Chapter 32: You Had Me All in My Head

~“You promised you’d stay, but you didn’t. The world fell apart in thirty seconds flat, but you can’t just drop me like a bad habit. You can’t just let me go like that.” —XYLO.~

Chapter Theme Song: “Bad Habit” by XYLO.

HARMONY

~“Sleep tight in my arms, I’m not going anywhere.”~

Those were the comforting words Blaze whispered in my ear last night. But when I woke up this morning, he was gone.

I’m not going to complain. He has classes, so it makes sense that he’d go back to his dorm in the morning. But I wish I knew if he was okay.

I have his number, but I don’t want to be the first one to text—silly, I know.

Geometry class is almost over, and I can’t wait to get out of this lecture hall. Three hours of sitting and listening to a dull monologue feels like slowly pulling your nails off.

As soon as Mr. Roster turns to erase the board, I grab my bag, stuff my books into it, and stand up.

My butt is sore from the hard chair, and I wince as I hurry toward the exit, beating everyone else to it.

The hallway is packed as I try to zip up my bag while walking, struggling with my laptop that won’t fit into the largest compartment.

I puff out my cheeks as I force the edge of the silver device into the bag, sticking out my tongue in concentration. ~I should have bought a bigger bag.~

Just as I finally manage to get it in, I bump into someone. I step back and quickly apologize. “Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t—”

My words trail off when I see Blaze, who’s smiling and running his tongue over the corner of his mouth.

He looks as handsome as ever in a black T-shirt and gray jeans, his hair tousled with a single strand falling over his forehead. He’s a masterpiece.

~And my day has just started~. Suddenly, I’m not grumpy anymore.

His smiles are like my daily dose of caffeine—exactly what I need to start every morning, every day. But maybe that’s too much to ask for, right?

I don’t want to get my hopes up, but after what happened between us last night, I want to believe that maybe he feels the same way about me.

I don’t know if it meant anything to him, but it did to me. It was a big step, and even though I’m trying not to overthink it, I felt a connection between us. He must have felt it too.

“Hi, Harmony.”

“Hey, you disappeared this morning.” I pout, and he scratches his forehead before gently pulling me forward so people won’t bump into me.

“Um, yeah... I didn’t bring my toothbrush.”

The first night we slept together, I didn’t mind waking up alone the next morning.

I don’t know if it’s because of what happened last night that I feel uneasy about him promising to stay but not doing so. Maybe I’m overreacting, but it kind of feels like a one-night stand?

Okay, I’m overthinking it. It’s not like we ~slept~ together or anything.

I manage a smile as we start walking down the crowded hallway. “As usual.” I finally respond to his excuse, and he chuckles lightly at my soft comeback.

“Someone sounds disappointed. What? Were you hoping to shower with me?”

My eyes widen in surprise. “What? N-no way.”

He smirks at the break in my voice, nodding. “Uh-huh, right. I learned from last night that you’re a really bad liar.”

My cheeks flush at this and I glance at him to find him boldly looking back, stirring up familiar feelings. He’s giving me the same look he gave me last night. Just before we...did whatever.

“Oh my God, hey!”

A female voice calls out from in front of us, and we turn to see a brunette standing in our path.

She’s grinning widely, her big gray eyes sparkling with excitement. I have to admit, she’s pretty.

“Hey, do you remember me?” She’s looking at Blaze and I furrow my brow in confusion. I look from her to him, noticing that he looks just as clueless.

The girl realizes that he doesn’t remember and frowns. “I gave you the hairpins.”

~Hairpins?~

Recognition flashes across Blaze’s face as he snaps his fingers and points at her. “Ah, yeah! Right. I didn’t remember you at all.”

She laughs. “I can see that.”

A twinge of jealousy rises within me and I swallow it down, but it only settles in my stomach and grows.

The way she’s smiling at him says a lot. As a girl, it’s not hard to recognize a look of affection from another girl.

~I look at Blaze that way too...when he’s not looking.~

“I don’t know if you also forgot this, but the last time I asked you if you wanted my number, you said next time. So I think fate brought us together again so we can exchange numbers, don’t you think?”

I bite my lip. Do girls hit on guys? I didn’t know that was a thing. My mom always taught me that guys usually make the first move. But it’s the twenty-first century, so a lot has changed.

“Oh yeah, I did say that, didn’t I?” Blaze looks a bit uncomfortable, and I glance up at him, silently hoping that he won’t give her his number. That would bother me.

“The thing is...” He puts his hands in his pockets and shrugs. “I have a girlfriend.”

The girl looks as shocked as I feel. ~Girlfriend? When did he—~

“Really?” Her voice is so deflated that I can’t help but feel a pang of sympathy. She’s a pretty girl. But what does Blaze mean by having a girlfriend?

“Yeah, actually, here she is.” He pulls me into a casual side hug, and my eyes widen in surprise.

~Well, that’s unexpected.~

She finally looks at me, her first time since she walked up to us, and I offer a small, awkward smile. Her gaze isn’t filled with animosity towards me, but rather a deep disappointment.

“Oh...” She sighs. “Okay. I guess I’m a little late. See you around.”

She presses her lips together and walks away, and it’s clear she’s hurting.

As soon as she’s out of sight, Blaze quickly removes his arm from around me and shoves his hands back into his pockets.

I look up at him. I had no idea that after last night, I’d suddenly become his girlfriend. The idea is exciting, but instead of getting carried away, I decide to ask him what he meant.

“Why did you tell her I’m your girlfriend?”

Right now, I’m actually hoping that maybe Blaze and I could start something. Something more than just friendship.

His words earlier gave me hope, but I’m not sure if hope is a safe feeling to hold onto.

He chuckles and looks at me as if I just asked if birds could fly. “Because I didn’t want her number, green eyes. So I had to pretend I have a girlfriend.”

~Pretend. Okay. Ouch.~ That stings, I won’t lie. He ~used me~ to brush off a girl. ~Used me~.

“You pretended...I was your girlfriend.” I’m trying to see if the idea sounds less harsh coming from my own mouth, but it doesn’t. It sounds just as bad. Maybe worse.

“Yeah... I hope you’re okay with that.”

I swallow.

~How could I be?~

I force a smile, even though inside, my heart feels like it’s attending its own funeral. “Yeah, I guess that’s okay.” ~It’s not~.

“April wants us to meet her at the caf.”

He changes the subject so quickly, as if he has no idea that his words are tearing me apart.

I should have known better than to think him calling me his girlfriend meant anything. Especially after waking up this morning to find an empty space beside me and not a single text or note.

He did say last night that he wouldn’t leave, didn’t he? But it feels like the moment I closed my eyes, he was gone.

It hurts to admit that I can see how Blaze Xander might break my heart, because maybe he doesn’t feel the same way about me after all.

***

We walk into the cafeteria together and head to our usual spot where everyone is already seated and eating lunch.

When April sees us together, she looks unhappy, but doesn’t say anything.

“Hey, my favorite cousin.” Blaze leans over to kiss her forehead before flopping down in an empty chair and stealing a fry from Yuna’s plate.

She doesn’t notice, too busy smiling up at me as I take a seat between her and Tia.

“Hey, guys,” I greet them, forcing the best fake smile I can manage.

“You two sure hang out a lot,” James remarks, referring to Blaze and me.

I stay silent, but I’m sure I see him subtly wink at Blaze, who pretends not to notice and looks away with a strange expression.

“Yeah, it’s the second time you two have come to lunch together,” Yuna agrees, sipping her coke.

April’s eyes narrow as she looks from Blaze to me. Neither of us says anything, and I hope they’ll drop the subject.

“Harmony, my cousin is throwing a party tonight and we’re all going. You should come,” Tia suggests, biting into her burger.

I don’t understand how they can enjoy going to a party on a school night. It just doesn’t make sense to me.

“Harmony doesn’t like parties,” Blaze chimes in. “She prefers staying in the dorm, and lately, I’ve been preferring that too. You two can go without us.”

James clears his throat with a smirk, and once again, I’m drawn to him. It’s like he’s hinting at something to Blaze, but Blaze pretends not to notice for the second time.

If I don’t go to the party, then Blaze won’t either, and he’ll just end up at my dorm.

After what happened last night and the incident earlier with him pretending I was his girlfriend, I think it’s better if Blaze and I don’t spend time alone without the group.

“I’ll go,” I say.

April and the girls all look at me in shock.

“You will?!” Yuna is thrilled, and it makes me smile.

“Yeah, I haven’t had fun in a while.”

“Awesome!” April grins. “It’s gonna be so much fun.”

Blaze is probably confused about why I chose to go to the party. Maybe he was hoping we’d be alone again like last night.

I can tell he’s looking at me, but I don’t look back. Instead, I stick my straw in my milk carton and try to drown my sorrows.