Chapter 11

Lexi

October 4th, 2016 | 2:00 pm

Lexi went to see Macy after she stormed out of the philosophy class. Liam had managed to strike another nerve after he had just apologized for the last time he did that. Macy was in her office, and thankfully no one else was. Lexi slammed the door behind her startling Macy.

"First of all, don't slam my door, it's rude. Second, how many times have I told you to stop skipping school?"

Lexi glared at her as she slumped into the seat across from Macy. "I need help," she mumbled.

"What happened?" Macy asked.

"Everything is setting me off and I want to get high so desperately. If I wasn't so broke and if I still had the right connections, I would have gotten high instead of coming here."

Macy was taken back by her honestly. "Well at least you can recognize how you feel. Can I just say I am proud of you for coming here instead of getting drugs? Because I am extremely proud."

Lexi frowned. "It's a good thing to admit that I am still itching to get high even though I swore to you I would stay clean?"

"Well you are clean," Macy pointed out.

Lexi slumped back into the seat. "I'm trying to make the best of a very horrible situation," she said quietly, playing with the end of her shirt. "I am working to keep myself busy, I do my homework, I help out at home, and I even have my sobriety somewhat controlled."

"Okay so what's the problem?"

"There's this guy, Liam, he seems friendly enough and I don't want a new boyfriend or anything and he has a girlfriend already anyway, but he keeps trying to be friends with me."

"Do you not want a friend? I can understand not wanting a new boyfriend for a little bit, but a friend would be nice."

"His father operated on mine," Lexi said, trying to keep her anger at bay. "I don't blame him, not Liam or Dr. Summers, but it's so hard."

"What about it is hard? Being friends with someone who knows the truth or being friends with someone at all?"

"I guess both," she mumbled. "I just feel like he sees through me, he knows me too well and it drives me crazy."

Macy smiled slightly. "Friends tend to see us better than we see ourselves."

Lexi didn't like the sound of that. The last person who had known her that well had broken her heart.

"Why can't I have boundaries? I don't want people to know me. My old friends only knew what I wanted them to know."

"Lexi you are more than welcome to stay on this lonely path you have laid out for yourself, but sooner or later you have to learn how to rely on people."

"Why?" Lexi asked bitterly. "Everyone I learn to trust and love ends up leaving."

Macy didn't really know what to say about that. Lexi was right, her mother was gone, the father she once knew was now a shell of that man, and the love of her life had left her shattered and broken.

"Lexi, I can't promise you that you will never get hurt again, but you can't close yourself off from everyone."

"Why not?" she asked.

"Because people come into your life for a lot of reasons. Some people will hurt you, it's a part of life. Except there is always a lesson to take from the people who cause you pain. Besides, if you close everyone off how will you feel love again?"

Lexi's lip quivered. She didn't want to feel, that was the problem. No one could love her like her parents once had, like Austin had. That love was long gone.

"Lexi, there are others out there who will love and treat you the way you deserve to be treated," Macy said, reading her thoughts perfectly.

"What if they hurt me again?" she whispered.

"They might, but Lexi the point of life isn't to live out this perfect happily ever after," she said.

"Then what is the point? Am I just supposed to suffer for the rest of my life?"

Macy took a deep breath. "Lexi, do you know what Newton's third law is?"

Lexi shook her head.

"His third law states that for every action in nature there is an equal and opposite reaction," Macy explained.

"Okay, and?" Lexi asked, confused.

"For every bad thing that happens to you the world plans a good thing in reaction."

"My mom died. What good thing came out of that?"

"Your father did survive," Macy pointed out.

Lexi scoffed. "He would have been better off dead, at least he would have been with my mom."

Macy pressed her lips into a line. "You got to have a relationship with Austin, you once told me Austin was the only thing that helped you survive your parents' accident."

"Yeah and then he broke my heart," Lexi said bitterly.

"But you got sober," Macy pointed out.

Lexi didn't really have a response to that.

"Look, I can't explain why good and bad things happen but you only want to focus on the negatives. Instead, try to think of the positives in your life and I promise you that you find that there is still a lot to still be grateful for."

The office got very quiet as Lexi thought about what Macy had said. "Do you think Liam is the good thing that the universe put in my life?"

Macy looked up at her. "Maybe, he sounds like a good guy."

"He asked me if I thought Austin and I were soulmates," Lexi admitted finally. "That's why I stormed over here."

Macy smiled faintly. "Do you think you two are soulmates?"

Lexi thought about it for a while. "I don't know, I guess it depends on how you define the connection you know?"

Macy nodded. "I think it would be a good thing for you to think more about."

"Good thing Liam and I have to do our project on it," she mumbled to herself.

She should probably apologize to Liam now she felt bad, she wasn't mad at him. She was mad at all the circumstances around her. How could she even begin to explain that to him?