Merry Christmas

I gently hit my knuckles against Revali's door. Just two times. Then I wait. I knock again. Once.

"Go away," he warns in a sharp tone.

I place my head against his door and gather all the strength left in my body to utter a quiet "It's me..."

It only takes a few seconds for Revali to open the door. For the first time, no arrogance or vexation greets me after knocking on his door. He tried to clean up his face but traces of blood still sit around his nose and mouth. It's not as bad as Link's face but still unsettling to look at.

I hold up the bag of frozen vegetables. It makes him step aside to let me in, and after he shuts the door behind me I take a seat on his bed. I hand him the bag as he leans against the dresser, looking down on me in silence. When he brings the bag up to his left eye I am shocked by the color of his hands. His knuckles are torn open and his hair is drenched from the snow.

"Talk to Link yet?" He asks, disgust thick in his voice.

"I don't want to talk about him..." My eyes are burning and my hands are still shaking.

I was hoping Revali would start another topic to get my mind off of Link but he remains silent. His eyes still on me, he waits for me to say something. Or maybe he's just waiting for me to leave. Please don't make me leave... There is no one else I can go to. Sidon is probably taking care of Mipha, Link is cursing to himself in his room with a bag of frozen broccoli pressed against his nose. And Impa... Well...

I feel so much anger and frustration toward everyone... Link most of all. If he had just told Mipha or considered that she might have feelings for him we could have avoided all of this... Waiting until the morning to speak to him again scares me more than anything else. If he accepts that he has feelings for Mipha, I will lose him...

I take a deep breath and tell myself to calm down. It's not fair of me to blame Link for any of this. Pressuring Link into talking to Mipha was wrong of me to begin with... I kept thinking it was his duty to tell her but I should have stood by his side and offered to do it together.

I hate the way I feel right now. I know Link cares about me, but I can't help but feel like he was just playing me like a stereotypical frat boy and that everything he ever said was just a sick, sociopathic lie. But that is really just my anger talking... I know better than that... I know he told the truth.

I was in the wrong to expect him to notice Mipha's feelings. All these years, I never noticed Impa's eyes on me, I never realized that her love was a different kind of love, or that she was hurting whenever she saw me with Link. Maybe I, too, was too distracted by Link to see what was really going on. Or maybe we are both just uncomprehending in the face of true love.

"How did you know about Impa?" I ask Revali now. He rarely spends any time with her. If he could see her true feelings so very clearly I must have been more than just self-absorbed... "Was I blind to miss it? Was I insensitive?"

"It wasn't that obvious," he says. "At the Halloween party I witnessed her little love vomit in the living room and got a little suspicious but I assumed that's just the way girls worship each other or some shit. What gave it away was her little breakdown last night."

"What breakdown?" I ask worried.

"After we got back from the bar, she stumbled into my room, totally disoriented. She told me she needs another bed to crash in since hers was taken by..." Revali clears his throat, kindly refraining from saying his name. "Long story short, she started crying. I couldn't understand a word she was saying but your name kept coming up and I just put one and one together. I helped her to Link's room, I don't think she remembers any of that though."

"Thank you for taking care of her when I couldn't..."

"Don't be so eager to thank me. All I did was tell her to stop crying about it and dumped her in another room."

My hands are still cold from the frozen vegetables. I place them on the sore skin around my eyes. Feels as if someone rubbed my face with sandpaper. Everything is aching and my eyes feel dry even though new tears are blurring my sight.

"Okay, I'm ready to talk about Link now..."

"He's a prick," Revali scoffs.

"You know he was holding back, right? I've seen what he can do to people... Usually he falls into a state of rage where he can't see or hear anything that is happening around him... I've had to pull him off of other guys before because he wouldn't stop fighting them. But back there... When I begged him to stop, he did. He heard me."

"Congrats, he has functioning hearing. Doesn't make him any less of a prick. He was ready to break my arm."

"And you were going to break his leg," I argue. "You could have seriously injured him. I understand that your feelings for Mipha compelled you to act with violence, but if you hate Link for what he did to you, then you have to hate me too because I practically did the same to Mipha; kissing the boy she likes..."

"I didn't hit him because he kissed Mipha. Well, I did, but not for the reason you think. I hit him because he hurt you."

"You punched Link for me?"

"Eh... I punched him for a lot of reasons... But you definitely triggered the first punch. He had it coming, honestly. Link and I have been rivals for years. Even before HU. He was the only archer close to my age who could keep up with me. I just wanted to beat him but then we ended up at the same school and in the same fraternity! Suddenly I was supposed to act all brotherly with him. Imagine having to room with the one person you despise the most." I try to picture Malice as my roommate. "You know what it's like. You practically lived with your bully all your life," he adds.

I never looked at Father as my bully but I suppose I can't really argue it...

All this time I thought Revali envied Link for the attention and his skills. I had no idea that they go back so far. Having to move in with and tolerate the one person you can't stand would drive anyone insane. Revali has been living in Link's shadow for years and had to deal with the emotions of losing against him not only in sports but in love.

"I understand the situation now. I'm thankful no serious harm befell you. Either of you."

"Does a broken hand not count as serious harm?" he spits.

I examine his bloody knuckles and swollen thumb. "When you strike a punch, you want your thumb to be outside of your fist, otherwise you might break it. Link taught me that during one of our self defense dates."

"How romantic,"  Revali sarcastically remarks. He moves the thawing bag of vegetables from his head to his right hand. "This better not mess with my archery skills."

"It'll heal."

"I hope you're right. For Link's sake." He sucks in a sharp breath as he lifts the bag slightly to take another look at his hand.

All the butterflies I used to feel every time his name was mentioned are dying a slow and painful death in my stomach right now. "He said he loves me..."

Revali's brows lift in surprise despite his efforts to hide even the slightest reaction. "Do you believe him?"

"I don't know... I want to."

"But you can't. Yeah, I'm not surprised."

"I don't get it... He has proven it more than once... Why am I still doubting it?"

"I'm going to be very honest here... You have a problem: you can't accept love."

"What...?"

"You're subconsciously refusing his love. But it's not your fault. Love confuses you because you're nearly incapable of comprehending that someone could actually feel that way about you. In other words, believing that someone could love you is like believing in Santa. You want to think it's real and you like the idea of it, but you're convinced that it's fiction at best. A fairytale too good to be true."

"Why am I this way?" I whimper. Am I broken?

"You were raised by a haughty narcissist. That's why. No offense to your dad. I take that back, I did mean to offend him. Starting at an early age, an idea was planted in your head that you have to earn affection. You had to accept that you will never come first. And so you grew up believing that you aren't loved and that that's just the way it is."

"How do you know any of this?"

"I took PSYC254 in my third semester. So, yeah, I might be totally off but that's my theory at least."

"I don't want to be this way," I cry. "Do you think Link is telling the truth? You've known him longer... I know you don't want to hear this, but wouldn't he be better off with Mipha?"

"No."

"Because you don't want him to?"

"Because we can't control how we feel about people. I wouldn't have fallen for the girl who loves my roommate and Impa wouldn't have fallen for her best friend if we had any control over our feelings. The actions we take are the only thing in life that we have control over, so if Link wants to go after you, then that's his choice. You can tell him to stay away from you but you can't tell him to be with Mipha."

I let out a long breath as I digest his words. If our own actions are the only thing we have control over then I have become a slave to my emotions, taking actions solely based on the way I perceive things on an emotional basis.

"What's the plan now? You're not going to cut your hair, are you?"

"Jerk..." I half laugh, half cry.

"I won't even deny that."

"I told him to sleep on it."

"Sleep on what?"

"Just... everything."

"Do you really want to wait until tomorrow to settle this?"

"No. But I don't want my emotions to control me anymore. And right now, I'm an emotional train wreck. Do you know how Mipha is holding up?"

Revali shakes his head. "She and Sidon left the lodge to give you guys some privacy. They'll probably be back soon."

"Unless they're not planning on coming back..."

"Their stuff and Sidon's truck are still here and every hotel's gonna be booked out tonight. They'll be back."

"I still have to talk to Mipha... I have to apologize. I don't know if I should do it tonight or wait until tomorrow..."

"Just get some rest."

Every part of my body feels sore and I just want to flip the switch and turn my mind off. "Is it wrong of me to be upset with her?"

"Probably."

"She didn't do anything wrong. I don't know why I feel this angry."

"I'm mad at Link too. I've worked so hard all my life and it's still not good enough. It's like losing in chess against someone who has never played chess before."

"It's more like losing in chess against someone who doesn't even know you're playing. I don't think Mipha or Link had any idea that we were competing against them. Therefore, our failures are not their fault. Blaming someone else is just easier than admitting to our own imperfections. But you're right; even if we can't control how we feel, we can control our actions. I mustn't be a slave to my emotions anymore."

"Attagirl."

"Unfortunately that doesn't stop the pain. I keep imagining that kiss in my head..."

"One kiss isn't the end of the world," he says annoyed. "At least he still likes you back. Imagine you told him you liked him and the first thing he does is go kiss Mipha. That would fucking suck."

"Sorry... I didn't mean to belittle your situation. It's a lot to deal with... This whole situation is just..."

"It's fucked up yeah, but it's not like you guys were actually dating." Ouch..."Not to put my foot in your mouth but technically he can do whatever. I'm not defending him, he's still an asshole, but--"

A sudden knock on the door makes me flinch. "Is she with you?" Link asks from the other side of the door. A cold shiver runs down my spine and I have to force myself not to start crying again.

"I can't see him right now," I whisper to Revali in panic.

"She doesn't want to talk to you," Revali returns to Link in an assertive voice.

"Please, I can't--" Link swallows his words back down. My heart is aching for him... He sounds so hopeless. "Please, Zelda... talk to me..."

Revali looks at me for instructions. I shake my head, holding my breath to keep as quiet as possible as I weep to myself.

"No," Revali hurls back at Link.

"Let me talk to her," Link pleads.

I shake my head again, my trembling hand pressed against my mouth.

"No," Revali says again, more aggressively.

"I can't just sit in my room and do nothing," Link exclaims. "Please let me talk to her!"

Without another look at me, Revali opens the door and snaps at Link. "Piss off!" Then he slams the door into Link's face and walks back to the bed. I only got a glimpse at Link, not enough to make eye contact, but enough to feel my heart breaking all over again.

Link doesn't knock again. I want to hug him and make him feel better so badly but if I go out there now I will lose every bit of self-control. I just know it. All the anger would only drive me to yell at him again or say the wrong thing in a moment of weakness. I don't want that. And I don't want to have to push him away. I just don't have the strength or courage to do that right now.

"Thanks," I mumble to Revali.

"I'll send you the bill," he says with a straight face. I'm just going to assume it was a joke. "You can go now."

"What?"

"Therapy session's over. Try to think about something else until tomorrow."

"How?"

"You'll figure it out. Have a good night." He waits for me to get up, but I can't move. "Good night," he repeats in a demanding tone. "What are you waiting for? There is nothing else I can do for you."

"I can't sleep in my room because of Impa," I mutter. "And every other room is taken by someone I can't see right now."

"Fine, take my bed. I'll sleep downstairs," he huffs.

"No, don't leave me alone up here! What if Link comes back?"

"Then you tell him to piss off."

"Please don't leave me now."

"You want me to stand watch all night?" his eyebrow twitches irritated.

"No, you can sleep too, just don't leave."

"Why though? Link's not gonna come in if you tell him no."

"You're just as hurt as I am. I don't think you want to be alone either."

"You're wrong. I'm fine and being alone is my favorite state of existence."

"I don't believe you."

"I don't care if you believe me. If you want me to stay, at least be honest about it. You're scared and need someone to distract you."

"Fine... I'm terrified, sad, exhausted, angry, and hurt, and probably everything else too. And right now you're the only company I have as an option. Please stay up here, tolerate me, and tell me that I'm overreacting."

He sighs and relaxes his stiff posture. "Only if you go to bed right now and stop bothering me with this parody season final of Keeping Up with the Hyrules."

"Thank you," I scoot to the other side of the bed and lie down on the sheets.

"If you snore, I will suffocate you with a pillow," Revali warns me before turning off the lights.

"Okay..."

"I'm serious."

"I know... You always are. You're the only one I can trust," I sob. "You're always honest and even on the days that you hate me I can still count on you."

"Why are you crying again? The point of this is that you stop thinking about shit."

"I'm sorry," I say quietly, digging my nails into the pillow. "I don't know why I'm crying. I'm just so hurt..."

"Hey Zelda?"

"What?"

"You're overreacting."

With a feeble smile, I roll to my side, facing away from Revali. It's too dark to see anything other than the thick layer of snow on the window sim. I close my eyes and feel the weight of the past six hours catching up with me. My body feels heavy from the exhaustion. Lying down feels so good...

Revali lies down next to me on top of the sheets. Suddenly it's so quiet. My chest is still quivering, but with each breath it calms down a little. Seconds feel like minutes, minutes feel like seconds... Nothing feels right anymore.

I don't know how much time has passed but after a little while, when my body has finally stopped shaking and all that's left is the uncomfortable nausea sitting in my throat, I turn onto my back and open my eyes. Did I sleep yet? Or has it only been a few minutes since we laid down?

"Revali?" I whisper.

"What?" he sighs.

"Thank you for being there for me today."

"Don't get used to it."

Facing him now, I close my eyes again and bring my knees up to my chest. "Merry Christmas, Revali."

✤ ✤ ✤

I open my eyes smiling. It only takes a second for me to realize where I am, what happened last night, and that it's not Link who is sleeping next to me. My smile turns into a frown and I check the time; it's only 5 AM...

I lie awake, my whole body in agony. I can't point the finger at a specific part of my body that hurts, it's not like I have a headache or stomach ache... It's absolute torment. An hour later, when the sky slowly turns brighter, I quietly get out of bed.

Did I really sleep? I could have sworn I was constantly replaying last night's events but I remember dreaming about Link. We were staying at a nice house somewhere private. No one else was there, it was sunny, and we were both dressed for the beach. It was so random and there wasn't a plot, or maybe I just remember this one arbitrary scene.

Next to the pool, the house had one of those aesthetic outdoor showers. Link hugged me from behind and pulled me toward the shower when we passed it on our way to the driveway. He turned it on while I tried to escape his arms. He hugged me tightly as the water poured down on us and ruined our hair and outfits. We couldn't stop laughing. Despite insignificance, it was a good dream and I woke up happy. Even if it was just for a second.

I need something for the pain. When I open the door to the hallway, Link looks up at me. He is sitting against the wall across from Revali's room. Did he stay awake out here all night...? He sure looks like it. I take an involuntary step back when he gets to his feet. I want to go back to hiding but I can't do that to Link.

"I'm so sorry, Zelda, I--"

I shush him with my finger on my lips and quietly close the door to Revali's room behind me. I don't want to wake anyone up yet. I'm assuming the other's didn't get much sleep either. I nod toward the stairs. Link follows me downstairs to the living room but remains standing when I sit down on the sofa.

How can the sun be rising already? Last night I thought I was never going to see another sunrise. But there it is; warm, orange light peeking up from the mountain chains at the horizon. Revali was right. This is not the end of the world... Earth keeps spinning.

"Can we please talk?" Link bids, keeping his distance. My eyes are locked on the windows and the thick layer of snow that blocks half the view. It must have snowed all night.

"Zelda?"

I can't even look at him. Every time I try to make eye contact I wince at his bruised cheekbones and busted lip. "How are you?" I ask. It's a stupid question, I know. "How is your face?"

"It's fine," he lies. I can tell he's in pain.

"Do you need ice? Or medicine?"

"It's fine, really. Can we please talk?"

"We are."

"About last night..."

"Have you thought about you and Mipha?" I try to swallow the nausea.

"Yes."

"Do you love her?" And just like that my heart rate is back to a bpm of 200. Every second he hesitates makes me more anxious. I'm so scared that he might say--

"Yes..." He holds my gaze with so much emotion that I am unable to look away. "But not the way I love you."

New tears threaten to break free and I'm starting to wonder how there's anything left to cry in my drained body...

"I'm not in love with her... But I do care about her a lot," he adds.

"I understand that... She has been there for you all your life. It only makes sense that you love each other."

"But it's not the same as what you and I have..."

What am I supposed to say to that? "I'm glad you're being honest about your feelings."

"Do you believe me though? This is how I feel about you. It's my fault for not telling her, but I didn't know this was going to happen. She kissed me out of nowhere."

"Were you going to tell me?" I bite down on my teeth as anger pumps through my veins.

"Yes, yes of course, I was definitely going to tell you, that's all I could think about during the competition."

"How am I supposed to believe that? You were making jokes--you--you let me joke about that stupid shower when you had just kissed Mipha!" I need to keep my voice down... It's so hard to keep all my emotions contained right now.

"I felt so bad, you have no idea..." Link's voice is trembling.

"You were supposed to talk to her..."

"I screwed up, I know. What can I do to fix this? I'll do anything."

Link takes a hurried seat next to me and keeps shifting his body, unable to sit still for more than a second. "Have you talked to Mipha?" I ask.

"Only for a second when she came back with Sidon."

"So she's in her room now?" Link nods. "How is she?"

"Hurt," he clenches his jaw and frowns. "I apologized to her for everything. She didn't say much... At least now she knows that I am with you--was with you..."

I hate this... I hate seeing him hurt. I don't want to blame him for any of this. I don't want to be angry at him... I'm embarrassed for feeling so hurt from a kiss he didn't even want. It just feels like all my insecurities have been confirmed.

I turn my body toward Link and take in his appearance. He ripped the dead skin off of his knuckles and his hands are trembling slightly. I have never seen him like this. Usually he is the calm one. He is supposed to be my rock. What happens when we are both lost at sea, struggling to keep our heads over water? I can't hold both of us up, I'm not that strong.

"I know what it looks like, but my--my feelings for Mipha are so different from how I feel about you. I thought I was being clear about that. I never really questioned giving her my jacket or having pics of us, I don't even know if I have an explanation for that other than she was cold and we've been friends for a while. But I swear didn't get jealous when that guy made a move, I just knew that Revali likes Mipha and--and-- okay, fine, I didn't really like the idea of some scumbag hitting on Mipha. I can't explain it, I just didn't like it, and when he slapped my arm, all I could see was red. I wasn't really in control of myself anymore."

"How does that happen?"

"I can't help it." He balls his fists and breaks our eye contact. "When I got into my first serious fight back in Japan, people got hurt because I hesitated. Now I don't stop to think anymore, I just... react. I know that's not an excuse... I'm not perfect, okay? I made a mistake, please forgive me."

"I already did. I was never angry about what happened with Russ. It's just one of many things that lead me to believe that your feelings for Mipha are much deeper than you want to admit."

"No, I had all night to think about it and I promise I'm not hiding any feelings."

"So you never liked her as more than a friend?"

"No." He sighs and looks back up at me. "I don't know."

Shit, why does that hurt so much... "It's fine. It wasn't fair to ask about feelings from the past."

"Maybe I had a crush on her when I was a kid or something, I don't know, but I am really really sure about how I feel about you."

I have nothing to say in return... Link is the only person I have ever liked romantically. Wishfully, I believed it was the same for him, but in reality, I always knew that he has more experience than me.

"You don't have anything to be insecure about, okay? The reason I tell Mipha not to come to my games is not because I get nervous around her but because I automatically hold back when she's watching because she gets super worried when I get hurt."

"I get worried too... You know that."

"Yes, but she keeps me at 90%. When you're there I'm at 110%. I'm begging... Give us a chance..."

Everything he is saying is sweet and reassuring, but I still feel the chains around my hands as I'm trying to reach for him. Something is holding me back. I feel disgust and hatred toward myself when I think about a future with him, mainly because it would be selfish to take advantage of Link's current state of mind. He has barely slept and Mipha's feelings probably confused him as much as Impa's feelings confused me.

I know that I can't make him happy the way he deserves, but I want him to be happy so freaking badly! I love him more than I love the idea of us together.

"No..." I shake my head and look away when tears glaze his eyes.

"I need you," his voice breaks.

"Why? You were fine before you met me."

"No, I wasn't... Everyone always just sees me for my athleticism. That's the first thing they see when they look at me. You're different--"

"You're wrong. That's all I see too. If it wasn't for your fame, I would have never looked twice."

"I know you... I know you're lying to hurt me. That's fine as long as you are honest with yourself."

If he sees that, why does he want to be with me? More importantly... If I love him, why would I say something so cruel? Maybe I just want him to tell me I'm wrong. That's how it's always been. I yell at him in hopes to be proven wrong. If I can't defeat my own insecurities I force someone else to do it for me.

I really am trying to hurt him just so I can hurt a little less. But I am not lying. If Impa hadn't told me about his career when I first met him, I wouldn't have been so vexed every time he entered the room or laid his eyes on me. I wouldn't have shouted at him, I wouldn't have felt guilty for shouting at him, and I wouldn't have gotten to know him after apologizing for my immature behavior. And then I would have never fallen in love with his character. His career is the reason we got together. But it's always been the weak point of our relationship.

"I'm not lying. I look at your trophies and see your feats, I look at the news and everyone's just talking about your success. Everywhere I look, there you are, doing great things."

"It's not that easy! I wasn't born into success. I worked really hard to get to where I am today. It's tiring and I'm honestly sick of people telling me I got lucky! I practice 8 hours a day and jump from one fight to the next. When I'm not fighting on the field, I'm fighting some assholes behind the building, and when I'm done fighting them I'm fighting to recover. And now I'm fighting to keep you in my life. It never stops... Every day I want to throw in the towel."

"But you don't, and that's my point! You keep going no matter what. Your muscles, your scars and injuries, everything about you is a constant reminder of my own failure. I see your courage and strength in everything you do. You are good at everything. Every sport, you master it. It's so frustrating! I can't keep up with that, I hate myself when I'm with you. I hate my personality and my weaknesses. And I am terrified that I am ruining your life. Eventually, you'll see that I am rude, impulsive, and boring and that I can never give you all the things you deserve... Because you are so amazing... You are so very amazing and I hate fighting with you!" I don't know what's happening but I can't stop myself from spitting out the truth. "All I want to do is to hug you and go back to how it was two days ago."

"Then let's do that," he says hopeful.

"Weren't you listening? I can't. I want to, and I hate myself for being this way, and I don't want to be angry with you, but I am."

"I am angry at myself too. We can be angry together, but don't leave me over this."

"You still think this is about that kiss? Link, you and I don't match for so many reasons."

"Okay, can we talk about that at least?" He scoots closer, testing if I say something. When I don't, he exhales and continues. "So, my success frustrates you and you think we don't have things in common, what else?" What is he trying to do? Telling him all the things I'm insecure about isn't going to help him. "What else?" He presses.

"I'm not a good person. You deserve someone who is sweet and considerate."

"Okay. What else?"

"Where are you going with this?"

"Just keep telling me all the things that are wrong about us."

"I don't know anything about sports... So I can't support you the way other fans do. Also, thousands of fans are in love with you, so I feel like I have to compete against all these girls who are prettier and funnier than me, and more experienced... I can't help but think that they would be better for you. They will hold your hand in public and take showers with you."

"Oh my god, I don't care about that shower," Link interrupts me, scolding me at the same time as he gives me a nervous smile.

"I'm not done." I'm not used to Link interrupting me. "Unlike Mipha, I don't know anything about Japanese culture. I don't understand or speak the language and don't know anything about Japanese social and behavior rules. It makes it harder for me to connect to your past and your childhood and to understand your habits. I couldn't even introduce myself to your family if I met them..."

"Is that it?" Link asks carefully after I pause.

I ponder for a few seconds. "Furthermore, I'm a control freak," I add. "And I worry too much and spoil your fun. That's it I think... Oh and I get jealous all the time."

Link scoots closer by two inches. Our knees are almost touching now and his eyes are waiting for mine to look up from his hands. When I do finally look up at him, he is smiling faintly.

"You say you're not a good person but you care so much about the planet and your friends. You think you betrayed Mipha, but for months you've been worried about her and tried your best to find a solution that works for all of us. Even if it didn't work out the way you hoped, you were considerate enough to put yourself last. And even after everything your Father did, you're still willing to give him a chance. That alone proves how big your heart is."

"Some would call that naïve," I debate.

"I call it strong."

"Okay, Link... Maybe you think I'm a good person but--"

"I'm not done," his smile is slowly gaining more confidence. "You tell me not to litter and make sure I don't overwork myself. I don't think you spoil my fun, you're just protective of me and I think that's cute."

"I'm a control freak."

"A little, but it's because you care. And I will fight you on this until you believe me. Also, I'm sorry that my success frustrates you. I feel the same way when you get an A+ in every course without even trying."

"Without trying? I study every day and work really hard to keep my grades at a 100."

"Busted," he smirks.

Rascal... He baited me into biting my own tail. But he's right. We both work hard in our own ways. I'm sure his success comes with as many struggles as mine. "I'm sorry. Everything you do is really impressive and I shouldn't make you feel bad for achieving something great."

"No, you're being honest and that's a good thing. We can work on that together, we just have to talk about these things. What else... The fact that you don't like sports and still decide to show up at my games is actually the biggest support any athlete could dream of. You have no idea how much it means to me to see you in the stands. And I can teach you a little about the rules if you really want to know more about sports. You can give me some lessons in science too so we can talk more about the things that you're interested in. I'd be down to do that."

While my eyes escape to look at his knee that is now touching mine, he keeps his eyes on me and pauses until I look back up at him.

"Since I moved to the US I've never even looked at another girl," he says in all seriousness. "I was too focused on sports... Until you started yelling at me for literally no reason and I just couldn't help but stare. I don't know why you're so insecure, because you're literally the funniest girl I've ever met and you're so damn beautiful... You're cute and sexy, and I probably don't tell you that enough but it's true, and I'm sorry that I made you feel like you're too inexperienced. I actually love that you get flustered every time I take my shirt off. And that shower? I tease you about it to get a reaction, to watch you stutter your way out of it, not to actually pressure you into doing something you're not ready to do. We don't have to do any of that stuff. I don't mind waiting. I just want you by my side. Public or not, I want you."

Hesitantly, he places his hand on mine. I don't pull away. I couldn't bear the look on his face if I did.

"One more thing." He picks up my hand and plants a tiny kiss on it. "You will learn all about Japan when I take you there in the summer."

"We haven't even talked about that," I blush.

"You're right. Let's talk about it."

"I can't travel to the other side of the world with you."

"Okay. Why not?"

"Because... We're not even... It's still months until then. I don't know what we are or will be in the summer."

"We'll be happy. Just give it a chance. Be my girlfriend."

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(Heyyy! Just wanted to say thanks to all of you who stopped by the stream last week! It was sooo much fun to talk to all of you :) If you missed the live stream, I'll leave the link to the full unedited recording in the comments to this paragraph -->

Your reaction to the last chapter was incredible... So much positive feedback despite the emotions many of you felt. I was really nervous when I uploaded it and thought you guys were going to stop reading or be mad at me, but all your sweet comments really surprised me and made me smile! It was my favorite chapter to write so far and it's soo cool that so many of you said it's your favorite chapter too! Love you all so much! Thank you for all the support!!! xo)