"We Need To Talk"

After our morning workout finished, we showered and changed before we all went over to Hammer’s place. Susan was making a big breakfast for us. “You’re already taking over his house,” I teased as I helped bring the food over to the table.

“He’d emptied the place of everything that reminded him of his wife, and gave her family the antiques back that were family heirlooms. He turned this big home into a bachelor pad,” Susan replied. “A poker table doesn’t make for a good dining room setup. He moved that to the recreation room off the patio.”

“And Mom talked to him before she moved our stuff in,” Luke added. “As long as she leaves his man-cave and the garage alone, she’s got carte blanche for the rest.”

“I’m just kidding. I’m happy you two are settling in.” It was always nice to see an example of someone who got a second-chance mate; it gave me hope. “When are you going to tell him about our kind?”

“He’s not ready yet,” Susan said. “I should tell him before we return to Minnesota for Christmas. I don’t want everyone to have to hide what they are because he’s around.”

“And changing him?”

“Not until we’re married and only if he wants it. My wolf and I can handle him this way, and we don’t want to risk him not making it through the change. I don’t know if I could survive the loss of a second mate.” It was a logical choice, given the risks of changing him. No one knew why only half survived, but if strength and willpower counted, Hammer would make it. “When are you having that talk with James?”

“Today,” I promised. As fun as last night was, it was a mistake. Getting involved sexually with him made what I had to do with our relationship even harder. I had to know what it was like to be with a guy, and now I knew.

It was pretty damn good.

The guys came back into the room as we finished setting the table. Their timing was perfect, arriving as all the work ended. I sat between James and Amy, and his hand quickly found mine under the table. “Amy, how is Kai doing in his training?”

“It isn’t getting any easier,” she said. “Ricardo and Manuel are planning to stay with us this weekend. Larry broke his foot in training; he’ll have to recycle back through another class.”

That meant starting over, and another Hell Week. “That sucks. The twins know Makani and Noelani are in Oregon, right?”

“Yes, but it’s better food and living conditions than they would have at the base.” The two were still interested in Kai’s younger sisters, who were back home at their Pack training until school started down here.

We were in the middle of eating when there was a knock on the door. It was Commander Mark Prentice, accompanied by a man with a cheap suit and a badge from NCIS. Hammer invited them in, and James stood up when he saw his Commanding Officer. “What’s going on, sir?”

“The body of a Boston Police Homicide detective was found yesterday at a townhouse in Boston. He ate his gun,” the NCIS man said. “In his home, Boston police found a trove of surveillance on Vicki Lawrence, including a log of her movements. His hair matches a hair that Coronado Police found in the pickup truck that ran the two of you off the road. DNA testing will confirm it, but airline tickets they found placed him in San Diego at the time of your accident.”

I tried to look shocked. “So, I was the target, not James?”

“It would appear so,” the agent said. “Here is the number of the investigator in Boston looking into the case. She needs you to call her today to see if you recognize the man or have previous run-ins with him.” He handed over a card with the details.

The Commander spoke next. “Petty Officer McFadden, since the investigation determined you are not the target, I called off the assignments for guys to watch over you. I expect to see you in the office Monday morning.”

“Thank you, sir.”

The pair left, leaving James wondering why I wasn’t upset. “You don’t seem surprised,” he said.

“Honestly, you’d be shocked at the stuff my Bodyglove security detail deals with,” I said. “Fans I can deal with, but some people get obsessed. When they don’t take no for an answer, my detail has to get involved. I’ve had death threats before, and I’ll have wackos to deal with again.”

“You should stop if it is that dangerous,” James said.

I stared at him. “Look, I love what I do, and I won’t stop doing it for anyone. I can take care of myself. Plus, I have people watching over me when I’m in public as part of my contract.”

James was getting angry now. “Yet a man finds you and almost kills you within a mile of your house!”

“Yes, he did. He almost killed me while I was in the company of a highly-trained Navy SEAL.”

I saw his face drop as it all hit him at once. James blamed himself for endangering ME because of who HE was, and things HE had done in the past. Now, he knew that he failed to protect me when I was trusting him to keep me safe. It was a hard pill to swallow. “You’re right. I couldn’t protect you, and you almost died because of it.”

The sound of my fork hitting my plate after I dropped it froze everyone. “You’re kidding me, right?”

“You got hurt while you were with me,” he said.

I smacked his forehead with my fingers as he sat there looking guilty. “You heard the agent! He was obsessed with me, watching me for DAYS, and I didn’t notice. Did any of you guys notice surveillance?” Everyone else, including Hammer, said no. “The first time I saw that guy was when he pulled up next to us on the road. I’m sure you’ve been through this a hundred times in your head. Tell me what you could have done differently when that truck cut you off.”

He couldn’t look at me. “I could have braked harder, maybe laid the bike down,” he started.

I smacked his forehead again. “I was there, you know. You had maybe half a second to react before he’d knock us off the road. You braked and swerved, only crashing when the front wheel hit the soft sand. I went over the front of a motorcycle at fifty miles an hour, James. I LANDED on you and broke your ribs. I walked away from that accident with only bruises. I’d say you did a HELL of a job of protecting me.”

“She’s right,” Hammer said. “I saw the accident scene. Sometimes, the best possible outcome is that you live through it.”

“And we’ll take a car from now on. My boss is right,” I said. “Being on a motorcycle is too big a risk to my career.”

“My motorcycle is totaled,” he said. “I need to decide if I’m getting another one. Doc said another concussion might result in a medical discharge.” The unfortunate part about concussions was that the more you had, the less trauma it took to get the next, and the longer it took to recover. He’d had one severe concussion before this one when his Humvee got too close to an IED in North Africa.

The rest of the meal was subdued. “I’m going to stay and help Mom after we get back from the dojo,” Amy said.

“I should head back to my apartment,” James said. “Things should get back to normal now that my concussion symptoms don’t require someone to monitor me around the clock.”

It was a chance to be alone. “Amy, if you drive with your Mom, I can take James by his apartment after training. We’ll get lunch while we’re out.” The apartment he shared with another SEAL was almost an hour away, a few blocks from the water in Mission Beach.

“Fine,” James said. He watched us grapple at the dojo, where I fought off a challenge and kept my spot in the rankings. Amy moved up two spots after her fight. Even Susan was no longer at the bottom of the list, despite only a few weeks of instruction.

When James and I got into my car, it was time for me to talk. “James, we need to talk,” I said.

“Oh, shit,” he muttered. No man wanted to hear those four words. “What about?”

“Us,” I said. “I haven’t been open and honest with you about myself and what I’m looking for,” I said. “You know I’m an eighteen-year-old virgin?”

“As shocking as it is, yes,” he said. “I didn’t expect that with your looks and fame. You’ve got guys falling over themselves to get close to you.”

“I’m saving myself for marriage, James. It hasn’t been easy, and God knows you aren’t making it any easier on me.”

“You’re playing with fire by getting into bed with me wearing only a brief bit of silk,” he said. “If you hadn’t told me how inexperienced you were, I might have woken you in a completely different way.”

“I know.” This talk was hard, and I took a moment to focus. “The thing is, I like you a lot, and you’re fun to be around. Deep down, though, I know I don’t love you, and I don’t see myself loving you. I know you aren’t the one I’m going to marry. I feel guilty I’m leading you on when all you can be is a friend with benefits.”

“Is it the age difference? My job?” He was trying to hold back his emotions; I could hear it in his voice.

“We’re at far different places in our lives,” I said. “You’ve got the military, deployments, the Teams, and you deserve a woman who can be there to support you through that. A woman who can give you a home and a family. I’m not her.”

“You could be, Vicki. I’m falling in love with you.”

I shook my head, no. “I’m starting college in a week. I have my career, one that involves me traveling the world. I’m going to be filming specials, going on expeditions, modeling, and advocating for shark conservation. I’m going to be gone more than I’m around, and I’m going to be dating other men. You’ll see me with others in the gossip pages, and it’s not fair to you. I’m a teenager, James, and I’m going to be a whole different woman in five years. I can’t be in an exclusive relationship with you, James. I’m not ready for that with you or anyone else.”

It was a hard pill to swallow. “I don’t want to let you go, Vicki.”

“You never had me, James. There’s only one man out there who can capture my heart, and it isn’t you.” His eyes closed, and I saw a tear forming. “Find the woman who is like that for you. I’m still your friend, and I want you to be happy.”

“That’s just it, Vicki. I WAS happy. I’ve never met a woman like you. All other women pale in comparison.”

We didn’t say anything for the rest of the drive. I pulled into the parking lot of his building, and he grabbed his bag from the back seat as I came around to the passenger side. “I wish I felt like you do, James. You’re a good man.” I melted into his arms and let them wrap around me.

“Friends with benefits is the best I can get,” he asked. I nodded against his chest. “Then I’ll take it. Who knows what life will bring, Vicki? Besides, I need a friend with a place near work who has a hot tub.”

I started laughing as the tears came. “Keep your eyes open, James. I want you to find that woman meant for you.” He kissed me goodbye, and it was different now. I let him go and went back into the car, watching him walk into the lobby as tears ran down my face. I wiped them off and backed out of the spot.

I couldn’t stop the tears. I didn’t want to be in an empty house, so I drove to Hammer and Susan’s place. Susan could tell I was upset when I linked her I’d be over, and she met me at the door. “It’s going to be all right, Vicki,” she said as she pulled me inside. I was in her arms, sobbing away, and Amy soon joined us.

“It’s so unfair!” I broke down again. “Why is Luna doing this to me? What did I do to deserve this pain?”

“I don’t know, Vicki. I do know that waiting for your mate is the best thing you can do.” I tried to sleep on their couch, but it wouldn’t come.

I promised myself I’d spend more time looking for my mate, even showing up at the Scratch and Sniff every year.

I promised myself I’d focus on my studies and my sharks.

And I promised myself I’d never let another man get close to me again until I found the man for me.