Chapter 24: I Think I Am Falling for Him

~“I’m an open book, I’ll tell you everything I know to the darkest corners of my mind.” —Mia Wray.~

Chapter Theme Song: “Where I Stand” by Mia Wray.

HARMONY

I push open the clear door and step into the music room. I’m not as sure of myself as I was last time, mainly because Blaze isn’t here with me.

But then I spot Mal, tucked away in a corner, and a small smile finds its way onto my face. Ignoring the curious stares, I make my way over to him and take the seat right next to his.

“Hey.”

He grins at me, draping an arm over the back of his chair. “Hey...” His eyes flicker behind me, as if he’s expecting someone else, and I frown.

“What?”

“I figured the troublemaker would be with you.” There’s a hard edge to his voice when he talks about Blaze, and it’s clear he’s not a fan.

“Well...he’ll be here soon,” I mumble, hoping he doesn’t catch it but wanting to be honest too.

He gives me a look of disbelief and I shrink back a little.

“So, you still talk to him?”

I give a small shrug, but I know it’s not a small issue for him. I feel a pang of guilt.

“Yeah...I kind of still do.”

He sighs and looks away. He has every right to be upset, but I can’t help how I feel about Blaze. Mal wouldn’t understand.

I know he probably thinks I’m an idiot right now, but I can’t bring myself to care. I see something in Blaze that they can’t.

“Okay, but don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he finally says. “He’s not a good guy and he only uses people to get what he wants.”

“I just...I just want to understand him for myself.” My voice is soft, more to myself than to him.

“If you try to understand him or get close to him, he’ll drag you down with him. He’ll drown you in his own mess. Be careful.”

I sigh. What Mal is saying could be true, but I’m not going to judge Blaze and I’m not going to run from him either.

I wish everyone would stop telling me to stay away from him. If there’s a lesson to be learned, I guess I’ll learn it.

I decide to change the subject.

“So um, when will you let me hear you play the flute?” I nod towards the instrument in his hand, and his smile returns instantly as he shrugs, a hint of red coloring his cheeks.

“Well, one day.”

I laugh. “Okay. You heard my talent so it’s only fair that I hear yours.”

He laughs too, and my eyes meet Justine’s. She’s glaring at me with pure dislike as she chats with her group.

I look away and pretend not to notice, but it’s hard to ignore two pairs of glaring eyes in a crowded room. I don’t know what her connection to Blaze is, but she clearly doesn’t like me.

I glance at the clock and realize it’s been forty-five minutes and Blaze still hasn’t shown up. ~Maybe he’s not coming? What if he got into a fight with his dad and stabbed him?~

I scold myself for thinking so lowly of him, but what else can I think when I’ve seen him ready to hurt someone twice?

The music meeting is almost over, and he’s still not here.

I guess he’s really not coming.

I keep looking towards the glass doors and eventually Mal notices. “Didn’t you say he was going to come?”

I shrug. “Maybe he got held up with something?”

He shakes his head dismissively. “No. He’s done playing games with you and is probably moving on to his next victim. I told you, Harmony, he will destroy you.”

I puff out my cheeks but don’t say anything because honestly, I have nothing to say.

The music meeting ends and Mal gives me a bright smile, promising to see me in literature tomorrow before he leaves.

The room starts to empty and I reluctantly get up to leave, still hoping that Blaze will walk through the glass door.

My head is filled with thoughts as I weave through the rows of chairs. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Justine heading my way.

She’s still wearing the same stern glare she had throughout the entire meeting, and I notice that there’s only one other girl left in the room, and she’s already heading out the door. That leaves just me and Justine.

She could stab me with that pointed flute she’s holding and no one would know.

I stand there awkwardly. “Do you need something?”

She scoffs at my question and crosses her arms over her chest. “Don’t give me that polite crap. What’s going on between you and Xander?”

I blink. “Sorry?”

“Are you deaf? You and Blaze, what’s the deal?”

I roll my eyes, and she narrows hers in disbelief. “Did you just roll your eyes at a sophomore? Listen here, you little first-year—”

“If you’re older than me, then act like it. I don’t owe you an explanation, with all due respect.”

She gasps and I turn to leave, but she speaks again.

“He’s going to toss you aside when he’s done with you.”

I stop and look back at her. She’s wearing a smug smile. “He always does.”

“Blaze and I aren’t like that. We’re just friends.”

“That’s impossible, sweetheart. Blaze doesn’t befriend a girl unless he wants to sleep with her. It’s the same for you. He’s hanging around you so he can get you into bed. Don’t think otherwise, princess.”

Her words should hurt me, but they don’t. For some strange reason.

“Thanks for the advice,” I reply, and she looks taken aback by my calm response as I turn around and leave.

***

I’m a bit bummed that Blaze didn’t show up, but I can’t really be upset when we spent nearly the whole day together.

I can’t help but wonder how his conversation with his dad went. I hope he doesn’t get expelled because of his fight with Leo. I enjoy his company too much to lose it.

As soon as I walk into my dorm room, April jumps up from the bunk bed and I remember that I have to deal with the fallout from Blaze’s lie about us having sex.

“You’re finally here, I’ve been waiting for you,” she says.

I manage a smile. “Hey.”

She takes my hand. “We need to talk.”

She sits on my bed and I sit across from her. She brushes her bouncy hair back from her forehead and her freshly painted blue nails are so pretty that I’m almost distracted.

“Where did you guys go?” she asks.

Immediately, my mind replays the events that happened in his car at the beach. His kisses, his touch, and I realize that I can’t share that with April.

“I just tried to calm him down...that’s all. We didn’t really go anywhere; he just drove around.”

~You’re a big fat liar, Harmony~, my subconscious chides me.

She narrows her eyes. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, we didn’t have sex like he said. He was just messing with you, I guess.”

~Well, that part wasn’t a lie.~

She nods. “I know, I can tell when Blaze is joking. Plus, I know you wouldn’t let him touch you.”

A wave of guilt washes over me, and I swallow it down.

“Um, yeah...” My voice is thick with unease, and she picks up on it.

“Wait, did he—”

I shake my head quickly. “No, we didn’t do anything.”

She sighs. “You can be honest, Harmony.”

“We...” I take a deep breath, trying to muster the courage to tell her what happened, but it feels too personal to share and so I decide against it again. “We didn’t do anything...”

~I’m going straight to hell. It’s official.~

Her glossy lips curve into a hesitant smile. “Okay. I’m relieved. Blaze isn’t someone you want to be around when he’s angry, so I’m glad everything is okay.”

“Okay...” I offer a smile, but I feel so guilty. I just lied to her; I’ve never lied before. I’ve always been so honest my whole life. Homewood is corrupting my clean slate of innocence.

~Or is it Blaze?~ my subconscious adds.

“Okay. I’m his cousin and I love him, but I’m just worried for you. Blaze might seem like he likes or loves someone, but he doesn’t really love anyone but himself, and he can’t help it.

“He’s really good at making a girl think he likes her; he’s an amazing actor. He’s only nice until he gets what he wants from you, then bam, he doesn’t care about you anymore. Just be careful.”

I smile and nod, and she runs her hand through my hair. “Great.”

She stands up, and it’s only now that I notice she’s wearing a black, glittery dress that stops at her knees.

Is she going out?

“Where are you going?” I ask.

She smiles. “The girls and I are going to a club downtown, but we’re not coming back tonight. We’re staying with one of Tia’s cousins nearby. Do you want to come?”

I shake my head. “Actually no, I had a long day.”

She giggles. “Yeah, it takes a lot of energy to calm Blaze down, I know. The last time he got into a fight with a boy next door to our house, my dad tried to break it up and got punched in the nose.”

I gasp, and she laughs. “Blaze is a handful, trust me.”

I smile.

“Anyway, I’ll see you tomorrow. I’ll be coming to school straight from Tia’s cousin’s.”

I nod. “Okay.”

“Will you be okay alone?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.” I smile.

“Okay, see you tomorrow.” She waves with a grin, and I return it as she leaves the room.

I lay back and let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. Lying takes a lot of energy. Next time I should just tell her the truth because she means well.

Tonight I’ll be the only one sleeping in the dorm. I love my alone time more than anything.

I take a shower and change into shorts and a tank top. I pull my hair into a messy ponytail then crawl into bed and pull the covers over me.

I want to call Blaze, but I realize I don’t have his number. I know literally nothing about him.

I frown and turn onto my side, staring at the blank wall while my mind fills with thoughts of him.

I close my eyes and try to push him from my mind. If I keep thinking about him then I won’t be able to fall asleep and I had a long day today.

A knock against the dorm door causes my eyes to flutter open. I stay still, wondering if it’s just my imagination. I don’t hear it again so I decide that I must have been hearing things.

I close my eyes again but immediately the sound comes back.

I get up and walk toward the door, and the scary ~Saw~ movie that Blaze and I watched earlier replays in my mind, making me cringe. This is why I hate horror movies.

I remind myself that it’s just fiction, but I remember that people do get brutally murdered in real life, and that only heightens my anxiety. The knock comes again, and I take a deep breath before reluctantly opening the door.

I’m speechless when I see Blaze standing there.

His dark hair is messy and mixed with his familiar intoxicating scent is the faint smell of alcohol. Has he been drinking?

“Hey.” He grins at me, and it takes my breath away.

“Why are you here?” I ask.

“Why are you here, Blaze?” I ask, stepping aside to let him into my room. He has this way of making himself at home, no matter where he is.

He doesn’t seem drunk, not really. His steps are steady, his words clear. But there’s a certain glaze in his eyes that tells me he’s had a few.

“You’ve been drinking, haven’t you?” I close the door behind him and turn to see him making himself comfortable in my bed, pulling the covers up to his chest.

“Just a bit,” he admits, his eyes closing.

I walk over to him, asking, “You’re planning on sleeping here?”

His eyes open, and I catch my breath. They’re so blue.

“Yeah,” he says simply.

“But what about April—”

“April’s out for the night,” he interrupts, settling his head against the pillows. “You think I don’t know that, green eyes?”

I swallow hard. I enjoy his company, but sharing a bed? That’s a line we haven’t crossed.

“Um,” I say, rubbing my hands on my thighs. “I’ll just sleep on the floor.”

“No way.” He grabs my arm as I start to turn away, pulling me down onto the bed. His chest is hard against my back, his arms wrapping around me.

“Blaze...” I start, my eyes wide, my breath shaky.

He buries his face in my hair. “You’re not going anywhere,” he murmurs.

My heart flips in my chest. I don’t want to go anywhere either. ~If only he knew~.

“Don’t worry,” he says softly. “I’m not trying to have sex with you, Harmony...”

~I know~.

I relax against him, and I can feel him smile against my neck.

“You smell good,” he says, his lips brushing my skin. “As always.”

I giggle. “Stop that—it tickles.”

He chuckles. “Sorry about that.”

He kisses my cheek gently, and I close my eyes, content. He’s warm and comforting next to me.

I feel like I belong here, next to this complicated, mysterious man who keeps so much of himself hidden.

It’s strange, feeling so ~safe~ with someone I know so little about.

“Why did you drink?” I ask, hoping he’ll open up a little.

“Sometimes, I just want to escape reality,” he admits. His words are sad, but I’m proud of him for sharing.

I decide not to push any further tonight. With Blaze, it’s all about taking things slow. If I push too hard, he might shut me out. One step at a time.

“Harmony,” he says, breaking the silence.

“Mm?”

“Sing to me.”

I smile. “You want me to sing to you?”

“Yeah, I want to hear it.”

“What should I sing?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know...you decide.”

“Okay.” I smile. “Close your eyes.”

He does, and I take a deep breath, starting to sing “Where I Stand” by Mia Wray.

~“I have seen a thousand things, a thousand minds and what they bring. To this world and to this home. But where I stand, well I don’t know…”~

My voice is soft, barely above a whisper, filling the quiet room. I can feel Blaze relax against me, like a man finally finding relief from pain.

It makes me feel fulfilled, so I keep singing, wanting to keep him this content for as long as I can.

~”I’m an open book, I’ll tell you everything I know, to the darkest corners of my mind. My kingdom is wide, so wide-eyed I can’t track the time between the spaces of my mind.~

~“Cause I have seen a thousand things, a thousand minds and what they bring to this world and to this home but where I stand, well I don’t know…”~

I stop, wondering if he’s fallen asleep. He’s so quiet. But then he tightens his grip on me.

“Don’t stop. Keep going.”

I smile and start singing again.

~“I have little trouble walking in directions I don’t know of and I’m walking and I’m walking blind. ‘~

~“Cause I have seen a thousand things, a thousand minds and what they bring to this world and to this home but where I stand, well I don’t know.~

~“And people come and people go. People I will never know but if I did and if I could, I’d wonder when and where they stood.~

~“Cause I have seen a thousand things. A thousand minds and what they bring to this world and to this home but where I stand, well I don’t know…”~

When the song ends, Blaze is still and quiet behind me.

“Did you like it?” I ask, smiling.

He doesn’t answer, so I turn to face him, only to find him fast asleep.

I smile, looking at the peaceful expression on his face.

And in that moment, I realize something I’ve never admitted before, something I may not have even realized until now...

~I’m falling for him~.

~^”I knew I loved you then, but you’d never know. Cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go.” —James Arthur (Say You Won’t Let Go.)^~