Chapter 53: You Hold The Power To Destroy Me

~“Say you love me to my face, I need it more than your embrace. Just say you want me, that’s all it takes. Heart’s getting torn from your mistakes. ‘Cause I don’t wanna fall in love if you don’t wanna try. But all that I’ve been thinking of is maybe that you might. And babe, it looks as though we’re running out of words to say, and love’s floating away.” —Jessie Ware.~

Chapter Theme Song: “Say You Love Me” by Jessie Ware.

THIRD PERSON

“Ladies, care for some liquor?”

A tall blond guy, soaked from head to toe, towers over them, offering a tray of red party cups. “It’s all on the house.”

Tia leans in to inspect the contents of one of the cups. “What is it?”

“Apple vodka, but it’s pretty strong.”

“Oh, I love apples.” She squirms in her seat, reaching out to grab a cup. April and Yuna follow suit, each taking a drink.

His gaze lands on Harmony, who’s lost in thought, staring blankly at her lap. A wide smile stretches across his pale face.

“Want one, cute face?”

“No, she doesn’t drink,” Yuna interjects quickly.

“Oh, sorry.” He grins and starts to walk away, but Harmony surprises everyone by reaching out and grabbing a cup from the tray.

“Thanks...”

All eyes turn to her in surprise, and she tightens her lips under their scrutiny.

“I thought you said she doesn’t drink?” The guy chuckles, shaking his head as he walks over to a group of people nearby.

Ignoring the girls’ stares, Harmony takes a small sip from the cup. She remembers Blaze’s warning about drinking too much, but then she also remembers him saying they should just be friends.

Feeling a bit rebellious, she takes another gulp, this time finishing the entire cup.

April watches her with concern as she lowers the empty cup.

Harmony grimaces as the strong liquid burns its way down her throat, reminding her why she’s never been a fan of alcohol. She can never keep a straight face after a drink—it’s not as enjoyable as others make it out to be.

But for a brief moment, the alcohol numbs the pain in her heart, and she wonders if this could be a form of medicine. A painkiller.

It might be temporary relief, but it’s better than enduring the constant pain without a break.

Licking the residue off her lips, she scans the crowd for someone else offering drinks. If she’d known it would help this much, she would have taken two cups from the blond guy.

But then the girls would have questioned her even more, and she’s not ready to talk about what happened with Blaze.

“Are you okay, Harmony?” April asks, her concern now too much to hide.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay,” she replies, but her voice lacks conviction. April can hear the sadness in her tone.

“Are you sure?”

She nods.

“I don’t think so. I mean, you both have been acting really weird since I got here. You’re being unusually quiet, and look at Blaze. He’s over there acting like one of those jerks.”

Harmony follows her gaze and immediately wishes she hadn’t. Blaze is sitting with a group of guys at the corner of the deck, laughing and flashing his bright smile as they encourage a guy to drink more.

He has an arm around James, looking carefree and happy.

He’s happy. He’s clearly happy without her.

“He hasn’t gambled in a while, but now he’s making bets with those idiots over there. I thought he was getting better,” she mutters.

Harmony forces herself to look away. Watching him laugh is more painful than the burning sensation in her throat.

She needs more alcohol.

“I’ll be back,” she tells April, who watches her with furrowed brows as she gets up and walks away.

April waits until Harmony disappears into the crowd before standing up and heading over to Blaze’s corner.

The group of guys, making loud noises and waving their arms around, stop their chatter as they see her approaching. They watch her like a pack of hungry wolves.

Stopping in front of the group, she waves away the smoke and wrinkles her nose at the smell of marijuana. “Blaze.”

“Damn, you’re sexy.” One of the guys whistles, eyeing her bare thighs.

James shoots the guy a glare, and April rolls her eyes at his crude comment before turning her attention to her cousin.

“Blaze, come here.”

He sighs, probably guessing what this is about. He stands up without a word, and one of the guys whispers something to him as he walks by, making Blaze roll his eyes and wave him off.

She grabs his arm and pulls him away from the group, not wanting them to overhear. Crossing her arms, she shifts her weight onto one foot.

“What’s wrong with Harmony?”

A flicker of guilt crosses his face before it disappears. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“She’s drinking and she’s not acting like herself. Did you do something to her, Blaze?”

“Jesus, April. Seriously? What could I have done to her? I’m always the bad guy. You should go ask Kite.”

“Kite?” She narrows her eyes. “What about Kite?”

“He was kissing her. I saw them, so you should go to him when you’re worried about your little toddler.”

Blaze has had enough of the conversation. He turns to leave, but April isn’t done. She grabs his arm, pulling him back to her. He grits his teeth, annoyed.

“April.”

“Blaze, I’m not done talking to you. What did you say to her after you saw them kissing?”

He takes a deep breath, pulling his hat off and running his fingers through his hair, tired.

“I’m giving that jerk a chance with her. He’s been after her since the day they met. We both know I can’t feel anything for anyone.”

“But she told me. She said you opened up to her. You’ve never done that with any other girl. I know you feel something, Blaze. Stop lying to yourself.”

His lips press into a thin line. He knows she’s right, and there’s no way he can convince her otherwise.

He shared things with Harmony he’d never tell anyone else, and he stuck around her longer than he planned.

Even when she hinted at them sleeping together, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. No matter how heartless he’s known to be.

“Okay, fine. I feel something for her,” he admits. “But I’m not ready for any of this. Seeing her with someone else messed me up. I felt weak—like that scared kid who hid in his basement ten years ago.

“I can’t give her love. A ~broken~ person can’t love anyone properly.”

She sighs. “What are you really scared of, Blaze?”

He squints, looking past her, trying to find the right words to answer her question. He crosses his arms over his bare chest, puffing out his cheeks.

“Okay. I’m scared of the power she has over me,” he finally admits, and April’s face softens at his confession.

Blaze isn’t one to share his feelings, and he’s not one to be scared of anything. He’s reckless and brave. She’s glad he’s making some progress with his emotions.

“When I saw her kissing Kite, it hurt. I realized how much power she has over me.

“That’s what my mom had—power. She knew I loved her, and everything she said, everything she did...I felt it.

“After my diagnosis, I forgot what that vulnerability felt like. But seeing Harmony with Kite reminded me.”

He sighs, rubbing his forehead. “I’m just trying to protect myself. I need to stay in control, and with Harmony...I can’t.”

He turns to go back to his friends, but April grabs his arm. “Wait.”

He turns back to her, his eyebrows furrowing impatiently.

“Go find her. She left and I don’t know where she went.”

He sighs. “Don’t worry. She’s probably with Kite...”

She rolls her eyes. “Blaze, stop being a jealous idiot and go find her.”

“April, just drop it, okay? She deserves better anyway.” He turns and goes back to his friends, and April gives up, heading back to the girls.

She’s dealt with her cousin’s stubbornness too many times. She knows trying to convince him would take forever.

***

“Can I have a drink?” Harmony asks the guy behind the table of drinks.

He cups his hand behind his ear, leaning forward, signaling for her to repeat herself. She leans in a bit, raising her voice over the music.

“A drink! I want one of those—”

“Oh.” He laughs, moving away, and she nods.

“Yeah.”

“Cherry vodka or apple vodka?”

“Apple.”

He reads her lips, nodding as he starts to make her drink.

“Hey, nerd girl.” A voice comes from behind her, but she keeps her gaze forward, deciding not to turn around. “Nerd girl” isn’t her name.

“I think she’s talking to you,” Mohawk Guy says.

A figure leans against the table, a strong scent of Avon perfume filling the air. A skinny hand waves in front of Harmony’s face.

Finally, she looks up to see none other than the ~bird~ with brown hair who was dancing with Blaze earlier—Amber.

“Can I help you?” She shifts her weight, her nostrils flaring in annoyance as Amber chews gum loudly.

“Have you seen Blaze?”

Harmony looks away, fighting the urge to yell at the brunette as she takes her drink from the guy, who’s now watching them curiously.

“No,” she mumbles.

“He just left me in his damn room upstairs. What an asshole.”

At that, Harmony stiffens. ~Upstairs? They were upstairs together? Why? Did they sleep together?~

“Give me one of those!” Amber demands, rudely grabbing a cup from the table and downing the drink.

“See you around, Mary,” she mutters, pushing past Harmony and leaving.

Mohawk chuckles, but Harmony doesn’t find Amber’s behavior amusing. “Amber’s crazy. Don’t mind her.”

She forces a half-smile, lifting her drink to her lips, but Amber’s words are echoing in her head, demanding her attention. They were in a room upstairs. Why?

“She’s crazy, but hot. I’ve been dying to sleep with her, but Blaze gets all the hot girls. Word is they just had sex in one of the rooms upstairs. Lucky bastard.”

The guy shakes his head, laughing as he makes another drink.

Harmony’s day of despair just got worse. Her eyes well up with tears, and she tries to blink them back. Suddenly feeling nauseous, she reaches for another drink from the table like a woman on a bender.

The guy across from her looks up. “Hey, take it easy. Those are pretty potent. If you’re not used to drinking, you might not be able to handle it.”

Ignoring his advice, she downs the drink in one gulp and reaches for another. Before she knows it, that one’s gone too, and she’s about to grab a fourth when a hand stops her.

“That’s enough,” a voice says.

She looks up and locks eyes with Kite. She frowns and pulls her hand away from him.

“Harmony.”

She turns to leave, but she can hear him following her.

She wants nothing to do with him. All of this started when he kissed her, and she’s still shocked that someone could be so selfish.

He grabs her arm once they’re away from the table, and she pulls free and turns to face him, her eyes filled with tears.

He takes a deep breath. “Harmony, why are you still crying over him? He doesn’t deserve you.”

“Kite, I don’t want to talk to you. What you did was so selfish and wrong. How could you just—”

“I like you. That’s why.”

“Kite, just stop.”

She covers her eyes with her hands, unable to hold back the tears any longer. She shouldn’t have come to this pool party. Everything feels so messed up all of a sudden.

He moves in to hug her, and she steps back. “Don’t.”

He sighs. “I did it to see if he deserved you. I wanted to see his reaction—to see if he felt the same about you. I’m sorry I went about it that way.”

“It doesn’t make it any better, Kite. Your apology doesn’t change anything. He hates me. He doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore, so just save your apology.”

She sobs as she wipes away the tears streaming down her face, and Kite sighs in regret as he watches her quietly.

***

Despite the laughter and chatter around Blaze, he feels empty. He’s back to feeling the way he did before he met Harmony. Like he has no purpose or place in the world.

His mind is filled with thoughts and images of her, but no one would know it. He’s an expert at hiding his emotions.

He can’t forget how hurt and devastated she looked when he left her in that room upstairs. The image of her tear-filled eyes keeps popping into his head, preventing him from thinking about anything else.

She deserves better. She doesn’t deserve him.

Kite could give her a life free of stress and trouble. He’s healthier, and with him, she wouldn’t have to worry about having an unfeeling lover for the rest of her life.

Blaze knows it’s best if he stays in his messed-up world while she stays in her world of goodness. Someone as pure as her shouldn’t be tainted by him.

He knows that, but he can’t stop thinking about her.

Looking across the deck, he sees April and the girls sitting and chatting, but Harmony is nowhere to be seen. He sighs and rubs his forehead, deciding to go look for her.

As he gets up from his spot on the pool bench, James looks up at him, squinting against the bright sun. “Where are you going? Josh is about to make a bet.”

“I’ll be back,” Blaze tells him.

He sets off to find her, scanning the crowded area for her curly black hair and her cute burgundy swimsuit.

He remembers April saying she had been drinking, so he figures he’ll probably find her at the bar. He weaves his way through the dancing crowd to get there when a cold hand grabs his.

With a grimace, he turns to see Amber grinning at him, and he rolls his eyes.

“I was looking for you, babe. We weren’t finished upstairs.”

“I can’t talk to you right now.” He pulls his hand free, but she grabs him again.

~She’s always this fucking stubborn. She should thank God for my self-control because my ASPD often makes me want to push her away,~ Blaze thinks.

She hisses, “Why are you always so hot and cold, Blaze Xander?”

“Why are you always so clingy and annoying?” he retorts.

She gasps, blinking in surprise, and he takes the opportunity to free himself from her and walk away.

Once he’s made it through the crowd, his eyes immediately find Harmony. Her back is to him, and a wave of relief washes over him.

He takes a step forward, but stops when he sees Kite standing in front of her.

She’s wiping her eyes as if she’s been crying, and her back is shaking. Blaze’s heart aches. He hurt her more than she deserved.

Kite’s gaze drifts over Harmony’s shoulder and meets his.

Blaze clenches his jaw and straightens up, and Kite’s eyes hold the same dark glint as they stand there—silently glaring at each other.

Then Kite smirks and moves closer to Harmony.

Blaze holds his breath as Kite wraps his arms around her, his gaze never leaving Blaze’s as his smile widens.

The sight is unbearable, and Blaze’s first instinct is to stab the ~bastard~. But the painful realization makes him freeze. The truth finally hits him.

The feelings he has for her are stronger than he thought.

At first, he thought he just cared about her, but now he realizes that she might hold his entire heart in her hands.

Everyone’s afraid he’ll break her heart, but maybe Harmony is the one who has the power to break ~his.~