat up straighter. "What do you mean?" Her face contorted with an expression of curiosity but also mild surprise.
"There's this man. Well, at this point I don't even think he's a man. At least not like us, you know? Ever since we met at this club I haven't had a break with strange things happening around me. I was even the target of some...psycho's revenge because I apparently smelled like him. He saved meâthe same man I mean. After that, he took me back to his place to cater to my wounds but then he scared me when he brought up this rather strange and ancient story. Of course, I didn't believe it and left..." I decided to omit the part about our little play session. "Then he freaking showed up at my door as a pizza delivery guy! Who did he expect to believe that he was working such job with the top class place he was living in? Okay, so maybe he was a very successful pizza delivery guy. But how does that explain me seeing him at a restaurant as a waiter almost a week later? And that's not even the end of it! He showed up at my workplace a few days ago as my new superior. It's not just me, is it? Do you think all of this is too unlikely to be considered a coincidence?"
She pursed her lips as she continued to jot down what I just told her but I doubt she was able to regurgitate all of that on paper with the pace I had spoken at.
"Hmm..." Dr. Samuels hummed to herself in thought before glancing up at me. "Sounds like you're infatuated to me."
"W-What?" I squeaked.
"Don't worry, Ms. Crew. As surprising as this sounds, this condition isn't very uncommon."
"It's not a condition," I snapped and she went to note down my little moment of rage. "I really am seeing him everywhere I go."
"That's a factor of what we call Obsessive Love Disorder. You wish to have a relationship with a person so much that it evolves over time to a near desperate intensity and fervor of infatuation. Unfortunately, it sometimes leads to a particular delusional disorder which you're experiencing right now."
I let out a breath of disbelief at her diagnosis.
What was I expecting coming to someone who operated mainly based on science?
Maybe I really should've gone to a priest instead.
At least he would have the decency of believing my story, or at least pretending to do so.
"I'm not experiencing anything like that. I'm telling you that I see this guy everywhere I go. In the flesh! It's almost as if he's following me with a purpose."
"Slow down, Ms. Crew." She interrupted calmly. "Take a deep breath before continuing."
I followed her command but instead of feeling relaxed I felt more riled up. The masked pity in her eyes was really getting to me as much as I tried to ignore it.
"He's fast." I finally said after a moment of serious contemplation. "Inhumanly fast at that. I don't think someone should be as strong as he is either. Sometimes I feel like he's made of steel." My eyes expanded as a certain thought came to mind.
"You don't think he's a governmental experiment on the loose, do you?" I whispered carefully.
She shook her head at me with a deep frown.
"I don't think that's the case, Ms. Crew."
That's when I froze and realized what had just happened.
I had proved to her that my mental state was indeed unstable with that one question.
Throwing my head back, I couldn't help but laugh at the poor state that I was in.
The therapist watched me carefully, not in the least taken aback by my sudden change in attitude.
"Oh my god," I said between light chuckles before wiping at the corner of my eyes. "I really do sound crazy, don't I?"
"You're not crazy, Ms. Crew."
"Oh, I forgot. You prefer the term 'broken' for individuals like me." My statement ended with a hard glare.
I wasn't necessarily angry at her. More so at the system which didn't allow for any freedom of expression like it had promised and not even the decency to take the initiative to have any belief in it. It really infuriated me.
"For someone who said she believes in the Almighty, you're really shortsighted, doc." She returned the look of anger towards me at my sharp jab at her way of life.
"Do you only believe in something you've read in those stacks of books?" I pointed to the pile behind her on the shelf. "Can't you consider the possibility of something...otherworldly?"
Her eyes narrowed. "I can."
"Then why don't you stop giving me the textbook definition of my situation and tell me what you really think is going on in my life." I couldn't help but snap with fiery eyes.
The stare down between the two of us prolonged until finally, she put down the notepad in her hand and regarded me as if her entire being was finally accepting my case.
"He's not normal for sure," she started out slowly, almost hesitantly.
"From what you've told me, I think he's certainly not one of us; advanced speed and strength being the biggest hints. He has the ability to mold himself into any aspect of your daily life, from a pizza guy to your superior at work. That means he has the ability to manipulate the reality of things, change the world around him and get people to see him in the form that he wants them to."
My nails dug into the palm of my hand as I listened to her keenly. I was practically on the edge of my seat as she progressed into a much darker tone.
With awoken eyes, she regarded me tensely. "There's only two answers to his true form."
"What are they?"
There was a moment of hesitancy where she looked around almost as if she was searching for the presence of an intruder. Then she leaned forward, as close as she could get from behind the desk which separated the both of us, then she said what I have been dreading all along.
"He's either a demon..."
My eyes squeezed shut for a millisecond and I swore a tear of fear came out.
"Or he's an angel."
My heart constricted at both of the possibilities, the second one bringing more lightness to my chest for sure.
"Is that really what you think?" I asked tentatively.
She shot me a look. "You're the one who said to be transparent. Without the complexity of the sciences I've been taught to believe in more than an incredible story which nobody would regard as more than a fairy tale."
"Speaking of fairy tales, he's said that we've met before. In a different life. About ten centuries ago." I decided to just spill and everything seeing as she was taking genuine interest in it now.
I could see her visibly gulp. "Well, if that isn't a lot to take in." She pondered with blown eyes.
A moment of deliberation went by and I waited patiently before she spoke again. "Maybe you two did meet." She finally said.
"Are you kidding me?"
"Do you think I have the time to be joking with you? I'm a very busy person. It's the only thing I can think of off the top of my head. If what you've said is true, he doesn't have anything to gain by lying to you about this. Maybe you should consider the idea of reincarnation."
"I do believe in reincarnation but this isâ"
"Crazy?" She interrupted as if she was testing me once again.
I unintentionally glared at her.
"No," I denied. "It's just too incredible for me to digest even at this point in time. But after everything I've seen in his presence, things that I thought were only possible in fables, I'm not entirely ruling out the idea. That would explain why I feel like he's so familiar to me even though we hadn't met before that night at the club."
I twiddled with my fingers and paused to take a deep breath. "He said he could help me remember everything about us."
"How?" Her inquisitive nature was pouring out as she bit down onto her nails.
"He said if I'm up to it he'll bring me to see some kind of magician. That he could help me recall the memories of us I seem to have forgotten."
She sat there, as still as a statue.
"What do you think?"
I have been gauging her reaction from saying magician and she did not let the slightest bit of facial muscle twitch.
"I think you should try it out."
"Are you being for real?" I sputtered in shock.
"What? You have nothing to lose." She argued.
"Except my life if he's planning to take me somewhere remote and kill me."
"If he wanted to kill you he would've done that a long time ago," Huh. That actually made sense. "You can try and see if what he's offering will help. If not, you can always come back to me. The scientific way of treating you is still up for the offer."
I winced at the sound of that.
If this didn't work out, it would technically lead to me admitting that I was crazy.
It made me start wondering if that was why she had gone along with this whole story in the first place.
Staring at her, I didn't think I would ever be able to find out so I gave her a smile filled with fake confidence. "I'll see you next Wednesday after meeting him."
***
I'm a walking travesty.