Phoebe
I put Jess' food onto a small plate and went up the stairs to her bedroom. I'd let her sleep in today as she struggled to get to sleep last night. I knocked on her door softly and pushed it open. My baby girl was led, flat on her back, one ear of her bunny in her mouth and arms above her head. I went in and sat beside her on her little cot bed, after sliding down her bars.
"Hey princess," I muttered, rubbing her belly slightly. She whimpered and scrunched her face up tight.
"It's wakey time. Mummy has your breakfast downstairs," I said softly, moving some black hair from her face.
"Mummy," she whimpered, stretching up.
"Good morning, angel," I giggled and waited for her eyes to open but it didn't happen.
"I no wan gwet up todway mummy," she grumbled before rolling over and pulling her blanket above her head.
"Why not?" I rubbed her back.
"No wan two," she huffed. I smiled a little and went to turn the shower on.
"Come on princess. Let's get you in the shower, that should wake you up." I pulled her covers off, well plied them off of her and lifted her from the bed. Her pink, dino nappy hung between her legs and she grumbled before wrapping her arms and legs tightly around me.
"No mummy," she huffed.
"No choice princess. Shower time." I sat her on the toilet and got her undressed then helped her walk into the shower.
"Mummy will be back in ten minutes. I'm going to sort some things out and get your breakfast in the oven and I'll be back," I put a gentle kiss on her hand and left the bathroom.
Ten minutes later, I returned to the bathroom with a lovely, warm fluffy towel and some play clothes as Ellie was coming over today. However, upon hearing me, Jess squealed and her head shot up. I glared at her and couldn't help but notice the tear stains on her cheeks and how puffy her eyes were. On top of that, she was strangely holding her arm behind her back. My heart sank.
"Princess," I muttered. I put down her towel and began getting undressed.
"N-no mwummy," she whispered, shaking her head violently. After I was quickly undressed, I pulled back the shower door and stepped in next to her.
"N-n no mummy. No wan woo," she cried, a fresh set of tears streaming down her face. I picked up the razor blade from the shower floor and threw it in the bin before turning to my baby.
"You don't want me, what baby?" I whispered softly and tucked her wet hair behind her ears.
"No hewp," she whispered back, hanging her head. I sighed and pried her arm from behind her back to assess what she'd done. She whimpered and shut her eyes tight.
"You weren't meant to come back yet," she mumbled.
"Well I would have seen it anyway princess. What's going on?" I sighed, pulling her into me and letting her arm drop. She shrugged and cuddled into me. I held her tightly.
"Have you gotten clean?" she shook her head so I reached for her shampoo and body wash. I guess she needs mummy more than I realised today.
Once she was out of the shower, I wrapped her in a warm towel and sat her on the toilet seat. I handed her her toothbrush and I let her brush them whilst I went to find the first aid kit. After her bigness earlier, she slipped so far into her little space she couldn't stand up to let me clean her. I think today, she's struggling more than she's letting on. She'd been clean for about two months so seeing her now broke me. I returned back to her and she was just staring at the floor, not even brushing her teeth. She hadn't even put it in her mouth.
"Oh angel," I whispered. I sat in front of her on the floor and took her toothbrush. "Open your mouth for mummy." Thankfully, she did so but only slightly. I began brushing her teeth gently. After that was done, despite it being difficult, I dressed her wound and gave her a big kiss before diapering and getting her dressed.
Caressing her back, I carried her down the stairs and into the kitchen. She still hadn't said a word or even really interacted. She put her head gently on my shoulder as I sat her on my knee at the table.
"Open up for mummy," I cooed, moving some hair from her face. I made a mental note to tie it back or even plait it as soon as possible. She opened her mouth a slight bit so I put some bacon between her teeth. However, she quickly pulled a face and let it slide out again.
"Princess," I whined, picking up a cloth. She whimpered and hid in my chest. I sighed, pried her off me and wiped her down. Seeing her like this made me so sad. I wanted to help but I didn't know how. I wanted to show her my love as much as possible. She'd told me before that just having me there made her feel better but I doubted I could help that much. Yet, clearly after I left her in the bathroom on her own, it showed that she did need me there on days like this. She whimpered and huffed as I cleaned the bacon off her clean dinosaur top.
"Look at your dinos! They all need a bath now," I teased and wiped a stray tear from her face. She only grumbled before hiding in my neck.
"Do you think milkies will be better, baby?" I asked gently. She nodded and snuggled further into me. I put a piece of toast in my own mouth before getting off the chair and walking more into the kitchen.
"Mummy's just going to put you down a second," I reassured her and set her on the counter. She whimpered and reached for me as I headed for the fridge. "It's okay baby, mummy's here." I returned back to her with her pink dino bottle and milk. I grabbed some nutritious powder and spooned some in. It was strawberry flavoured and she loved it. She watched me sadly and rubbed at her eyes.
"I know darling. It's yummy milk though and it will stop your little belly rumbling," I whispered as I put it in the microwave. She shuffled along the counter, closer to me and wrapped her legs around my waist.
"Mummy's here," I said softly, kissing her cheek. She sucked softly on her pacifier, which she'd picked up off the counter and rubbed her eyes.
"How about we get your milk and go lounge on the sofa with Sofia?" I suggested, kissing her cheek again. She nodded and held her bunny close. She was my little baby today- no doubt about it. I stroked her back, under her t-shirt and let her relax into me. When the microwave beeped, I let her stay with me and I reached over. I couldn't screw the cap on with one hand though.
"Do you think you can help mummy?" I asked Jess gently. She looked up at me, sadly. I held her bottle out.
"Can you hold this whilst mummy puts the lid on?" She held it, still snuggling into me.
Once we settled on the couch, I cuddled with her whilst she watched Sofia the first. Honestly. It was her favourite show of all time. She could watch it for hours and hours. Out of the four seasons on Disney+, she'd watched them at least a hundred times.
I decided not to do anything to her hair as she can get hypersensitive and the tightness of it being up would frustrate her and she'd hurt herself so I kept it down and just let my fingers run through it. She glanced at me every now and then, probably to see if I was awake and there for her.
"Mummy isn't going anywhere, baby," I reassured her softly, leaning down to kiss her head. She grumbled a little and carried on watching the TV. Not long later, I rested my hand on her shoulder and she gripped it, brought it to her mouth and slowly began sucking on my thumb. I giggled and played with her hair with my other hand.
"Is that tasty, pretty one?" She nodded and I stroked the fingers of the hand on her cheek. She smiled very slightly before turning her full attention back to the TV.
A few hours later, I heard a knock at the door and was startled. Jess was asleep in my arms so I'd put a quiet film on. I didn't realise we were expecting anything. Either way, I lifted Jess off my knee, left her cuddled on the sofa and went to the door.
Ellie and Alex stood there. Ellie looked excited and was bouncing on her heels and my heart sank.
"Oh baby, hi," I said sadly. I really didn't think Jess could handle having someone over today!
"Is everything okay?" Alex asked me, wrapping an arm around Ellie and pulling her close to him.
"I completely forgot you were coming. Jess isn't too good today. I don't know if she's going to be okay," I admitted, my heart hurting even more at Ellie's sad little face.
"Oh- I was banking on a babysitter," Alex laughed, playing with Ellie's hair.
"Jess poowy?" Ellie mumbled.
"Her head is poorly today princess," I sighed.
"Oh."
"I'm so sorry sweetheart," I replied.
Just then, Jess shouted for me from the other room and I heard a little scamper of her feet through the corridor and into the hallway. She tugged at my top and raised her arms to be lifted up. I picked her up and she cuddled into me.
"Ewwie?" she mumbled softly, pointing to Ellie.
"Yeah baby. Do you want her to come in and play?"
"Erm," she tugged on her ear and looked at me sadly.
"Is otay if nwo!" Ellie whispered, hiding in her daddy.
"I does," Jess whispered back.
"Are you sure baby?"
"Mhmm, Ewwie come," Jess confirmed. She put her head on my shoulder.
"Come on then Ellie," I smiled, pulling open the door. "In you come sweets." She came in apprehensively and waved bye to Alex. Alex handed me her bag and told me he'll come and pick her up about four. It was currently eleven. I said goodbye to him and shut the door. Ellie stood nervously by the shoes and my heart went out to her. She knew what Jess could get like when her mental health was bad- as did I. I'm hoping I can try to keep her entertained and happy as much as possible though, even with Jess.
"Take your shoes off sweetheart then you can come through to the living room, okay?" I said softly, running my hand through her hair. She nodded and quickly slid her shoes off before following Jess and I into the other room. I sat on the sofa and Jess on my knee.
"I play?" Ellie asked softly, sitting besides Jess' toys.
"You can play with anything you like sweetheart," I smiled. "Are you going to join her munchkin?" I tickled Jess' belly a little but she shook her head.
"Okay. Let's just cuddle a little more," I leaned back into the sofa and held Jess. We watched Ellie play in her own little world and it relaxed me a little knowing she was free to relax despite Jess not wanting to play.
An hour and a half later, Ellie had eaten and Jess was gobbling up another bottle. I'd decided that, with Ellie getting bored, we could make a fort!
Jess loved them! They made her feel safer and secure and I thought we could take in my laptop and watch a movie in there. Carter had called me and let me know he was on his way over so he could help too!
"Do you want to make a fort baby?" I asked Jess enthusiastically. She was drinking her bottle and rubbing her eyes.
She just shrugged.
"Okay well I'm going to help Ellie make one, you can come help when you're ready," I kissed her head and Ellie giggled excitedly.
"What we need?" She asked.
"We need blankets, you know where they are! I'll get some chairs and then we can collect pillows from the rooms- deal?" I smiled. She'd been to our house enough to know that we had a cupboard full of blankets!
"Deal!" She squealed and rushed off to the cupboard. I smiled at Jess who was just watching us endearingly and then went to get some chairs from the dining room! I set 4 up around the living room and awaited Ellie's return. Jess watched me and I pulled silly faces at her, causing her to crack a few smiles which I was grateful for.
"I gotted dem awwwwl!" Ellie cheered as she returned with arms full of blankets. She dropped them and threw up her arms. Jess giggled and began clapping.
Once the fort was built, Jess and Ellie climbed in together and waited for myself and the laptop. Carter hadn't returned yet but he'd asked if the girl wanted McDonalds so I texted Alex and Ellie was now staying for dinner! Jess had cheered up quite a bit in the last hour which made me hopeful she'll have a proper meal for dinner.
"Mamaaaa," Jess whimpered and reached for me as I crawled in.
"I'm coming monkey." I slid myself between Ellie and Jess and set up Sofia the First on my laptop. Jess lay with her head on my chest whilst Ellie just snuggled into my side. Jess was sucking on her paci and Ellie on her thumb and honestly, I couldn't have been happier. I'm glad Ellie was here to cheer Jess up and make her feel better. I'm not always the best but I try my hardest. The distraction of Ellie was the number one thing and I think I'll definitely be doing it again!