To Say Goodbye

As soon as I hear a car door shut I get up from Link's bed and walk to the door to place my ear against it. Downstairs, I hear the front door click and Kafei's voice is the first one I hear, followed by Revali's.

"The time without you was too short," Revali complains and I don't have to think twice to know who he is talking to. My heart flutters, Link is back!

I open the bedroom door and hurry down the hallway to the stairs. Link is standing by the front door, wearing a Hyrule soccer hoodie and his black brace over his soccer sweatpants. He drops his bags when he sees me at the top of the stairs and smiles.

I'm ashamed to admit it, but I was hoping the soccer team would lose early on so he'd come home sooner. But Hyrule's team is too strong, even though Domidak messed up most of his kicks, they made it all the way to the finals. It was a close game, victory was almost ours, but Hyrule lost by one point...

Despite the disappointment among fans and the fact that they claim we could have won if Link had played, nobody seems to actually blame him for our defeat.

Today marks the end of Link's absence and that's all I care about. I don't even care that his roommates are present when I rush downstairs and jump into Link's arms. He catches me and picks me up. My arms and legs wrap around his torso as I bury my face in his shoulder. I think he can tell that I missed him without me confessing that I wore his hoodie and cried on his pillow on more than one occasion. When he left, it felt like I wasn't whole anymore. I felt cold, sick almost, and the emotional pain was overbearing.

"Get a room," Revali rolls his eyes.

"What are you? 12?" I laugh at him, hugging Link even tighter.

"Welcome home, bro," Kafei pats Link's shoulder as a way to excuse himself and returns to the living room with his fiancé.

Link doesn't say a word to any of them. When he takes a few steps toward the stairs I wiggle myself out of his grip to stand on my own feet.

"I'll grab your luggage," I say. As I turn to pick them up, his hand holds on to my arm and tugs at it lightly.

"That can wait," he says and walks me upstairs, holding on to my hand until we reach his door. He stops to take in the sight. His bed is fully covered in textbooks and notes, as is his desk. And the floor.

"It's finals week and I'm slightly freaking out. I'm sorry for the mess... "

"Mess?" Link steps inside. "My room's never been this clean."

All I did was pick up and fold his clothes. I also removed all the rubbish from his desk space so that I could work on my homework. I suppose it does look cleaner than usual. We walk inside and hug again at the center of the room. Although Link came home a couple of times during the championship, the hassle and limited time blocked the euphoria of it.

"I'm so happy you're finally back for good."

"Me too. Luxury hotels, massages, a mini fridge... It was hell," he laughs.

"I bet you missed your tiny bed and moldy leftovers."

A sigh escapes through his smile. "I'd live in a dumpster as long as you're there too."

"I would never live in a dumpster," I chuckle at his lousy attempt at flirting.

"Would probably be nicer than this house." He retreats from our hug to take a long look at me. "Are you wearing my t-shirt?"

I tightly cross my arms over the Olympics logo. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Mhm, sure." He steps closer, looking at my lips. "Stop smiling for a moment."

"I can't," I blush, smiling even more now.

"Guess I'll kiss your teeth then."

"No," I laugh and push against his chest as he tries to kiss me.

It's Monday night, Link's team just got home from North Carolina. I can't believe he was on the other side of the country... We were in different time zones, different climates. Knowing that the one I feel closest to is the furthest away was ironic and nothing short of agonizing.

In spite of the pain, I was able to appreciate the beauty of reuniting with Link. I would notice new little details when seeing him, like the Ursa Minor constellation that his birthmarks form on his forearm. And lying next to him was almost a surreal experience to the point where I would halt all my thoughts and take the time to consider that I was dreaming.

Link removes his headphones from his neck and stretches his arms over his head. He is finally back and we don't have to say goodbye for a little while. At least until I move into my own apartment. I applied to two places. They are even more run-down than this house on every Sunday morning, but at least they are cheap.

"How was the flight?" I ask Link.

"I slept through most of it."

"How's your leg?"

"I was waiting for that question," he chuckles. I will admit, it has become my standard question. "Right now it's a little stiff from sitting so much, but I'm back to walking without crutches and even started jogging and participating in practice again."

"Isn't it a bit soon to be doing all that?"

"I've been injured so many times. If there is one thing I learned it's to listen to your body. As long as it feels okay it is okay."

"Hm... Okay." I'd still prefer if he talked to his physical therapist about going back to practice, but I'm not his mother and certainly don't want to tell him what he can and cannot do.

"What's new with you?" He asks as he takes his hoodie off. It joins my notes on the floor. This room will be back to normal in no time.

"Nothing, really. Just lots of homework. Oh and tomorrow Father wants to have lunch with me. At a restaurant."

He grabs a clean t-shirt from the closet. "Are you going?"

"I wasn't going to at first. But I don't see why I shouldn't go. He has been trying to get in touch with me and I think one meal won't hurt."

It's not like I have anything to lose. The worst he can do is make me feel bad about my life choices. But I think I can handle that. Hopefully something positive will come out of it. We haven't really talked much lately.

While Link takes a shower, I grab his bags from downstairs and unpack for him. I planned on continuing my study session tonight, but I just can't focus with Link sitting next to me after he has been gone for so many days. We decide to watch a movie, however, we are a little too distracted by each other and don't really pay much attention to the plot. When, half an hour later, Link has fallen asleep with his head on my lap, I shut my laptop and join Link in his dreams.

✤ ✤ ✤

This morning I woke up with a smile. If Link hadn't been sound asleep I probably would have jumped up and down like a maniac from all the joy I felt seeing him lying next to me again. How many nights did I roll over in my sleep to find his side of the bed empty... How many nights did I tap the empty mattress next to me and open my eyes to loneliness? I didn't like the sudden realization of him being gone every time I woke up in the morning. I've grown accustomed to him by my side. I am convinced that when he left, part of me left too.

"Where is your head at?" Father breaks through my thoughts. "You've been smiling at your fork for almost two minutes."

"My apologies," I blush and straighten my back.

"Do you know what you'll be having?"

"Something light, maybe a salad. I still have two classes today."

"All the more reason to eat something rich in protein."

"I get sleepy when I eat too much," I say as my eyes wander aimlessly over the menu for the third time. Nothing speaks to me and my eyes leave the pages anew. I notice an extra plate and wonder why the table is set for three.

"How have you been?" Father suddenly asks. After sitting here for 10 minutes I didn't think he was going to ask anymore.

"Good," I shrug.

"You have spent much time at the library lately," he notes. I raise an eyebrow at him and he quickly defends himself. "I didn't follow you. The librarian told my secretary that you have been staying until closing time a lot."

"I've been studying for finals," I explain, eying the menu for the fourth time. This restaurant is so fancy... The round table is too large for me to reach the water jug at its center, which reminds me of a childhood moment when I found out that it is faulty for someone like me to act independently. We were at a restaurant like this one, but in South Africa, to meet with Father's business partners and I stood up to grab the water jug. A waitress hurried over, she looked terrified but displayed a plastic smile and refilled my glass for me. Father ordered me to sit back down and told me, in his own diluted words, that the waiters were our servants, paid to attend to our every need and that guests here do not get up to give themselves a refill.

"You're somewhere else today," Father says, giving it his best not to sound ungrateful.

"I'm sorry," I put the menu down and focus on the man on the other side of the table. "A lot has been on my mind lately."

"Let's talk about that," he offers me a smile.

"I've been looking at apartments." There goes his smile...

"Go on..."

"I found one downtown, it's--"

"No."

"But--"

"No. Just no."

"Father, do I have to remind you that you don't have a say in my decisions anymore?"

"It's not safe downtown. I will allow you to make your own decisions when they aren't perilous."

"I don't have much of a choice. I can't afford a luxury apartment."

"Can't afford it? Did you lose your credit card?"

"No, but that's your money. I only use it for gas and groceries."

"It's your money, sweetheart. If you really want to get your own apartment, get a nice one. Please."

I nod. "Thank you."

"That doesn't mean I wouldn't rather see you at home with me."

"I know. I appreciate that you let me do this."

"And please always have pepper spray on you. And keep your phone charged."

The chair next to me moves and I look up to find Urbosa taking a seat. "I'm sorry for the delay, practice took a little longer than planned," she apologizes to Father. What is happening? "Hello, Little Bird," she winks at me. "Haven't seen you in a while. You barely say hello these days."

"Urbosa," I gape at her with a wide smile. "I didn't know you were joining us for lunch." This is a pleasant surprise.

"Rhoam didn't tell you?" she asks, giving him a suspicious look.

"I was afraid she wouldn't agree to it if she knew," he tells her.

"Why would I not agree to lunch with Urbosa?" I ask.

"Well," his fingers interlock and he clears his throat. "I asked her to join us so that we could discuss your current situation."

"What do you mean?" Suddenly I have a bad feeling about this and look for comfort in Urbosa's eyes.

"Your father thought it would be nice to sit down and talk about you leaving home. He said you ran away without notice?"

"What?" I yelp in his direction. "I suppose you failed to tell her about the last conversation we had before I left." I don't believe this. He just said he supports me getting an apartment. Why would he say that if he had planned for Urbosa to swing by for an intervention all along?

"Why didn't you tell me that you left? I could have helped. Where are you even staying right now?" Urbosa asks, not a trace of judgment in her voice.

"She won't tell us," Father answers for me.

"Excuse me, I can speak for myself," I snarl at him. "First of all, I didn't run away, I was chased away."

"Now that is not true, I never wanted you to leave," Father exclaims.

"And secondly," I continue, the volume of my voice rising to surpass his, "Why would you tell her about that? I had my reasons for keeping it secret!"

"Childish reasons. Urbosa has been worried about you."

My flat hand hits the tabletop. "Childish? Less than two minutes ago you agreed I could move into my own apartment, now you're calling me childish?"

"You're twisting my words," he sighs. "You can't just run off and expect no consequences. Of course you may find an apartment of your own, that doesn't mean we don't have to talk about what happened."

"Rhoam--" Urbosa begins but I interrupt her to argue his words.

"We can talk about what happened without having to drag everybody else into this mess. Urbosa has nothing to do with this and bringing her here to talk to me is some messed up plan to get me to come back home! She was the one person who didn't deserve to be in the middle of this, why would you put this on her?"

"Zelda, I--" she tries again but I rise to my feet and walk out of the restaurant before I cause a scene.

As I wait for my car, I hear Father calling my name from the doors. In an inner battle I find myself torn between wanting to drive off as quickly as possible and turning around to give him yet another chance to make up for this.

"How could you?" I cry, not turning to look at him.

"I didn't ask Urbosa here to convince you to come home," he says.

"Then why? She is the only person who cannot take sides in this without hurting at least one of us."

"I don't want there to be sides any longer... That's why I asked her here. Whenever we speak, I manage to utter just the things that upset you. I am not keen to admit it, but Urbosa is much better at communicating with you."

"Are you saying I'm difficult to talk to?"

"No! But you are proving my point; apparently I am a failure when it comes to communication."

"You are a businessman, communication is your specialty."

"Yes but one reason you left was because I treated you too much like a business partner. Or am I mistaken?"

"No..."

"Now you see, I wanted her to be present when I talk to you about everything that has been going on to ensure that I say the right things."

"Say the right things? I'm not an exam! You can't just have a tutor at the table and expect better results... I'm a human! Treat me like one! Talk to me!"

"I'm trying!"

"No, Urbosa is! You're hiding!"

"I've been trying to talk to you for months!"

I don't know what else to say. Maybe he is right but I don't want to give him the power he feels when I am in the wrong.

"What do you want me to do?" He asks, drawing my eyes to him. "I've tried talking to you, I've tried dining with you and spending more time with you, I've supported you at school events to show you that I care, I stopped supervising your actions, your grades... I gave you the freedom you were craving. I even agreed to your silly wish to move out. What else can I do? Just tell me so I can fix this."

"That's just the thing," I sniffle. "I can't tell you what to do. There is nothing you can say or do that will make the past go away. I just want you to love me the way I am."

"I do love you the way you are..."

"I'm sorry, but I just don't believe that... It couldn't possibly be true, because you don't know the real me."

"Zelda... I..." He swallows and moves his lips but words don't come out.

"My car is here..."

"Don't get in. There is so much more we have to talk about."

"Talk to Urbosa... " I coldly remark. "Tell her I'm sorry for the way I acted in there."

"Tell her yourself. Let's sit down and have lunch."

I shake my head. "I can't go back in there."

"Fine. Have it your way. I'll tell her you had school stuff to do."

"Don't lie to her. Tell her I left because I felt ambushed," I huff.

"Yes, alright. I will do that," he says disappointed. "When will I see you again?"

"Perhaps not this week. I have to focus on school. But..." I can't believe I'm giving him another chance... "I'm free during winter break if you really want to spend some time with me."

He frowns and looks away. "I'm leaving for Europe on Tuesday next week."

"For how long?"

"Until January 3rd."

"Can't you postpone it? We could spend Christmas together for once..."

"I can't," he says quietly. "It's for business. It's been scheduled for months. I told you about it back in August."

"Oh..."

"I'm sorry."

"No, it's fine," I lie and get into my car.

"I have a Christmas gift for you. I'll make sure it finds you on the 25th."

"Safe travels," is all I say in return. His definition of a gift is very different from mine so I find it difficult to act excited.

Those were likely the last words we exchanged this year. I'd like to say I'm used to it by now, but every year I feel the same disappointment. Probably because I keep telling myself that it will be better next year.

I drive back to campus, refusing to shed tears over this. Out of all of this, the part that hurt the most was Urbosa getting involved. I worked so hard to keep her out of this. I wouldn't have slept in my car if I wanted to involve her.

I'm used to Father acting without thinking about the emotional damage he could cause, but going to Urbosa for backup is something I didn't expect from him. Knowing her, she will blame herself for not knowing what's been going on with me, and knowing Father, he will only amplify that guilt of hers.

It's killing me that I feel so angry and so guilty at the same time. Maybe I shouldn't have stormed off. If Father was telling the truth then he was only trying to find a way to talk to me while keeping this exact scenario from happening. Maybe I really am acting like a child? It's just so hard not to put the blame on him. I am sick of getting hurt and putting my faith in him no matter how many times he proves it misplaced. Maybe I should turn around and apologize...

Urbosa is trying to call me. I hope she doesn't give my number to Father. I don't pick up. They need to talk this over without me interrupting them every two words. I just don't like the thought of Father telling her that I am rebellious and sluttly. I trust that she won't believe everything he says.

I park by the science building and head to the biology lab. The door is closed, no wonder, I'm way early today. I open the door and find one other student in the classroom.

"Hi Mipha."

She looks up with a smile and takes off her goggles. "Hello, Zelda. You're early."

"Yes... Lunch fell short..." I sigh. I walk up to our table and open my biology textbook next to hers.

"Is everything okay? You seem... despondent."

"Yes, it's nothing. I just got in a little argument with my father." I tell myself not to bother Mipha with my family drama but the anger inside of me is brewing and breaks free before I can stop myself. "He wants to make things right so badly and practically offers to do anything to get me back but how serious can he really be when he is leaving for business over the holidays? He could have just canceled his other plans for once and chosen his daughter over everything else..."

"Oh," her sweet voice utters.

"Yes... Oh... He's such a two-faced person. How can he claim to love me when he insults me in nearly every sentence he exchanges with me? Obsessing over someone is not love, it's sick. Going through their personal items to find evidence; sick. Tracking their phone and following them around; sick." I groan and place my forehead on the cold table. "Staying with someone who discriminates against you and neglects you for years, that's not love either. It's just as wrong," I say more to myself than her. I feel her hand on my shoulder and when I look up I'm greeted with a comforting smile.

"Did I tell you that he is selling our lodge in the mountains?"

"The one in Mammoth Lakes?" she asks.

"Yes, that one. We always spent the holidays there when Mother was still alive. Now Father is selling the property. This year will end in heartbreak. On New Year's Eve, when Father is shamelessly sharing champagne with fellow snobs in Europe, I will be consumed by misery as I lose part of my mother, and part of my childhood, forever..."

"Maybe you should drive up there before the end of the year. To say goodbye."

"Wouldn't that just be more depressing?"

"Sometimes we don't get to say goodbye. Sometimes we do. Having a choice is rare, but it is up to you which choice you make."

Does she know that I didn't get to say goodbye to Mother? No, she couldn't. It's just her way of saying that I shouldn't regret not saying goodbye to something that is important to me.

"I would regret it if I didn't visit one last time," I think out loud. "But I haven't been there in years. I don't know if I can handle going back to that big empty house full of dusty memories. Going there alone... It sounds painful."

"Sidon and I are going to Mammoth Lakes over winter break for a ski trip. If you'd like, I could come with you when you say goodbye. So you're not all alone."

"Really?"

"Mhm," she nods and gifts me her sweetest smile.

"Where are you and your brother staying? Does your family own a cabin up there?"

"No, we usually stay in a hotel."

"Stay at the lodge," I say.

"Oh, we couldn't--"

"I insist. A hotel is too expensive and crowded. You can stay at the lodge for free and there is a lot of room for your equipment too. Please, it's the least I can do."

"What do you mean? You don't owe me anything," she giggles.

My heart aches at her reaction. Of course she thinks that way now...

"Just say yes," I forge a smile.

"Are you sure that's okay? Will you be staying there too?"

"No, it'll be all yours."

"If we stay, so should you."

"It actually sounds really nice. I know Mother would love it. She always invited her best friend to the lodge."

"Aw, that's perfect! We can go skiing together."

"I don't know how to ski," I kindly shake my head.

"I can teach you."

"Like you taught me how to surf?" I laugh.

Although I still can't stand up on a surfboard, I remember how much fun I had at the beach that day. As nice as it sounds to spend winter break at the lodge with Mipha and Sidon, I don't want to be separated from Link for that long again...

When I saw his snowboarding trophies I immediately daydreamed about us at the lodge, drinking hot chocolate and sharing a big fluffy blanket. He would have loved the lodge. Now I'll never get to show it to him.

"Sidon will be so excited. He has been preparing for an upcoming snowboarding tournament. He has been gushing over Link; did you know he is the only four times winter Olympics gold winner in the world?"

"Who? Sidon or Link?"

"Link," she blushes.

"I didn't know that, actually. Wow. 4 times? That's... Is he even human?"

"He is quite the paragon. He was going to compete against Sidon this year, but with his knee he can't compete on the halfpipe. But who knows, maybe he is still planning on being there to watch the tournament. Have you talked to him lately?"

"Er... He's been gone so much for the soccer championship."

"Right. Too bad they lost. He must be upset. He gets very frustrated when he doesn't win."

I just shrug my shoulders and aim my eyes at the textbook.

"I'm glad you're staying at the lodge with us," she says in a near whisper.

"Now hold on a second, I haven't agreed to it yet," I chuckle nervously. I'm so conflicted.

"You said your father is leaving over the holidays. You shouldn't be alone on Christmas. Hey, do you think Link could come to the lodge too? His family is all the way in Japan so he will probably be lonely and homesick during the holidays."

I feel my shoulders stiffen.

"We should all be together," she adds shyly.

Like one merry family...

Father would kill me. Inviting the girl he has been praising all year is one thing, but if he found out that I invited my crush... No, you know what? He said I can't just run off and expect no consequences, well he can't just sell the property and expect me to simply go along with it either.

Spending the holidays at the lodge with my friends sounds heavenly. If Father decides to spend Christmas overseas, I want to decide where I spend my Christmas too. What's he going to do? Sue me for breaking into his lodge?

"Let's do it," I say with an eager smile and a racing heart.

"Really?" The excitement is rising in both our voices.

A while ago, Urbosa told me to take more chances and make memories while I'm young. If Father thinks so highly of her opinion in all this he will have to accept the fact that she would agree to this.

"We should invite Revali too," I say. With a romantic winter setting, she might just fall for him.

"How many rooms are there?" she asks with big eyes.

"Enough," I laugh, thinking about the two story lodge with 5 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms, a library, a bar, two Jacuzzis, an indoor pool, and a sauna. "And Impa," I add to my guest list.

"It'll be so much fun," Mipha says delighted.

"Aw, that's perfect."

"I agree..."

Okay, at first I only agreed to it to prove to myself that Father doesn't have control over me, but now that I have the time to think about my decision, really think about it, I don't feel regret despite the slight anxiety of being trapped on a mountain with Link, Mipha, and Revali all under one roof. Saying goodbye to the house is the right thing to do for me and inviting all my favorite people is a lovely homage to my childhood.

Besides, everyone will be skiing and snowboarding throughout the day, which means Link and I will have some alone time and I can finally turn that daydream of hot chocolate by the fireplace into a reality.