Chapter 20: I Wish I Could Read Your Mind

~“Tell me that love is enough. The seas will be parted for us.”—Jarryd James.~

Chapter Theme Song: “A Thousand Times” by Jarryd James ft. Broods.

HARMONY

The silence in the car is so dense, you could cut it with a knife. Or maybe even an ax. Definitely not a knife, though.

The radio, usually our go-to for filling awkward silences, is off. Blaze doesn’t seem in the mood for music right now.

His whole vibe screams ‘leave me alone,’ and I don’t want to be on the receiving end of his sharp words again. I don’t think I could handle it.

Dark clouds are gathering overhead, a sure sign of rain.

The humid air outside and the chilly air conditioning inside the car have me shivering. I rub my arms to warm up, then glance at Blaze, deciding to take a chance.

“Where are we going?”

Usually, he’s the one to break the silence, but today he seems content to stay quiet. But not hearing his laughter or his off-key singing as we drive is kind of sad.

“You should have asked that before you got in the car, Harmony,” he says. “Isn’t it a bit late to be worried about where I’m taking you?”

“I’m not worried,” I answer honestly. “I was just asking.”

He doesn’t say anything else, just keeps his eyes on the road, his jaw set. The silence is suffocating. I miss the ~fun~ Blaze.

His moods are unpredictable. One minute he’s all smiles, calling me ~green eyes,~ and the next he’s giving me the cold shoulder, acting like I’m not even there.

I can’t keep up with his hot-and-cold behavior. It’s starting to wear on me.

Rain starts to hit the windshield, first in small drops, then in a heavy downpour. It looks like we might be in for a thunderstorm.

“It’s raining,” I say, stating the obvious. “We should probably head back to school.”

He turns to look at me, and the angry look on his face makes me shrink back in my seat.

“If I go back to school, I’m going to kill someone. Is that what you want? You’re the one who’d try to stop me, playing the guardian angel.”

I swallow hard. ~Maybe I should just keep quiet. He’s clearly in a bad mood.~

He turns back to the road as he steers the car onto a sandy area. There’s a large body of water in front of us.

~A beach~. The smell of salt and seaweed fills the car, and I realize we’re in a secluded area, with no one else around.

“Why are we at a beach?” I ask, looking around. Blaze looks annoyed as he turns off the engine, amplifying the sound of the rain hitting the roof.

“I need to clear my head. I didn’t ask you to come, Harmony.”

“I know, Blaze. I’m not complaining.”

“Sounds like you are.” He glares at me, and I sigh, looking away.

~God, he’s being so difficult.~ ~I should just give him some space.~

He reclines his seat, resting his arm over his forehead, and closes his eyes. Soon, he’s asleep.

I grab my earbuds from my bag and put them in, then recline my seat too. I listen to “Hate You” by Ingrid Michaelson, and before long, I’m asleep as well.

***

I wake up to the sound of rain still beating against the car. The windshield is foggy, spotted with raindrops, making it hard to see outside. But I can make out the sky through the misty glass.

It’s a vast expanse of black. The rain doesn’t look like it’s going to let up anytime soon.

My playlist has moved on to “A Thousand Times” by Jarryd James ft. Broods, and Blaze is still sleeping peacefully next to me.

His breathing is steady, and he looks so calm, like he doesn’t have a care in the world. I feel a wave of sympathy for him, just like I did that night in his dorm.

He doesn’t get along with his father, and his mother killed herself. He doesn’t seem bothered by it, but maybe he’s just hiding his true feelings.

If that’s the case, he must have been practicing this coping mechanism for years to get so good at it.

I don’t think I’ll ever fully understand him, no matter how hard I try.

I take out my earbuds and lean closer to him, listening to the rhythm of his breathing mixed with the sound of the rain.

I wish I could read his mind, know what he’s thinking. It’s hard to tell what he’s feeling because he hides so much. Maybe he doesn’t trust me enough yet.

His eyes flutter open and meet mine, and I blush at how close our faces are. When his eyes were closed, it didn’t feel too intimate, but now that he’s looking at me, it feels intense.

I remember that moment in his room when I touched his eyelashes while he was asleep, and what happened afterward, with him hovering over me on his bed.

But Blaze isn’t in a good mood today, so if anything, he’s probably going to be mad about me invading his personal space.

“S-sorry.”

I start to pull away, but he puts a hand on my back to stop me. I look at him, and his eyes are softer than they were before he fell asleep.

“You’re weird, Harmony,” he whispers, tracing small circles on my back with his thumb. “You’re still here, even when I act crazy...”

I press my lips together. I know I’m weird. Most people would keep their distance after seeing Blaze Xander’s erratic behavior, but I can’t help wanting to help him.

“That’s because I see more than what everyone else sees...” I admit.

He rolls onto his side, propping his head up on his arm, still looking at me. “What do you see?”

I mull over my answer for a moment, the rain outside punctuating the silence in the car.

“I guess I’m a broken person,” I say, offering a half-hearted smile.

His eyes flash with an odd emotion for a split second before he sighs, a small smile tugging at his lips.

“I’m not broken. I’m perfectly fine.”

“Are you sure?” I ask softly.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” He grins.

I nod slowly, my finger tracing idle patterns on his gear shift. I don’t buy it. I’d rather form my own opinion of him; I don’t need him to tell me he’s not broken.

A broken person never admits they’re broken.

“What’s on your mind?” he asks, and I just shrug.

“I’m just waiting for the day you open up to me.”

A smirk tugs at his lips as he rolls onto his back, turning his head to look at me. “You never just take people at their word, do you?”

I smile, still drawing lines on his handbrake. “Nope.”

He doesn’t say anything for a while, so I glance up to find him staring at me with an intense gaze.

The distant look in his clear eyes sends butterflies fluttering in my stomach, and I shift uncomfortably in my seat.

“Sit on me,” he says.

I look at him, unsure if I heard him right. “Sit on you?”

“Yeah...on my lap.”

I blink, feeling a flush spread across my face. I’m always taken aback by how casually he can toss out sexual innuendos as if they’re just everyday conversation.

My body reacts instantly to his words; my heart races and my legs feel weak.

“If you want to, that is...” His lips curl into a half-smile, revealing one of his dimples. “But I’d really like it if you did. I won’t do anything you’re not comfortable with.”

I swallow hard as he continues to hold my gaze. Then, without really thinking about it, I start to move towards him, my body and mind acting on their own.

He helps me onto his lap, and I straddle his thighs, my back pressing against his steering wheel.

He adjusts the seat so our faces are just inches apart, and he looks up at me, his eyes full of desire, his signature smirk playing on his lips.

The bulge in his shorts is obvious, and I squirm a little at the firmness of it, puffing out my cheeks nervously.

Blaze chuckles, licking his lips. “Still not used to that, huh?”

I can’t answer him because I’m too busy trying to remember how to breathe. Even though I was in this exact position a few nights ago, it still feels new and unfamiliar.

He leans in, resting his forehead against mine, his lips barely brushing against mine.

“Are you wearing tights under this dress?”

I can’t seem to find my voice, so I just nod.

He pretends to frown, but he’s still smiling. “Well, that’s a shame.”

His warm hand starts to wander up my leg, and I close my eyes, swallowing hard.

“I love who you are when it’s just the two of us, Harmony,” he whispers against my lips. “I love this side of you that no one else gets to see.”

He buries his face in the crook of my neck, pressing his warm cheek against mine.

“You smell good,” he mumbles, and I smile.

“Thanks.”

I want to say, ~you too,~ but my shyness gets the better of me, so I just press my lips together instead.

Both his hands are now on my thighs, gently squeezing and kneading the soft flesh.

“Do you think about what happened between us at the party as much as I do?” he asks, and a wave of desire washes over me.

~Should I answer?~ I’m not sure I have the courage to be so open.

“Do you?” he prods, kissing the spot between my ear and cheek, making me feel weak and breathless.

“Yes,” I manage to whisper, and I feel him smile against my skin.

“Good to know we’re on the same page.”

He starts to pepper my chest with quick, wet kisses, and it feels so good that I can’t help but start to grind my hips against his lap.

He seems surprised, and he laughs between kisses.

“Who taught you to do that? Was it me? I think I’m turning you into a bad girl, Harmony.”

It must be working because his arousal grows, pressing harder against the sensitive spot between my legs.

He grabs my waist and pulls me down against him, and a soft moan escapes my lips, but he probably didn’t hear it over the sound of the rain pounding against the car.

“Your voice is like music, even when you moan,” he whispers, and I realize he did hear me.

I bite my lip to keep any other sounds from escaping. One of his hands is resting high on my thigh while the other pushes my curly hair back from my face.

He brings his lips close to mine again but doesn’t kiss me. He just barely brushes his lips against mine as he speaks.

“Can I touch you?”

I open my eyes to meet his, my chest heaving with each breath. “Touch me? Where?”

He smirks. “Where do you think, Harmony?”

I blush as I realize what he means. No one has ever touched me like that before.

He sees the shy look on my face and his expression turns curious.

“You don’t touch yourself?”

I shake my head in response to his question, then lower my gaze, afraid he might laugh at me. It seems ridiculous that at eighteen, I’ve never done anything like that.

He doesn’t say anything for a while, and when I look up, his eyes are filled with a hint of admiration. I’ve never seen him look at anyone like that before.

~Anyone but me.~

“Well, do you want me to?” he asks.

I nod silently. I want to know what it feels like. Just like everyone else.

I've always tried to be the perfect child for my parents. But today, just for once, I want to take a risk and do something I've never done before.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes...I am.”

“Okay.” He threads his fingers through my hair, gently stroking it. “I’ll touch you over your tights, okay? I won’t take them off.”

I nod, feeling a bit dazed. I can’t quite figure out how he’ll manage that with my tights still on.

His hand slips between my legs, disappearing under my dress. His other hand continues to play with my hair, his gaze fixed on my anxious eyes.

Then he presses his forefinger against me over my tights. The sensation is so intense that I gasp and bury my face in the crook of his neck.

He kisses my shoulder, leaving small bite marks there while his index and middle finger rub me up and down slowly.

The thin fabric covering me dents with each pass of his finger. A blissful, repetitive path from top to bottom, then bottom to top.

Each time he reaches the top of my sex, my body shudders uncontrollably with pleasure. It’s as if all my nerve endings are concentrated right there.

I’m still wearing my tights and underwear, but I feel naked—the way his fingers are pressing into that sensitive area between my thighs.

It feels like his hand is directly on me, without the barrier of my undergarments.

I moan again, this time not caring if he hears, as he presses his thumb at the top of my labia—the most sensitive part—and moves his finger in a circular motion.

I’m instantly breathless, shockwaves coursing through my body. Sweat beads on my forehead, soaking his flushed neck. I have no idea what he’s doing, but it feels incredibly good.

“You’re so wet, and I’m not even touching you directly, Harmony,” he murmurs. “Imagine if I was...”

His fingers glide smoothly over the damp surface of my tights, his hand glistening with the slick evidence of my arousal.

My mind is a tangled mess of pleasure and desire, and I’m soaring to a peak that’s out of this world.

While his fingers trace pleasurable patterns on me, he pulls my face back with his other hand to look into my eyes.

I’m shaking from the intense sensations, my chest rising and falling with quick, shallow breaths.

“Cum for me, Harmony,” he whispers as his fingers move faster.

Sweat is soaking my skin, my hair sticking to my forehead, and his eyes are filled with lust as he leans in to kiss me.

A wave of pleasure is building from the pit of my stomach, spreading across my pelvis and rising higher and higher. I moan into his mouth.

“Cum for me, babe.” He presses his thumb at the top again, sending me over the edge.

It’s like being caught in an avalanche or falling through a free fall, every fiber and muscle in my body pulling apart.

I’m panting against him as I come undone, and he watches me through the shaking ecstasy with a satisfied smile.

My face is flushed and wet with sweat as I ride out the waves. When I come back to reality, I’m breathing heavily, my eyes squinted from the mind-blowing experience.

Blaze has a wide smile on his face as he brushes wet hair from my tired eyes.

“Good girl,” he says, and I melt even more.

I try to catch my breath, but my chest is still heaving uncontrollably as I clutch his shirt in my trembling hands.

“Did you like it?”

I nod, and he chuckles, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. “I can see that; you got me all wet.”

My eyes drop to the damp spot I left on the front of his shorts, and I gasp. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry.”

He laughs. “No, it’s cool. It’s sexy.”

I move off his lap and settle back on my side of the car. He reaches for a pack of disinfectant wipes from his dashboard, handing me one while he cleans himself up too.

I never knew someone could take me to such heights. I’ve never experienced anything so extraordinary in my life.

The experience was overwhelming, but now I feel a strange unease in the pit of my stomach. I’m not sure why.

“Um, are we heading back to school now?”

He looks at me. “Yeah. What? You want another round?”

My face turns red. “No... T-that’s not what I meant.”

He chuckles, shifting comfortably in his seat. “Yeah, we’re heading back to school.”

“Okay. April might think it’s suspicious that we’ve been out here for so long.”

He starts the engine. “So?”

I look at him. Did he just say ~so~? “So, wouldn’t that be bad?”

“I don’t really care, to be honest. April will talk, but I don’t listen to anyone but myself anyway.”

His statement is narcissistic, but considering the mind-blowing experience a moment ago, I try to ignore it.

I’m not sure what we are or what I’m doing. Blaze has never said he liked me before, so I don’t know what’s going through his mind. But what just happened? I can’t say I regret it.

~I just hope I don’t end up getting hurt.~

~^”And I was never sure whether you were the lighthouse or the storm.” —David Jones.^~