Chapter 44: I Want to See All of You

~“You’ve built your wall so high that no one could climb it, but I’m gonna try.”~

Chapter Theme Song: “Beneath Your Beautiful” by Labrinth ft. Emeli Sande.

HARMONY

The ride to Homewood is filled with silence. I’m in the backseat, Blaze is up front, and his dad is driving. Blaze rests his head against the headrest while his dad taps his fingers on the steering wheel. It’s a quiet way to deal with the tension.

Every now and then, Blaze and I lock eyes in the side mirror. Each time, I look away, feeling a flutter in my stomach.

“So, Harmony, right?”

I meet Mr. Blake’s eyes in the rearview mirror. “Yes, sir. That’s right.”

“Are you studying business at Homewood, like Blaze?”

~Blaze is a business major? I can’t believe I didn’t know that.~

“Actually, I’m an English major.”

“Oh.” He nods. “That’s nice. How did you meet Blaze?”

“Dad,” Blaze interrupts, shaking his head. “Do you really need to ask her all these questions? She’s not one of your suspects.”

Mr. Xander laughs, his deep voice filling the car. I can’t help but smile.

“I’m sorry. I’m a cop, it’s a habit. Do you mind if I ask you a few more questions, just to keep the conversation going?”

I shake my head, grinning. “Not at all, Mr. Xander.”

“See? She doesn’t mind.”

Blaze rolls his eyes and looks out the window.

~Why is he always so hostile towards his dad? He seems like a nice guy.~

“My son has quite the temper, doesn’t he?”

I smile. “Sometimes...but he can be fun too when you catch him alone.”

Blaze catches my eye in the mirror again, and I feel my cheeks heat up. I quickly look away.

“Really?” His dad is grinning. “What’s so fun about this walking time-bomb who swears every other word?”

I laugh. “Well...”

Mr. Blake waits for my answer, glancing at me in the rearview mirror. I clear my throat, feeling a bit nervous.

“Uh, well... He likes to sing along to the radio, even though he’s terrible at it. He’s a good artist...he laughs at horror movies, and he makes really good cheesy pasta.”

I’m surprised by how much I know about him. I may not know the deep stuff, but the time we’ve spent together has taught me a lot.

“Oh, and he loves burgers.” I chuckle a little. I can feel my cheeks burning and I wonder if I sound like a girl who’s head over heels in love.

~This is so embarrassing; I need to stop.~

I catch a glimpse of Blaze’s smile in the mirror. He rests his elbow on the window ledge, hiding his amusement behind his hand.

“You know a lot about him, Harmony. I don’t even know that much.”

Blaze rolls his eyes. “Well, how could you? We barely spend any time together.”

“See?” His dad chuckles. “He’s always so hostile.”

I smile a little and turn to look out the window, trying to avoid another eye contact with Blaze.

He’s been watching me in the mirror since we got in the car, and my cheeks are probably as red as a tomato after talking about him.

“You know, I invited your mom and your little brother over for dinner one Sunday. I hope you don’t mind, princess.”

~He invited my mom for dinner? Wow, okay.~

“Not at all.” I smile warmly. “I’d love that.”

“Did you really do that?” Blaze snaps at his dad, making me wince. “Why do you have to be involved in every part of my life?”

~Poor Mr. Xander.~

“Because I’m your father, Blaze,” he replies as he pulls into the Homewood parking lot.

“Yeah, well, don’t try too hard. It’s annoying.” Blaze grabs his bag and gets out of the car, slamming the door behind him.

I watch him walk towards the school building through the windshield. Mr. Blake sighs and looks back at me. “He’s a handful.”

~Tell me about it.~

“Could you do me a favor, princess?”

I nod. “Sure.”

“Keep an eye on him for me. And try to talk to him, see what’s going on in his head. He won’t talk to me, but maybe he’ll talk to you. You seem to know a lot that I don’t.”

I press my lips together. “Okay, I’ll try.”

He smiles. “Thank you, you’re really sweet. Have a good day. Bye.”

“Bye.” I get out of the car and close the door, adjusting my backpack. He waves one last time before backing out of the lot and driving away.

I decide to go after Blaze and talk to him. He shouldn’t talk to his dad like that. He’s lucky to have a dad; I’m still upset that mine is gone.

“Blaze, wait up!”

He’s walking fast towards Ainsley Hall, and I struggle to keep up. He pushes the door open and goes into his dorm room. I follow him in, dropping my bag on the floor. “Blaze.”

He runs a hand through his hair and grabs his game controller, throwing it across the room. It’s the only thing within reach. It hits the wall with a loud crash, and I jump in surprise.

“Take it easy,” I tell him, moving closer. “What did he do that’s got you so worked up? You shouldn’t speak to your dad like that, Blaze.”

He spins around so fast that I instinctively step back.

“STAY OUT OF IT, HARMONY!” he yells at me.

~That stung.~

My eyes well up instantly, and I draw in a sharp breath. “You don’t mean that...”

His eyebrows knit together. “Yeah? I do. Stay out of it and leave me the hell alone.”

I blink rapidly, hoping to keep the icy tears at bay.

~Those words cut deep.~

I turn to leave before the tears start to flow. He mutters a curse and strides over to me, placing a hand between me and the door to stop me from leaving.

I keep my gaze on the wooden door as he lowers his, regret etching his face.

“I’m sorry, Harmony, please don’t leave...”

A tear slips down my cheek, and he pulls me into a tight hug, his face buried in my hair.

“I didn’t mean what I said... I don’t mean any of it. I’m really sorry.”

I close my eyes and another tear escapes.

He smells good and his arms are warm. His words hurt a little less, but they still shattered my heart.

He pulls back and cups my face, his thumbs wiping away the tears.

“I’m sorry I keep hurting you. I’m not supposed to feel like this. These emotions are coming on so fast, and it’s frustrating, Harmony.”

I look up at him. “Can you please tell me what’s going on? That’s all I want.”

He looks at me for a moment, as if he’s deciding whether to tell me or not. Then he sighs.

“I want to, but you might leave again.”

“I won’t.”

“You said that the first time, Harmony.” He steps away from me and heads to the small kitchen in his room, grabbing a beer from the fridge.

I turn to face him. “I won’t this time. I was wrong to walk out without hearing you out. But I was hurt, Blaze. I thought—I thought you felt the same.”

I lower my gaze. I don’t want to see his reaction to my words.

“How do you know I don’t feel the same?”

I look at him, shrugging.

“When someone likes someone, they know it. They’re not confused. They know right away. If you’re having second thoughts, then maybe you don’t like or love the person...”

He takes a sip of his beer, then shakes his head. “It’s not like that for me.”

He sits on his bed with a sigh, setting the beer on his nightstand before looking at me.

“Come here.”

I hesitate at his command. Being on the bed with him is a risk. The last time he told me to ‘come here’ we ended up kissing and touching each other.

He notices my hesitation and sighs again.

“I’m not trying to fuck you, Harmony. Jesus, is that what you think of me now?”

How can he blame me when he told me all he wanted from me at first was sex?

“It’s not like that,” I mumble, and walk over to him, sitting next to him on the bed.

He looks at me with a serious expression, and a chill runs through me.

“I’m going to tell you something. I’m going to let you see a part of me—a part I never let anyone see,” he starts.

“But if I do, you can never leave me. You can never be free of me. Do you still want to see all of me?”

I look at him for a moment. I don’t ever want to be away from Blaze. His blue eyes, his pink lips, his dimples, his perfect skin—I want to see them all the time.

Even though he hurt me, I don’t want to be free of him. His chaos not only destroys me but makes me feel alive.

I nod. “Yes. I want to see all of you, Blaze.”

^~“Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight?”—Labrinth & Emile Sande.^~