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One word to describe this book?
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Running away was a bad decision.
I should've just stayed home, with dad when I know he needs me the most. But as soon as I woke up today, the feeling of immense dread and sorrow that washed over me, just made me drive in the middle of the day, without telling anyone about my whereabouts.
It's my mom's third death anniversary, and with each passing day, the ache in my heart seems to multiply tenfolds. These memories keep on playing on repeat like a broken record, reminding me that she's never coming back again.
Now and then, there are these flashbacks - and then the realisation dawns upon me that she's gone. She's just a memory now. The day of her funeral was the day I finally believed that my mom, my best friend was never coming back. With each step I took in the opposite direction of that casket, I lost a part of me.
I miss her. I miss her warm embrace, the familiar scent that had the power to calm me down even when there was a violent storm brewing inside of me. I miss her million dollar smile, the smile that reassured us till her last breath, giving us false hopes that everything will be fine. When it all just flipped the next day. Wrecking our lives like the sinking of a ship after colliding with a giant iceberg. The iceberg being the bloody disease that took her away from us.
I miss reading with her, lounging in our living room, sipping on our favourite tea and laughing at all the silly things our favourite characters would do, or fangirling over the hot male protagonist.
But when I wake up from my dream, all I realise is that these are all memories now.
Wiping away the tears that had managed to fall from my eyes, I make my way inside the familiar cemetery, through the old rusty iron gates, wincing as it creaks when I push it open.
The dry leaves crunch under my feet as I walk down the familiar pathway. The half grown, half dried trees stand proud like always, small wrens perched up on their branches, chirping away. These little creatures look happy.
Little do they know that they are surrounded by death on all sides.
Even the weather is not on my side today. The sky above me has turned an ugly and dull shade of grey, thick smoky clouds scatterd all over the usual clear blue sky, showing a promise of heavy rains and a possible storm.
My feet automatically carry me to the familiar tombstone, covered in lilies, her favourite flowers. They are laid down carefully near her name, and look fresh and new. That means dad must've been here early in the morning before going to work.
My knees buckle automatically, my hands delicately brushing agaisnt her name, the familiarity brushing up against my senses.
Here lies Jennifer Lyss Herrington
Loving mother, wife and daughter.
(1982 - 2017)
I let my fingers softy trail over the quote engraved below, letting the tears drop on the lonely stone, marking it with my presence.
"If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever."
A sob racks through me, shaking my entire body as I let out all of the pent of feelings and frustrations, sitting next to mom. Heavy cries escape my mouth but I try to suppress them all and take a deep breath, "Hey mum. It's been three years. Three years and it still feels like you were here with us last night as dad you and I were talking about some new show that came out."
Tears continue their way down my cheeks, making it difficult for me to see clearly.
"I miss you mom. I miss you so much. I wish you were here to hold me, kiss me and tell me that everything's going to be alright. I want you to yell at me for keeping my room messy all the time mom. I want to see you again, I want to hug you again mom."
I take a deep breath when it gets a little difficult to speak through the tears.
"Dad misses you too, so much. You know how much of a cry baby he is. I saw him sitting in his room the other day, holding a picture of yours close to his heart, and weeping silently. And it hurts to see him like that mom. It hurts so much."
"Do you know dad met someone? Her name is Cherry and she's really sweet. I think you would have liked her. Even though they just started going out, I feel like she's good for him. And I hope you feel the same way, mom."
The wind picks up, chills nipping at my exposed skin. I feel tiny droplets of water fall on my, indicating that it's started to rain. Instinctively, I pull the hoodie tight around me, preventing me from the cold.
The drizzle turns to full blown downpour, making me snuggle up against the tree next to me, wrapping my arms around my knees and bringing them to my chest. Choked up sobs clog by throat, heavy tears roll down my cheeks, making it all the more difficult for me to see my surroundings.
I shut my eyes tight, reminiscing the happy moments of mom and I. How much I wish I could have them all with her again. But I can't. And it hurts.
I miss you mom.
We all miss you.
A thunder striking makes me snap my head up to look up at the violent sky, the trees around me all blowing with the wind. The same is going on inside of me.
I bring my knees all the more close to my body, and bury my head in my hands, my body shaking with cold and the muffled cries.
I swallow a huge lump and pick my head up to look at my mom's grave, "Do you remember the last time we were together and it was raining heavily? We were coming back from a club meet and your car broke down. So we decided to walk the distance and leave car in the library itself so that you could bring it back with some help the next day."
I laugh through the tears.
"We had decided to get something to eat, so we had gone to a nearby hot dog stall but before we could get our food, it started raining heavily so we had to run away to a nearby shade to prevent ourselves from getting wet. But you being the party animal, you had dragged me to the park where we played along with those kids, completely wet but you didn't care."
"We were just like those kids, carefree and happy. Well, I was a kid, but you were an adult but you didn't care."
My hands instinctively grab the necklace around my neck, feeling as if mom's sitting right to me, and listening to me while I talk nonsense.
"I want to be that carefree child again, with you mom," I whisper, "I am very happy where I am. And it's all because of you. And the strength that you gave us."
I take a deep breath, biting my lip.
"You know mom, after Micheal, I had thought that I wouldn't be able to find something you and dad had, but then Ridge came into picture," Mom needs to know about her future son in law, "He waltzed into my life at the perfect moment, sweeping me off the feet. Dad loves him too, just like his son. And you would've loved him too. He's the definition of gentleman, sweet all the time, but intimidating when he wants to be. Just like dad."
A smile takes over my features when a mop of messy hair and those twinkling brown eyes flash in front of my eyes. He has the ability of making me smile and lighten up my mood even when he's not physically present here.
"He's perfect mom. Just like you had said once, he's the guy keeps me on my toes all the time, but I wouldn't have it any other way."
"Lydia!"
My eyes widen when I feel someone call out my name. The voice resembles Ridge's. Oh god, so I can hear him in my mind now? If mom would have been here, she would've called me whipped.
I shake my head and laugh.
"Lydia!"
I stand up from my sitting position when I hear his voice again. Frantically, I look around to see Ridge running towards me, completely drenched in rain, his clothes sticking to his body. When his eyes meet mine, all the worry and panic washes away, replaced by relief and concern.
I try to move, but somehow my feet are glued to its place. I see him walk towards me in long quick strides, his arms engulfing me in his familiar warmth. It takes me a moment to register what's happening, before I wrap my arms around his torso, hugging him tight like my life depends on it. As soon as he holds me close to him, all chills fade away, replaced by the familiar feeling I get whenever I'm with him. Safety and love.
"I was so worried about you," he whispers in my ear, burying his face deeper in my neck, his arms tightening their hold on me.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I should've told you where I was going. It was selfish of me to just leave like that. I shouldn't have-" he cuts me off by placing his finger against my lips.
"Sweetheart, it's fine. It's all okay. I'm just happy to know that you're alright," his fingers come up and wipe my face delicately. "Just please don't do this again, okay? I lost my goddamn mind when I came to see you only to find you gone, and I had no idea where you would be. I had all these crazy scenarios playing in my head," he pauses to take a deep breath, resting his head against mine, "I don't care anymore. All that matters is you and that you are here with me."
Fresh wave of tears hit me, a silent cry bubbling out of my throat. I wrap my arms around him, holding onto him. He threads his fingers through my hair, leaving kisses all over my head.
"How did you find me here?" I ask, words muffled as my face is pressed up against his chest.
"Tanner and Emilia, they told me that I'd find you here, since it's your mom's death anniversary," he murmurs against my skin. "I know that I shouldn't have been here, but with such a bad weather, and you being an hour drive away, it didn't sit well with me, so I drove here as fast as I possibly could."
"Thank you so much for coming here. You don't know how much that means to me," I whisper, pulling away to give him a kiss, pouring all of my feelings into the gesture.
"So, now that I'm here, can I meet the beautiful lady who blessed me by giving birth to you?" he muses, making me giggle.
And for the next fifteen minutes or so, we sit there, next to mom, Ridge talking about me with mom, filling her with all of my recent embarrassing moments.
Ridge notices me shivering, so he stands up, "You'll catch a cold like this. Come on, I think we should go now."
I nod, and we bid mom farewell, with a promise to be back again. The raining is stopped but the harsh wind is still blowing, making me step close to Ridge. He wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me close to him, placing a kiss on my forehead. "I have two spare hoodies in my car. We'll change before we leave so that we don't get sick."
"Okay."
As we walk out of the cemetery, a wave of relief washes over me. When mom had died, I had thought that I lost my home. Incomplete family issues. But with Ridge by my side, I realize that home is where this guy is.
Quitely, we change into the hoodies, with Ridge shielding me as I quickly change into his clothes. When we're done, he bends forward and pulls me in for a soft kiss. "Come on, let's get you home."
A smile takes over my features and I wrap my arms around him, "Where do you think I am right now?"
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Now this actually feels like a proper ending. This is officially the last chapter of Friendships And Other Disasters.
The chapter that made me both cry and smile at the same time. Hope I did justice to Lydia's mom and the ending! <3