Chapter 23: Medicine

~“Don’t care enough to bother. Maybe I’m just my father. He couldn’t see all of me, now I can’t trust another. So darling if you’d rather a happily ever after, don’t you see? that ain’t me, judge me by my cover.” —Leo Kaylan.~

Chapter Theme Song: “Fucked Up” by Leo Kaylan

HARMONY

We climb back into his car, heading back to school. No matter how much time I spend with him, it never seems to be enough.

His drawings, the ones I saw in his room, keep popping into my mind. I can’t help but worry about him. I wish he knew he could trust me with his pain, that I wouldn’t judge him like everyone else.

His terrible singing pulls me out of my thoughts. He’s bobbing his head to the radio, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel.

I can’t help but smile as I watch him. You’d never guess that someone as cheerful as him could create such heart-wrenching art.

He seems so carefree, so untroubled. But I know there’s more to him than meets the eye. He’s broken, in ways that aren’t immediately obvious.

I want to see the real him, the person behind the mask. But he won’t let me.

He catches me watching him and grins. “What?”

I force a laugh and shake my head. “Nothing.”

“That’s a lie, green eyes. No one stares at someone like that without a reason. So, what’s on your mind?”

I shrug. “Just thinking about how bad your singing is.” I laugh and he pretends to be hurt, but he’s still smiling, hand over his heart.

“I think I sound pretty good.”

I giggle. “Sure.”

I look out the window, still smiling, and he speaks again. “I know I’m no angel, not like the one sitting next to me, but...”

I blush and shake my head. “I don’t sing like an angel...and I’m definitely not one.”

“I disagree with the first part, but the second part...well, considering how naughty you were at the beach earlier...”

“Oh God, don’t.” My face turns bright red and I cover my eyes with my hands. He laughs at my embarrassment, licking his lips.

“But seriously.” He clears his throat, trying to sound more serious. “You have a beautiful voice. Nothing usually gets to me, but when you sing, I feel it.”

~Did he really mean that?~

I look at him, but he only glances at me before looking away again, not giving me a chance to read his eyes.

Still blushing from his compliments, I focus on the flower pattern on my dress. “I’m not that great.”

“Trust me, you are. You draw well, you sing well...and you move your hips well.”

He grins at me and I feel like I’m melting. He can’t just say something like that, then smile at me like that, and not expect me to turn into a human tomato.

We pull into the school parking lot and I’m disappointed that we’re already here.

Where’s a traffic jam when you need one? I bet if I were on my way to a job interview or something, there’d be one.

Being alone with Blaze is...nice. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Not even for a copy of my favorite book. And that’s saying something.

“Hey, um, are you coming to the meeting with me?” I ask, unbuckling my seatbelt.

I hope I don’t sound too needy. I don’t want him to think I’m trying to monopolize his time.

He smiles as he turns off the engine. “Of course I am. I promised you, didn’t I?”

Inside, I’m grinning like an idiot. But another part of me is shaking her head, pitying me. She knows I’m in too deep. I know it too, but I can’t seem to stop myself.

Blaze is like a drug. The more time I spend with him, the more I want—need—more. I just hope I won’t need rehab when this is all over.

I smile at him. “Thanks.”

We get out of the car and he locks it as we walk towards the school building.

I look at him and smile, and he chuckles. “What? You’ve been staring at me the whole ride here. Is there something on my face?”

I shake my head. “No... I just like seeing you like this.”

He twirls his keys around his finger. “Like what?”

I shrug. “Relaxed. Happy.”

His eyes soften—a rare sight—and then he smiles, a big, wide smile that makes my heart race. His dimples and perfect teeth always manage to mesmerize me.

“Blaze.” A deep voice interrupts us, and we turn to see a man standing in our path.

Blaze’s smile disappears, replaced by a straight line. I wonder why he looks so angry.

Then I see the man. It’s the same man I overheard Blaze talking to in the hallway, the man from the photo I saw earlier.

His father.

He looks just like Blaze, with the same sparkling blue eyes. He’s not in his police uniform, just a light blue jersey and khaki pants.

“What trouble did you get into this time? The school called me, said you hit a kid in the cafeteria,” he starts.

I look from him to Blaze, whose jaw is clenched tight. I wonder if he’s ever thought about hitting his father. He wouldn’t, would he?

They stand there, staring each other down. It’s clear they need some space, so I look at Blaze and force a smile. “I’ll go ahead to the music club.”

“Alright, I’ll be there soon,” he replies, but his gaze remains locked on his father.

I give a respectful nod to his dad, who returns the gesture as I hurry past them. The tension is so thick it’s almost suffocating.

BLAZE

We’re sitting in his car and I couldn’t be more irritated. I can’t stand being around him, which is why I chose to live at Homewood, despite the short distance from Grissville to the school.

I just can’t be around this man for too long or one of us is going to end up with a black eye.

“You’re lucky your uncle is the chairman, or you would have been kicked out of the university.”

“I couldn’t care less,” I respond honestly, propping my feet up on his dashboard as I lean back comfortably in my seat.

His eyes follow my movement, and I can tell he wants to tell me to take them down. But he knows better, so he just lets out a strained sigh instead.

“Blaze, could you please not be so arrogant for once?”

I roll my eyes and look out the window through the tinted glass.

~Is he calling me arrogant? If I didn’t get in trouble for whatever he’s talking about, why is he here bothering me?~

“That girl seemed nice... Is she your next victim?”

I sigh. “That’s none of your business. You shouldn’t worry about me.”

“You should stop using and manipulating people to get what you want. She seems like a good girl—you should just leave her alone.”

I turn my gaze to him, my brows furrowed tightly, and my expression must look menacing because a slight fearful look crosses his face and it only irritates me more.

He’s always looking at me like I’m some criminal.

I know I’ve come a long way from gang violence in high school to robbery and carjacking, but I would never hurt him, mainly because logic says you don’t harm your father.

That’s how I live. ~Logic~. I can’t feel what it’s like to trust, love, or care. I live my life unable to empathize with other people’s sorrow, not even my own sometimes. And it’s a lonely place to be.

But I don’t want to care about anyone anyway—not when the world is filled with so much fake love and care. I don’t want it and I don’t need it.

“I think it’s best if you don’t involve yourself in my life,” I tell him plainly.

“Blaze, how can I not? I’m your father. You don’t think about my feelings when you say things like that, do you?”

I snicker dryly, and he narrows his eyes.

“I can’t empathize with anyone,” I remind him. “Have you forgotten that I’m a messed-up sociopath who can’t understand what it feels like to love someone? To care?

“You know I can’t feel anything even if I wanted to, so just stop asking me to.”

He shakes his head in exhaustion. If he’s tired, why won’t he just leave me alone? I didn’t ask him to care for me, especially since I can’t find the feelings in me to care about him because of this stupid ASPD.

He should just give up on me. I wouldn’t mind. Most people do when they find out how I’m wired.

I know for a fact that Harmony will when she sees how messed up I really am. I try to show her signs but she’s still around no matter how blunt and harsh my words are.

It’s scary that my initial plan was to sleep with her and break her out of her shell, but I’ve had the chance to do that so many times and it still hasn’t happened.

I can’t do it, and I’m not sure why.

The most baffling part is that I seem to care for her—I felt it that night I saw her having an asthma attack.

It scared the shit out of me to see her in that state and the thought of something happening to her makes me feel uneasy inside.

I keep telling myself that I’m being nice to her so I can shatter her innocence, but to be honest, sleeping with her hasn’t been on my mind much lately, so I have no idea why I’m still hanging around her.

I don’t care for anyone, ever. Until her, that is. I care about her, and I’m not sure if it’s because of sex anymore.

Her singing—her voice is the only thing that can make me shed a tear in this life or the next. It comforts me, more than sleeping around with many girls does.

It’s fucking corny, but maybe Harmony is my medicine.

“Are you even listening to me, Blaze Xander?”

~Oh, he was talking? I had no idea.~

I rub my forehead. “What did you say?”

“Next week is your mom’s death anniversary. For once you should come to her grave with me and—”

“I’m not coming.”

He exhales, and if he keeps this up, he’s going to get high blood pressure and I’m not going to take responsibility.

“Why, Blaze? Why?”

“~Why~?” I look at him as if he’s crazy. Or maybe I’m the crazy one? I don’t know.

“Have you forgotten how she beat me every single day? Have you forgotten the bruises she used to leave on me? How she neglected and walked all over me like I was some lifeless doormat?”

I start to laugh, and he looks at me like I’m insane—another look he gives me pretty often.

“Oh wait, how could you forget? When you were the one who fucked her head up so bad that she had to take it all out on me.

“Well, look.” I spread my arms wide. “Congratu-fucking-lations! You both fucked my head up too!”

“Blaze, if you continue like this...you won’t find love. You won’t find someone to love, and you won’t learn to love and care again.”

I look at him. “I don’t need someone to love. What is love anyway? That woman said she loved me but that sure as fuck didn’t stop her from beating me with a fucking wire. Just leave me alone.”

I step out of the car, slamming the door shut behind me. He’s standing there, hands buried deep in his hair.