September 7th 2024:
I could not use the blade, he was angry, the plan will be postponed.
I woke up today to many notifications, to people who followed me on Wattpad, and a certain person, Maryvetrich. I guess this person knows the pain I have been dealing with, this person must have lived something similar. A friend of mine asked me for an advice, a friend of hers was having a hard time, and started thinking about death, as a solution. And I helped, with some advice, and some nice talk. Isn't that the same thing that happened here? People who help others that are stuck with this idea, either had the same idea before, or are therapists. So, dear reader, who asked about my mental health and gave me some piece of advice, are you okay? Are you feeling well? Is everything alright on your side? I hope you will be okay until this part will be published, because I will be waiting for an answer.
I thought about all the people I had sent a message to and they hadn't answered until now, some even left me on read. If only it was from acquaintances, it is from people I think of as my friends, I am indeed an unlovable person, no one can love me, no one can like me, no one will remember me. Oh, he answered, a brother to me, I was surprised when he said that no one asked about him during this summer, why no one did? He had many friends, did they all forget about him? People are bad, the world is bad, I hate the world, he only hurt me, I am no hero, I will have my revenge on this world.
September 8th 2024:
I hate having serious conversations with them, they keep acting all mighty until I bring up something that goes against what they said. They hate it, of course they will, all that act crumbles down once I find a flaw. They keep thinking that going back and forth each day is healthy for me, while I barely get the energy to even stay awake in class. They know about it, and they ignore it. Let's see what will happen if I ignore their sickness, tell them to fight like others did, that would be funny, ironic, and relieving. Seeing them beg will surely make me happier, seeing everyone turn on them will definitely make me happy. You made a psychopath, bear the consequences.
September 10th 2024:
The starvation plan was initiated yesterday, I am past the twenty four hours mark, my head does hurt, and energy is slowly dissipating from my body. I will tell her everything when I get the chance, this feeling is killing me, to keep thinking about her constantly and realizing each time that she will never love me is destroying me. This move will end everything, furthermore, if my calculations are correct, I will pass out from hunger either tomorrow or the day after. It will be only a matter of time before my body gives up. I just need seventy two hours of pure hunger. I looked it up even more to make sure, the consequences are devastating for my health, everything in my body will fail. So after several hours, every organ will fail, and I will die. Just reading that article made my body shiver, my heart is accelerating, it is afraid of death, but you can't control me now, I will end this, everything will end, and no one can stop it, it is inevitable.
My ear started ringing again, it hurt more than usual, a good sign, everything will come to an end, the end of my Story is near, I can already imagine the scene. I thought about buying bottles of alcohol, and a lighter, if I still didn't die with starvation, I will cover myself with that liquid, turn on the lighter, light myself up, stab myself with a knife I have here, and my famous scissor, all while being strangled with a rope, then, I just throw myself out of the window. Do you see now how much I hate myself? how much I hate this arrogant, dumb, unlovable, introvert bastard? There is no way in hell I will love myself, there is nothing to be loved, nothing to be appreciated, best thing for me to is to die. Why the fuck are you tearing up for? I have chosen this fate, and you can do nothing about it, just suffer right there, because that's what you deserve, pain, until the very end.
Maybe I will go use the scissor now, the red lines will me magnificent to see on my dead body, that's if they manage to find them in all that burned corpse. That is really the worst death that could happen to someone, stabbed twice, burned, strangled, and starved for more than three days, the end is near, a shame it didn't last for long, twenty four parts is nothing compared to other authors. A below average till the end.
I scheduled everything, so even after my death, everything will be published, it will give you the illusion that I am alive, that would be super funny, sending messages to a dead guy. Maybe I should set up auto replies for any messages. I don't think so, no one will reach here, everyone will forget this book, even her, even him. Maybe I did one good thing in my life, I overcame my fear of being forgotten. Congratulations Writer, you did something irrelevant to the world.
It bugs me, I stopped writing on the original document, and I am now writing here directly, it just doesn't sit right with me.
It's strange, I don't remember writing all of this today, when the hell did I write this? Anyway, I have now these ideas of "is starvation really worth it?", or "do you really need to die?". Why am I doubting myself right now? This is a crucial time to make the best choice, either die and end everything, or live long enough to see yourself fail miserably in everything. It is either one of those two paths, nothing can save me. I am past the thirty six hours mark I had established before, I hope I can get it to forty eight hours without any problems. I don't want others to force me to eat or drink any water, the faster the better.
Now I might be the one forcing myself to eat, but I need to reach the forty eight hours mark, this hurts, I want to die, and yet, I can't. I am losing everything, I never succeeded in anything, I never carried on with a personal choice, always succumbing to life, I will end this, no matter what it takes. I never thought that starving will make me write so much in one day, I am indeed surprised. She ignored me all day long, even if we looked at each other, she just ignores me, I am ghosted, again, I deserve it. Everything is broken now, nothing is left, no more dreams, no more memories, everything just disappeared, as if it was never there. Everything that happened is furthermore convincing me to just die, it would be better for everyone, definitely. You wouldn't need to change the road or ignore me purposely anymore, I wouldn't be there anymore.