Chapter 26

Liam

January 8th, 2017 | 9:00 am

"Please, Liam," Lexi begged.

"No way," he said, shaking his head.

"You're not busy," she pointed out. "Just come with me."

"Lexi, I am not going to a Jewish temple with you on the last day before we go back to school," he said.

Lexi pouted at him. They were currently on a run around the neighborhood, but after, Liam was supposed to drive Lexi to a Jewish temple. Liam hadn't told her yet that he had gotten rejected from Duke. He was planning on going to the library to work on a new essay, there were some colleges who were still accepting applications, Liam was hoping he could write something more sincere. Maybe it would push him over the top.

"Why do you even want to go?" he asked as they approached their house.

She shrugged. "I'm just looking for perspective," she said.

"Sounds like a solo mission," Liam argued.

"Fine, whatever, I'll ask Maeve," she said, giving up.

"Good luck with that, '' Liam said, rolling his eyes. "The girl wears a choker with satanic symbols on it, the last place she would go to with you is a temple."

Lexi became grumpy after Liam said that and later, he drove her in silence. Liam dropped Lexi off at the temple and left for the library. He found a place in the corner and pulled out his laptop, he read his last essay again and tried to see if there was something wrong with it. He sighed and after reading it about ten times he was about to give up when he felt someone's eyes on him. He looked up and saw that Rachel was staring at him from across the room. Her grey eyes stared deep into him and Liam looked away. As hard as it was to admit, he missed her.

He missed the way she would talk on and on about the latest fashion trends and styles. He missed the way she felt in his arms. He missed the way she would call him excitedly to tell him about her newest designs. He wanted nothing more than to talk to her again. It was so strange, Liam spent so long picking apart the people around him, he hadn't realized how much good there was in each person he had in his life.

Liam had told Rachel to find him when she was ready to be who he knew she really was. Rachel had told Liam to find her when he was ready to tell her how he really felt. So, Liam swallowed his pride and gathered his things. He went and sat down next to her. Rachel refused to look at him at first, she stared straight ahead at her laptop.

"I'm coming to you first," Liam said finally.

Still Rachel refused to look at him.

"You're right, I expect everyone around me to be perfect, I expect them to know how I feel when I never tell them how I feel because I am scared of what they will think. I'm sorry, it's something I am working on," he said quietly.

Rachel turned her head slightly, looking at Liam through the corners of her big grey eyes as if searching for whether or not he was telling the truth.

"What brought this on?" she asked finally.

Liam exhaled. "I got rejected from Duke."

Rachel looked over at him in shock. "You were above and beyond what they were looking for," she said, confused.

"Yeah, I don't know what happened," Liam mumbled.

Rachel offered him a small sympathetic smile.

"I know you don't owe me anything, but can I ask for a favor?" he asked.

Rachel nodded. "What is it?"

"Can you read my college essay?" he asked nervously. "I'm going to apply to some more places, it's really the only thing I can change, just let me know what you think."

Rachel took the laptop Liam offered her and began reading. He watched her expression for even a slight hint at what she thought. When she finished reading it, she pushed the laptop back to him.

"It's an offshoot of your philosophy project," she stated.

"Yeah?" Liam said nervously.

"Well, isn't that Lexi's story?" she pointed out.

Liam looked over at her confused. "I feel like relationships and connections are a universal experience."

Rachel shrugged. "To me, it seems unresolved, yeah you have all these complicated and dynamic relationships but so what? We all do. What's your takeaway from it?"

Liam contemplated Rachel's words for a while. "I blamed the other people, but I'm the problem aren't I?" he said finally.

Rachel gave him a funny look. "Liam, relationships don't work like that, you don't blame just one person. I mean everyone has faults, it's about being able to grow and work through them together."

"Do you think that's what I should write about instead?" he asked. "Like maybe I write about how I learned to value and treat the relationships around me instead of just complaining about them."

Rachel nodded. "That sounds better."

Liam started writing his new essay. Rachel stayed seated next to him while he wrote. She was working on some homework when Liam finally finished. He handed the laptop back to her.

Rachel smiled while she read it, not one of those fake smiles she gave her friends or her mom. The genuine smile she gave Liam on their first date, their first dance, their first kiss. He hadn't even realized she had finished reading it, he was too engrossed in his thoughts about their relationship.

"I like it," she said finally.

"Thanks," he said relieved to hear that.

He happily saved the essay and put his laptop away. He looked back over at Rachel, he realized her normally cheery behavior was diluted. Something heavy was weighing on her mind. He knew she wasn't obligated to share but he wanted to help, regardless of what their relationship was now.

"Are you okay?" he finally asked. That was really smooth, he thought to himself sarcastically.

Rachel glanced over at him. "What are we doing here, Liam?" she asked.

Liam stared at her. "Well, I thought we could work things out," he mumbled awkwardly.

Rachel didn't seem to agree. She looked away from him and began to pack her things.

"Wait, what's wrong?" he asked, confused why she was leaving.

"Liam, I can't be with you," she said softly. Her voice broke. "Not right now," she said as a single tear rolled down her cheek.

Liam frowned, he watched as she left and disappointedly left soon after as well. He wondered what he could do to help her. He picked Lexi up from the temple and drove them home with these thoughts running through his head.

"Do anything fun?" Lexi asked, distracting him from his thoughts.

Liam shook his head. "How was the temple?" he asked.

"It was okay, it reminded me of church," she said with a shrug. "They were all really nice though, the Rabbi was really helpful and answered most of my questions."

"Why did you want to go to a Jewish temple anyway?" he asked. "You couldn't have just done a Google search?"

"I don't know, I guess I'm looking for answers wherever I can get them," she explained.

"So are you Jewish now?" he asked.

Lexi smiled. "I don't think so, but then again, I don't know if I am Christian either. Don't you ever wonder more about God?" she asked him curiously.

Liam shook his head. "I told you, I wouldn't say I don't believe in God, but then again I don't know if he exists," he explained.

"Agnosticism," Lexi said, nodding her head. "I used to think that way too."

"What changed?" Liam asked.

"A lot," Lexi said, sighing. "Losing my parents, Austin, and just about everything else."

Liam finally understood what Rachel meant about his first essay. Lexi's story was about finding deeper truth, she was broken by so many relationships she was just trying to collect all the pieces. Liam had found all his pieces already, he just hasn't put them all together yet. He had his two best friends, wonderful parents, a girl he loved, he had to open up and fix their relationships. Same idea, different stage of growth.

They got back home and Lexi went up to her room and Liam went to his. He sat down on the bed and stared at the small drawing Lexi had given him for Christmas. It was a small painting of a dog. Lexi said it was a symbol of honesty and truth. She had given his parents matching paintings of doves as well. Lexi had blushed and felt quite embarrassed about giving them all handmade gifts but all three of them had accepted them warmly. Liam kept glancing back at the painting as he submitted a few more applications, it was a reminder for him, he was not going to pretend everything was fine and hide how he felt, he was going to be honest and hopefully, show Rachel that too.