19. The hermits (2)

Me and Lyrael were laughing our assess off.

Just now, we sent off yet another group of curious passersby, after telling them some whacky made up tale about our adventures as hermits.

”Hahahaha!! Did you see their expressions when you told them about your ‘terrible scars’? How in the fuck did you manage to keep a straight face?”

Lyrael was wiping tears off her eyes after laughing so hard that her stomach started to ache.

”That’s the thing, my dear Lyrael. I didn’t keep a straight face at all. You noticed how I pulled my collar up for a bit? That was just was an effort to hide my smile.”

I leaned back in my custom crafted sun-lounge chair.

Lyrael laid down on hers as well.

We picked up a cup each and clinked them.

”Cheers!”

”Cheers.”

I downed my cup. We were, of course, drinking plain ole’ water. It was kinda hard to come by any real drinks in a forest, after all.

The cups were wooden, woven masterfully by yours truly.

Actually, basically every tool at our disposal was crafted by me.

I guess even being threadripper has its perks. Not that the downsides are worth it for most.

And I snugly fit into the ‘most’ category, at least until I become exalted.

Well, that’s if I even survive until then.

Lyrael glanced at me.

”These cups are way better than what you made before. Did your level improve?”

“Kinda? I’m still a tier two, if that’s what you mean. But, you know, my finesse went up a ton after making you all sorts of commodities.”

I had a sly smile playing on my lips.

“Ah, piss off with that. You’re the weird one here, if anything. It’s bizarre that you knew so little about the pleasantries of real toilets. Might start suspecting you lied about surviving in a forest for sixty years as well. No, but really, how come you didn’t even know about things like cooking utensils after being a vagabond for so long?”

”Heh. Well, it’s not like I can lie to you right now, what with the restriction binding us.”

I thought for a bit.

I guess it might seem odd how little I knew about using the tools at my disposal, all things considered.

“I s’pose it all boils down to my upbringing. Wasn’t exactly normal. Basically, the only thing I was taught for the first forty years of my life was how to kill and eat efficiently. Nor did I have a wise freak of a princess to teach me.”

My gaze was directed at the sky throughout our chat. We were waiting for nighttime - soon enough, a trap of ours was going to be actuated.

For the past week, we’ve been getting mogged - whatever that means - by waves of violent beasts, who were attracted by the smell of blood from our previous hunts. So, we set up a little trap to finish them all off at once.

But we’ll take care of that when it’s time. I shifted my focus back to Lyrael.

“Stop flirting with me, you predator. You’re, like, four times my age. Ain’t that a bit too wide of a gap?”

”Sure seems that way to me, yeah. But, you made a fatal mistake!”

I sprung up with an exaggeratedly serious expression, arms folded.

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Lyrael played along; prostrated herself while still not getting off the lounge, which was a comical sight to say the least.

Then, with a quacking voice, as if on the verges of crying, she carefully raised her eyes at me and asked:

“M-My apologies! Please, enlighten me! What sort of huge detail did I overlook to offend you so? Ah, I’ll pay for this mistake with my life!”

”Hooh… I can’t let you off the hook this easily. You committed the gravest sin of all - you seduced me with your sweet talk, calling me weird and a predator, and then expected me not to reciprocate?!”

Lyrael gasped, and prepared to bow her head even lower. But before we could continue our ridiculous performance, an unexpected voice interrupted.

”What the hell is this spectacle?”

“Huh?”

”Huh?”

We both made a dumb sound in sync.

Shit. Well, that’s gonna be an interesting one to explain.

***

One hour earlier, before the adventurers spotted the hermits having some sort of ungodly conversation…

The four walked ahead through the thick forest, effortlessly fending themselves off from any stay monsters unfortunate enough to pick on them.

The bulky bearded man dubbed Bill by his cohort - his full being Billiardean, an uncommon one for the central continent - wiped the blood off his gauntlets with a handful of leaves, and patted their newest companion on the shoulder.

”I’m impressed, Seb. You’re real damn strong. Wanna join our party for good?”

That’s right, it was the very same Seb ghat was locked away in one cell with Ori. He used the commotion from Ori’s battle with Malrik to escape unnoticed, and no pursuit was sent out to get him back, as news of yet another escapee would only put Stone Cauldron in a worse position.

He smiled awkwardly at the man’s words.

“Sorry, Bill, but I won’t be able to stick around, even though I like this party of yours. My father, you see, is terrifying. If I don’t return within a few months, he’ll wipe the floor with me.”

The tall woman with a staff snickered at Seb’s explanation.

“That tracks. If you’re this good with swords in your twenties, I can only imagine what an adult version would look like.”

At that, the sorcerer girl - the most inconspicuous one in the squad - nodded vigorously, causing her hood to fall down, revealing her full head.

She stumbled to briskly pull it back on.

The fourth member of their party wasn’t very talkative, as is usual for sorcerers. After all, you had to have a rather introverted personality to willingly lock yourself up in a basement for months at a time to study formations.

Still, this girl was the heart of their group, thanks to her extremely aggressive combat style. The moment a fight broke out, she would charge in head first, casting somewhere in the ballpark of ten spells all to buff her personal strength, and then tore her foes apart with bare hands.

Seb had an impression that she was the quiet, deadly type from the get-go, and after seeing her fight, the thought was all but confirmed.

Still, he fit into the squad very seamlessly, as the three lacked a cool headed decision maker. Bella, the ridiculously tall and chiseled staff wielder, mainly used long range binding arts; when push came to shove, however, she gladly used her staff as an oversized baton, easily caving heads in.

And, as expectedly, Bill was simply a berserk practitioner. A good one, no doubt - but still a regular artist, as far as the higher tiers went.

Another factor that helped him integrate with the team so well was their cultivation levels. All three were first-tiers, just like Seb himself.

In all honesty, Seb joined this temporary group to stall coming back home. He was scared shitless of his father’s wrath.

And fairly so. I mean, I did get detained, and that was after promising my dad that I’d cause no trouble… Yeah, I’m screwed once I return.

Just then, Bella pointed somewhere with her finger, reading the map to locate the supposed hermits.

The group turned right by a few degrees, now walking along a mountain’s outer ring.

The hermits were a very peculiar couple, if the merchant’s intel was to be believed. Seb’s temporary teammates wanted to see if they could gather any valuable bits and pieces to sell, as information about them would be in high demand if the rumors spread.

Seb himself didn’t care much for money, but tagged along anyway, because it seemed fun to him.

Bill broke the silence with a few words of concern.

”What if we just spied on some charlatan? The hermits might not even be real, right?”

Bella turned to look at him with a slight smile.

”No need to worry about that anymore.”

She stopped in her tracks and tapped the tip of her head with the index finger a few times. Then, she pointed down, at the ground.

”Huh? Am I supposed to see something?”

Bill asked while focusing in on what seemed to just be a bit of mud.

”Think harder, you buffoon. Why would there be a puddle when it hasn’t rained in over a month? This is someone’s water they spilled for whatever reason - so, either it was from someone who came to investigate the spot before us, or from the residents personally.”

Bill stroked his beard a few times, and then stepped ahead with confident steps.

”Good eye, Bella. I’m with curiosity now, let’s go see those guys.”

And so, the went further into the forest. This was roughly where the direction they scribbled on the map ended, in other words some manual search was going to be needed to locate that cave.

Or so they thought, until they heard a human’s squeal right in front of them.

The four exchanged glances, and, without any further delay rushed forward.

Seb pushed away a bunch of foliage, and the strangest sight he’d ever seen graced his eyes.

Bella, who was peeking in from next to Seb, suddenly spoke up before even realizing that she did so.

”What the hell is this spectacle?”

”Huh?”

A confused noise came from both hermits in sync.