Chapter 16: Defensive

~“Need you when I’m broken, when I’m fixed. Need you when I’m well and when I’m sick. Friends that I rely on don’t come through. They run like the river but not you.” —Zayn Malik.~

Chapter Theme Song: “There You Are” by Zayn Malik.

HARMONY

~“Stay away from me then!”~

Those words, spat out in anger yesterday, have been echoing in my mind ever since. ~Did he mean them?~ His eyes were filled with such fury, I can’t help but think he did.

I was wrong. I shouldn’t have judged him without knowing the whole story. I became just like everyone else. I feel like I’ve let both him and myself down.

As the April rain falls, I pull on a knee-length jean skirt and a black long-sleeved top. I let my hair hang loose, not having the energy to fight with it today. My thoughts are too consumed with Blaze Xander.

My phone rings from the nightstand as I grab my bag from the bed. Seeing my mom’s face on the caller ID brings a small smile to my face.

I press the phone to my ear, comforted by the fact she’s called. There’s something about a ~mother~ that brings peace, even on your darkest days.

“Hey, Mom.”

“Harmony, how are you doing there?”

I shrug, even though she can’t see me, and sling my bag over my shoulder. “It’s okay so far.”

~It’s not.~

“Okay great. I am so worried about you.” She sighs, and I see April emerge from the bathroom, towel-drying her hair.

“Don’t be, Mom. I’m all right, really,” I reassure her, wishing she could tap into her ~motherly-psychic-powers~ and see that I’m falling apart inside.

Blaze is the kind of person that when he’s mad at you, it cuts so deep you can feel it physically. I can feel myself getting attached to him and I hate it.

It’s not healthy, especially since I’m pretty sure he doesn’t feel the same way about me. He cut me off so easily.

I deserved his anger, though. I slapped him without even hearing him out. But anyone would have reacted that way to his cruel response.

He didn’t seem to care at all, just kept smiling like Malcolm’s pain was some kind of sick entertainment.

I wanted to believe in him, and I still do, despite what happened yesterday.

“Okay, dear, and your brother misses you a lot.”

I smile at the mention of my little brother, and then his sweet voice comes on the line, making my smile grow.

“Harmony!”

I chuckle. “Eli! How are you?”

“I miss you.”

His words mend a little piece of my broken heart. I miss my family. “Me too, soldier.”

April listens to my conversation, smiling as she flops onto the bed to put on her shoes.

“Take good care of Mom now, okay?”

“Okay.”

I blow him a kiss through the phone before my mom’s voice comes back on. “Remember if you need anything call me, Harmony.”

“Sure, Mom.”

“Okay, bye sweetie.”

She hangs up, and I slip my phone into my skirt pocket. April looks up at me, struggling to get her shoe on and smiling.

“You have such a nice family. My parents fight all the time, that’s why I chose to live on campus. They drive me crazy. I’m jealous of how loving your family is.”

I smile and shrug. “Well...it’s just my mom, my brother, and I.”

Finally getting her boot on, she sighs and stands up, quickly pulling her brown hair into a ponytail. “No dad?”

I shake my head, pressing my lips together. “He died...”

Her face softens immediately, and I can tell she regrets bringing it up. “Sorry, I didn’t know—”

“No, it’s okay.” I wave it off. “It’s cool. Ready to go?”

She still looks sympathetic, but I think she understands I don’t want to talk about it. “Okay, let’s go.”

She stands and I notice her boots. They’re black leather and stop just above her ankles. They look perfect for any weather.

“I like those.” I smile.

She grins, turning her foot this way and that. “Thanks, maybe I could get you a pair? For Blaze’s party next week.”

~Blaze’s party?~

I don’t think I’ll be going, considering he told me to stay away from him.

Seeing the uncertainty on my face, she crosses her arms over her chest and shakes her head. “Don’t back out, please?” She drops her shoulders and pouts. “You promised.”

~Yeah, I did promise, I know, please don’t rub it in.~

I sigh, not wanting to hurt her feelings. I shouldn’t have made a promise I wasn’t sure I could keep. I just hope I can avoid him for most of the night.

“Okay,” I say, and she beams, grabbing her bag from the bed.

“Awesome! I was scared you’d back out.” She laughs. “Okay, let’s go.”

We leave the dorm room and start down the hallway. April points in the opposite direction. “My class is that way.”

“Sure, I’m headed the other way.” I flash her a smile.

“Great. Join us for lunch in the cafeteria today, okay?”

I usually enjoy eating alone, but I guess accepting her invitation for today won’t hurt. I don’t want to seem like I’m always rejecting her friendly gestures.

“Um, okay, I will.”

She grins, waves at me, and then disappears around the corner.

***

I make it to literature class just in time.

I remember being late for the first lecture last week because Blaze had kept me up in the hallways. A part of me secretly wishes he was here to do the same today.

I spot Malcolm in his usual seat, and luckily, the seat next to him is vacant. After yesterday’s events, I have a lot of questions, and this seems like the perfect chance to get some answers.

I should have done this before I slapped Blaze and yelled at him. The memory makes me cringe.

I take the seat next to Malcolm, adjusting the strap of my bag over the chair’s arm. He looks up from his notebook at my arrival, and I’m surprised to see him smile.

“Good morning.”

“Good morning.” I return the smile, placing my book and pencil case on the desk.

The professor is busy writing on the board, his back turned to us. I seize the opportunity to start my questioning.

“Um, Mal...”

He looks at me, and I can tell he knows what I’m about to ask.

“Did Blaze really...?”

“Yes. Blaze almost drove my sister to suicide.”

I’ve heard this before, but it still hurts. Maybe I was hoping that today his answer would be different, that yesterday was just a misunderstanding.

But I won’t jump to conclusions this time. I need more information.

“What happened?” I ask.

He runs a hand through his hair and leans closer to me. “My sister had feelings for him, so she confessed, right?”

I nod.

“He never reciprocated her feelings. He slept with her, then the next day he treated her like she was nothing. He laughed at her, teased her, sometimes he even outright ignored her. She couldn’t handle it.

“So, she confronted him about it, and he told her to go kill herself.”

My eyebrows shoot up. ~What?~

“So, she did what any vulnerable girl might do. She tried to kill herself.” Mal’s voice is heavy with regret, and I can see the pain on his face as he speaks.

“She loved him, and he crushed her heart without a care in the world. He didn’t even visit her in the hospital. Not once. Can you imagine how terrible that was for her?”

I look down, feeling a pang of guilt. “I’m so sorry.”

“He’s heartless, Harmony... You should steer clear of him. He’ll probably do the same thing to you.”

I swallow the lump in my throat.

If all of this is true, then Blaze is indeed heartless and immoral. But I can’t shake the feeling that there’s more to the story, and I’ve learned my lesson about judging him based on one side of the story.

I want him to tell me his side, but I know Blaze won’t open up to me that easily. He’s guarded, and no matter how much time I spend with him, he won’t let me see his wounds.

***

I’m starting to regret agreeing to have lunch with April and the girls in the cafeteria.

Normally, I would take my lunch back to the dorm where it’s quiet, and I can watch a movie on my laptop while I eat.

The cafeteria is crowded and noisy, and the smell of the daily bean stew is nauseating.

I guess Mal was right about the food being terrible, which is why I bought my usual tuna sandwich and boxed milk from the snack bar in the hall.

I scan the packed room for April and the girls, spotting them in the far corner of the cafeteria. I notice James is there too, and next to him is...~Blaze~.

My heart skips a beat. He’s wearing a black hoodie with a white baseball cap turned backward on his head, his black curly hair peeking out from the opening.

One foot is propped up on the bench next to him as he bites into his burger, his jogger pants revealing a smooth, flawless ankle. Even from a distance, I can tell he smells good. He has that ~clean~ look about him.

I should leave. I don’t want to eat here knowing he told me to stay away from him. I don’t want to seem like I’m forcing myself into his life.

I’m about to slip away unnoticed when I hear Tia’s voice rise above the cafeteria chatter.

“Harmony!”

~Sigh.~

“Harmony!”

I puff out my cheeks before turning around, forcing a smile as I wave awkwardly.

“Come over!”

Blaze glances at me, but his expression is unreadable as he turns back to his food, seemingly uninterested.

I bite my lip hard as I hesitantly make my way over to them, wishing the floor would open up and swallow me.

I don’t usually eat in the cafeteria, and Blaze might think I’m doing this to see him. That’s not the case; I completely forgot that he eats lunch with them too.

“Hey.” I smile uncomfortably, and April scoots over, pulling up a chair for me to sit between her and Tia.

“Thank you,” I say as I set my lunch on the table.

I notice Blaze’s eyes fall on the milk for some reason, and I can’t help but remember when he drank from my straw on my first day here. Maybe he’s remembering that too.

Or maybe not; he doesn’t seem to want anything to do with me anymore.

“Dude! Seriously?!” April smacks James hard on his shoulder as he quickly removes his hand from her tray, popping the stolen fries into his mouth. “You just ate yours!”

He waggles his eyebrows and blows her a kiss, reaching for his can of coke and taking a sip. I can’t help but smile a little.

“Harmony, which class did you have this morning?” Yuna asks as she squirts some ketchup on her burger.

“English Lit,” I answer, poking my rainbow straw into my juice box.

Tia grimaces, resting her chin on her hands. “I had geometry. I can’t stand it! Why did I decide to major in math again? Can anyone remind me?”

“Because you clearly enjoy torturing yourself,” Blaze teases, earning a round of laughter and a playful smack on the arm from Tia.

~His smile is breathtaking.~

Tia sighs. “It’s not self-torture. My dad made me do it. He’s a math teacher.”

“My mom tried to guilt me into majoring in literature, but I told her if she kept pushing, I’d shave my head and get my belly button pierced.”

Yuna shrugs, biting into her sandwich, mayo oozing out the side.

Tia’s face scrunches in confusion. “Don’t you already have your belly button pierced?”

“Yeah, but she doesn’t know that.” Yuna winks, and we all burst into laughter.

Lunch isn’t as bad as I thought it would be, but it’s hard to ignore the fact that Blaze hasn’t looked at me once since I sat down. He’s clearly avoiding me.

I’m sipping my juice when a girl suddenly drops into Blaze’s lap, nearly making me choke.

She’s undeniably pretty. Her long, black, curly hair cascades over her shoulders, framing her oval face.

From what I can see, she has a tiny waist, and her thick thighs are squeezing Blaze’s legs. He doesn’t seem to mind as he casually munches on a fry.

But I mind. For some strange reason, it bothers me. There’s a weird feeling in my chest, like someone just stabbed me in the heart.

I’m not sure what this feeling is; it’s confusing.

I lower my gaze to the juice box in my hand, hoping this strange feeling will go away soon.

April rolls her eyes as she nibbles on a piece of lettuce, and I get the sense that the girls aren’t too fond of this newcomer.

“I miss you, babe,” she coos, pulling off his hat and running her fingers through his hair.

Yuna pretends to gag, and Tia gives the girl a look of pure distaste.

~They definitely don’t like her.~

“If you miss me, just come to my dorm later,” Blaze says casually, and I look up at him, his words unsettling me.

“Damn, when are you going to sit on my lap like that, April?” James whistles, and she makes a face.

“In your dreams. But then again, reincarnation isn’t guaranteed, so it might never happen, James.”

“Sure, babe. You don’t have to ask twice,” the girl replies to Blaze, then her eyes drift over to me.

I quickly look down at the untouched sandwich in front of me, hoping to avoid drawing attention to myself. Usually, keeping my eyes down helps me avoid unwanted conversations. But not this time.

“Are you a freshman?”

I look up to see if she’s talking to me, and she raises an eyebrow, her gray eyes demanding an answer.

Blaze is finally looking at me, but his expression is unreadable.

I nod, and to my surprise, the girl bursts out laughing, causing everyone to look at her in confusion.

A wave of insecurity washes over me as I wonder why my answer was so funny.

“No wonder. You dress like a kid, and you drink from juice boxes. Who does that at our age? You must be a virgin.

“I’m sorry, this is just too funny. Please don’t be offended. Seriously, Blaze, when did you start hanging out with girls like her?”

My eyebrows furrow, and she continues. “I hope you’re not offended, but I’m just so shocked. I’ve never seen anyone like you before.” And she laughs again.

Everyone looks at her with annoyed expressions. Apparently, she’s the only one who finds this funny, and I’m deeply insulted by her rude comment.

~This is why I usually eat in my dorm.~

Blaze’s jaw tightens; he’s clearly annoyed.

“Get up.”

The girl stops laughing and looks at him in confusion. “What?”

“Get off my lap,” he says firmly, his face hard and angry, catching everyone off guard, including me.

She sees the anger in his eyes and gets up, pulling her shorts down, clearly embarrassed.

“And don’t come to my dorm later. Or ever,” he adds. “Go walk around campus, like you always do, and see if there are any other guys available, okay?”

I watch in shock as he humiliates her. Her eyes well up with tears, and she gives me one last look before leaving the cafeteria.

Blaze goes back to eating as if nothing happened, and April and the girls are smiling in satisfaction.

James is still trying to steal April’s fries, seemingly unfazed by what just happened. He probably knows Blaze too well.

I can’t help but smile a little. I guess that was his way of standing up for me. I want to thank him, but I doubt he wants me to talk to him, even after what just happened.

So I decide that when he’s ready to talk to me, I’ll thank him and apologize for not trusting him like I should have.

~^”Only you know me the way you know me. Only you forgive me when I’m sorry. Even when I messed it up, there you are.” —Zayn Malik.^~