Chapter 82: Why’d You Stay?

~“You never give up when I’m falling apart, your arms are always open wide. And you’re quick to forgive when I make a mistake, you love me in the blink of an eye. Your heart is gold and how am I the one that you’ve chosen to love? I still can’t believe that you’re right next to me after all that I’ve done.” —Plumb.~

Chapter Theme Song: “Don’t Deserve You” by Plumb.

HARMONY

The weather seems to be mirroring my mood today. As I trudge towards the town’s Health Centre, my thoughts are as gloomy as the overcast sky above.

I wish I could call my mom and tell her about my recent bout of depression, but I know she’d just say ‘I told you so’.

She warned me about getting involved with boys at college, but I didn’t listen.

I’ve been beating myself up enough these past few days; I can’t handle any more criticism right now.

Raindrops start to speckle the pavement beneath my feet, and I glance up at the sky, now a solid mass of gray.

I should hurry before the rain gets heavier, although getting soaked might wash away my sadness.

My bare legs are freezing, and I can barely feel them as I quicken my pace. I blow into my hands for warmth, then tuck them into my sweater pockets.

The biting wind whips my hair around my face, and it’s so cold that I can see my breath.

The weather hates me. Everything does.

Suddenly a car pulls up next to me, and I jump back as it screeches to a halt. The window rolls down, and I freeze, not sure if it’s the rain or the boy behind the wheel that’s making me numb.

I blink the raindrops from my eyes to make sure I’m not seeing things.

Blaze leans over to look at me. “Get in.”

“It’s okay...it’s just a little further—”

“Get in the car, Harmony.”

I bite my lip and walk over to his Mercedes. I climb in and close the door, the warmth of the car enveloping me as I fasten my seatbelt.

He keeps his eyes on the road as he steps on the gas and drives off.

The car is eerily silent, but the silence is deafening. I glance over at him, and he seems lost in thought. His focus is on the road, his jaw clenched.

I miss his terrible songs and goofy dancing; I haven’t seen that side of him in a while, and I’m afraid I might never see it again.

I lied to him. He trusted me, and I showed him why he doesn’t trust people in the first place. I don’t think things will ever be the same again.

His hands are pale from gripping the steering wheel so tightly, and I notice a few red spots on his knuckles.

I reach out to touch them. “Are you okay? Your hand is—”

He brushes my hand away, wincing. Not too harsh, but not gentle either.

I drop my gaze to my fingers, and I can feel tears welling up again. He doesn’t want me to touch him—that hurts.

But what hurts even more is that he won’t look at me for more than a few seconds, as if every time he does, he sees that naked photo.

I see how his eyes scan my body as if I’m standing naked in front of him, and I see how his muscles tense as he looks away. He doesn’t realize that the image haunts me just as much.

Before I know it, we’re at the health center. And I’m disappointed because I’m afraid this might be the last time I see him.

He pulls into a parking spot, and I unfasten my seatbelt, squinting at the sign on the building’s doors.

“Doctor Francis & Kar: Gynecologist & Clinical Aid”

“Um...thanks,” I mumble as I open the door and get out. He doesn’t say anything, just unbuckles his seatbelt and gets out too.

“You don’t have to come with me,” I tell him as I approach the glass doors of the building, noticing that he’s still following me. “Thanks for the ride. I can handle it from here.”

He ignores me and opens the door, and we step inside the warm room.

The rain is still falling lightly, so the few drops that hit our skin a moment ago, combined with the cold air conditioning, are enough to make us shiver.

A few people are sitting around, reading magazines and chatting quietly, and I see a middle-aged woman at the front desk, flipping through a health magazine and sipping what looks like coffee.

“Good morning.” I smile, and she looks up, her eyes moving between Blaze and me.

“What can I do for you high schoolers?”

High schoolers? We’re not, but it doesn’t seem important to correct her when there’s a bigger issue at hand.

“I need to see the doctor,” I say. “Just for a checkup.”

“What kind of checkup?” she asks, picking up her notebook and pen.

The clinic is a combination of a regular doctor’s office and a gynecologist’s office, so she needs to know what kind of help I need. But what do I say?

A checkup down there? With Blaze standing right next to me? That’s awkward.

The room is quiet, except for a little boy playing on the floor and his mother scolding him every few seconds.

This clinic has a problem with privacy because I’m sure everyone can hear my business.

“Uhm...my...” I glance at Blaze awkwardly, but he’s not looking at me. Or maybe he’s pretending not to.

“I need to check...my lower region,” I finally manage to say, mentally berating myself for the awkwardness. “I just...want to make sure my hymen is okay.”

She nods understandingly. “All right, sweetheart. What’s your name?”

“Harmony Skye.”

“Okay, Skye. Do you have an appointment?”

I shake my head. “No, I don’t. Do you accept walk-ins?”

“No, sweetheart.” She gives me an apologetic look. “You need to make an appointment to see Doctor Francis.”

“Oh. Okay.” I force a smile, and just as I’m about to turn away, she stops me.

“Wait a minute, Skye. Let me call him and see if he’s booked solid today. If not, I might be able to fit you in.”

I smile, grateful. “Thank you.”

She picks up her phone and dials, then after a brief conversation, she hangs up and looks at me with a friendly smile. “He says he can see you.”

“Okay, thank you.” I return her smile, and she gestures to a couple of chairs to her left. “Have a seat. He’ll be with you shortly.”

I find a corner seat, and Blaze follows suit. I’m not sure why he’s here with me; it’s only been an hour since he told me to stay away from him.

He runs his fingers through his hair, sighs, and finally speaks. “Well, at least you know how this works now, so…see you around.”

This is what I’ve been dreading.

He stands to leave, and if I say it doesn’t make me want to burst into tears, I’d be lying.

I don’t want him to leave. The sterile smell of clinics always reminds me of the night my dad died, and we spent the entire night in the hospital.

I hate it more than anything, and without Blaze here, I’ll be left alone with my thoughts.

But I won’t be needy and irritating.

“Okay...” I stare at my hands in my lap, avoiding his gaze. He’s probably not looking at me anyway; he hasn’t really since the nude picture incident and my dishonesty.

He heads for the glass door, and I swallow my emotions, keeping my eyes on my hands.

~You have to be strong, Harmony. Weakness is for losers.~ My dad used to say that. It might be a bit cliché, but it feels like he was predicting this moment.

Blaze stops with his hand on the door, then lowers his head. I glance over to see him ruffling his hair and mumbling something.

He turns around and comes back, flopping down in his seat and crossing his arms over his chest, his gaze fixed straight ahead.

I look at him, a mix of relief and confusion. “Why’d you stay?”

He shrugs, still not looking at me. “I hate calculus, and it’s my next class.”

I can’t help but smile a little. I know that’s not the real reason he stayed, and I’m so grateful.

He once said he doesn’t deserve me, but the truth is, I’m the one who doesn’t deserve him.