Lexi
December 15th, 2016 | 5:00 am
The bed was too soft. Lexi practically sunk into it. The bed was huge, bigger than her queen at home, a California King, Liam had said. It wasn't just the bed though, the room was huge, there was a fancy painting on one wall, a huge television in front of her. The room was everything she never was. Maybe that was why she couldn't sleep, she was in the Summer's guest room, not her bed back home.
Monica and Victor had suggested she get some sleep, but Lexi couldn't keep her eyes closed. The whole night she tossed and turned. In a matter of three days her life had turned completely upside down again. Her father had died, Lexi had to pack up her entire life, move to the other side of town, and today she had to go to his funeral. Lexi glanced over at the dress hanging on the back of her door. It was a simple black long sleeve, it went to her knees with some lace detail. She had worn it only once before: at her mother's funeral.
Lexi hadn't really spoken to anyone. She didn't want to talk about it. Macy had tried to get her to open up but Lexi wouldn't budge. Lexi hadn't been seeing a therapist when her mom died, she resorted to pills. Now, all Lexi wanted to do was numb the pain. She wanted to get high so bad, she would even resort to drinking. Lexi so desperately wanted to get rid of the pain her entire body was flooded with. Lexi didn't want to talk, she wanted to get high.
There was a tentative knock at the door around nine in the morning.
Lexi made no effort to get out of the bed but Liam came in anyway. He was dressed in a black suit, his expression somber.
"Do you want to get ready?" he asked softly.
Lexi glanced over at him from the bed. "No," she said finally. "But I guess I will anyway."
She got up, grabbed the dress, and went to the bathroom. She put the dress on and fixed her hair. Lexi stared at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were so puffy, it was so obvious she was crying. Lexi made no effort to hide it. What were people going to say? They should expect her to look this way for her father's funeral. With no makeup, Lexi left the bathroom and grabbed her coat and shoes. She went downstairs and found everyone at the table. Lexi forgot they ate meals together now. She sat down and Monica offered her a plate of food. Lexi wasn't hungry though. She kind of just pushed the food around while everyone stared at her until there was a knock on the door.
Victor went to answer it and Liam looked over at Lexi worriedly. Lexi knew he wanted her to eat, but Lexi didn't feel like eating. He kept staring at her though, and Lexi finally looked away, Liam won. She grudgingly ate the toast.
"Lexi?" Liam's dad called. "Maeve is here to see you."
Lexi watched as Liam's eyebrows furrowed, it was more than obvious he didn't want Maeve here. Lexi got up to see her anyway.
"Hey Maeve," Lexi said tiredly. "Let's go upstairs."
Lexi quickly made her way to her new bedroom and Maeve followed. Once the door had closed, Maeve practically tackled Lexi into a hug.
"Oh my God, Lexi, I'm so sorry," she said worriedly.
Lexi didn't want to cry again, she pulled away and took deep breaths.
"Lexi, what can I do?" she offered.
"Can you just go get some tissues?" Lexi asked.
She nodded and put her bag down on the bed before leaving. Lexi was hoping she would do that. She opened the bag and found what she was looking for: Maeve's pill stash. Lexi took one pill out and held it between two fingers. She quickly closed the bag and hid the pill in her pocket. Was she really going to undo months of sobriety today?
"Here you go," Maeve said as she came back and gave her the tissues.
"Thanks," Lexi replied. She looked over at Maeve, there was genuine concern in her expression.
"I'm okay, or at least I will be," Lexi said, trying to reassure her.
"Lexi," Maeve said sadly. "You're allowed to take time to grieve."
"I don't want to feel like this anymore," Lexi whispered.
Maeve came over and put her arm around her comfortingly.
Soon, they all left for the funeral. Lexi felt like she was in a daze. She barely registered what was going on around her. Lexi just kept moving, a few people offered their condolences, people hugged her, everything felt like a blur.
Eventually, most people had left the graveyard. Lexi wasn't sure who was still around, she wasn't really sure who had come for that matter. She just sat across from her father's headstone. She had it placed next to her mother's. It was twice as painful seeing them together, Lexi tried to remind herself that at least they were together again but her heart still ached. They were supposed to be together here with her, not without her.
Lexi wasn't sure how long she sat there. She had her legs up against her chest as she rested her chin on her knees. Occasionally playing with the pill she had stolen from Maeve. She turned the white pill between her thumb and index fingers. It would be so easy, all of the grief would just disappear. For one moment, one perfect moment, she wouldn't have to feel like this. However, the moment never lasted, she just kept taking more pills. Lexi thought about how horrible the detoxing was, the agony, but nothing compared to the feeling she had right now.
She heard people behind her, she recognized Liam and Maeve's voices. His parents had trusted he would take her home when she was ready, they had to go sign some paperwork with the social worker. Lexi didn't care to hear what Liam or Maeve had to say, there was nothing they could do to change the way she felt. She was empty and lonely, neither one of them understood just how she felt.
Lexi heard footsteps behind her and soon a tall shadow appeared over her.
"Go away, Liam," Lexi mumbled. "I don't want to talk to you."
"It's a good thing I'm not Liam then."
Lexi's heart skipped a beat, she recognized that voice. She stared in shock as none other than Austin himself sat down next to her. Lexi looked away from him. She moved the pill out of sight and looked back at the gravestones.
"What are you doing here?" Lexi asked bitterly.
She was in no mood to be hurt by Austin's elusive behavior.
"You know it's almost five, right? You've been sitting here for hours," Austin said quietly. "They're worried about you," he said, nodding towards Maeve and Liam who were standing near the entrance.
"Let me rephrase, why did you come then?" she questioned. "It's not like Liam or Maeve could have forced your arm."
"Because I remember what happened the last time you lost a parent," he reminded her quietly.
Lexi glared at him. "Don't," she said angrily. "You do not get to walk in and out of my life when it's convenient for you."
"That's not what I'm doing," he countered.
"Really? You have got to tell me how you do that then," Lexi said, rolling her eyes.
"Do what?" Austin asked.
"Act like you care one second, but then ignore and hate me the next," she said angrily.
Austin pressed his lips into line. It looked like he wanted to say something but he sighed and looked away.
"I wish I could even pretend to hate you, like you hate me," Lexi said sadly. "But I can't, even when I try my hardest."
Austin refused to look at her.
"What did I do, Austin?" she begged. "I need to know what I did, it's destroying me." Lexi turned away from him, she didn't want Austin to see her cry.
"I don't hate you," he whispered finally.
Lexi glanced over at him, her brown eyes glistening with tears now. He gently pulled her into his arms and as much as she tried to resist, Lexi gave in. She was tired and bitter and resentful, but Austin was always going to be a source of comfort for her. As much as she was angry with him, she wanted to cry in his arms just as much. He was the only one, the only person who understood. Austin rubbed circles on her skin the way he used to when they were together. Lexi tried not to let it mean anything more than it was.
"I want to get high," she finally admitted. "It would be so much easier."
"Don't," he said seriously.
Lexi revealed the pill she was hiding in the palm of her hand. Austin stared at it for a moment and then gently placed his hand over hers.
"It's not worth it," he said seriously.
Lexi moved out of his arms and stared into his stormy blue eyes. "Do you still get high?"
"No," he admitted.
Lexi reached out to him and used her hand to tilt his face up so she could look at him. She searched his face to see if he was telling the truth. Lexi found that she believed him.
Lexi thought about that for a while. "What were you doing with that drug dealer in the abandoned building?"
Austin's eyes grew dark and his expression went cold, he pulled away from her. "Stay away from that place."
"Well, why are you going there?" she countered.
He shook his head. "You can't be asking things like that."
"What are you involved in?" Lexi asked, her lower lip quivering.
"Something you need to stay far away from," he said sternly. "I'm serious Lex. I know I have given you zero reasons to trust me recently, but please, promise me-"
Austin looked beyond her, and something must have caught his eye because he stood up at once. Lexi was about to ask him to stay, but his eyes narrowed at the parking lot and he began to run away at once. Lexi was confused at first, but then she saw the car that Austin was eyeing nervously. Rick was in the driver's seat. She watched as Austin narrowly avoided being caught by his best friend. Strange, why didn't Austin want Rick to know he had been here?
When the car pulled away, Lexi finally stood up and walked over to where Liam was, that was when she realized that Austin had taken the pill from her.