A/N: The song above was made for this chapter. Listen and cry. You're welcome x
Chapter 37: The Way You Lie
Angelo took a steady breath as he continued to look me in the eyes.
His gaze was unwavering as the color within it tried its best to retain its warmth. Nevertheless, it seeped into a cool gray leer without his knowledge.
I resisted the urge to tremble as his hands meekly clasped mine.
It showed how scared he was to even touch me and that was the moment I knew we could never go back to what we were after this conversation.
"I know I haven't been the most honest person since you've met me," he started apprehensively. His eyes were sinking into sadness and so was my heart. "It may sound like an excuse even now, but I had my reasons for acting that way. I thought that if I hid you from a painful past maybe we would have a better chance at a happy future. I didn't think that would discredit me so much in your heart that you would begin to think of me as a traitor."
I swallowed heavily; feeling like there were stones in my throat blocking the airway.
I wanted to reassure him, comfort him and tell him it was okay out of that pure instinct I could never explain. But this time my body couldn't bring itself to do that.
His lips curled up ironically at my hesitancy then the self-ridicule was unleashed. "And maybe I am. I'm a traitor that wants nothing but you, even if that means keeping you in the dark...even about yourself. I can admit that now."
The grip he had on my hand tightened at seeing the shock on my face.
H-How could he just say something like that? Without any sense of remorse? I thought. He didn't seem to care about how I would view him anymore. Everything had gone up in flames already. The last string of trust I had for him burned the moment I was headed for the heavens without his consent. He knew that before I even did. Therefore, it took nothing for him to act this wayâlike a man who had lost everything. It wasn't hurting him to pour salt into the wound even if it was his own. He was spitting out the selfish thoughts of his heart, like pure venom even if the sound of them horrified me.
My hands slipped themselves quickly out of his own without much resistance from him. He looked at me taking a step back with a now empty gaze. As if he saw this coming.
I felt the air in the room shift and the candles that were lit to the side started flickering from a mild wind.
I knew it was his doing.
Something was building in the room.
I didn't say anything; just watched him.
Angelo wasn't conscious of the change in the atmosphere and even if he was, he didn't seem to care about it. All he was transfixed by was the look on my face as he spilled his guts to me. In the most gruesome way possible.
"Isabelle," he started, gaining my attention once more because of how firm he sounded. "I have loved you for many lifetimes and more, do you think another one could have prevented me from being with you again?"
My brows furrowed as my mind processed the weight of the question.
I couldn't help but bristle at his candidness.
"Isabelle, I have loved you for many lifetimes and more, do you think YOU could have prevented me from being with you again?"
Isn't that what he was asking?
I was nothing but another replica of his love once more.
It didn't matter if I didn't love him in this life. It didn't matter if I didn't even find him remotely attractive in that club that night when he first approached me. He would've made me his anyway...
Because I always had been.
The sinister truth to this made me want to run as far away as I could from this man.
In his mind, that meant throughout all the moments we had upon meeting, all his attempts of having me "remember" the past that had been blocked from me, he had been focused on one thing: I would be his inevitably.
He didn't care that I was going through a war in my mind and that my sense of identity kept being questioned by myself.
Angelo was only concerned by the fact that at the end of the day I would have no choice but to stay by his side. No matter how long that took for me to get there, it would happen.
He would make it happen.
My strides were fast and without much contemplation my right hand raised and slapped him across the cheek.
His face turned to the side and I knew it was most likely from shock.
I was aware that something like this didn't faze him, but it was for my own contentment.
"You crazy bastard! How could you do this to me?! You're telling me all this time you have been toying with me?" My fists beat at his chest as he barely even shook from them landing on him.
He stood firm and I hated how even now he was unaffected. Because of this, I pushed him and I stumbled back myself. I would have landed on the floor if it weren't for him moving at the speed of light and catching me.
I started sobbing.
I couldn't help it. I felt like the biggest fool of all time.
Once again, I had been betrayed because I really thought someone had my best interest in mind.
I hoped that someone had loved me for me.
But that wasn't the case.
"Isabelle..."
"S-Shut up!" I yelled at him; loathing my body's natural reaction to his own being so close. Hating the way the goosebumps foolishly stood up on my skin at the sound of his voice, no matter which tone he used. I wanted to scream out loud at the way my heartbeat accelerated because his fingers dipped into my waist.
I started hitting myself hysterically causing him to gasp.
I hated him.
I hated him for making me feel like this.
Like I was a fool.
Like I was nothing more than another puppet in his grand scheme of things.
Like I was nothing special.
He grabbed my hands, forcing them to not hurt myself anymore.
If only he knew that was nothing in comparison to the pain he has inflicted in my heart.
His eyes grew increasingly red rimmed with every passing second as he looked at me. I mean really looked at me. I was panting from the fit I had thrown. It didn't take long for me to calm down enough to say what I wished to.
"You don't have the right to explain to me anymore." My voice came out with a rasp. Broken and coarse. "From here on out, you've officially lost that opportunity. I get it now. I get it all too well. But let us be clear on one thing, Angelo..." My eyes found him inflamed from the grudge I was feeling. I could see the reflection of dying embers in his own.
"You may have gotten the me you've loved centuries ago to love you but that doesn't mean I will too. In fact, I hate you, Angelo. I hate everything you claim to do for me in the name of love. I hate the way you make me feel drawn to you without my permission; like it's some type of drug. I hate the way you care only for the past and are still stuck in it. I hate the way you keep secrets. I hate the way you pretend to like me for me. I hate...I love the way you lie." I chuckled maniacally towards the end.
He looked at me like a ghost was before him.
And rightfully so.
I felt like I was losing myself more than I ever did before in my life. I had been through some shitty experiences in the past. I have met some goddamn awful people, but somehow the man I thought I loved turned out to be the head of the list.
If life wasn't anything, it sure was unpredictable.
Angelo was stoic as he always was when put on the spot.
At one point between the dreadful silence that settled between us and we sat in our misery, I thought he would opt to disappear.
But he didn't.
Both of us stayed.
And it made me feel much worse knowing that was the reality of us.
Neither of us could part out of that inherent feeling that made us feel like we'd be losing something bigger than we already have.
I hated it and wanted to erase it as much as possible.
Now I was beginning to get a taste of what Elisabetta had felt in the past.
I was starting to understand where she was coming from. I began to question all the bad things I had heard about her. All her fables of betrayal and hurting the one who loved her. Had anyone else ever got to thinking maybe it was the other way around like I was now feeling? Did they even once consider her side of the story?
My mind travelling down that path made me feel like I had swallowed some hard pills.
"I...I never meant to hurt you, Isabelle."
His voice was the most painful I had ever heard.
I was too clouded by my own emotions to even care about what he was feeling.
Turning the tables, it wasn't like he ever did anyway.
I couldn't help but laugh. "Well, you did. Look at where we are now. If only you had been honest to begin with we would've never ended up like this. It's all your fault."
It took a minute before I heard him repeat my words in an emotionless loop.
"We would've never ended up like this..."
My head lifted towards him as everything in the room started slowly cracking away or breaking into tiny fragments.
"Angelo..." I whispered, terrified.
"We would've never ended up like this..."
I could hear the sound of thunder break out unnaturally from outside of the room. It felt like it was rattling the entire castle-like place. And within the next moment as I opened my mouth, lightning struck an area of the wall above our heads. The painting caught on fire.
"Angelo!" I screeched as the sound of hard knocking was heard from the other side of the door.
"Isabelle! Are you okay?" The sound of muffled yelling came as the space around us was being disintegrated piece by piece by the broken angel before me.
It was Azrael's voice.
He was trying to get in.
While he did, my eyes continued to watch Angelo in widened fright as he physically began to transform. Slowly his eyes switched to a murderous slate gray and his arms and legs began to glow an ominous hue. It was nothing like the golden, warm haze he did in the car in the past when we had sought out a magician's help. His hair didn't dance with starlight, instead they casted the shadows of clouds. There was nothing remotely appealing about this state and if things didn't seem like they could get any worse I witnessed as a pair of wings grew from his back.
I tripped over myself being halfway to opening the door as this wasn't anything I had ever experienced.
Unfortunately, my hands couldn't keep steady for the life of me, so I couldn't open the door at all.
I felt the light brush of a wind and fearing for the worse, I looked up to see an anti-Angelo standing before me.
I feared looking into those eyes as they reflected no memory of me.
It was like they were staring at a stranger. They were merciless, cold and unaffected by my pleading face.
"A-Angelo...?"
I hated the way I stuttered and even more so the curiosity my eyes had and looked over at those wings again. White as cotton...they weren't. Instead, they were a soiled gray; like storm clouds. They were massive and peaked at a great height above his shoulders. I noticed in that quick moment that they were clasped together; as if they were tied by some invisible string.
My brows furrowed in confusion at that.
However, I was reminded I was facing a bigger issue when he lifted a hand towards me and I flinched.
My eyes screwed shut, waiting for the worse to happen.
They always said the angel of peace and angel of war could be the same person.
Seeing Angelo in this state, I finally understood the meaning of those words.
I now saw how he could be the most friendly archangel but also the most feared commander in the chief of the heavens.
He was the angel who protected but also destroyed whomever was in his path. He was built like a monster for those scenarios, one of which I had landed myself into.
The sound of Azrael banging on the door matched the beats of my heart.
Right then and there, I knew I was done for.
***
A/N:
It's been a little while my loves, so I hope you've all been well. Just a realistic reminder to care of yourself. Also, next chapter will be up by the end of this week (maybe earlier) x