How to Be a Father

(Hey! Some of you have been asking which songs I listen to while writing my chapter. I have a whole Thinking About You playlist on Spotify that I can share with you guys if you're interested. Here are the three main songs I listened to for specific scenes in the chapter:

Link: Soul mate - flora cash

Rhoam: You're somebody else - flora cash (also, somebody said the lyrics from Numb by Linkin Park fits with Rhoam and Zelda and I couldn't agree more!)

Pik: Dancing without music - BRDG)

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I wake up from Link twisting and turning next to me. His breaths sound compressed as if trying not to wake me.

"Link?" I sit up and find his eyes in the dark. Little drops of sweat sit on his forehead and his hands are clutching the blanket. "What's going on?"

"My leg..." he quietly pants. "Feels like someone is drilling into my bones."

"Oh Link..."

"Sorry for waking you."

"No, don't be sorry, I'm glad I'm up. What can I do?"

"I need meds."

"You can't take more painkillers tonight. It's only been a couple of hours since your last dose."

"Shit," he says through his clenched teeth. "Please."

I shake my head with strain. "You already took two pills before bed..."

"Right... You're ri-- oh fuck," he groans again. His fist collides with the wall. It doesn't leave a mark but it's enough to make me flinch. "Shit, sorry. I like turned my leg in my sleep or something. I don't know, I just woke up from sudden pain. It'll be fine in a minute."

I brush his hair out of his forehead and continue to stroke it gently.

"I should sleep downstairs on the couch," he breathes.

"No, why?"

"You have your thing tomorrow. I don't want to keep you up."

"I don't care if you keep me up, I want to be here for you." I wish I could take his pain away or even swap our health. He doesn't deserve to suffer like this. I kiss his cheek and take his hand into mine. His palm is sweaty but cold.

"Do you need water?" I ask. "Or anything else?"

He shakes his head and looks up at me. "Distract me."

"How?"

"I don't know. Tell me a story."

"A story..." My mind hastily recovers all sorts of random memories from my life but nothing interesting enough to keep his mind off of his pain. For some reason, every story that comes to mind involves walking and I don't want to remind him that he can't walk. Maybe I should just tell him a fictional story? I could summarize some of my favorite novels. Or I could recite the politics presentation I have memorized for tomorrow. That would definitely put him to sleep.

When his hand cups my cheek I lose my train of thought. He looks at my lips and gently draws my face closer. This works too, I suppose. I kiss him and lie back down to be on the same eye level as him. I can tell that it calms him almost instantly and he is more focused on our kiss than on his leg.

"You're beautiful," he whispers against my lips.

"It's too dark, you can't even see me," I argue in a soft chuckle.

I can feel his smile on my lips. "My eyes are closed. I don't need sight to know how beautiful you are."

"Link," I breathe. Lips pressed against mine, he brings his hands to my back to pull me on top of him. I'm careful not to move or even touch his injury with my leg. As I drive my fingers through his hair his hands press against my lower back, wanting me closer. Our kisses multiply and last longer each time our lips part and reconnect. Tenderly, he bites my bottom lip and brings one hand up to my cheek. When he breaks our kiss he steadies his fleeting breaths.

"I'm... I'm really happy you're here."

"Me too." I lean my forehead against his and close my eyes. He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear while his other hand travels so gently up and down my spine.

"I want you to stay with me," he says under his breath. "Not necessarily in this house. Just... with me, you know?"

"I want to be close to you too, Link. Always."

I feel his heart pulsating against my chest. "I'll talk to Mipha soon, okay?"

I didn't expect to hear that name while lying on top of Link. Is this because I brought it up earlier today? I don't want Link to think that talking to Mipha will fix everything else. He isn't prepared for her reaction. What if he decides that he would rather be apart from me than break Mipha's heart?

"If it's important to you, I will talk to her," he says, his thumb brushing over my cheek. "Okay?"

I nod. "Don't do it for me. She's your best friend and telling her how you feel should be important to you."

"Maybe you could talk to your dad too."

"What?"

"Well, you said you don't want to make any decisions while your life's a mess and I think talking to your dad could clear some of it up. Right? He's the reason you're here. He's the reason why we're keeping this a secret. I'm not saying you have to go tell him about us, I don't mind keeping it a secret, I'm used to it now, but you could try making up with him. I know you care about him, even if you don't like talking about it."

I sigh. He's right. I can't avoid Father forever. I don't want to cut him out of my life over a misunderstanding.

"You don't have to of course. I'm just saying."

"No, you're right. If you talk to Mipha, I should talk to my father."

"No rush though. I'm not going anywhere. Pun intended," he chuckles.

"I can't stand your puns," I jest.

"Low blow," he rolls his eyes with a smile.

His pain seems dormant and his breaths have calmed. I place my head on his chest and shut my eyes. I should try to go back to sleep. Tomorrow is a big day and I need to be well rested.

✤ ✤ ✤

I kiss Link goodbye before leaving the house. He's staying home today to rest. I wish he could have come to school to watch my presentation but he promised to watch it online. I'm so nervous. I don't know how many people will be watching but I am the president's daughter presenting about politics; whether it's one person or one thousand sitting in the audience, I can't mess this up. The only reason I even signed up for this was to impress Father. That was before I left home. He won't even be there now.

My presentation is one of the first. I'm glad, otherwise I would have to deal with this nausea all day long. I don't like speaking in front of people. I'm good at it when I'm prepared. But I still get nervous. The lecture hall is filled with professors, students, and judges. They look intimidating in their suits, evaluating each contestant.

A hand taps my shoulder and I flinch. It's Pik, standing next to me on the stairs. "Good morning, Beautiful."

"Pik, what are you doing here? I thought you had your own presentation today."

"I do, it's at 1 PM, so I have some time to spare. I came to support you."

"You don't have to sit here and watch. It will bore you."

"I couldn't possibly get bored while I'm listening to you," he displays his flawlessly bright smile. "Let's sit."

He gestures for me to walk ahead. I choose a row from the middle and sit down in its center. Pik takes the seat next to me. It's pretty crowded here and I already have trouble breathing. I see the camera in the back. That's where Link is sitting...

"You look skittish," Pik notes.

"I'm nervous."

"How come?"

"Lots of people watching..."

"Have you ever talked in front of this many people?"

I nod. "At my graduation."

"No way, were you the valedictorian?"

I nod again. I'm freezing. Is that just me or is the room that cool?

"So this will be a piece of cake."

"Says you. You're used to presenting in front of people. I'm not. These are my father's employees. And other important people. I just don't want to disappoint anyone or embarrass myself. These guys have high expectations of me, higher than of any other participant."

"Trust yourself. You worked hard and now you're going to kill it. Just make sure your phone is turned off," he laughs.

He has successfully made me smile but I quickly reset my facial expression when the first student begins his presentation. Pik reclines and tucks on the strings of his ripped jeans while the speaker talks about the potential of molecular biological research of rare genetic disorders when it comes to understanding cancer. I sit up straight and take notes.

Pik doesn't seem to care about the topic. I can't relate. Paying attention is not as hard as people think and just by listening you get to learn something for free. How cool is that?

30 minutes and a short break later, the second speaker steps to the podium. Some spectators leave, some join. The judges switch. My nerves are on the verge of collapsing. This girl's presentation lasts 45 minutes. When she is done, I take a deep breath and collect my notes and USB stick.

"I'm up next," I say with a shudder and get up.

"Break a leg," Pik smiles up at me. That only reminded me of Link. I can't get distracted now. I have to focus on my presentation.

"It's good to see you too, Shad. How is the research going?" I hear Father's voice and turn around to see if it's really him. He's by the doors, shaking hands with a young man. Father's eyes land on me and his smile stiffens. "Excuse me," he says to the man and passes through to me.

"Zelda, dear," he greets me with a nod.

"Father," I bow my head to him.

"I see you are about to present."

"Indeed. What brings you here?" I want to know.

"I came to support my daughter," he says as if it was obvious. I'd love to say something like Oh, where is she? Is she presenting as well? "I have been looking forward to this day. You chose a great topic for your oral presentation." Why does he look nervous? Do I look nervous to him too? "Listen..." There it is... He is going to say something that will throw me off, I just know it. "I'm really proud of you, Zelda."

What?

"But?" I ask suspiciously.

"There is no but. You are a terrific young lady with a bright future. Please stop treating me like the enemy."

"I can't do this right now," I break eye contact and smooth my skirt.

"Of course. I do not want to cause any trouble before your presentation. But perhaps you and I could enjoy lunch in each other's company?"

"Zelda Hyrule," an elderly lady announces through the microphone and my eyes return to the desperate man in front of me. I don't give him any response. Without another word, I move to the podium and plug my USB stick into the computer connected to the screen behind me.

I look up at Pik. His thumbs are up. Involuntarily, my eyes move to Father taking a seat in the front row. I can't deny that I am overwhelmed with joy seeing that he came to support me. Maybe he finally understands that this is what a family does? I want to believe that he did not come to pressure or judge me. I need him to be this caring person, not a dictator who only cares about his reputation.

The camera up top at the back of the room is my eyes' last stop before I begin. A tiny smile sneaks onto my face as I picture Link on the couch with his laptop on his lap. I hope he's smiling back at me. I hope he's not in pain...

...

When I'm finally done with my presentation and leave the lecture hall I still feel like I'm standing there in front of all those people. I'm so glad it's finally over. One less thing to worry about. Months of preparation for a 45 minute presentation.

"You were great!" Pik cheers, having found me in the hallway. "You were like a machine! Not a single hiccup! You even had me interested in politics and that's saying a lot because I really don't care about that stuff. In short: You were fantastic!"

"Thank you," I say quietly. "Please keep your voice down."

"Sorry. Just excited. You'll definitely get first place."

Father joins us and clears his throat as he gives Pik a warning power glare. There was a tiny chance that I would have introduced the two but not when Father is behaving like an alpha wolf. Pik gives me a look that is asking for permission to say something. I shake my head and plead with my eyes that he won't cause a scene.

He sighs and nods. "Well, I guess I'll see you around. Again, great presentation," Pik says much calmer now and leaves.

"You didn't have to be rude," I cross my arms.

"I was merely standing next to you. I don't see how that is rude," Father replies.

"You know what you were doing," I roll my eyes at him and wait to be scolded.

"I apologize. I did not know you cared for men who can't afford jeans without holes in them."

"He's just a friend. Not that I have to justify myself. It's none of your business who I talk to. And it's his choice of fashion, so please refrain from talking poorly behind his back."

He doesn't say anything. I'm impressed by his effort to contain his disapproval. Then again, somebody could see him and judge him so I shouldn't be surprised that he is acting so composed.

He reveals a bouquet of flowers from behind his back. Hesitantly, I accept them with a sour face. I'm conflicted if this should make up for his behavior toward Pik. He did come to support me, so I should go easy on him.

"I appreciate you being there to support me," I say as we walk down the hall.

"I agree with your friend; you did very well." I give him an honest smile. "Are you hungry? You must be. I made a reservation at Providence. Remember that place? We dined there on your 13th birthday. You said you liked it."

"My 13th birthday? That night you had a meeting with some guys in suits and only invited me to join because the maid made you feel bad for leaving me on my birthday. You fired her that very day. I only said that I liked the place to be polite." I probably would have been "fired" too if I hadn't behaved. "I suppose it's sweet that you remember that though. But I thought we were going to eat lunch at the cafeteria?"

"The cafeteria?" He wrinkles his nose and shakes his head.

"Well I don't have time to leave campus. I'm going to support my friend by watching his presentation at 1."

"What is his topic? Perhaps I will join."

"Poetry," I watch as his efforts to hide his vexation lower drastically.

"Perhaps not," he declines. "Let's go to my office then, shall we? We can talk for a little bit. I haven't seen you in a while and I am interested to hear about your living situation."

"My living situation is the same as it has been for the past six weeks; private."

"Zelda, please. Stop pushing me away. I just want you to come back home."

"I don't want to come home."

"This has been going on for long enough, don't you agree?"

This again?

"Father, did you come to support me or to drag me home?"

"I just don't understand your motivation for this. You can't just move out without a word or way of contacting you."

"You see me every day at school."

"Zelda. You can't possibly still be angry. You're still majoring in biology, isn't that what you wanted?"

"No, Father, it's not!" I hiss in hushed tones. "I want a Father who cares about me, not my major, grades, or relationship status."

"I do care about you. What did I ever do to make you think that I don't care about you?"

"The list is long," I snarl.

"Well? Start at the top."

I stop walking and make sure that nobody is in earshot. "You called me a slut."

"I did not!" He exclaims with a gasp.

"Are you kidding me?"

"I said that other people would see you as one if you continued your inappropriate behavior. Those are facts. I did not say that to upset you but to protect you."

I want to scream and make the entire college aware that this man just pulled my last string of patience.

"Father," I speak slowly and clearly. "I'm only going to say this once and whether you believe me or not doesn't matter at this point but if you care about me at all you will listen." I pause to give him the opportunity to interrupt me but he remains silent. "I never hooked up with a Boar. One of them stole my phone during the soccer game, that's why it was at their frat house."

"I see," he nods and ponders in silence. It's not an apology but at least he believes me. At least I think he does. "But the hickey? The notes? Such things are unacceptable, even if those men are from Hyrule."

"The hickey," my voice breaks but I pull myself together and stand tall, "was done against my will."

"What are you saying?" He stares at me with an open mouth, refusing to hear the truth.

"I tried to fight it," the words are barely audible.

"No," he shakes his head, still processing my words. "That is not true."

I don't say anything. The sight of the terror washing over his face has taken my voice away.

"Tell me it isn't true," he demands.

I look at the horror in his eyes. "Now tell me, Father... Is that worse than being a slut?"

"Zelda, if this is true... I..." is he going to yell at me? In front of everyone? "I am deeply sorry," he whispers. "That is just revolting! That is..." His face is turning red and the veins on his neck are popping up. "Was it your friend?"

"No," I reply calmly. One of us has to stay calm... "And I don't wish to talk about this. Please respect my wish."

"Please come home, dear. Let me protect you the way I intended. Let me make it up to you. How about a weekend in New York? I truly am so sorry for the accusations I made that night. We have to talk about this, we have to make sure you are okay. Just come back, we can talk about everything."

"You know... I was able to look past the prejudice and accusations. But the fact that you could think so low of me was what drove me away. All my life revolved around pleasing you, putting me last every time. Biology was the one thing I pursued for me. And you took that from me."

"I didn't. You broke the deal--" he cuts me off but I won't allow him to finish his sentence.

"You tried taking it from me, and had I stayed I know you would have gone through with it. Don't try to deny it. You set up rules that limited my freedom, you ordered another student to supervise me, you spied on me, you blackmailed me, and then you turned your back on me when I needed you to just, for once in your life, listen to my side of the story. You didn't even give me a chance to explain myself when I was crying out for help."

His face turns pale and his superior posture is crumbling. I have his attention and I will make full use of it.

"Yes I lied, yes I broke the rules. But not to hurt you, not even to entertain myself. I did it because I didn't have another choice! Blame me all you want. The bottom line is you hurt me. Deeply. And flowers and dinner can't make up for that... You treat me like property. Like a possession that is defective. Sometimes you treat me like a business partner. Sometimes you treat me like a stranger. You do not treat me like a daughter no matter how much you try to convince yourself that you do, you don't. A weekend in New York can't fix a lifetime of neglect.

It took you four full weeks to approach me with something other than an order. That's just not right. You have to show me the trust and affection of a loving father despite the difficulties. Your reputation, your status, your wealth... all that should come after your daughter. And until you learn how to be a father I will not and cannot come home. I'm sorry."

I'm surprised by how calm I am. Maybe discussing this in public does have its perks.

"I have to go. Please don't attend any future presentations of mine unless it is solely to support your daughter," I say and turn away, leaving him to think about my words. I think he wants to follow and talk, but he is frozen, the way I have been more times than I can count. For the first time, I'm the one leaving the shards behind.

On my way to the arts building, I feel my knees weakening. The weight of that conversation is just now hitting me. I hope I was able to articulate myself properly this time and make Father understand why it would break me to come home now.

I join Pik in the auditorium. He's sitting in the far back, his feet on the chair in front of him. When I take the seat next to him his eyes look up to me in awe.

"Hey," a huge smile pops up. "Did you come to hear my poem?"

"Precisely."

"I feel like a winner already," he says and puts his arm around the back of my seat. I have to talk to him but I think I will wait until after his performance. I don't want to distract him as Father did me.

"When are you free this week? The gig is flexible," he says. I look at the time on my phone. It's 12.31. Maybe I should just get this over with.

"I actually wanted to talk about that," I say quietly. Contestants are singing, dancing, playing instruments, or reading their poetry in this section of the Scholars Symposium and judges are sitting in the front. If I receive a warning for disturbing other students' performances I might lose points on my presentation.

"You can talk to me about anything," Pik says and sits up normally with his feet on the floor.

"It's about the exams and our grades." He frowns. He's probably just mirroring my expression.

"Is that really such a big deal?"

"You butchered your own grade for mine..."

"Zelda, come on. My grade doesn't matter to me. Not the way it matters to you. You said you can't get anything below a 100 so I wanted to help. But then you skipped class and there isn't really much I can do about those points."

"That doesn't matter anymore. I don't live at home anymore so the 100 rule doesn't really apply anymore."

He pulls his brows up. "That's a pretty big deal. Why'd you leave?"

"I'm 18, I can do whatever I want."

"Absolutely. I wasn't trying to be nosy. Just making sure you are doing okay. Where are you staying now?"

"I'm staying with a friend."

"Are you looking for an apartment?"

"I've been too busy to look at apartments. I don't even know if I want this to be long-term. I don't know what I want to do moving forward." This is the most confusing year of my life.

"Well you can always stay with me. I live in the dorms but I don't have a roommate, apart from the portraits I've painted but they're not very talkative. So you're always welcome to stay."

"I'm pretty sure that's against the campus rules." We are getting off topic...

"It's fine. My friends have girls over all the time. Not that that's my intention, not at all, I know you're going through a lot and I would never take advantage of that."

"Actually, that's something I wanted to talk about. Sort of."

"I'm not following," he tilts his head and waits for me to explain.

"I don't really know where to start. When I found out what you had done for me, I wanted to make it up to you so badly that I would have done anything. I even considered that date."

"Really?" his eyes grow big.

"I don't want to do things just to rid myself of the guilt. I want to be your friend, I want to support you and come to your gigs without expecting anything in return, like forgiveness. It wouldn't be right for either of us."

Father made that clear to me. The way he begged me to come home reminded me of the way I begged Pik for forgiveness. I don't want to go to his gig the way Father went to my presentation. I want to do it because Pik is my friend, not because I want to clear my conscience. And Father should have done it because I am his daughter, not to lure me back to that house.

"Wait, so you don't want to come to my thing?"

"No, I do. I want to come to them and support you. I just wanted to let you know that I'm not only doing it because I feel like I have to but because I really want to."

"Well then why do you look so downhearted? Smile, girl. This is a good thing."

"Depends on the way you see it. If you agree with what I'm saying then you agree that asking me on a date was wrong. You knew I was vulnerable and--"

"Woah, hold on, no. I didn't ask you out because you were vulnerable."

"You knew I was desperate..."

He takes a second to think. "I'm sorry, I can definitely see how it may have seemed that way but that's not at all what that was. I wasn't even really serious about it. But if you had said yes, well, I wouldn't have declined either."

"You weren't serious?"

"I mean..." he pushes his hair back and leans closer. "I think a date could be fun. I don't really get why you won't just agree to it because ever since the first time I met you you've been saying no without giving me an actual reason but if it's bothering you so much then I will stop asking. It's not my intention to upset you. I just want to make you happy, that's all there is to it."

"It only upset me because we both knew I was tempted to agree to anything just to make up for my immature behavior."

"Please believe me when I say that I tried telling you that you don't have to repay me. Swapping the exams was my own idea and your reaction was justified. Brushing me for a month wasn't cool but I forgave you pretty much immediately and told you that you don't have to make it up to me. I swear, asking you on a date was more of a joke and had nothing to do with the situation. I knew that it was bad timing and that you'd say no."

"Then why did you ask in the first place?"

"Because part of me was hoping you'd say yes," he admits. "Okay you got me there. I guess I was being a bit of a jerk. I'm sorry. I can be impulsive. But I promise it had nothing to do with the exam. I would have asked you out any other time too."

His hands drive over his hair again. "You don't have to come to my gigs if you don't want to. Obviously I'd love for you to watch me, but you don't have to make anything up to me. We're cool. I just want to get to know you a little better. We have a lot in common and I think you're a pretty amazing person. And just a heads up; that won't be the last time I asked you out."

He's really understanding. His appearance makes him look younger but I mustn't forget that he is in his early 20s and that he is probably much more experienced when it comes to dating. Everything new to me is normal to him. I believe him when he says that he didn't have any bad intentions by asking me out. Yet I can not possibly allow that to happen again when I intend on being with Link.

"My answer will be no," I tell him honestly.

"That's fine. If you say no, I won't ask for a reason anymore but don't expect me to give up that easily," he smiles.

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

"So call me crazy," he shrugs unfaltering. "If that's a deal-breaker I'll just ask you out a little differently each time."

"Why me? Why do you want to go on a date with me of all people? What about that redhead you kissed on stage? Or the girl from your lock screen. I'm sure there are girls who'd love to date you. So why chase the one who will only reject you?"

"You really want to know why?"

"Yes."

He looks toward the front and smiles "I'll tell you in a minute. I have to present my poem now," he says and gets up to head toward the stage with nothing except for his twinkling eyes and moon-like smile. No notes, no nothing. Just his charming self. Not even a trace of stage fright. I would like to be as confident as him.

Pik takes his spot by the microphone and bows for the judges.

"My name is Pike Curia and the poem I'm going to share is called Melpomene and Thalia."

He clears his throat and winks at me. I hope the judges don't take points away for that. They care about dignity and formality.

"I stand on stage and laugh and cry,

but secretly it's all a lie.

I sing these songs of girls I've known,

but truthfully I'm all alone.

No matter what they think I feel,

it's just an act and never real.

And I could search and search, but never find,

why joy and laughter turn me blind.

Why darkness makes me see it clear

that I'm consumed by fear.

So I write more poems and paint more scenes

to understand what this life means.

But what if nothing's meant to be?

What if that smiling, dancing, poet boy is all they'll ever see?

That I am numb and cold,

that side they'll never know.

That I am bitterly afraid,

that side I'll never show.

Feeling dead, my hope relies on art

until this girl walks in, so beautiful, awakening my heart.

The mask falls off, I feel alive, and I don't think she has a clue,

that when she gives her heart to him, she breaks my heart in two.

Kiss him, chase him, turn me down,

Crush my soul and watch me drown,

No longer numb, I feel the pain,

I feel the hopelessness and shame.

But everything I feel feels real, I know I will survive.

It may not sound ideal but I love to feel alive."

Pik smiles at me before he takes another bow and thanks the small audience for their attention. A couple of people clap and I join them hesitantly. I don't know much about poetry but I feel awfully targeted by Pik's words. I don't want to assume that his poem was about me, he has flirted and even kissed other girls but the way he said he was going to answer my question "in a minute" leaves me wondering...

The small voice of mistrust wants me to believe that he only wrote that poem to make me feel bad for being with Link, on the other hand he didn't even know I'd be here today so he couldn't have planned for me to hear it. I'm overthinking this again, aren't I?

Pik returns to his seat and plunges down without a care in the world.

"N-nice poem," I say without looking at him.

"Are your cheeks okay?" He doesn't hide his amusement.

"Stop it," I place my palms on both sides of my face.

"It's true, you know? Everything I said up there."

"I had no idea you felt that way about life." He was the only person I relied on feeling great all the time and it's something I love about his personality. Now he's telling me that it is just a mask to hide his sorrows?

"We're all a little depressed on the inside. That makes it all the more fun to find beauty in the world."

I want to dwell on those words but my lips form words without my permission. "Who is the girl you were talking about?"

Pik gives me a smile that feels genuine and reassuring, brings his legs up to rest on the chair in front of him, and speaks in a blithe voice. "It doesn't matter. I'm just happy to be here."