Athena
I hung up.
As much as I want to scream and tell him to fuck off, I can't. My mouth cannot formulate the words I wanted to tell him. I was still scared.
He hurt me on his own will. He went away after I was hurt and never reconnected with me or even uttered a simple apology before going away.
I immediately threw my phone over to my bed and sat up on my desk chair cuddling my legs.
Suddenly, I don't feel the surge and pressure of midterms on me anymore.
I feel blank.
In most stories, the one with the mental problems always get them worse throughout the whole plot. Well, for once, I though I was different. I actually got better after it happened. And I was not doubting myself anymore. I liked how things went after he left and I wanted them to stay that way. The thing is, I want him to go away.
Elliot.
God, that name still stings.
To be honest, when he and I shockingly dated during our earlier years of high school, I didn't know what the hell I found in him and more so, what he found in me.
He was on the wrestling team at school and was pretty popular with the girls. I was just your average student who runs on a scholarship. I was happy with the friends I had and when he and I got close, things moved pretty quickly.
Like, real quick.
I regret all the things I did with him before and I curse myself for not thinking straight when I was a little bit younger. I hated losing all the great "first things" to such an asshole. I hated how quick I was to decide on them. I hated how everything with Elliot was so fast-paced, I didn't know whether we both wanted it or he just wanted it.
I hate him.
To think that I actually found some good in the guy before, jeez.
I closed my eyes and rocked myself up on the desk chair I was sitting on. My chest was thumping like crazy and cold sweat ran down my neck.
I didn't like this.
I never did.
I was fine for a good two years and yet once I heard his voice again, those same two years and psychiatrist sessions were all destined to go to waste.
I opened my eyes and slowly turned my head towards the direction in which I threw my phone in. The holographic but mostly sage green case of my phone glinted whenever sunlight hits it from my window and I shakily stood up to get it.
Opening my phone, I quickly exited my Contacts and decided that I do need to calm myself down.
Owen is not here to reassure me that everything's fine even when they aren't. He is not here to tell me to breathe and not let my head get to me. He is not here.
He is not here.
He's with Maya.
Probably hanging out and having the absolute best times of their lives somewhere where I am not. They have the right to enjoy, to be honest. After all, they're the ones who had just finished midterms and I still have one last exam tomorrow, not that I am currently out of my mind as of the moment and am currently seeking any form of human reassurance.
God, I wish my Aunt was here. I miss her terribly.
I didn't want to go back to the Contacts list and see his number again. I don't want to risk another breakdown when I have my last midterm tomorrow.
I went instead to my Messages and clicked on Aunt Lydia's conversation and after further clicking, I managed to call her. Hopefully, with crossed fingers, I prayed my aunt would answer because aside from Owen, she was the other person who could calm the storm growing within me.
"Athena, sweetie? Hello?" I heard my aunt say.
From the moment I heard her slight accent and her full, rich voice, I felt soft and couldn't help but sniffle a bit. I missed her.
"Hi Auntie. Sorry for calling. Were you at work? Was I bothering you?" I asked softly as I wiped off some wet snot off my nose, hugging myself right after.
"Don't be stupid, Athena. You're never a bother to me. You're free to call anytime. How's midterms by the way? All done?" she asked, interested.
I looked over to my desk area where I stuck random post-it notes containing some vocab and terms I needed to remember and sighed.
"Not quite. I still have one last exam tomorrow." I said.
Aunt Lydia muttered something in Greek and I was a little perplexed since I never really understood the language.
"Too bad. I was thinking of coming up over there for a visit. Set something up with you, if Owen wouldn't mind me stealing you for a bit, would he?" she chuckled.
I think I was supposed to laugh at that bit. The problem is, I could barely tie Owen down. I know he's very driven toward a specific goal but I didn't like the fact that he's going for it with someone else.
"He's fine with whatever I'm doing. I'm just--, lost right now." I said, barely loudening my voice above a small whisper.
"Athena baby, you can tell me anything that's bothering you. What is it?" Aunt Lydia asked in a worried tone.
I was quiet for a moment to rethink my thoughts. I still didn't know how to tell my aunt about him and I didn't know how to tell her about my boyfriend running off with some girl who is prettier than me.
"I miss Owen."
I heard Aunt Lydia mutter something in Greek again. It was a habit of hers whenever she finds things absolutely ridiculous or annoying. In this case, I think I'm leaning towards the ridiculous side than the annoying.
"What do you mean? Honey, isn't he right there with you? What's there to miss? Well, except those brothers he's got and that father, oh my--"
"Yeah well, he's out and about. Something he wouldn't do before, actually. He hates going out too much. It's weird. And I feel slightly disconnected from him, I think I'm gonna go crazy or something." I quickly told Aunt Lydia before she'd fantasize about the men in Owen's family.
I didn't want to feel all weird and uncomfortable about Owen's older brothers since I was getting to know them. His dad, on the other hand, is someone I'd certainly not want to see in any dirty dreams of mine.
"Aww honey, I wish I could be there to help you get some peace of mind. A word of advice? Talk it over. He's an understanding kid. Pretty good too. Communicate better, okay?" Aunt Lydia advised.
"Okay."
There was a brief pause in our phone call and before I got the chance to talk about the other guy, Aunt Lydia cut me off.
"Well, is that all? No more troubles with anything? School? Allowance? Boys?" she asked suspiciously.
"I think I have a problem in the 'boys' section." I said.
"Aw fuck, I knew college boys would eventually want to date you. I tell you, being in a polygamous relationship is nothing I would judge my niece for." she said understandingly.
"Auntie, no. That's not it. I'm not involved with other guys." I immediately told her.
"Oh. Sorry. What seems to be more of a bother than your boyfriend?"
"It's --another guy. You know him, Auntie. Pretty well."
"If it's that geek of a boy Calix, I think I'm gonna throw up."
"Auntie! Cal is just a friend and he's not that greasy looking."
"So Tim had a change of heart and decided to play for the other team now?"
"NO. It's not Cal or Tim, Auntie. It's uhm, --Elliot."
I heard my Aunt loudly spit fast sentences in Greek and might I say, even without understanding what the hell she's saying, it's pretty clear she's cursing and saying words I never thought I'd hear Aunt Lydia say.
"What the hell are you thinking? Athena baby, are you serious?" Aunt Lydia asked worriedly.
"There's nothing more serious than me without cracking a joke, ain't it?" I said bluntly.
"Oh my god, Athena what happened? Did he go there? To your school?" she asked quickly.
I sighed and laid my head down onto the mattress. This whole thing about Owen being gone a lot and hearing Elliot's voice again after everything that happened had been rocky. To think that I still have midterms.
"No, Auntie. He didn't."
"Did he send you a message? A text? Honey, BLOCK HIM THIS INSTANT." Aunt Lydia said loudly. I imagined her putting her big, pink mouth in front of her phone as she ordered me to do such things and it kinda made me homesick for her.
"Auntie, he didn't do anything. I did." I admitted.
I was disappointed with myself but still, how could I despise myself so much for simply cleaning out my contacts?
Stories are known to have these winding plots and scenes that seem all to fictitious to happen. They all contain these snippets of life that seem either too good to be true or too dramatic or scripted to even take place in real life.
Well, this is real life. And I stupidly called my crazy ex-boyfriend while I cleaned out my phone.
"What?" she asked disbelievingly.
"I called him. By accident." I clarified.
I heard her say a lot more things in fast, angry Greek and I have a huge feeling that she's cursing me instead of Elliot. Honestly, I think I heard my name come up more than twice in what she spat.
"How could you call someone by accident?" she interrogated.
"I was cleaning my phone's contacts! It was honestly such a normal thing to do. I was bored. Auntie, please don't be mad at me." I pleaded.
There was a rather lengthy pause that came between us and I was scared she'd hung up without saying goodbye. Eventually, I heard her sigh and I felt my chest untangle a little.
"I'm not mad at you. I'm a little frustrated but that's the end of it. Athena, don't contact him, okay baby? Never." she said.
I nodded my head lightly and slowly wrapped a blanket around my shoulders. If I won't have any physical human reassurance, this blanket of mine is probably the next best thing.
"Yes Auntie. What will I do, though? Should I tell Owen?" I asked, peering over to his side of the room that was boringly plain except for the horde of books he's got in a small shelf he brought.
"I think the boy needs to know. He is your present. I don't think the past needs to come back any time soon." she said.
"What if he calls me this time? Auntie, I'm kinda scared." I admitted.
I was scared of the great unknown ahead of me. I was terrified of the fact that I'm slowly losing Owen and at the same time, the guy who hurt me is coming back. It may not seem like it but I sense something big is gonna happen soon. And neither Owen and I would like it.
"Athena sweetheart, you have never been scared your entire life. I think it's about time you clean out that number out of your phone. And any other trace of him. To be safe, I think I need to get you a new phone." Aunt Lydia said with a slight chuckle.
I couldn't help but try to smile a bit. She was trying her best to make me feel better. And she succeeded. She always did.
"Okay. Thank you Auntie. Remind me to hug you tight as soon as Christmas break starts. See you soon?"
"I will honey. See you soon. Take care."
"You too."
The call came to an end and I was left with my thoughts again. The same thoughts I had that made me feel so small and worthless, I didn't know if I could escape it.
I stared up at the blank ceiling ahead of me. I missed being sad and looking up at my Starry Night ceiling painting back at my room with Aunt Lydia. That mural reassured me and made me feel like an actual person again. Too bad I can't paint on it since the place is a dormitory inside the school.
Going back to the thoughts in my head, things have never been so terrifying and confusing as they did before. I was terrified of Elliot possibly crawling his way back into my life and also at the possibility of losing to a girl like Maya. I didn't like how things are going and I don't think I would learn to eventually like them.
I want to get out of my head.
I want everything to stop for a moment and have some quiet for once. I have an exam tomorrow and I didn't want to feel too overwhelmed to study.
Finally, the thought hit me.
I didn't want things to come to this but I need the thoughts to stop rushing back in. I don't want to have such gloomy feelings about life. For once, I think I deserve to do this not just for myself but for my Aunt and for my friends. For Owen.
Shakingly, I opened up my phone again and stared at that unnamed number, looking at me with those pixels.
I felt my throat go dry and my chest tighten at the mere sight of it. It was very nerve-wracking. I felt as if I was back in grade school where I had to do a presentation about family when in fact, that time, my parents had just been shooed away from the US.
It was this same, gloomy, dark feeling that makes my stomach toss and turn in places I never thought would make me feel physically sick.
I clicked it and held my breath.
"Babe, you called." I heard that voice say in a sultry and seductive manner. It was the same voice I fell for but this time, I was immune to his charms. His voice made me feel uneasy and I want this to end as soon as possible.
I inhaled some air a little and sat up straight.
"Hello Elliot. I believe we have some things to talk about. I think I deserve some closure."