Lexi
February 4th, 2017 | 2:00 pm
Lexi had been avoiding people like the plague. First, Macy, who had left dozens of messages for her trying to get her to come back to therapy. Lexi didn't want to talk to Macy, not after what she had done. Lexi just went and did her drug test once a week. Monica and Victor had been worried when they found out that Lexi wasn't going to therapy anymore, but at Liam's suggestion, they offered to find her a new one instead. Dr. Pierce seemed very nice but he was no Macy, even Lexi had to admit that.
Second, she was avoiding Maeve, she kept trying to apologize to Lexi. However, Lexi was having none of it. She just wanted Maeve to leave her alone. One thing had begun to come clear to her out of all of this mess, Austin still cared for her and that was killing her.
The last person she would be trying to avoid was Austin, however he seemed to be avoiding her at all costs. So she didn't really have to do anything. He refused to even look at her these days. So, Lexi had basically given up. She didn't know what his problem was, but Lexi had enough of her own issues to deal with as it was. Liam kept encouraging her to worry about herself for once and so Lexi was finally trying to let go of Austin. Besides, Austin was the least of her problems.
Today she was meeting an atheist. It had occurred to Lexi that in her search for a higher power, she hadn't listened to the other side yet. So, today she was meeting up with some guy she met online. It sounded as suspicious and dangerous as it seemed, but Lexi sensed the man was nice enough. His name was Mark Potter, he was a blogger who often wrote about religion, the world, and atheism. When Lexi saw he lived not too far from here, she explained her situation and thoughts and asked him to meet up with her. He had accepted and now Lexi was joining him for a cup of coffee downtown.
As she waited for him to arrive, Lexi thought more about what she had gathered about religion so far. She definitely believed in something. She had been exploring so many different religions but she couldn't understand, she was hoping to get more perspective at the very least.
Lexi then looked up and saw him. She waved at him and he noticed her. He had dark hair and a beard. He was wearing rounded glasses and a sweater vest. Lexi thought he looked just like how she envisioned a college professor. He sat down across from her and Lexi greeted him.
"Hi Mr. Potters, I am so grateful you took time out of your day to come talk to me," Lexi said.
"Oh of course, and please call me Mark," he said, taking the coffee Lexi offered him. "You have such a way with words, I have to admit, I was intrigued by what you wrote to me."
Lexi was stunned. "Really?" she asked.
He nodded. "I have always been an atheist but in my thirty years, I have never read such a thought provoking email. You seem to really understand philosophy and theology."
Lexi blushed. "Thank you," she said. "I guess I just want to know more about your side of it all."
He nodded. "You want to know how I know I am an atheist."
"Yeah," Lexi said. "I want to know how I am supposed to figure these things out and while I'm on this little spiritual journey, I need to consider all sides."
Mark nodded but then sighed. "The truth is no one is one hundred percent sure if God is real or not, there is and isn't real proof on both sides."
"So what's the answer?" she asked.
"Have you ever read about Pascal's wager?" he asked.
Lexi nodded. "Pascal said that a rational person should believe in God because if God does not actually exist, the person will have only lost some pleasures of this world, but if God does exist, that person will get infinite pleasures in the hereafter and avoid infinite suffering in hell."
He nodded. "You still have to take another bet, you see, you have to decide if giving up worldly things is worth it or not."
Lexi thought about that for a moment. "I just feel like I have already lost so much in this world, what else do I really have to lose?"
He nodded slowly. "So you want to believe in God."
"I think so," Lexi replied slowly. "It's just hard to follow all these religions and their changes."
"I understand, the modern version of religion is the reason religion has been killed off all together, it's what makes so many people stop believing in God."
"That's what happened to me," Lexi admitted. "My mom raised me to be Christian, but I never felt connected to it."
Mark nodded, it took him a while to reply. He stared out the window at some of the people and then finally looked back at Lexi. "You mentioned that you have been looking at other religions," he said.
"Yeah, but it has only confused me more," Lexi admitted.
"I don't doubt that," he said sincerely. "I think that if you really want to believe in God, you have to separate what religion is now and go back to the basics of monotheistic religions."
"How do I do that?" Lexi asked. "I already visited a temple and grew up going to church."
Mark pulled out a scrap of paper and began to write. "The Qur'an then," he said. "I would recommend these english versions with commentary. You should check out the Old Testament too."
"I thought you didn't believe in God?" she asked.
He shrugged. "I don't, but if I did, I would believe what true religion teaches, not the modern misconstrued one, but the teachings straight from the source. All religions for that matter, stripped down to their source, are worth reading."
Lexi thought about that as she took the paper from him. "So what do I do?" she asked. "I mean let's say that in a few weeks I believe in God, how do I pick a place of worship? How do I practice?"
He smiled faintly. "You're asking an atheist that?"
Lexi looked down, embarrassed now. "Sorry," she mumbled.
"No it's okay," he said. "My advice? You don't have to follow these modern forms of religion. If you find beliefs you like and agree with, hold onto them, be a good person, show God you follow what He asked of you. That's all believers can really do within a religion anyway. You have to remember there is a difference between the religion itself and the followed of a religion. If the community aspect isn't working, find a connection on your own."
Lexi contemplated Mark's words as he ordered himself another cup of coffee.
"Why don't you believe in God?" she asked curiously. "I mean you write about how religion is dead in the modern day and you say that God was created as a coping mechanism before science was discovered, but you just told me you think fondly of original scriptures."
He took a moment to think before he finally replied. "I did believe in a god when I was younger. I believed in a god that was fair and just, that was in control of right and wrong. I had blind faith in a being that was supposed to keep me and the people I loved safe, but then when I was fourteen, my brother died. I suppose it's a tad dramatic now, but I refused to pray to a god that let that happen. There are too many bad things in this world for a god to still be out there caring for us."
Lexi took a deep breath before she spoke. "My parents died," she said quietly. "My mom was religious, my dad wasn't, both were taken too soon. To me, it means that it doesn't makes a difference if you're religious or not, God doesn't pick and choose who will suffer and who doesn't. He made the world, gave us the layout, and then gave us free will."
"You think that bad things happen because other people let them happen," he said understanding now. "You don't blame God?"
Lexi shook her head. "I don't think so, God didn't make a drunk person crash their car into my parents. A man made a choice to have too much to drink and then drive. God didn't give me a hard life, circumstances made things challenging but I still survived them thanks to Him."
"Interesting," he said, studying her. "Most people tend to credit themselves for surviving bad things."
"I can't credit myself for that, I know that I am too weak to survive on my own. That's why I know there has to be a god. I was breaking, I kept shattering into smaller and smaller pieces, but He always took care of me, always making sure my pieces could be found and mended back together."
Mark didn't speak for a while, he just contemplated Lexi's words. Eventually, he looked back over at her. "I wish I had your faith, Lexi. Truly, it's inspiring."
"You don't think I am an idiot for believing?" she asked.
"I think you are extremely wise, and that you have a very bright future ahead of you. I so some work for a university nearby, if you're interested I'd love to work with you more."