October 24th 2024:
I will be changing my friends list for now, I am rethinking what's happening right now, some I had considered friends do not see me as such, I will change my behavior, I will change how I act towards them, they are merely classmates, acquaintances. I will change things now, I am sick of those people, hypocrites.
October 30th 2024:
Why do I keep following their advice when they didn't do the same thing as me? Why do they think that the same thing applies for everything? Even if the difference is striking? I need help, I need to know what to do, I need the help of someone who does know about this and not just thinks he knows. I hate those parents when they do it, I suffer the consequences, I am like a guinea pig and they learn how to manage things through me, I hate this feeling, I want revenge for what they did to me. Such egoistic acts, they really do treat me like a fucking investment, because if I fail, I am on my fucking own, even if I followed their advice.
November 4th 2024:
Life has been a bit peaceful lately, there is no bad events, for now. I don't feel the need to write here, it's not like I will stop writing for good, but it will take time for me to do the same thing for each part.
November 11th 2024:
Am I writing for the views? To forget? I have lost the purpose of this book, it's like the thing that happened to Coda in that game, "The Beginner's Guide", he was making games for fun, and until he knew that one guy, he was fine, but knowing him and sending him those games made him lose his creativity, he started making games for that guy instead of just enjoying it. So, am I writing this book for my vengeance, or for your entertainment?
November 17th 2024:
I am losing it, I want to die, hit me with a truck, throw me off a cliff, stab me with a knife, poison me, anything, just end this, finish this, I can't, this is too much, I don't want to kill myself but I might end up doing it. There is no other solution, no escape, other than death, I need to die to not feel like this, as long as I am alive, I will keep feeling this pain, I will keep going crazy, I might go crazier and get locked up, I might even kill someone and they will lock me up, and I will kill the others to get me locked up even more, I am going crazy, I am mad, this is bad, I need help, and I need to die, what do I need? I don't know, end this, help me and finish me off, I need to die, I need this to finish, I must die, this must end, I need it to end. Will you end my suffering, dear Reader?
November 18th 2024:
It had rained today, heavily, I saw lightning, I heard thunder, I smelled the rain, I felt alive, again, but now it is gone, no more rain, no more thunder, no more lightning. My enjoyment is always linked to things, and nothing is constant through time, which makes my happiness last only an instant. If I had a wish, I would wish for either death, or immortality, I am still hesitating.
November 23rd 2024:
This mother doesn't appreciate anything, I've been up all night working, not sleeping, working, preparing, studying, and now she barges in my room yelling that I only sleep and never work, I hate her, she will soon find out how much I hate her.
I guess I am going to stop for now, I don't feel like writing anymore. Even if I were to die, someone will surely tell you, I'll share with you anything you want to know in my profile, I like answering questions, and until I have the energy to do this again, this first part is finished.