Chapter 7

My attention is focused on the giant R logo on the front of the building above the door. The building reminds me of a crystal castle, except it’s more like a business office. As if the whole building is made of solid crystallized ice. The building is at least twelve storeys high. Maybe even twenty. I always knew the SR buildings were tall. I had walked by the building in Seattle where Caleb works, or used to work, but I had never been inside. I imagine it looks a lot bigger from the inside.

This sounds crazy, but Angelia seems to think that I can help her with her art because I’m better at structuring a picture and then painting it. I love painting as much as she does, but I doubt I’m any better than she is. Her reasoning is I’ve been painting longer than she has, but she started painting when she was nine. I didn’t take my first art class until I was in sixth grade. That was also the class I realized painting was another outlet for me. That doesn’t mean I have enough potential to help become better at her art. She’s already better than me. There’s no need to rub it in. Lisa said she might be lying and just wants to bond with me. I thought about that, but pushed that thought away.

The only reason I’m here is because I’m bored and Blake isn’t home.

That day Antony, Kamron, Lilly, and I left for Florida was the day Blake really opened me to me. I feel like I know him a little better. There’s no reason for me to keep secrets because he already knows my deepest and darkest secrets. I had no idea he had dealt with pain as well. It almost changed me. Ever since we talked for that morning, I feel closer to him. I’m talking to him more and we had only four minutes to talk before I had to go. Since Lisa has been happy because according to Blake, she knew I’d open up eventually. I wouldn’t call it opening up because technically I didn’t tell him anything about me and my past. Caleb and Lisa did. He opened up to me. I’m just… less afraid of him. I guess this is what it feels like to somewhat trust someone you just met three weeks to a month ago.

Angelia parks the car in the middle of the parking lot, rolls her windows up and smiles. “That building has three sections. Section A is all business. Jobs, training, hospitalizing and housing. Section B is a daycare center and schooling area for kids who can’t go to public school, and Section C is full of relaxation areas. Art room, freestyle exercising, dancing. It’s like another version of talent hall minus the stress. We also have food courts all around and if you’re a member, it’s free.”

Well, you learn something knew everyday.

She flashes a smile and gets out of the car. I glance at the building again and slowly step out of the car, grabbing my art supplies. A girl in country boots and blonde hair runs up to Angelia and gives her a bear hug. Angelia giggles and begs to be put down. The girl then puts her down and smiles at me. I roll my eyes and follow her to an elevator which takes us up a few floors. The doors slowly open and reveal a neon colored door which is painted Angelia and Kayiah with black paint and glitter.

“Kayiah is my best friend. She lives here. Very sweet girl. You’ll like her,” Angelia says as she quickly opens the door.

Kayiah looks up from her thin book and flashes a bright smile. Her face reminds me of a toddler from a Hispanic family. Those are the cutest babies in my opinion… along with mixed babies. She looks like she’s still a baby, but with taller legsand hipster clothing. Her dark brown eyes really bring out the innocence in her.

“Hey, Lia. Who’s this cutie?”

“My off limit cousin, Danny. He just moved here from Seattle. He’s a little shy right now, but he’s such a sweetheart.”

Kayiah laughs at the first four words that come out of Angelia’s mouth. “Nice to meet you. I’m Kayiah, her crazy best friend.”

I force a smile and mumble a hello, following Angelia to the displayed art room. I’m completely blown away when she opens the door. Paintings everywhere. Over thirty canvases and an artistic window. Those windows that artists have in their studio apartments. She even has paint all over the wall. I could never imagine of being able to do that. I would get lazy and give up after a few minutes. I’m just that productive. Even when it comes to something I love.

“Whoa.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” she chuckles and opens the window. I grab the already started canvas and bring my paint brushes and pencils out. Angelia does the same, except she grabs a brand new, white canvas, and starts to sketch. She sketches a wall of roses with thorns rather quickly. She’s better at sketching than I am. Probably than I’ll ever be.

I turn on some music and grab some paint for my portrait. Angelia eyes me. That deeply intimidates me. I already feel as if her art is better than me, and the fact that she asks me to help her makes me nervous about making the worst painting in the world.

I lightly brush paint against the canvas with Angelia observing my art techniques like It’s really better than hers. The paint smoothly goes along with the canvas, blending in perfectly.

“I like how the colors blend together,” Angelia says, turns her attention back to her painting.

“Thank you,” I whisper. “Blending colors really brings out how you feel, you know?”

“Don’t I know it,” she sighs.

Her statement reveals some hurt in both her tone of voice and the statement itself. I’ll never really have the courage to admit this to her, but I’ve grown to care about her. I don’t know how. I haven’t really spent enough time with her, but I do care about her and want her be happy although I’m having a tough time convincing myself that it’s okay and somewhat natural.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Totally.” She forces a smile continues to work on her painting.

Two things are wrong with what she just said. First and foremost important, her eyes. Your lips can say the words . I’ve done it for years. But your eyes will always reveal the truth. It’s a matter of taking the time to look into someone’s eyes. The windows to the soul. Secondly, Totally. If you say you’re totally fine, you’re aren’t.

I put my paintbrush down and make eye contact with her. “I know that’s a lie. No one knows that more than me.”

“Sorry. I’m having some… bad memories.”

“About?”

She sighs. “Well, remember how I told you I was raped?” I slowly nod. “That’s what I was thinking about.”

Before I have a chance to say anything else, Kayiah enters with some Strawberry Banana smoothies and says the cute boy from downstairs brought it in for them. Angelia accepts it and sighs.

“I’ll be right back.”

She exits the art room and closes the door.

Kayiah stands there confused for a moment and then looks at me with concern. “Were you guys talking about The Elimination?”

I slowly nod. She sighs and leans against the table. “That’s a really sensitive and anxiety filling topic for her.”

“Did she come from a prison? Eliminational prisons?”

“Yes,” she says.

I sit on a the sofa and take a deep breath. My body is shaking. My legs are jelly and my heart is racing. I move a hand to my chest in hopes to relax myself; it isn’t working. Kayiah approaches me and then slowly pulls me to her room. Angelia sits on her bed and weeps softly before she makes eye contact, but when she does, her tears freeze in place. Angelia runs to the dresser as fast as lightning, and grabs a large, white bottle of pills. I slowly back up against the wall. Tears trickle down my cheeks. Kayiah kneels down next to me and tells me to take deep breaths, but the closer Angelia and the pill in her hand gets to me, the harder her words become to follow.

“Danny, it’s okay,” Kayiah whispers. “It’s just an anti anxiety pill. It’s going to help you relax.”

I shake my head. “No. I don’t want it.”

“It’s okay. It will help you,” Angelia says softly.

The closer she gets to me, the faster I realize I’m trapped. If she and Kayiah plan to rape me, I’m cornered. Literally. My back is in the corner. I’m not going anywhere unless a hole swallows me up and carried me to an alternative universe. All I can do is cry, and so that’s what I do. Not intentionally. It just happens.

Kayiah tries to help me stand up in a gentle way, but me being afraid and stubborn, I push her back and end up hitting my head against the wall.

I wake up in a white room with my skull pounding, an oxygen mask over my face, and Lisa sitting in the blue chair next to the bed. Not remembering anything, my first instinct is to rip the mask off and ask what happened. I realize how hoarse my voice really is. Lisa caresses my left cheek and kisses my forehead.

“You had a panic attack and blacked out after you pushed Kayiah away from you.”

“Why was I panicking?”

“I think you were thinking about your dad and his… friend. That’s the only reason you’ve ever panicked your entire life.”

. “Do you still feel panicky?”

“No, I’m okay now.” After a moment of silence, I ask, “Can we leave now?”

“As soon as Angelia comes back. She and Kayiah went to the cafeteria for some ice cream.”

When Kayiah and Angelia come back with ice cream and Holly, Kayiah immediately moves the oxygen mask string from behind me. Her fingers lightly touch my neck and are as cold as Washington state in the winter. Angelia sits on the edge of my bed while Kayiah takes my temperature, and checks for my pulse. I glance at Angelia and Lisa who’s holding her stomach in pain. Kayiah asks me to sit up, and when I do, she uses a stethoscope to listen to my heartbeat.

“Do you feel panicky or dizzy?”

“No,” I repeat.

She nods her head and puts it away. An older woman in a white coat approaches me. ““Hi, my name is Maya with a Y. What’s your name, sweetie?”

“Danny.”

“Nice to meet you, Danny. Do you often have panic attacks?” I nod. “And do you take something for it?”

“He takes Vilbrethin for sleep, but it works to prevent anxiety too.”

“Alright, I see no reason why he can’t come home, but someone needs to monitor him, Lisa. Good job, Kayiah. Um, Lisa, do you mind if I talk to you in the hallway?”

“Of course. I’ll be right back, sweetheart.” Lisa stands up and follows Maya to the hallway. Kayiah sighs and puts the supplies away.

Lisa came back a few minutes later with some papers and her purse hanging over her shoulder. ”Alright, come on, sweetheart,” Lisa says. “We’re going to the store. We need more food. You and Holly eat enough fruit to throw our government into debt for years. It’s a good thing, but we need more today or you’ll be eating meat.”

“I’ll be eating dirt before I eat meat.”

I slowly slip off the bed, stretch my muscles, and follow Lisa to the hallway. Blake stands by the coffee machine and smiles, sipping on his coffee. I know something important about Blake that makes it easier for us to bond. He needs his coffee. He pats my back softly and pulls his hand back.

As soon as we get to the store, Lisa gives us a cart and tells us to get whatever we want and then vanished to another aisle with a red basket and a small shopping list in her hand. On a normal day, I would cry and scream for her not to leave me with someone I just met, but I’m starting to like Blake more and more. He’s really nice. He took me in. He makes sure I’m okay and fed. Living with Blake isn’t as scary as I thought it would be. The only thing I’m worried about is him finding out how messed up I really am.

“Alright, is there anything in particular that you want? Aside from some apples and strawberries?”

“Coffee.”

“Do you want any soda or candy?” he asks. I shake my head. “Are you sure?”

“I rarely eat candy.” Or anything high in calorie.

He slowly pushes the cart down an aisle with some coffee cups and toys. “Do you mind if I ask you something?”

“Not at all.”

He doesn’t hesitate. He just comes right out and asks his question. “Do you have an eating disorder?” My body stops and my eyes widen. He softly sighs. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

“Did Lisa tell you?”

“She said you don’t eat a lot and that sometimes you have to be forced, but I was referring to the days you barely eat anything… And if it makes you feel less alone, Angelia is recovering from Bulimia.”

“I never would have guessed.”

“She’s very good at hiding it. She hid it from Lisa and I for a year and a half.”

It’s like my heart is being squeezed. Angelia is really sweet. The fact that she hates her body kills me. Me, I have plenty of reason to. But Angelia? No way. “Is she doing better?”

“Much better than she was when she was first diagnosed. Are you diagnosed at least?”

I shake my head. “They refused to help my mother and I. My mother was schizophrenic and I’m battling Anorexia, so my mom and Caleb said. I didn’t think I had a problem. Now I see that I definitely have a problem, but I think I’m afraid of letting go of my eating disorder.”

“That’s understandable. Angelia was too. Sometimes she still is, but she’s doing well. I’m so proud of her. And I’m proud of you too. Recognizing you have a problem is the first step of a healthy recovery.” I slowly nod my head and follow Blake down the aisle. “Do you mind if I ask why you were denied help?”

“Well… I don’t mind, but I don’t really have an answer for you either. They never explained why they refused to help. A friend of my mom’s was able to smuggle some medicine out of the mental health ward, but they really couldn’t do anything for me aside from support group, but it didn’t last too long. A month at the longest. I felt guilty about my Mom missing work and couldn’t bear it. Then my mom’s friend was trying to help me through it, but it wasn’t working. So I gave up. It was easier than fighting for something I couldn’t get. I just don’t have the energy anymore.”

“That’s the thing. You can’t give up, Danny, and I can’t let you do this to yourself. I saw how this destroyed Lia and it will do the same to you. This Ana… is going to kill you. Recovery is only going to be effective if you want to do change the way you see yourself. And I promise, you will not be denied this time…”

“To be honest, I just want Ana to go away. Yes, I want to be thin, but not as much as I want Ana to go away. She’s a living nightmare, but when I talk about her, she gets really mad. Like murder rampage mad.”

He nods.

“You may have to defy Ana and it will be scary. I’m not going to lie. But Lisa and I will help you every step of the way. Everything we know about eating disorders is because of Angelia. Just so you know. Um, Is there anything that helped you to eat when you were with your mother and Caleb?”

Defying Ana is my specialty. Of course, I don’t do it on purpose, but I have tried to reason with her when it comes to eating. I think I’m trying to convince myself Ana’s reasoning behind being so strict and harsh is because she means well, but now that I think about it, Blake isn’t cruel to Angelia. Lisa, Caleb and Mom aren’t and never have been cruel to me. So why is Ana cruel if she means well?

And I kind of know where he got all this information and ideas on how to cope and eventually stop because every time, he mentions Angelia or her eating disorder, and I’m not mad. I think it’s smart that he catches up, remembers the signs and uses them to help other people. That’s the type of parent I would be. If my kid is to ever have an eating disorder or be suicidal level depressed, I would do the same, and go out of my way make sure she or he gets the help he or she deserves. The game Hide ‘n’ Seek game I played with the help I wanted, yeah, it’s not happening with my kid.

This is weird. I never thought I’d ever let anyone else try to help me. Less than two weeks after my Mom passes, my aunt’s fiance is passing on wisdom and encouragement to keep fighting in a grocery store.

I think for a minute and then answer. “My mom and Caleb tricked me into promising that I would eat at least once a day when I was first starting to recover. Or trying to. But she had to have proof that I ate. I either ate in the morning or I ate dinner. When I ate dinner, she was so happy to see me trying to work with her.”

Trick is a weird word to describe this. They just begged. Not tricked.

“It’s a starting point.”

After Blake and I get some actual shopping done, we meet up with Lisa as she’s leaving the female department with Jayline. Blake gags and receives a punch to the shoulder and an eye roll from Jayline. “Do you guys have enough?”

“I told the them to go all out,” Lisa says. “I just want to go home and lay down for the rest of my life. And get paid.”

“Maybe we should cook dinner,” I say.

Lisa smiles and kisses the top of my head. “I’ll make it up to you. I promise.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

Jayline sighs. “Are we sure I can’t just steal him? My kids are well behaved. You can take them.”

“I’d kill Mason the first night. Unless You want a dead stepson, I don’t think so,” Lisa says.

She pouts. “That’s cruel.”

As soon as we enter the house, Lisa places the bags on the small table in the center of the entrance room and runs to the living room to lay on the couch, Kayiah passes us, but not before hugging us both lightly. I work on taking the groceries in the kitchen while Blake continues to bring them in. As we’re putting everything away, Blake asks what I want for dinner. I banish him from the kitchen and demands he goes upstairs to play Candy Crush or something. Not knowing that’s his favorite game, I’m surprised that he starts to play downstairs, but walks upstairs, using a staircase from the corner of the kitchen. That’s when I begin my magic. I used to cook for Mom before Caleb and she always liked my cooking, but Caleb took over. Not that I ever complained about that because I hated the cleaning task afterwards.

“Child! I left you alone for thirty minutes,” Blake says. I shrug and fill the plates with the pasta while he fills the cups with juice and pours wine in one wine glass for Lisa. “How did you do that?”

“I work fast,” I beam. “Unless it’s homework or school work. Then I’m the biggest procrastinator in the planet.”

“Me too. I’m surprised I still have a job. Of course losing my house isn’t something I’d like to do.”

Lisa walks in with a well rested Angelia, and Holly. My heart melts as I sit in my chair and smile at a surprised Lisa. The pressure to take the first bite is on. Ana is screaming at me not to disobey and betray her, but my heart is telling me maybe this isn’t the lifestyle anyone should life. On impulse, I take the first bite and am rewarded by Blake patting my back as he whispers, “I’m so proud of you.”

I mouth “Thank You” to Blake and take a sip of my Apple Juice. Angelia takes her first bite and looks at me. “And why wasn’t I informed that you could cook?”

“You would expect it all the time,” I say with a smile and look down at my almost empty plate. I didn’t put a lot of Pasta on my plate, but the fact that my plate is nearly empty surprises me. Usually I eat no more than five small bites if no more than three big bites.

The realization that Blake and I talked about my eating disorder today and that we’re going to bring it up to Lisa kicks in and makes my heart speed up.

“Danny, are you okay?” Angelia asks.

I clear my throat. “Lisa, there’s something I wanted to talk about.” She gives me her full attention. “Blake and I did some talking at the store.”

She nods. “I noticed. I knew you guys would talk eventually. We just wanted to give it some time, sweetheart.”

“Well, remember when I was refused help for my Anorexia?”

Angelia’s eyes pop out of her head. Lisa slowly nods. “Are you wanting to try again?”

“If possible.” At least I’m convinced I will now right.

“Are you willing to go for another check up? It’s required at the mental help facility.”

“If that’s what I have to do,” I say, and take a deep breath. I need to be sure I’m ready for all of this.

Lisa stands up and hugs me tight. I smile. “I’m so proud of you for wanting to try again.” She kisses my forehead and pinches my right cheek.

“Ninety seven pounds,” Jayline says and messes around with the scale so she can check my weight. “Hm… Five foot four,” Jayline answers. “Definitely underweight. Well, Danny, you’re doing the right thing. I’m proud of you.” I step off of the freezing scale and sit on the white medical bed. Jayline checks my heartbeat and glances at my rising and descending pulse. Jayline makes eye contact with me and slightly smiles. “Sweetie, what were you denied help for?”

I clear my throat before whispering the three things I never received help for. “Anxiety, Anorexia, Depression.”

She writes those ’disorders down. “Is that all?” I nod. “And you’re absolutely sure?” I think for a minute.

“Well, my mom did want to have me tested for Schizophrenia, but it never happened.”

Jayline closes her book. “We have a trained professional that would be perfectly suited to test him, that is, with your permission, Lisa.”

“Whatever Danny needs.”

Jayline hands Lisa a form on the matter. “I’ll just need both of your signatures, and I will gladly escort Danny to her.”

Lisa and I both sign our names on two lines at the bottom of the page. She lets me hold on to the page, and asks me to follow her. She leads me down two hallways and around a corner. A woman in a black dress and bright red lipstick sits in her wheelie chair clipping around with her mouse. Jayline knocks on the door. I cower behind her with a pounding heart. Shivers creep down my spine. The woman turns around and smiles.

“Wow, Jayden shrunk.”

Jayline chuckles. “Jayden isn’t this cute as sad as it may sound, me being his mother. This is Danny, my friend’s nephew. He needs to be tested for Schizophrenia. Do you have time?”

“Absolutely.”

Jayline smiles at me. “Thanks, Amber. Danny, just be completely honest with her like you have been with Lisa and I, alright?” I nod. She lightly pats my head and walks away.

Amber smiles and invites me to sit down, handing me a fairly large tablet with a tablet designed pen attached to it. What is with hospitals and banks and their attached pens?

“Before we start, do you think you are Schizophrenic?”

“Personally, I don’t know.”

“My mom was though, and wanted to have me tested, but she wasn’t able to.”

“Alrighty. Just be completely honest on this questionnaire.”

I nod and look down at the questions and lightly scroll down on the tablet, answering the questions as honestly as I can.

After wrapping up the quiz, I hit submit and hand Doctor Amber the tablet. She observes it and scrolls down on the tablet. Then she sighs and plugs a cord from the computer to the tablet and prints something off. My stomach is in knots. What if the test is positive? What if I go through what my own mother went through? I don’t care about myself much, but when I witnessed what my mother went through, it scared Caleb and I to death.

She picks the paper up and stares at me with sorrow in her eyes. “Your results show it is positive.”

“Are you at all concerned or scared?”

“Scared, yes.”

“That’s completely normal. You have the right to be scared. I’m sure you are fully aware of what the problem is.”

Excuse me? “What exactly is that supposed to mean?”

“Well, many patients often deny that they have issues. I’m surprised to see you aren’t denying the fact.”

“Yet.”

“I’m sorry?”

I sigh and place my hands on my thighs. “Look, Doctor… I’m only here because I want Ana to go away. Jayline wanted to have me tested because of what I told her about my mother. I’m not denying that I’m schizophrenic yet. Ana is going to convince me to back out of trying to get help the minute I’m alone in my room.”

“Would staying overnight help?”

“You could give me a private nurse, but the minute she takes a potty break or even when she isn’t looking directly at me, the voices will break me down within thirty seconds.”

“And Ana means Anorexia?” I slowly nod. “Alright, well, it’s a start, and I will gladly take it. Can I call your aunt back here?”

“I suppose,” I groan.

She rises to her feet and leaves the room only to come back with Lisa, Jayline, and another male doctor, slightly older. My throat sinks to my stomach. Lisa sits next to me and hug me, kisses my forehead. The male doctor sits down in another chair in front of me.

“I’m doctor Kalilo. What’s your name?” When he speaks, he has an accent from what might be from Africa.

“Danny.”

“Nice to meet you. Now I hear you have some problems with eating and self harm... Miss Carter, it seems that he may need to be monitored.Forhis,Anorexia, Depression,Anxiety, and Schizophrenia, I am prescribing Pradzek, and I would like for you, Danny, to attend group once a week for your fear of humans and eating.”

I glance at Lisa. That can only mean one thing: She told him about my rape. At this point, the secret is totally out. She agrees. I roll my eyes. “What is that going to do exactly?”

“Danny, have you ever thought about the fact that your Ana may linked to your traumatizing experience?”

“No,” I sigh.

“See, that’s your mind’s way of coping.”

So my mind has better coping skills than I do. That’s rather disappointing. “Right because my mind is creative to come up with names for every voice.”

Lisa sighs. “I’m sorry. He’s a little crabby this morning.”

“I’ve done this for forty years, Miss Carter. I’m not offended. You are still residing at the same address in Newark, correct?”

“Yes, Doctor.”

“I will send his medications to your local pharmacy. He is to take one of each once at the same time every day. Best if taken in the morning.” He types on the computer. “I’d like for you to come back in two months so we can see if the dosage is helping.”

“Thanks,” I mumble as I nod my head.

I turn the page of a bible length book with an earbud in one ear and some alternative rock playing, sending relaxation waves through my body, from my brain to my bones to my heart, which is surprisingly beating normally. Angelia plops on my bed with an bright smile. I lower the book and give her a smile back. She glances at my book.

“Research?”

“Is it it obvious?”

“No one reads about The Elimination for enjoyment,” she says. “Can I help with anything?”

“That’s okay, I’ve got it,” I state, trying not to stress her out too much.

Blake enters my room with Lisa and a big metal box with holes, probably meant for screws, indicating whatever goes inside that box will never be touched again. My heart beating faster, I watch as they start to clear out of my room the things that could be used to harm myself physically, and apparently emotionally. That includes the weight scale, a pair of scissors, the full body mirror, and even block something off my computer. Something tells me it’s the Pro Ana sites I’ve been using to help me lose weight. Then they struggle to find the razors I actually use for self harm until Blake finds them in my backpack.

I sigh. “Is cleaning my room really necessary?”

“We need to make sure you are safe in your room when we aren’t here. I mean, not that you guys will be left alone anymore for awhile, but if we aren’t upstairs, we have to know you guys are safe.”

Angelia shrugs. “Can I pee in safety?”

“Sure, as long as Lisa can see you’re safe,” Blake says. “From now on, both of your doors are to be wide open. The first time is a warning, the second time Lisa or I say something, the door is to be taken down. The only reason these doors should closed is for three minutes in the morning, and I will count each second.”

“You’re bluffing,” flies out of my mouth with no filter.

Blake leaves and then comes back with an electric drill. “Am I still bluffing?”

I shrug and reopen my book. Lisa smiles and sits next to me. “We love you guys and want you to be safe.”

“Can I be safe in the privacy of my room?” I ask, following Angelia’s example of adorable rebellion.

“Sure, as long as the door is open so we can see that you’re actually safe.”

I lay back, the book falling on mythighs. My phone beeps. Lisa says It’s Kamron. I shrug. “I’ll text her back later.”

Blake takes the large metal box out of the room. Angelia sighs. “I’m actually nervous for this again.”

“Why are you nervous? I’m the newbie. I’m not used to having my door open all the time. Caleb and Mom tried to keep it open, but I refused to cooperate.”

“I don’t know. I get anxious when people watch me pee, and your aunt will watch me urinate in a toilet.”

“Wait, will they watch me pee? That’s me time!” I slam the book shut again, and then shriek once I realize I lost my page.

Angelia laughs. “Well, if they step in your room and hear your letting it go, they’ll know you’re going to the bathroom and leave it alone. When I puke up my food, I tend to run water, whether it’s from the sink or shower. They caught me and limited bathroom privileges the first time, so I’m somewhat used to getting certain privileges taken. You’re Anorexic, so you don’t puke, so you have that bit of freedom. You just have to leave this door open,” she says as she points to the door that leads to the hallway.

I shrug. “True.”

She smiles. “You know, two weeks ago, you were cowering and scared of the slightest touch.”

“And?”

“Well, I guess I’m just proud of how far you’ve come.” I cock my head to the side. She lightly touches my hand; I don’t flinch. “See, we couldn’t do that if we wanted you to be happy. You may not see it, but two weeks ago, we weren’t talking like this.”

I see where she’s going with this. “Now we talk like we’ve known each other…”

“Our whole lives,” we finish together and break into giggles.

Blake stands in the doorway. “It warms my heart you guys laughing together.”

Angelia’s right.

Three weeks ago, I thought laughing again was impossible. Now here I am laughing with my aunt’s fiance and his daughter. Blake is physically capable of hurting me. He could if he really wanted to. But emotionally, his conscience wouldn’tallow it. Angelia could make me go through more hell than I’ve already been through, but she’s been through some herself and doesn’t want anyone else to feel that way.