Chapter 61: Vicious Bonds: Chapter 61

“Maybe if you think about something from the Vakeeli place?” Faye is standing near the end of a shelf in the basement, staring at me. I’m in front of it, like I was last time, staring at empty black crates, mimicking my actions when I found myself in the forest. I even picked up one of the leftover bottles of wine, but that didn’t help.

I’ve been thinking about Caz. What more can I possibly do to get there?

“I don’t think it works that way,” I tell her. “Every time it happened, it was random, but it seemed the more I heard him in my head and interacted with him mentally, the closer I was getting to his world. Now that he’s blocking me out, I don’t know if it’ll work the same.”

“Well, surely, there’s a way you can get back. Maybe certain events lead you there.” Faye taps her chin, looking around—her signature moves when she’s hatching a plan. “Can you try talking to him right now?”

“Not really. My words come back to me, like they’re bouncing off a wall.”

“How can he do that?”

“I have no idea.”

We both sigh. “Well, one thing mi abuelita Mariana always did when she wanted to escape reality was meditating,” Faye offers. “For that, you need to be somewhere comfortable. Not in the basement of an old bookstore.”

“Right.” And I did consider that. I’ve tried closing my eyes and picturing myself in Vakeeli again. I’ve only been able to get through Silvera, and she’s hunting again. She hasn’t been around Caz. Maybe she will be soon, but until then I need to find a way there that isn’t through a hungry wolf.

Faye pulls her phone out of her back pocket, checking the screen. “I’m off in an hour. How about I meet you at your place? I’ll use the bookstore’s data base to try to find books or guides that may be able to help us.”

“You don’t have to do that, Faye. I can imagine how silly all of this sounds to you.”

“Are you kidding me? All of this shit is fascinating! I want to help.” She smiles, stepping closer to me. “Someone has to look out for you, Willow.”

I smile back, then a thought occurs. “Speaking of looking out, I wish you hadn’t told Garrett about Warren.”

Faye gives me a puzzled look, her head going into a slight tilt. “What are you talking about? I’ve never told Garrett anything about him.”

That takes me by surprise. I’ve never told Garrett much about Warren either, and I definitely didn’t tell him he was my twin—just that I had a brother. How would he have known it was his birthday too? And why did he lie about it? Has he read up on me? Found something in my apartment he shouldn’t have been reading? See—this is confirmation that he needs to get the hell out of my life. Something isn’t right about him. All these thoughts ping pong in my brain until someone shouts Faye’s name.

“Down here!” Faye shouts back.

A door creaks open and Valeria appears, popping her head in. “The UPS guy is here and needs you to sign off on a shipment.”

“Right.” Faye huffs, then turns to me. “I guess I’ll see you in a bit.”

An hour and a half later, Faye is walking through my apartment door with a stack of books in her arms. I’m so glad it’s her and not Garrett. Knowing him, he would show up to apologize, but there’s no forgiving what he’s done. It’s a toxic cycle, and I have to end it.

Faye dumps the books on my bed, then she’s rushing out of the apartment again, returning with an oversized cupcake in a plastic container and a Happy Birthday balloon.

“Aw, Faye!” I smile as she places the cupcake on the kitchen counter and releases the string of the balloon, letting it bump the ceiling.

“I didn’t forget.” I can’t help my smile as she shuffles around in a drawer for a lighter. When she finds one, she digs into the grocery bag she brought with her and pulls out a pack of birthday candles. She sticks one into the center of the cupcake, lights it, and tilts her gaze to me as she starts singing the Happy Birthday song.

I can’t fight the stupid smile on my face as she does, and when it’s time for me to blow out my candle, she says, “For Warren too.”

I lock on her eyes a split second before lowering my gaze to the single pink candle and studying it. I close my eyes and think of my brother. I think of the birthday party we had when we were eight. Our father couldn’t afford much, but he’d tried. He’d made pigs in a blanket, decorated the house with items and balloons from the dollar store, and baked us a boxed cake. We were able to bring one friend over—I invited Faye, and Warren invited his friend Terry. We played with our friends, played with balloons, ran around our apartment complex playing tag, and then came back for cake. It was one of the best birthdays we’d ever had, and I remember telling Warren that. That was the last year our father put any effort into our birthdays. After that, it was almost like he forgot the day we were born.

“Willow?” Faye’s voice is soft, and when I open my eyes, my vision of her is blurry. There’s only flickering gold light from the candle flame and my tears.

“Sorry,” I whisper.

She walks around the counter, rubbing my back. “Stop apologizing,” she reprimands. “I’d rather you get it out than bottle it in.”

“I know, I just…” I wipe one of the tears away. “I really miss Warren, Faye. I miss him every day, and it hurts not having him here. He was my brother, yes, but he was also my best friend, and now he’s gone. I have no idea where he is or if I’ll ever see him again.”

“I know.” She wraps her arms around me, pulling my head to her shoulder. “I know, Willow. I’m sorry. But I’m here. You can talk about him to me whenever. I know days like this hurt.”

They do hurt. More than she realizes. She holds me a few seconds longer, and I try not to let every tear shed. When I feel strong enough, I pull away, and she smiles at me, tilting her head. “Okay?”

“Yeah. I’m okay.”

“Good. Now blow out your candle. The wax is dripping all over the cupcake!”

I laugh and bend down, making an internal wish before blowing it out. My wish is stupid, and highly unlikely, but I think it anyway. I wish to see Caz again.