Chapter 38: You’re Still on My Mind

~“Feeling used, but I’m still missing you and I can’t see the end of this, just wanna feel your kiss against my lips and now all this time is passing by, but I still can’t seem to tell you why it hurts me every time I see you, realize how much I need you.” —Gnash & Olivia O’Brien.~

Chapter Theme Song: “I Hate You, I Love You” by Gnash ft. Olivia O’Brien.

HARMONY

I shouldn’t be mad at Blaze, should I?

Everyone warned me, him included. He did say he might break my heart. But it still stings because, deep down, I was secretly hoping he felt the same.

It hurts to feel like you’re nothing more than a conquest to someone, and it hurts even more when you’ve given them that impression.

I took an extra-long shower this morning, hoping to cry out all my tears before class. My eyes are red and puffy, and even though I’m not big on makeup, I think today calls for it.

I pat some powder under my eyes and swipe on some lip balm to hide the fact that my lips are chapped and pale.

When I step out of the bathroom, April is awake and making her bed. She gives me a half-hearted smile.

“Good morning. You were in there for a while, everything okay?”

I sigh. “Yeah. Sorry...”

I head to my bed to grab some clothes from my suitcase. I can feel April’s eyes on me. She hops down from her bunk, arms crossed, watching me.

“So...I heard you were dancing with Kite last night, and then Blaze got mad and pulled you away. What happened between you two?”

I really don’t want to talk about that right now. It would just make me cry all over again.

“Nothing,” I mumble, zipping up my suitcase.

“He brought you back here, right? What happened after that?”

I’ll tell April everything eventually, but not right now. I need to get to a place where I can say his name without bursting into tears.

“Nothing happened between us...”

She takes a deep breath, her eyes filled with sympathy. She nods slowly. She probably knows more than I think she does, but she lets it go. I’m grateful for that.

“All right. Well, I’m going to take a shower, okay?”

I nod, not meeting her gaze as she walks away.

I hope she understands that I don’t want to talk about her cousin right now. I don’t want to talk about how he stole my first kiss and touched me just to satisfy his own curiosity. I need time to heal.

***

“Harmony, wait up!”

I turn around at the sound of my name to see Mal, out of breath, catching up to me.

Sweat is dripping down his forehead. If I were in a better mood, I would have teased him about always running after me.

“Good morning.” He grins.

I smile back, but it’s forced.

He squints at me, studying my face. “You okay? Your eyes look a little swollen...”

Damn this useless foundation. I should return it. The bottle said ~full coverage~.

I look away and nod. “Yeah, I’m fine, thanks. What’s up?”

“Oh, okay. Guess who got fired?”

I don’t have the energy for guessing games, so I just shrug.

“Mr. Jones. I heard he tried to assault a girl in his office and confessed to the chairman. They kicked him out and someone saw the cops escorting him off campus.”

That gets my attention. My eyes widen. “Really? Did they say who the girl was?”

“No, the school’s keeping it confidential. But it’s funny, we were just calling him boring the other day. It’s like we jinxed his whole career.

“Who confesses to something like that?” He laughs, shaking his head.

I know how stubborn Mr. Jones can be. I also know that Blaze must have had something to do with this. He must have done something to make sure Mr. Jones would never bother me again.

My heart aches a little less.

But maybe this was all part of his plan to get me into bed. Why would he go to such lengths just to sleep with someone?

I’m relieved that Mr. Jones is gone, but it hurts to think that Blaze might have just been trying to manipulate me into sleeping with him.

“Hey, guess what?”

~Again? I don’t have the energy for this.~

“My sister’s finally getting better. She’ll be back at college soon.”

“Your sister? The one that...”

“Yeah.” Mal’s face hardens. “The one Blaze messed up. We used to be friends, you know. I used to hang out with their group.”

~This is interesting.~

“Which group?” I ask.

“You know, Blaze, James, April, and the other two girls. My sister and I used to hang out with them. But after Blaze slept with her and dumped her, we stopped talking to them.

“We stopped when he started bringing other girls around to push her away. Eventually, I just avoided them. They’re all so fake.

“April will always defend her cousin. No matter what she says, she’ll never be completely on your side. She loves him too much.”

I sigh. “Has your sister gotten over him?”

“She took down the last of his pictures from her wall last week.”

I blink. “Wait. She had his pictures on her wall?”

~Okay, this is a little unsettling...or maybe it's just plain crazy?~ Is she so obsessed with Blaze that she's plastered his photos all over her wall? I can kind of understand why she might have tried to end her life. She's in way too deep.

“She had all his pictures from Facebook on her room walls. She really loved him.”

I can't help but think that this has gone beyond love and entered the realm of obsession. But who am I to judge? I'm just as caught up in the Blaze Xander whirlwind as she is.

I manage a smile. “I'm glad she's okay, Mal. I'm looking forward to meeting her.”

***

Lunchtime comes and goes in a flash, and I'm relieved. I just want this day to be over. Actually, I'd like the whole week to be over.

I'm planning to head home for the weekend to spend some time with my mom. Maybe I'll visit Callum too. We haven't been talking as much as we used to.

I'm standing at the snack bar, waiting for my usual lunch. I've decided to eat alone in my dorm today and watch a movie on my laptop. It's a much better option than sitting in the cafeteria and risking a run-in with Blaze.

I'm not sure I can face him, not after everything that happened last night. From dancing with a stranger, to saying things I shouldn't have said in my drunken state, to stripping in front of him like a fool.

And the worst part of the night? Realizing that he was only interested in getting into my pants. I'd rather stay as far away from those painful memories as possible.

Suddenly, two hands cover my eyes from behind. I jump, almost elbowing the person in reflex.

“Guess who,” a voice commands.

~Seriously, what's with everyone and their guessing games today? I'm not in the mood.~

“Um...” I try to feel the person's knuckles. The only clue I get is a ring on what feels like their index finger.

“I have no idea,” I finally sigh.

A boyish giggle sounds and my eyes are freed as the person moves to my side, grinning widely. “Hi, Harmony.”

I blink. “Kite?”

I was secretly hoping it was...well, Blaze. But given the way we left things, I guess that was wishful thinking.

Kite's wearing a white T-shirt and ripped black jeans. I can't help but imagine how much better Blaze would look in them, but I quickly push the thought away. It's pathetic to still be longing for a guy who used me.

~Didn't he say he goes to Jaxton University? What's he doing at Homewood?~

He seems to notice my confusion and his smile widens, if that's even possible.

“I came here to see you...and my cousin. But mostly you.”

“See me?” I ask, taken aback. “Why?”

“Well, for starters, I wanted to apologize for kissing your neck like that last night. I texted you, but I feel like you ignored me.”

“Ma'am, your order.” The lady at the counter hands me my milk and sandwich. I thank her and turn to see Kite eyeing my lunch with a look of admiration.

“I didn't ignore you,” I clarify. “I just...needed some time to deal with a few things.”

I start walking down the hallway at my usual pace, and he hurries to keep up.

~Even he's getting a taste of Harmony Skye's infamous walking speed.~

“Like what? Did I mess things up between you and Blaze?”

I glance at him, and for some reason, his question makes me blush. The idea of being involved with Blaze still makes my heart flutter, despite the heartache from last night.

“Blaze isn't my boyfriend,” I tell him.

“Oh, well, he could have fooled me. That's a relief.” He immediately slings an arm around my neck, and I stiffen at the unexpected contact.

“I don't know where the cafeteria is. Could you show me?”

“Sorry, but I'm not going that way.”

He sighs and gives me a pleading look. “Please? I'm not familiar with this school and Tia told me to meet her there.”

I take a deep breath as he blinks at me, looking desperate. I imagine Blaze with that same look. ~Oh, God. I need help.~

I don't know why I'm avoiding the cafeteria because of a boy. It's ridiculous, but I just can't face him. I'm too embarrassed about last night.

But I could show Kite where it is and then go back to my dorm, right?

“Okay. I'll show you.”

“Great, you can be my tour guide.” He removes his arm, waggling his eyebrows.

I sigh and turn away, leading him towards the cafeteria.