XIX.

. . .

Without a single second of hesitation, it had officially been bestowed upon me that this situation was, in fact, perfect for me. Being who I am, someone who is a part of the most prestigious family in Japan, then proving it to everyone, would make me undoubtedly popular at this school.

These hallways were my hallways, with the amount of money that Hisa donates, they should be his, he should have complete ownership of this school. And, if he owned the place, that would make me even more popular, and give me some immunity. Immunity against an opponent I know I will have. I’m not one to hide behind the shadow that conceals a truth, I’m the one that is able to be open with myself, I invite the truth in, no matter how painful they may be.

I am oppressed. I’m extremely oppressed. I’m a black transgender male. That’s the way it’s always been. And, while I don’t exactly look the most masculine, I believe I pass pretty well. Especially since Zyla had no clue about my biological sex either, but that could just be her trying to be nice. Trying to validate me for something I don’t need validation for.

I’ve never needed validation actually, I feel pretty content with myself, I feel compelled by myself, I believe I am who I should be, that I can control myself and be confident in myself.

Taking a breath, I contained myself, letting the truth inside of myself be concealed by a mask. I’m not gay right now, I’m not transgender right now. I like vaginas, not that I have a vagina.

“Are you perfectly okay with Diana Bianchi being at this party?” I asked Rich, who was taking a hit of his cigarette. I wasn’t entirely sure how he snuck a pack of them into the school, but I mean, it couldn’t be that difficult with the lack of security this place seems to not have.

Rich had glanced at me carefully, observing my expression. “I don’t care. Not like he’ll get in the way of whatever I plan to do.”

I groaned, “Understood.” Hibiki had taken a cigarette from Rich and used his own lighter to light it. He then took off his sweatshirt, leaving it on the sink, and went into the bathroom stall.

“Why do you support him?” Rich inquired. “It’s not like you’d go to hell for being a dick to him.”

I mean, he wasn’t wrong. He wasn’t wrong at all actually. I don’t believe in eternal damnation, I don’t believe in God at all.

“...I fear that I believe everyone deserves respect.”

“Respect is earned in this society, King.”

Then why do I need to respect you? “Do you mean that in a literal sense, or just in the social hierarchy you’re in. Being popular and all.”

He went quiet for a moment before turning slightly pink in his cheeks. The tink was reminiscent of the exact expression he had earlier. “...I don’t- …let’s just say popularity, for time sake.”

I sighed, “And, I don't mean this in a rude sense, why should I respect you then?”

He went blank, “...you have a point there.” So he does admit he’s wrong. That’s a first for his kind. I closed my eyes for a moment before opening them again.

I felt Xoka and Pyro’s presence behind me, probably telling me to try and stay calm, to not show that his reaction had excited me. “Can you just… promise me one thing, Rich?”

His expression was a bit confused, and he looked… adorable would be the way to put it. In the sense that an animal does. “Yeah?”

“...please just be nice to Diana. You don’t have to support her, I mean, hell, you don’t even have to acknowledge her existence. But just… for the love of all that is Holy… call her Diana, and refer to her as a female.”

He flushed slightly before clearing his throat and responding, “...y-yeah okay… I will-”

It was when it went quiet again that I could hear Hibiki inhaling sharply through his teeth occasionally, sniffling slightly, probably fighting back tears. There wasn’t a lot of smoke, which told me that he definitely put out his cigarette.

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. . .

“You have a lot of nerve,” were the first words that came out of my mouth as Hibiki and I left the bathroom together. I knew what he had been doing, I wasn’t an idiot.

“I’ll ask you again, what is your problem?” he asked, his tone demanding. I wasn’t going to waste my time giving him answers I already gave.

I stayed silent for a moment, before finally speaking, “You already know my problem. Use your brain for one second, then you’d probably achieve something, Hibiki.”

He groaned before fidgeting with the hem of his sleeve as I chuckled very lightly. He had pulled it down more, glaring at the floor with regret filling his mind, regret that I had awakened. I didn’t feel bad for him, I felt only the slightest bit of guilt, but I couldn’t show that.

I sighed, “...do you… uhm… think I could talk… to…” I couldn’t really think properly right now. There were a lot of people I wanted to talk with. I mean, hell, I wanted to talk to everyone that I hadn’t met yet that Hibiki had invited to my party, to my step-fathers private island mansion. But that wouldn’t be possible, not within an hour.

“...why do I owe anything to you?” he let out, his aggravation becoming more apparent as I stood there, my hands at my sides. I took my hand and moved an imperfect piece of my hair off my face. Hibiki had been glancing at me, his eyes widened a little bit when he met mine, but he didn’t look away, neither did I.

It might’ve been the moment when he realized the color of my own eyes was a bright, almost neon-like gold color. An improper color, an impossible color.

Hibiki glanced away after a moment, acting flustered as his face flushed. “...really, answer my question.”

I cleared my throat as I glanced down at him. “You don’t owe me anything. You’re just so loyal to me for some unknown reason that you want to owe me something.” I took a step closer to him as he flinched ever-so-slightly. “You’re a thorn in my side, Hibiki. The only thing I can tolerate, however, is the fact that you clearly want to help me?”

He didn’t respond, he didn’t make any movements at all aside from the occasional blink to keep his eyes from drying out, even though it was becoming more apparent to me that he wanted to cry again. “I want to help because you have potential.”

“By that argument, everyone has potential. As long as they can… adjust properly. Understand what it truly means to be popular here,” I argued back. “Why are you popular, Hibiki?”

He flinched again, his arms and hands twitching slightly, he was trembling lightly. “...I play basketball. I’m on the basketball team and therefore that makes me ultimately superior than most.”

Superior. It’s always that word. I squinted my eyes. “Are you scared of me?” I managed to let out. “I mean, you aren’t sure what I’m capable of.”

He cleared his throat, “...you do scare me, just a little bit, King. it’s the way you never quiver in any situation, it’s the way you always seem to walk with confidence.” He gave me a look before parting his lips, but I don’t think he was aware of the way it was coming out, “You’re one of the few black people here.”

I completely turned to face him now, “Do you seriously think that bothers me, Hibiki?”

He glanced at the floor before exhaling his breath that he had been holding inside for however long now. And, it was in that moment that I had softened, that I understood, I can sympathize with Hibiki Kaiyo. “...I’m sorry, I…”

“No, I’m sorry,” I managed to let out, still with confidence. “I shouldn’t… I…” I sighed, “I want you to be able to have a conversation with me. I want you to be aware of what offends and doesn’t offend me.” My posture strengthened a bit at that moment. “Being one of the few black people here does not bother me.”

He managed to glance up at me once again, he could tell I had softened myself, that I had reached his level. “Well, what offends you then?” He spoke softly.

“When people call me what I am. When people try to use that to hurt me,” I sighed, “I still say the words faggot and tranny from time to time, but I’ve…” I managed to say a word I had refused to say in a long time. “I can’t accept that one.”

He stood there, silently for a moment. “...does it hurt you…? Does it hurt more than the other ones?”

For the first time in a long time, I felt weaker at that moment. I grabbed my arm awkwardly and just chuckled. “...I wouldn’t say it… hurts more than the others. …I just…” I felt myself let out that ugly sound you make when you cry. “...there’s a lot you still need to learn about me, Hibiki… there’s a lot I have to learn about you too… I’m an emotional wreck.”

For the first time since I was ten, in complete silence, I let someone watch me cry.