Chapter 56: It Is the Thought That Hurts

~“I’m ready to forgive you but forgetting is a harder fight.” —Alex & Sierra.~

Chapter Theme Song: “Little Do You Know” by Alex & Sierra.

HARMONY

Blaze’s kiss is different this time. It’s slow, gentle, and it steals my breath away, replacing it with a burning desire.

It’s like a gust of fresh air, making me question if I was ever truly alive before our lips met. My soul blooms like a rose, warmth spreading through my body, reaching my very core.

His tongue slips in, exploring my mouth as his arms wrap around me.

Our bodies pressed together, the kiss intensifies, our breaths becoming ragged and desperate.

Somehow, I find myself lying on his bed, on my back, lost in his sweet assault on my lips.

His hand ventures down my body, sending shivers down my spine as he explores my thigh. His touch warms me, despite the cold air seeping in through his windows.

His scent envelops me like a comforting blanket as he moves from my cheek to my neck, distracting me as his hand slips under my T-shirt.

His touch on my bare stomach makes me gasp, while he leaves a trail of red marks on my neck.

A wave of pleasure washes over me as his hand moves down to my chest, his lips peppering my throat with soft, fleeting kisses.

My breathing is loud, and I’m sure he can hear my heart pounding.

“I’m mad, Harmony,” he murmurs against my skin. “I’m mad that Kite got to kiss you too. I wanted to be the only one.”

He lifts his head to meet my gaze, and the desire in his eyes is enough to make me wet.

He brushes his lips against mine and whispers, “I want to see you. All of you.”

Confused, I look at him. “Wh-what do you mean?”

“I want to see what you hide from everyone else.” He pulls my bottom lip between his teeth. I close my eyes, moaning, and nod, not entirely sure what I’m agreeing to.

His hand, which had been tracing circles around my navel, pulls away from my clothes. He lifts my T-shirt just below my neck, his gaze locked on mine.

A rush of air hits my bare chest, and I blush as his eyes leave mine to focus on my hardened nipples.

He bites his lower lip, sending a wave of heat through me.

“You’re so sexy...”

He looks back at me, leans in, and takes one of my nipples into his mouth. I gasp, my head sinking into his soft pillows as he sucks and nips at my chest.

His other hand cups my other breast, gently squeezing and massaging it, his thumb rolling over my nipple.

I clutch the sheets, my knuckles white from the tight grip.

He lavishes attention on my breasts, his teeth grazing them, making sure both receive equal attention. It feels so good, I think I might climax just from this.

But before I can test that theory, his hand and mouth leave my chest. He sits up between my legs, and I watch him, panting.

He unbuttons my shorts with ease, the sound echoing in the room. I remember I’m not wearing any underwear.

As I open my mouth to voice my insecurity, he’s already pulling my shorts down my thighs.

I swallow hard. ~Oh, God.~

“Blaze, I feel...a little insecure,” I admit. He smiles, freeing my left leg from my shorts. “I-I have never actually—”

“Don’t be scared. You’re beautiful, Harmony.” He kisses my right knee. “Every inch of you.”

His words ease my anxiety, and I slowly relax, my legs no longer clenched together.

Blaze smiles at my silent agreement and gently spreads my legs. His intense gaze travels over my sex, and I blush, a mix of lust and insecurity coloring my cheeks.

“You’re beautiful all over...,” he whispers. “So pink and perfect.”

I close my eyes and tilt my head back as his lips touch the inside of my thigh. My body responds instantly, arousal building rapidly.

He watches me as his index finger traces the slit of my pussy. I gasp, covering my face with my hands, overwhelmed by the sensation. He pulls my hands away.

“Keep looking at me,” he orders, adding his middle finger, both gliding over my entrance.

He teases me slowly, torturously, circling my clit with his fingertips each time he reaches the top.

“Blaze... Oh, God...”

“No one else is allowed to touch you like this, do you hear me?” His voice is low, commanding, and I nod, lost in ecstasy.

“I want to hear you say it, Harmony.”

“N-no one else is allowed to touch me like this...”

“Not even Kite.” He flicks my clit with his thumb, sending a jolt through my body.

“Ah, Blaze!”

“Say it.” His eyes are dark as he kisses me lightly, his finger circling my clit. “Say ‘not even Kite.‘”

“N-not, ah, even Kite.”

He crashes his lips onto mine, his fingers quickening their pace. They glide over my folds, drawing whimpers and moans from me.

A delicious rhythm, up and down, then down and up, followed by tiny circles around my clit. It’s so intense that I feel like I’m about to lose my mind.

“You’re so wet,” he murmurs against my lips. “So wet for ~only~ me.”

I answer with a moan as I start to crest another wave of deep pleasure. Every time he touches me, he outdoes himself, taking me to places I’ve never been before.

Tonight, I’m in a wonderland, perched on a fluffy white cloud, surrounded by twinkling lights and a riot of colors.

I start to shake, and Blaze runs his other hand down my face, soothing me as my breath becomes quick and ragged.

“Shh. Look at how responsive you are,” he says, dropping his gaze between us, urging me to do the same.

I follow his lead, panting, and the erotic sight only fuels my desire. His fingers are parting and opening me like a flower.

I throw my head back and close my eyes as my body surges toward its climax.

“Open your eyes and look at me. I want you to see the only person who’s allowed to do this to you,” he commands.

My eyes flutter open, and our gazes lock. I’m breathing hard, and he’s watching me with lust-filled eyes.

The sounds echoing off the walls are my ragged sighs, my moans of pleasure, and the wet noises from his relentless touch.

And then it happens—my body finally gives in to the relentless stimulation. Contracting and clenching, as if trying to pull his fingers in.

I reach for his shirt, seeking some kind of anchor, but he grabs my wrists with one hand and pins them above my head while he continues to stroke me even more fiercely.

“That’s it, babe.”

“Blaze!”

“Yes.”

“Ahh!”

The peak of my pleasure rips through me, leaving me shaking and writhing beneath him as I drown in a sea of ecstasy.

He releases my wrists, letting me clutch onto his biceps as he continues his rhythm, prolonging the sensation.

Dark, sinful eyes watch me intently as I ride the waves of an ocean I’ve never encountered before. I think he’s taken my soul this time.

As I come down from the high, I try to open my eyes, making out his face through the blur of my vision.

His eyes bore into mine as his fingers leave my center, and I watch as he brings them to his mouth. They disappear inside, all the way down to the knuckles.

He sucks them clean, and my face flushes as I stare at him in shock. I’ve never seen anyone do that before.

“Blaze...”

He chuckles at my reaction. “It’s okay. It’s normal.” His laughter fades into a crooked smirk as he hovers over me, and I look up into his eyes.

“You taste sweet,” he says, and I blush even more.

He plants a soft kiss on my forehead, my cheek, and then moves to my neck. I close my eyes and tilt my head to give him full access.

His lips feel heavenly. I wouldn’t trade this feeling for anything, and nothing could ever erase this spark of joy deep within me.

~Nothing at all.~

My eyes slowly open, and I immediately spot a shiny gold wrapper peeking out from under his pillow. My smile fades into a curious expression as I reach out to pull it out.

I hold it up, studying it while Blaze continues to kiss and nip at my neck.

After a moment, I realize what I’m looking at.

An open condom wrapper.

~Oh. God.~

~This can’t be real.~

~This can’t be happening.~

~Did he really sleep with that girl?~

~Why is Blaze such a good liar?~

My breathing quickens. Not from arousal this time, but from fear, and sadness, and pain, and betrayal.

I push at his chest angrily, and he looks surprised as he stares down at me, his eyes narrowing.

“Whoa, you okay?”

My eyes are filling with tears, and my lower lip starts to tremble.

His brow furrows and his face fills with what could pass for genuine confusion.

“Harmony...what’s wrong?”

I hold up the wrapper in front of his face, and when he recognizes what it is, he closes his eyes and swears under his breath.

~That’s confirmation enough, right?~

“Listen, Harmony.” His eyes reopen, clear and earnest. “I didn’t have sex with her, okay? I opened the condom and I thought of you, and I swear to God, I didn’t do anything with her.”

“Get off me,” I grind out. “Get off me now, Blaze.”

The tears start to fall again, and his face softens. “Harmony...”

“Don’t. Don’t. Please...”

I try to get up, but he won’t move.

“I didn’t have sex with her—believe me.”

“Leave me alone!” I push him aside. I start to get off the bed, then remember that I’m half-naked, then remember that I just let him see all of me like a fool. ~Oh, God.~

“Harmony, I swear I didn’t do anything with that girl, okay? I opened the condom then I left her here. I walked out, I didn’t—”

“You touched me on the bed you slept with her on! How could you be so heartless, Blaze?! I am so stupid.”

I start to pull on my shorts, and he runs his hand through his hair in frustration. “Seriously? You don’t believe me?”

“Not after I saw her grinding on you!”

“Harmony, I already told you that I’m sorry about that, okay? I didn’t mean to hurt you like that.”

“Yeah, and I didn’t mean to let you touch me like that a minute ago, so excuse my lack of common sense.”

“Wow, are you serious?” His voice is heavy with disbelief and hurt, and it makes two of us. “You don’t trust me at all, do you?”

“No! You don’t trust me either, since you thought I kissed Kite!”

I’ve managed to cover my legs and I’m off the bed, but Blaze is already blocking my path.

“Are we really doing this again, Harmony? Seriously? I said I was sorry. What the hell else do you want me to do? Rip out my own heart?”

“You could start by leaving me alone. You even opened the condom. You wanted her, didn’t you? But then you thought of me and felt a little guilty!”

“A little? You have no idea how crazy you make me.”

“So crazy that you took her to your room!”

He runs his hand through his hair. “You’re driving me insane.”

“You’re driving me insane too. I keep trying to understand you, and you keep hurting me in so many ways, I—” Tears are streaming down my face. He tries to hug me, but I step back.

“I didn’t do anything with her. I’m telling you the truth, Harmony.”

“But what happened before you opened the condom? Did you kiss her?”

He swallows, and a hesitant look crosses his face as he looks away from me. “No. No, I didn’t. She sat on my lap and kissed my neck and...I just touched her legs...that’s all that happened.”

The image of her lips on his neck and his hand—the same hand that was touching my body just a few minutes ago—on her legs is too much for me to handle tonight. I hold my forehead.

“That’s all that happened. I swear—”

“It’s the fact that you even considered it, that’s what hurts the most. The fact that you opened the condom.”

His gaze softens, and his mouth opens, but no words come out. He has no defense, and that hurts more than any lame excuse he could give.

~Say something, anything that I can hold onto to feel better about this.~

But he doesn’t. He just stands there, looking at me with a defeated expression.

My heart feels like it’s shattered in my chest.

I take a shaky breath, and my voice cracks as I speak. “I need to be alone. I need time. This...this hurts too much.”

I turn and leave his room. I hear him curse and hit something as the door swings shut, but I don’t stop to see what he’s broken this time.

~This is hard. Loving him is hard.~

I make my way back to my room at the end of the hall, hurting so much that I don’t care if I wake April with my hasty entrance.

She stirs, half-opening her eyes and lifting her head to see me rushing to the bathroom in the dark. “Harmony? Is that you?”

I don’t answer as I open the door and close it behind me. I try to keep my sobs quiet, but it doesn’t work as she knocks lightly on the door.

“Harmony? Are you okay?”

I bite my lip to muffle my cries as I strip off my clothes.

I need a shower. Maybe the cold water will wash away thoughts of Blaze and that girl and the fact that I foolishly opened my legs for him. Maybe it’ll help me think clearly.

“Harmony, talk to me.”

I step into the bathtub and turn on the shower, letting the cold water run down my back as I bury my face in my knees. Tears spill from the corners of my eyes as I whimper softly.

“Harmony?” She knocks again.

“I’m okay!” My voice shakes, betraying my words. “I... I just need a shower, that’s all...”

“Oh...are you sure? Are you crying?”

“No...I’m fine...”

“Oh. Okay, well, don’t stay in there too long. It’s really late...you could catch a cold.”

I don’t respond, and a few seconds later, I hear her footsteps retreat from the door.

I cover my eyes and sob. The more I cry, the more thoughts swirl in my head. I bite my lip to keep quiet as the shower pours over me.