Chapter 30: I Can’t Resist You

~“And oh, you’ve turned this black heart, made it into gold.”—Jess Glynne.~

Chapter Theme Song: “My Love” by Jess Glynne.

HARMONY

I haven’t laid eyes on Blaze since they hauled him off for their so-called ‘investigation.’

April was asking about him at lunch, but I thought it best if he tells her what happened. So, I just shrugged and said I didn’t know where he was.

~I miss him though, and I hope he’s okay.~

I’m lying on my side on my dorm bed, staring blankly at the bathroom door. April’s gone for the night, as usual, leaving just me and the spider that’s currently hanging out above her bed. I’m too scared to get rid of it.

I hope Blaze isn’t getting himself into trouble. I can’t trust his intentions, not after the chilling look he gave Mr. Jones.

I tried texting him, but he hasn’t responded, and I won’t send another one. I don’t want to come off as clingy.

My mind drifts back to the knife he hid earlier. I slide off my bed and kneel down, peering underneath.

~Just as I thought, the knife is gone.~

I push my hair back as I stand up, my lips twisting with worry. I know Blaze is about to stir up some trouble, and I can’t let that happen.

I quickly grab a sweater from my suitcase, deciding to go find him before he does something he’ll regret.

But as soon as I open the door, I freeze. My eyes meet his sapphire ones, and I’m pleasantly surprised.

“Going somewhere, green eyes? I was just coming to see you.” He grins at me, and I let out a sigh of relief.

“Blaze.”

“Why do you look so worried?” He gently pushes past me and trudges over to my bed, flopping down with a tired sigh.

He shouldn’t just barge into my dorm room, but oddly enough, his intrusion feels comforting.

I close the door and walk over to him, fighting the smile that’s trying to form. Thank God he’s okay.

“Where were you all day? How did it go?”

“Pretty good. Everything’s fine now.” He grabs my pillow off the bed and starts tossing it from one hand to the other. “My uncle’s the chairman, so you know what that means.”

“Your uncle is the chairman?” My mouth drops open at this news, and he just nods casually as if it’s no big deal.

“Yeah, why do you look so shocked? It’s not that great.”

Well, that’s another thing I’ve learned about him. I should make a note of it.

I sit down next to him. I want to know more, but I can’t push too hard.

“So...he’s April’s dad, then?”

“Yep.” He pops the ‘p’ and puts the pillow back in its place.

“The same one you punched in the nose when he was trying to break up your fight?”

He looks at me, wide-eyed and shocked. “April told you that, didn’t she?”

“Yep.” I pop the ‘p,’ mimicking him with a wide smile.

He laughs and shakes his head. “April talks too much.”

I giggle. “I think everyone knows you’re a handful, Blaze Xander.”

“Well.” He smiles. “Can’t argue with that.” He raises his eyebrows, and I chuckle.

“Thanks though. For standing up for me today,” I tell him.

He nods. “It’s no big deal. You don’t have to thank me.”

I smile. ~But it is a big deal to me.~

“Everything’s fine now, so don’t worry about it, okay?” he says, and I nod, curious about what happened while he was gone. ~Why is everything suddenly okay?~

A silence falls between us, but it’s not uncomfortable. It’s calming and peaceful, and I feel like we’re connecting even without words.

“The day my dad came here...,” he starts.

I turn to him, giving him my full attention. If Blaze is about to open up, I’m all ears.

“He, uh...wanted me to visit my mom’s grave with him next week.”

~Wow, okay.~ I’m staring at him in disbelief. I can’t believe Blaze is sharing something so personal with me. It’s a first, and I’m not sure how to react.

He’s looking at me as if he’s waiting for a response. I snap out of my shock and blink rapidly. “Um, yeah... Uh, so are you going?”

He sighs. “Hell no. I don’t want to.” He shakes his head, looking down. “I don’t even know why it’s bothering me. It usually doesn’t.”

“Why wouldn’t you want to go? I mean, she’s your mom.”

He kicks off his sneakers, and I watch as he tucks his legs underneath him on the bed. I smile softly at his clean toes.

Well, he’s getting comfortable. Is he planning on staying the night again? My mind flashes back to how we slept together last night, and I feel my cheeks heat up.

But now’s not the time to reminisce and blush. Blaze is actually talking about himself for once, and I don’t want to miss a word.

“The thing is my mom...” He pauses, as if deciding whether to tell me or not. I wish I could coax the words out of him before he decides to keep them to himself.

“Your mom what?” I urge.

~Please, talk. I won’t judge you.~

He scratches his forehead, looking unsure.

“I don’t open up to people,” he mumbles.

I let out a sigh. “I’m not ~people~, Blaze,” I tell him. “I’m not like everyone else. I won’t judge you.”

“Yeah...” He nods, his eyes meeting mine. “I get that. I don’t usually care what people think of me. But...I kind of care what you think.”

~Did he really just say that?~

I can feel my cheeks heating up, and I have to look away.

“Well...if you value my opinion that much...maybe you could share more with me?”

He bites his lower lip, pushing his unruly hair back from his forehead. It falls back into place almost immediately, and he brushes it away again.

“I’m afraid if you knew the real me, Harmony, you might not want to be my friend. Or even be around me.”

~What is he talking about? What could be so bad that I’d avoid him?~

“I don’t think there’s anything you could do that would scare me away,” I tell him honestly. “Nothing at all.”

He raises an eyebrow, skeptical. “Really?”

“Yes, really, Blaze. You almost stabbed your professor. I don’t think it gets much worse than that.”

He smirks, one dimple appearing on his cheek.

“It could get worse,” he murmurs.

I tilt my head, curious. “Like what?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know... Do you trust me, Harmony?”

He’s asked me this before, and I’ve always been unsure. But not tonight.

I nod. “Yeah...I do.”

“Why?”

I push my own hair back from my forehead. “I don’t know.”

He sighs. “Maybe you shouldn’t. I don’t even trust myself sometimes.”

His words are so heavy, they leave me speechless.

~What does he mean by that?~

“What...what do you mean?”

He looks at me, his eyes intense. “I don’t know... I might hurt you. Isn’t that what everyone says?”

“Well.” I take a deep breath; this conversation is getting intense. “I don’t believe everyone.”

His eyes soften, and he looks away. I think he’s trying to hide his vulnerability.

“I think you’re a good person,” I tell him. “You’re not a bad guy. You stood up for me today. That says a lot.”

He looks at me again, his gaze lingering on my lips. I swallow, my heart pounding as he moves closer.

~Is he going to kiss me?~

Just as he leans in, the lights go out, plunging the room into darkness.

~Talk about bad timing~.

“What happened?”

I can barely see Blaze in the dark, but I can tell he’s shrugging. “No idea.”

His voice sounds as disappointed as I feel. Then the intercom comes on.

“Everyone, please remain calm. We’re experiencing a temporary power outage. We apologize for the inconvenience. Please stay in your dorms while we address the issue.”

“They’re so fucking annoying!” Blaze mutters, flopping back onto the bed.

I get up to look for a candle. There’s an old cabinet in the corner of the room that holds some supplies. I’m sure there’s a candle in there somewhere.

Blaze props himself up on his elbows to watch me. “I don’t think they keep candles in there, green eyes.”

“Really? Are you sure, because...aha! Found one!” I hold up the candle triumphantly.

He smiles and shakes his head. “You know, the dark is kind of nice.”

“Not after that ~Saw~ movie we watched the other day.”

He laughs.

“I just need something to light it,” I say, mostly to myself.

He gets up and comes over to me. “I can help with that.”

He pulls a lighter from his back pocket and lights the candle. The soft glow illuminates his face, and he smiles at me.

“Let there be light.”

I want to ask why he has a lighter, but I decide not to. Instead, I just smile and shake my head.

I set the candle on the table, and the moonlight coming in through the window helps light up the room.

Blaze goes back to my bed, settling in against my pillows. I don’t know why he always sleeps in my dorm when April isn’t around.

~Shut up, Harmony, you like it~, my subconscious tells me. She’s right, but I won’t admit it.

I stay by the table, even though the candle is now standing on its own. There’s something about being in a dark room with Blaze that feels dangerous. I should probably keep my distance, right?

“Harmony.” His voice cuts through the silence. I can barely see him from where I’m standing.

“Yes?”

“Come lay with me.”

His words send a jolt through me. Lay with him? In the dark?

“Um... I don’t think...”

“Please?” His voice sounds almost desperate. Considering the conversation we were having earlier, I slowly make my way over to him.

Just lying next to him, that’s all it is, right? Nothing happened last night when we shared a bed.

He moves over as I slide in next to him, the mattress dipping under our combined weight.

I quickly turn onto my side, my back to him, just like last night. But he’s not having it this time.

“No...I want to see your eyes. Turn around.”

I take a deep breath and do as he asks. Truth be told, I want to see his eyes too.

Now, I’m facing him, and he’s grinning, clearly pleased.

“That’s much better, green eyes.”

He’s been calling me that since we met. I can’t get used to it. It still makes me blush like a schoolgirl. We’re so close I can feel his minty breath on my lips.

“You have small ears and a really tiny nose,” he observes, as if he’s been studying my face. “You’re really pretty, Harmony.”

He says it so gently, like it’s a secret he doesn’t want the world to hear.

I’m blushing, unsure of how to respond. I want to say thank you, but I’m afraid my voice will betray my nerves, or I’ll stumble over my words.

“It’s kind of dark in here but I can still see how much you’re blushing.” Blaze chuckles.

~Am I that obvious?~

“I am not,” I retort quickly, but my voice gives me away.

He laughs. “You’re such a liar. Are you telling me your heart is not racing right now, lying here in the dark with me?”

I shake my head. “No...it’s not.”

Who in their right mind would admit that? Especially to a ridiculously good-looking guy who’s grinning at you in a dimly lit room.

“I don’t believe you, Harmony. You’re lying.”

“My heart is not racing, Blaze.”

I see a spark of mischief in his eyes, and he moves closer, our foreheads touching.

~What is he doing?~

I catch my breath, trying not to let him see. I need to keep up the pretense.

“Well...is it racing now?” he whispers.

I shake my head again. I don’t know where this stubbornness is coming from. Maybe I’m just trying to save face.

He smirks, and before I can process what’s happening, he’s closer, his lips barely brushing mine.

The contact sends a shiver down my spine, and I grip the sheets tightly.

“Is it still not racing, Harmony?”

I swallow, hoping my voice sounds steady. “No.”

“Oh…then why are you gripping the sheet so hard?”

I glance down at my clenched hand and quickly let go. When I look back up, Blaze’s eyes are filled with desire. He moves closer, his lips brushing mine again.

“I won’t kiss you if you don’t want me to,” he murmurs. “Only if you want me to...”

I close my eyes. The urge to feel his lips on mine is overwhelming.

He knows exactly what he’s doing. He knows I don’t really have a choice.

He brushes my hair back from my face, then cups my cheek, his thumb tracing circles on my skin.

“Do you want me to?” His lips are barely touching mine, pressing a little harder than before.

I’ve lost all sense of reason. I nod.

“Are you sure?” He repeats the question, his lips still moving against mine.

“Yes...”

And then he’s kissing me, his tongue claiming my mouth as if it’s his own.

I respond, matching his intensity, kissing him back with the same need.

^~“Control is such an open-ended word for me, something that I used to think I owned. I’m standing here with none, I’m feeling so complete. You helped me understand to let it go.” —Jess Glynne.^~